Author Note: FYI,I hate writing epilogues, and I'm never doing it again.

In the months following the announcement of the Dark One's banishment, the White Kingdom threw innumerable balls to celebrate. From the news of the darkness being gone for good, to the surprising revelation of becoming a grandmother for the second time, Snow White used any reason she could to celebrate life at least once a month.

For a time, whispers circulated the realm about the Queen's expensive habit. People wondered why the peasants weren't starving in order to fund such extravagant waste, but no one could figure out how the White Kingdom continued to survive, and even prosper. Some speculated that Queen Regina was helping the White Queen, and though it could never be proven, the suspicion only grew when Robin Hood confronted the dark monarch, only to up and vanish alongside his Merry Men.

Princess Emma was strangely calm throughout her pregnancy, but the same could not be said of Queen Regina. The Queen often complained of back pain, and in the middle of the night, it was rumoured throughout the Dark Kingdom that one could easily hear her down in the kitchens, ransacking the cupboards in search of food while a sleep deprived Princess did all she could to soothe her True Love.

Four months after that fateful night in which they learned it was their own child who banished the darkness, another ball was announced. Queen Regina and Princess Emma attended despite the White Queen refusing to tell them the reason for it, and what might have once been known as the night Rumplestiltskin proposed to his own True Love, quickly became the night the 'Evil Queen' almost burned the White Kingdom to the ground.

Though no explanation was ever given for the destruction of the east wing, Princess Emma and Queen Regina announced their own betrothal a week later. Snow White was ecstatic, and to absolutely no one's surprise, demanded another celebration in their honour. She was soon disappointed when her daughter took charge of the celebrations and invited only their family and closest friends.

While King David remained happily married, he was surprisingly unbiased when it came to his wife and the arguments she had with his daughter-in-law. To Snow White's chagrin, Queen Regina had grown so fond of him, that she allowed him complete control over the wedding ceremony. It didn't last long, however, once Princess Emma learned her father intended to dress her in pink and demanded the Queen fix her mistake.

In the end, it was said Queen Regina had planned everything, though why she chose to walk down the aisle in the dress meant for the King's daughter was anyone's guess.

With people traveling realms to attend the festivities, it was the largest celebration the Enchanted Forest had ever seen until the birth of Princess Sameen. All in all, the life of Queen Regina and Princess Emma went about as well as one might expect of a fairy tale romance. Emma continued to be the idiot Regina fell in love with long after she gave birth, and Regina continued to threaten to set people on fire whenever she lost her temper.

One Year Later.

"She's at it again."

Eyes shifting from her book to David as he sat across from her, Regina scoffed and went back to her page. Whatever he thought to gain from seeking her out, he was bound to be disappointed. She had had it with that insufferable woman, and if the idiot wanted to kill herself, then so be it. It would save her from potentially feeling something when she inevitably did it herself.

"I know that look," he said, the smile in his voice faint but not faint enough.

"You know nothing," she sniped, pushing aside thoughts she'd managed to keep out until he decided to meddle.

The King was a foolish busybody. She had caved under pressure from him and his wife and married her insipid True Love, admitted he had a third grandchild on the way mere months after the second, had suffered through three balls because of it in the span of a month, and 6 months later there he was thinking he knew her.

She huffed. "Go away."

He chuckled softly and rose from his chair. She grimaced as he fell beside her with a bounce. Like father like daughter, the clumsy oafs. All these years, and she was beginning to understand why her mother had removed her heart. Love wasn't weakness, it was an exceptional lunacy that drove away every last brain cell one had until they were utter drooling idiots— a lot like her wife, in fact.

Regina smirked before she could help herself and by the time she had her expression under control, it was already too late.

"There she is." She sneered, for all the good it did, which was to say; none at all as David added, "You know Emma is sorry."

"Not yet," she growled but, oh, the Princess would be. The Evil Queen might be dead, but her rage and ability to hold a grudge were alive and well, and she was itching to make someone suffer. "She is impossible."

David patted her shoulder, his voice sympathetic but not in the least bit agreeable as he replied, "If I'm not mistaken, that was one of the reasons you were drawn to her."

More fool her. Regina scoffed a second time. She was drawn to Emma because she made everyone else's lives impossible, not hers. "I think I might like to torture her," she mused aloud, ignoring his disapproving gaze as she went on. "Perhaps cover her in honey and string her up in the forest."

