Okay, so...this pairing has been haunting me ever since...you know. I'm sure you know. Those of you who clicked this for the pairing, you know. So now we all know, unless you actually don't know, then I'm really sorry to hear that (and you probably shouldn't read this). But those of you that do know, you know...enjoy? :)

...I had sugar. Orz

Falling Is a Lot Like Dying

TheseScarletDropsofINK

I'm falling again. Falling into open arms, outstretched and waiting. Falling into him. Always him. Its hard to imagine it being any different; to remember that I was trying to stay away. To forget; to stay focused and steady. Its not easy when he holds me so lightly, yet my entirety becomes trapped by him. Unmovable. Unpredictable. Unshakable.

How do you do it, Marco? What words do you whisper in my ear that leave me so desperate to keep you? What is in your eyes that calms me with such ease? What have you done that keeps you resonating in me? Just who the hell are you? You, who holds so much power over me...

("Jean...")

I feel the tremble in your hands as they touch my face. Hesitant. Reverent. I hear it in your voice, as well. There's something there. Something I need. Something I want madly enough to steal it from your lips. From your neck. From your body; your soul. And now your trembles have turned to whimpers, but its not enough. I need more. More than the clinging hands and arching body. More than the soft moans carried into the air. More than your lips forming my name like a prayer. More. More of you. More of this.

Its overwhelming.

Is it okay for me to take this from you so frantically? Am I allowed to? Marco? ("Jean, please...") Is that a yes? Your own voice, quivering and helpless, must sound like my own. Raw and insane. The expression on your face, so dazed and lost; do I look the same? Am I worse? Do I look like a mad man driven to the edge by the shackles you've strewn about?

Am I as monstrous as I feel?

As my hand runs down his body, dipping into each rift and over each ridge, I hear his murmurs. So jumbled and incoherent. Like he's drunk on the taste of sensations. It thrills me and scares me all at once. How much power I hold over him in the moment. Does it scare him, the way my teeth clamp at his throat? His body abruptly tenses. Is that not answer enough? The way his fingers dive into the shade of my hair and his lips speak my name, pleading and yearning- does he feel it too?

The feeling of falling.

Falling deeper and drowning in our embrace.

Why is it like this?

Why does it smother me...?

My fingers scramble for purchase against his hips. My grip is so tight it might be painful, but he doesn't say anything. He doesn't speak, but his eyes are alive with meaning. Take me. Have me. Save me. What are they saying? I can't tell. Why can't I ever understand? Its like I'm trapped in a darkness and Marco, Marco is the only thing visible to me. The only one I need to look at despite how much it hurts. Because it does. Its so painful. The light that surrounds him is too bright for someone so used to the shadows. My eyes have trouble adjusting to him. So I look away. I always look away. Yet he's accepted me. Taken me into him and held me tightly.

I wonder how much of his light I can consume before turning to ash. Its touch leaves my finger tips tingling, but he's the one being set on fire. I feel it in the way his muscles spasm and strain. The way his skin turns damp beneath my palms; its like his whole body is crying out for me. As I surge forward, he meets me with an arched back, his eyes screwed tightly as his teeth bite at his bottom lip. A wild sound clogs in his throat: a gruff sound that only works to further the scorching feeling inside of me. When I retreat, his breath explodes and he collapses. Yet his body is restless even as I return, stealing from his lips a drink. And everything becomes blurred. Moves too fast. Too slow. Drags me every which way.

Up.

Down.

Deep.

Deep down.

Deeper into this chaos.

And it feels like everything is crashing.

Everything is falling.

Shattering.

The air is thick and it's hard to breathe.

I can't breathe-

I can't-

("Jean")

I heave a sigh and take a breath into my thirsty lungs. Just like that, he brings me back. Over and over again. Marco. He makes me a better person. A happy one. I would be glad to be drowned by all that is him. And again I'm falling...ever falling deeper into his embrace. I'm overwhelmed by this desperate yearning to pull him into me. To keep him inside of me where no one and nothing can touch him. It hurts. Why...why do I feel this way...Marco?

What have you done to me?

His hands are hot against my face as his lips press to mine and he whispers words that lay anchor in my heart. ("I love you") Don't. Please don't. It's a burden. A shackle to tie me down. You're always tying me down. To this. To the future. To you. Keeping me grounded, but so utterly lost. Don't do this to me. I'm begging. Please!

And its here I finally realize...

"Is he going to be all right?"

"Don't worry," someone says," his fever broke last night. He should be fine."

"Man, that really had me worried."

Someone releases a sigh.

"Come on, we shouldn't wake him up."

And the footsteps leave the room.

...falling in love is a lot like dying...

My hand presses down on the empty space beside me.

It feels so cold.

...without the peace of death.