"What I'm saying is, you're in a severe case of denial," Nozomi started, smirking, plotting, plain evil. That, and she actually hit jackpot. Eri snickered. Honoka had her face buried in her palms sulkily, elbows resting on the table and she didn't even bother looking up. Niko emptied out her glass in one quick gulp. And coughed out uncoolly.

"Shut up." Niko shot them The Nastiest Glare Possible. Eri pursed her lips in attempt to hold her laughter. "Shut up."

"Sure." Nozomi turned to Eri who sat beside her and nudged her with her elbow, side-eyeing Niko in a way The Devil himself does, almost to a terrifyingly creepy level. Niko suppressed the urge to throw her glass to the girl. They were friends. So. "Twenty-four, still in-denial, still content with looking at the girl from afar out of the corner of her eyes – lustfully."

"I—what." She held up her glass high above her head like a catapult ready to fire, but promptly put the glass back down when she noticed the bartender staring at her with eyes wide and mouth agape.

Eri piped in, "Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, you know." She and Nozomi had a glorious hi-five. Niko rattled in her seat while mentally devising a murder plan, involving chloroform and dark alleyway and baseball bat.

"I'm not into Maki, that's – that's like, wrong," she motioned her hands in the air violently, vague and making as much sense as her uncertainties ridden love life, apparently hoping she could pull the words out of air, "she's – she's two years younger than me. She's like a, a little sister," she noticed the muffled sobbing noise coming from Honoka, "stop crying already! What's up with you anyway?"

"My wife hates me," Honoka slowly pulled her head back and Niko saw a reflection of a dejected puppy in her.

Eri put her logic into action, "But she has always been."

"She told me to sleep on the couch tonight."

"Oh my God, what did you do this time, Honoka."

"I accidentally set our pet bunny on fire," Honoka wiped her tears and snots with her sleeve, "I turned Umi Jr. into a sirloin steak in a span of five minutes."

Eri gave her a half-hug while patting her head, whispering gentle, soothing words.

"Why am I even here," Niko sunk deeper into her seat and massaged her temple with a hand, "today is my birthday,"

"Well," Nozomi interrupted, though she stopped when Niko interrupted her interruption.

"What I'm saying is, stopsticking your pretty noses into my love affair, because c'mon you guys, you all are sad in your own way," she whipped a pointing finger to Honoka, "your pregnant wife hates you and at this rate you might not be the papa to your children," she redirected her accusing digit to Nozomi, "you're acreep," and last she jabbed her finger to Eri's direction, "and you're in love with a creep,"

"Uh!" Eri squeaked but Niko paid her no heed because she was in the middle of a rant that may or may not be the turning point of her life. Niko stood from her seat violently and her chair met the floor.

"You all messed up with your life somewhere – especially you, Eri – and that's why you should stop teasing and all 'wink-wink-nudge-nudge' to me, towards Nishikino Maki WHO I'M TOTALLY NOT IN LOVE WITH, even, and get your lazy asses into the gears and and and I dunno, solve your probs and earn your happy endings and mind your own businesses already because I'm totally NOT IN LOVE WITH NISHIKINO MAKI." She drew in a breath, face flushed red. "AND NO I'M NOT GOING TO ASK HER OUT ANYTIME SOON BECAUSE, ONCE AGAIN FOLKS, I am not in love with Nishikino Maki."

The whole bar had their attention to her and even Honoka somehow managed to magically stop her sobbing. Niko panted, her eyes scanning around, studying the petrified faces of her audience. She didn't feel bad at all.

Nozomi broke into a smile. "So you're not going to score with her?"

"Yes."

"Ah, I see, too bad. I wonder if Maki-chan is available tomorrow, I'm going to be free the whole evening, so—"

"NO!" Nico shrieked. The glasses on the table did a Harlem Shake.

"So you do like her."

"I DON'T! That's—that's 'cause you're a creep!"

"Nikocchi,"

"I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH NISHIKINO MAKI!" Niko smacked some money on the table and turned to leave, but unfortunately for her, she wasn't that far enough from the table to miss Nozomi's words.

"Happy Birthday, Nikocchi. Oh, and Happy Opposite Day."

Notes: [1] I miss the first three seasons of Spongebob Squarepants. They were actually funny.

[2] Something short I had to get out of my mind. Because Niko is an infinitely fun character to write. Here's a belated birthday present for our favorite daredevil!