Even as she said it, her stomach gave a tell-tale flutter and her scowl returned as she glanced down at it. Traitor, she thought, dismissing the images that followed. The day she considered what they implied, would be the day she strung herself up or, better yet, placed her head beneath the guillotine in the courtyard and welcomed its separation from her shoulders. She meant what she said. Princess Emma would never again set foot within her chambers, for any reason, least of all so she might engage in such depraved acts as food play.

Regina stood and wandered over to the mantel, tossing her book to the side before she raised the decanter full of her wonderful, alcohol-infused cider and poured herself a glass. Perhaps she would be able to get drunk and after three weeks, finally work up the courage to smother Emma in her sleep.

"She is miserable, you know," David tried again.

Unfortunately for the two of them, her heart was in full agreement with her mind. "Good," she snapped, knocking back the first drink before she poured another. If Emma wanted to follow in her mother's footsteps and spill secrets, then she would suffer just as Snow White did.

"Regina!"

She flinched as the doors of her chamber hit the wall, surprise and a minor hint of fear flitting across her features before she turned, expression blank by the time her eyes met her mother-in-law. "What the hell are you doing here?"

As if putting up with one of them wasn't bad enough.

Fucking portals.

Snow glared at her, hands on her hips as she spat, "You promised you would take care of her!"

"Well she promised not to tell me we're having another daughter!" Snow's eyes widened and Regina swore, this time aloud. "And now she's made me ruin it for you too!"

The silence was deafening as she seethed. She would kill Emma, there was no doubting herself now. Just as soon as the blonde imbecile gave birth to their sweet little girl, then she was done for. Gods, she hated— loathed— disliked the woman at the very least. Why she ever thought she could be happy with Emma Swan of all people was beyond her.

True Love, Regina snorted in derision. True pain in her ass, more like.

Snow twirled on her heel and after a moment of confusion, Regina quickly hurried after her, throwing her goblet over a shoulder as she practically flew out the door and caught up to the woman.

"Emma Marie Swan," Snow bellowed, voice carrying down the hall as she strode with purpose toward wherever Emma was hidden in that moment. She lowered her voice and muttered, "Don't know what you did wrong, my ass."

Regina pulled her lower lip between teeth, the corners of her mouth lifting as she tried not to laugh. It didn't surprise her that Emma had lied to her mother. She knew neither of them wanted to know, and now they both did. If that wasn't enough for Snow to want to maim her daughter, then lying had surely pushed the pixie headed woman over the line. Regina would almost feel sorry for Emma if she wasn't annoyed with her too.

The doors to Emma's chambers (they didn't have a couch Regina could banish her to) thudded against the wall as Snow marched into the room. Regina decided to wait to announce her own presence, thinking she could wait until the yelling started when she would relish her wife's shame properly.

When Snow huffed, Regina poked her head into the room and sighed. Empty because, naturally, Emma couldn't let her have anything nice.

Frowning, she pulled back just as a servant passed her by, and snapped her fingers. The girl turned, gasping when she realized she was in the presence of her Queen. She quickly curtsied and Regina rolled her eyes. "Stop that. Where is Emma?"

"I believe she went to the kitchens, Your Majesty."

Of course she did. "Very well," Regina sighed, flicking her wrist dismissively. "Off you go."

As the girl hurried off down the hall, Regina turned to find Snow behind her with an eyebrow raised. "Back to her usual habits?"

"Doubtful," Regina muttered, suspicion rising as she took off toward the kitchens. Strangely enough, Emma had more of an aversion to food while she was pregnant and if she knew Emma, and she was likely the only one who did, then the blonde was up to something, and it certainly wasn't anything to do with her stomach.

Gliding down the stairs leading to the kitchens a few minutes later, Snow closely following behind, Regina paused just inside the entrance as her eyes fell to what Emma held in front of her, and widened. Her mouth watered, hope filling her expression as the question erupted from her mouth, "Is that a razzleberry pie?"

Emma inclined her head. "It is."

"Give it to me," Regina demanded, snatching the dish from her hands when Emma stepped forward. She inhaled the aroma of raspberry and blackberry, and gave a pleased groan as she dipped a finger into the pastry and thrust it into her mouth. "I love you," she mumbled around the digit but at Emma's smile, she hastened to add, "You ass."

Emma pouted. "I've said I was sorry at least ten times a day for the last 3 weeks now. That's over 200 apologies, Regina." Regina opened her mouth to respond but Emma raised a finger. "I've bathed you every morning, terrorized the kitchen staff in the middle of the night when you come to my door demanding I find you some random fruit, or vegetable, or animal I've never even heard of. I. Baked. You. A. Pie. I do not bake, Regina. I am pregnant with your child, again! You should be doing all this for me!"

