WITH APOLOGIES TO MR B

"Knock knock." A blue-haired girl peeked into Edd's room. "Is my Oven Mitt home?"

"Please consider bothering me in an hour or so." the boy muttered, indifferent. "I am having my music practice right now."

Disregarding the boy's plea, Marie entered the room. "You're playing a midget banjo now?" she asked, pointing at the instrument in his hands.

"It's called banjolele." the boy elaborated. "And yes, indeed I am. I have decided to swap my lap steel guitar for something less cumbersome."

"So," she moved closer; too close for Edd's comfort, "since you're already plonking on that thing, why won't you play your girlfriend a serenade?"

He gently pushed her away. "Considering your upstanding behavior, how could I refuse?" He coughed, cracked his knuckles, and started strumming the strings with his hand, singing:

I thought,
you really were a tease,
but you've had
venereal disease.
I'm sorry my advances
may have doubled my chances
of contracting a venereal disease (here we go).

Edd bowed his head in a slightly mocking manner, glancing at the appalled bluenette in front of him. "How do you find it?" he asked.

"That was not a serenade." Marie growled.

"And you are not my girlfriend." he retorted.

The next thing he registered was a slap in the face, powerful enough to throw him off of his chair. "Upper class twat." she muttered, marching out of the room.

After a moment needed to process what happened, Edd muttered to himself: "This is one of those inconsiderate things I cannot force myself to regret."

TIME TRAVEL TROUBLE

Lee entered the trailer park, her backpack filled with food she had bought in a nearby supermarket.

She was tired, she needed to pay with her own cash 'cause her mom was broke again and all she wanted is to get back home, slump on the couch and watch TV till midnight. And anyone who would try and stop her would get a kick in the nether regions.

She was a few steps away from the door when suddenly, a spot on the ground next to her started to glow. She inched away and pulled out a knife, as the spot quickly grew, and, after a split second and a loud crack, a man in his late twenties wearing a labcoat, jeans and an unmistakable black hat covering his head appeared out of thin air.

"Um, greetings, Lee." he awkwardly muttered. "I am an older version of Eddward."

"The hat gave it away." she replied, holstering her weapon.

"I have travelled through time to warn you." he said. "You should not enter your trailer right now."

"Why?" she growled, discontent that her plans to kick back seemed to go down the drain.

"Well..." he stammered, not expecting more questions, "...b-because it might cause a temporal paradox due to... a t-time rift... and… stuff..."

"Outta the way." She pushed him aside, annoyed, and opened the door.

At the exact same moment, a woman in a band T-shirt and khakis, roughly the man's age, materialized inside with a crack and a flash. She grabbed the blue-haired girl, sitting on the couch watching TV, by the collar.

"Listen up!" she raised her voice. "If you don't want another Hitler to be born next week, get in my pants!"

"Ummm…"

"PHOENIX MARIE KANKER!" adult Edd shouted, getting inside. "What are you doing?!"

The woman looked up and realized she's not alone in the room. "Crap." she muttered, letting the younger version of herself go.

The man turned to the redhead. "I am sorry, Lee. I just wanted you to not witness... this."

"Meh." the eldest Kanker shrugged. "I've seen her sketchbook, I'm immune to stuff like this by now."

"You're a killjoy, you know that?" older Marie muttered, disappointed.

Edd glared daggers at her. "You stole a volatile prototype from my laboratory solely to go back in time to literally screw yourself! If this is your definition of a killjoy-"

He was interrupted by the by-now-familiar flash and crack, as another person, a curly-haired redhead in a denim jacket, appeared in the room.

"Hi, me." she greeted her younger self. "How are you?"

The hatted man just stared at her, a scowl on his face. The youngest eldest Kanker chuckled. "This is better than the infomercials."

"Alright," adult Lee exclaimed, "Two-D seems pissed, so I'm just gonna give you those lottery numbers and leave." She shoved a piece of paper in her teenager version's hand. "See ya in ten years!" she saluted the group with a cheeky grin, then slapped the device on her wrist and disappeared.

The man facepalmed. "This experiment is a failure."

"You tell me." the redhead frowned. "Those are yesterday's numbers."

INSANITARY

Someone knocked at the door.

May, unprompted, put aside the comic. Lee wasn't home and Marie was indisposed. "Incoming!" she announced, marching to the door. She opened it, and was mildly surprised by who was on the other side.

"Hi." Eddy greeted her. "Where's the middle one?"

"In our room, but I wouldn't-"

The stout boy tried to get past her, only to get shoulderchecked back in the starting position. The youngest Kanker was still a Kanker.

"What do you want from her?" May asked, firmly.

"Sockhead allowed her to use his bathroom and she left a mess. I wanna call her out."

After a moment of thinking, she decided her sister could use some calling out every once in a while. And besides, it's not like he would do something serious or anything. "Come in. Watch out though, she's…"

"On her period." Eddy finished. "I know."

Only then she spotted that the boy was wearing a latex glove on his left hand, and carried something in it. She decided to watch from the distance, morbidly curious.

Eddy walked upstairs and knocked on the door to the sisters' room. After a moment, a familiar brunette opened the door.

"Whatcha want?" she growled.

"I've got a message from Double D." he replied.

She smiled. "Oh, really? What is i-"

Next thing she registered was something slapping her in the face.

"You left something behind." He said, then turned around and quickly marched downstairs.

As he walked past the youngest Kanker, she muttered "That was harsh."

"I had to clean up after her 'cause Sockhead passed out." He replied, not looking at her. "Trust me, it was adequate." He sped up a bit and scooted out of the trailer, not waiting for any potential retribution.

May turned to her sister, who removed an used sanitary pad from her face with a disgusted frown. Their eyes met.

"Don't. You. Dare." Marie growled.

But it was too late. She was already laughing.