I found a fic called "Cao Cao Answers Letters" and I thought Sima Yi could use this too. He's a guy with plenty of stuff going on.

Dear Cao Cao,

I can see you in the window. Please stop staring at my wife along with the maids in my house. Fine, you can try to have your way with the maids. I don't really care.

You're old enough to be Chunhua's grandfather, seriously stop.

Sima Yi

Dear Cao Pi,

No, I will not summon a "Xbox" for you. That is beyond unusual. Why do you want a box with an "X" on it? I honestly wonder where you getting these ideas.

Sima Yi

Dear Cao Pi,

Again, I cannot summon a "PS3". Please give me something more practical and actually useful for me to summon.

Sima Yi

Damn it Cao Pi,

Quit asking me to summon things I don't even think are even supposed to exist! Be like a normal boy and play outside! Is Cao Cao even taking care of you properly?!

I don't understand why I am even your inferior.

Sima Yi

Dear Shi,

Watch your diet, you don't want to end up like Xu Chu. Then again, you're smarter than him, so there's not that much to worry about. Also, that girl you're seeing is a whore. Please break all ties with her.

Your father

Dear Zhao,

You broke the stove! Explain! How in the world can you break a goddamn stove?! They are hot as hell and you managed to break it without burning yourself. Your punishment? Well, you're just going to have to see me to find out.

Your father

Dear Zhao,

Yes, that's what you get. Throwing you into a pond is fitting for your misdeed. Don't you sass me, I could have thrown you into a volcano, but your mother would be angry if I did, so that should suffice.

Your father

Dear Shi,

If you have sexual feelings for your sister-in-law, go ahead. I don't care. It's not incest.

Your father

Dear Shi,

Your mother found the previous letter and got in my face about it. Don't try anything with Yuanji. If you already did, well, I don't blame you. My mistake was marrying off Zhao instead of you.

Your father

Dear Zhang He,

*Attached to the letter was a box with a dress inside*

Why did you send me this...? I think you meant to send this to Chunhua and not me? I hope you're not trying to insult me.

Sima Yi

Dear Zhang He,

Next time you want to give gifts to me, please consider the quantities. I do not want ten dresses. I do not know ten women, so please take back eight. Those two will go to Yuanji and Chunhua. (She REALLY needs a new dress anyway.) Also, please don't send me dresses. Just because you say I look good in one doesn't mean I'd wear one. That's your thing, not mine.

Sima Yi

Dear Xu Huang,

Who are you again?

Sima Yi

Dear Xiahou Dun,

I did not appreciate you trying to hit me back at Fan Castle. You spent ten minutes swinging your sword at me despite I could never get hurt. I don't know what you were trying to accomplish there.

Sima Yi

(A/N: This was what actually happened with me. I used Xiahou Dun and was swinging the sword at Sima Yi for no reason.)

Dear Guo Jia,

You're drunk, go home.

Sima Yi

Dear Jia Xu,

You're drunk, go home.

Sima Yi

Daer Wang Yi,

You're drunk, go home.

Sima Yi

Dear Cao Cao,

You're drunk, go home. (Augh, I hate handwriting the same phrase over and over...)

Sima Yi

Dear Chunhua,

I think you need to consider your choices in fashion. Please take the dress Zhang He gave me earlier.

Your husband

Dear Chunhua,

No, no, no! You do not need to wear less! I'm just saying you need to cover up, that's all. If I had a gold coin for every time I catch men staring at your chest, I'd be richer than Cao Cao or the Emperor.

Your husband

Dear Zhao,

You can't fool me. Trying to pose as your mother and saying I am jealous? Ha. Do not eavesdrop on me again or you're going for a swim.

Your father

Zhuge Liang,

I do not know how you got a letter across Wei borders, but than again, you always have some fancy plan ready. Bullshit. You had to use a messenger like everyone else.

Sima Yi

Dear Wang Yi,

If you're that lonely, ask my wife for some... comfort... Don't mind me, I'm just suggesting solutions here.

Sima Yi

Dear Zhou Yu,

What do you mean by "taking care" of a child wife? Here's the difference between you and I: I was arranged to marry my wife while you chose to marry that... er... little girl.

I also applaud you on having the guts to write to me even though I'm not sure you're supposed to be alive.

Sima Yi

Dear Chunhua,

Oh, I guess you found that letter... I'm not trying anything! That's more like for you. It's just that it's not cheating if nothing enters your "area." I don't know, considering your little incident with Zhen Ji, you might be interested in Wang Yi. Don't mind me, I'm just suggesting things here. I have nothing going on with Wang Yi, but maybe if you two...

Your husband

Dear Guo Jia,

That is none of your business! How did you get that letter anyway? And no, I don't want you in my house. I don't know if they are actually going to do it, but don't get your hopes up.

As long as I don't see you, fine.

Sima Yi

Dear Cao Pi,

Guo Jia gave you that part of the letter, huh? And about the Zhen Ji part, yes, that happened.

Sima Yi

Dear Cao Pi,

Okay, you're a little mad because you never heard of this.

Sima Yi

Dear Cao Pi,

Oh... You're just disappointed about not seeing that.

Sima Yi

Dear Zhao,

No, you're not getting two mothers. And were you eavesdropping on me again? Alright, meet me outside.

Your father