Regina blinked as the finger slipped from her mouth and her lower lip quivered. Emma had whined, complained and been downright petulant with her since she'd kicked her out of their bedroom, but she'd never yelled at her. "Oh god," Emma groaned as Regina felt her throat tighten. "Please don't. Regina, baby, I know it's not your fault."

Eyes starting to burn, Regina quickly looked down and swallowed thickly. She knew it wasn't either of their faults, but she couldn't help herself. Despite Emma being the one carrying their child, she was the one who had the cravings, the mood swings— the goddamn backache. Her hormones were all over the place and combined with her lack of sleep since Emma was no longer sharing her bed, she'd taken to the habit of blowing literally everything out of proportion.

Zelena had thought it hilarious until Regina threw a fireball at her head and refused to reopen the portal to Agrabah for an entire week. In the end, she only opened it again when she realized she missed Marie.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and bit her lip.

"No no no." Emma tugged the dish from her hand and slid it on to the counter before she turned back and pulled her into an embrace. "You have no reason t—," she started but Regina lifted her head from her shoulder and glared at her. Emma rolled her eyes and amended, "Fine. I forgive you but I should be the one apologizing. I didn't mean to yell at you."

Regina sniffed and buried her face in the crook of Emma's neck. It was a little odd, what with Emma's growing stomach and all, but Regina wouldn't complain. Being in Emma's arms had never felt so good, and the knowledge that their little girl was the one responsible for her having her spine bent out of shape was worth the mild discomfort.

"Ah! Here you all are," David's bellow filled the room as he clambered down the stairs. "Is that pie?"

"I will destroy you," Regina mumbled against Emma's neck, a thick silence falling across them before—

"Snow! My love," David exclaimed as he about-turned and yanked her into an embrace. Snow squeaked and Regina smirked, sinking into the warmth of her wife as she guided Emma back toward the counter where her pie waited.

Reaching around her for the dish once they were close enough, Regina leaned back and placed it between them, resting her pie atop Emma's baby bump as she summoned two forks and held one up for her. "Have some pie."

Emma grimaced and shook her head. "Thanks, but I don't really like—"

Regina narrowed her eyes, unwilling to let her finish that sentence because if Emma did, then she really might have to kill her. "Emma… Pie."

"But—"

"Em-ma," she purred, waving the fork in front of her face. "Say yes to the pie."

Emma sighed before carefully plucking the utensil from her hand and spearing it through the pastry. "If this doesn't get me back into our bed, I'm not speaking to you for the rest of our lives," she said, bringing the fork to her mouth.

"If that's your best incentive…" Emma tried to scowl but with the way her mouth moved as she chewed, Regina thought it more comical than guilt inducing and she grinned. "Kidding, my precious little Princess," she teased.

"I hate razzleberry pie."

Regina gasped. "Do you want me to ram this fork into your eye?" Emma merely cocked an eyebrow and took another bite. Regina pouted. She couldn't stab her in the eye. Next to her biceps, Emma's eyes were her best feature. She'd sooner stab out her own than maim that beautiful emerald gaze. "Fun sucker."

"Uh huh." Regina yanked the fork out of her hand and threw it over her shoulder. "Hey! I was using that."

"You hate razzleberry pie," she mocked but then raised her own, breath hitching when without hesitation, Emma's lips wrapped around her fork with an exaggerated moan. "… that was a bit much," she said, voice breathy all of a sudden.

"What can I say?" Emma grinned before she leaned in and in her ear, whispered, "You make everything taste so much better."

Regina groaned and reached up, pushing Emma back with a hand covering her face. "Not with your parents in the same room," she chided, moving the hand to cup her cheek. One thing that hadn't changed was Emma's almost endless sex drive. "And certainly not before I've finished my pie."

"A few months ago, you would've relished the opportunity to scar them," Emma said with a pout. "Now who's the fun sucker?"

With a smirk, Regina replied, "Still you," and kissed the tip of her nose before she lifted the dish from Emma's baby bump in one hand, and replaced it with the other. "Sorry baby regal," she said, rubbing soothing circles over the mound as she spoke. " I tried to give your mama some taste but she apparently has none."

Emma scoffed and folded her arms. "I married you, didn't I?"

"I knocked you up," she countered with a wink, adding as she turned, "You had no choice."

"Lies," Emma drawled.

"Snow," Regina said in passing on her way to the stairs, "tell your daughter about how I'm always right and how she never will be."

"Emma," Snow started seriously and Regina cackled, her laughter growing when she ascended the stairs and Emma's groan of, "Really, Mom?" followed.