The Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker: Re...Everything Really...

(Walks in wearing a black robe) So you sought out my archives, did you? Welcome, weary traveller. I trust you sought the texts conerning the infamous 'Toyhammer' event. You have done well to find me. (pulls a book down from a nearby shelf) This should sate your curiosity. If you require anything, simply shout. I will here you (walks away)

xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx

Jason walks up the driveway to his new suburban house. And by suburb, he meant it looked like any other neighborhood except the tree fairy had dropped a sapling every twenty feet. He sighed.

A recent college grad, he had a degree in history, but he had failed to find a job outside of the local museum. And while he loved the old place, he hated the sheer stupidity of some people who visited.

One fourteen year old had asked him if Hitler had died from being shot, which was a fair question, but another had asked him who Hitler was. He knew school was a bit restricting on teaching World War II history, but this was ridiculous!

Pushing that thought out of his mind, he unlocked the front door and took notice of his empty hall. He should find some decorations to make the house look a bit more... homey, was that the term? He couldn't remember.

He walked into the living room, and then his heart stopped. In the center of the floor, seemingly patrolling their sorroundings, were a huge army of Warhammer 40000 Imperials. Except these guys were tiny!

Space Marines were searching the sorroundings, Guardsmen were rigging up defenses and what looked like an Inquisitorial detachment with Sisters of Battle were standing around looing threatening, while several Knight titans loomed over the precedings, easily being nearly a foot tall.

The Marines were the first to spot him, and they shouted and opened fire. Bolter rounds managed to puncture his shirt, and they stung like hell. The Guardsmen heavy artillery opened up, but luckily the shells missed, them having fired reactionally.

Jason ducked back into the entry hall, heart pounding. He grabbed his chest, slumping down to the floor.

"What the fuck were those guys?" He muttered, as he regained his courage. He picked up a hiking boot and rounded the corner, throwing it.

It smashed several Marines aside and threw a Leman Russ back several feet. He charged the Imperials, picking up an APC of some sort and slamming it onto the Marine commanders head.

The marines stopped firing as their commander wobbled around all woozy like. Jason took this opportunity to try some more peaceful negotiations.

"What in the name of fuck are you doing in my house!" He roared. Several nearby Guardsmen covered their ears.

The Astartes commander regained his senses and went for his axe, before stopping when Jason held up the tank in a threatening manner.

"You all have leaders, don't you? Could I please have the generals meet with their cohorts/command squads for a little... discussion?" He says, plopping the Marine commander onto the coffee table.

xxXXxx

Several minutes later, the Imperial generals were arrayed with minimal fuss. The Inquisitor had brought his retinue, all of whom looked like nightmarish things except for the guy with a shotgun, who looked more normal.

The marines had a few commanders, all of them different colours. the overall commander appeared to be a Dark Angel, while the other two commanders were wearing the colours of the Raven Guard and the... Jason couldn't identify the others chapter.

The guard commanders also had a few different types poking about. A guy in blue-gray armour with a funny hat on and a fellow in heavier armour with a big chainsaw sword.

The Battle Sisters leader, a lady in fancier armour and carrying a bolter with an underslung melta, looked at him funnily, before turning to the Inquisitor and talking about... something to do with heresy probably.

The Knights commander weighed about twenty punds, as Jason had learned from having to place him onto the table. He was just a fancier Knight Titan with four smaller machine guns rather than the usual two.

"Righty then, now that we are all assorted, if we could please have some introductions?" Jason said, sitting on his favourite chair from his computer.

The Marines commander looked up at him, then cleared his throat. "I am Captain Tyrus of the Dark Angels Chapter. I command third company. These two are Captains Mortrus and Bellinus. Mortrus is of the Raven Guard chapter while Bellinus hails from the Burnished Guantlets chapter."

"I am Lord Martaros of Knight House Bellereon." The knight commander said in deep mechanized voice.

"My name is Colonel Joakim of the Ryzan Fifty-First. This is Lord Commissar Davian of the Twenty-Third Gryphonnes Tempestus Scion Company." The Guard commander with the big Chainsword said, saluting.

"I am Inquisitor Throm of the Ordo Hereticus and this is Cannoness Alista of the Order of Our Martyred Lady." The Inquisitor said, his voice cold.

"Now that that's out of the way lets answer my previous question. How the hell did you get into my house!" Jason said.

"We have no idea. One minute we're clearing a planet of heretics, the next we're on your floor, wondering what happened." Captain Tyrus replied, shrugging.

"That's not too helpful." Jason replied

"Thats all we know."

"Great... just great..."

Jason stands up, looking at the Imperials.

"Well, since you're apparently stuck here, I'd best find some places for you guys to stay."

xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx

Hey there Warhammer fans! I'm sorry if the intro confused you, I just think thats how I'm going to open all my stories now. Anyways, some of you are probably wondering, "Why are you writing this! You already have a Toyhammer story!" Quite simply, looking back, that story wasn't to interesting. The plot was a mish-mash of things from other Mini-hammer stories and I just didn't like it very much. This is the new, improved Toyhammer 40000 Caretaker, and I will do it the way it should be done! Properly!

Scribe out.