Yeah, time for another quick update. What can I say? I'm trying to get a bit of the story written and I'm ending up with several chapters all at once. It'll slow down eventually. I have other stories to work on, after all.

I don't have a lot of details available for the exact chemistry at play with Bob since about a third of his molecular structure is made-up for the movie, but I came up with details that would occur during chemical reactions. If you're interested in the science-type explanation, here it is. If you aren't, just skip ahead to the actual update. I won't mind.

Since he has the ability to dissolve lots of substances, it implies that he would be fairly reactive with the right circumstances. Though he doesn't necessarily have to be an acid to dissolve stuff. The human body is more likely to dissolve in a base than an acid (we're slightly acidic in nature). If you want a substance that can do damage to a large variety of materials without being an acid or a base, Chlorine trifluoride can burn through flesh, glass, rock, and concrete. But Bob isn't made of that. He's not quite that insanely reactive and deadly. But Benzoate has a pH less than 4.5 while Bicarbonate has a pH of 10.3, so the exact acidity of Bob as a whole is difficult to predict since Ostylezene is still a mystery to us. So since we don't know his exact molecular makeup, I can't properly identify the stuff used against him. So let's call it Unknown X for the moment.

Based on the speed that was required for the scene, I decided that the reaction would need to be exothermic. It would produce heat during the reaction, which meant that the substance (and Bob) was releasing heat during the process. Color change is another common sign of a chemical reaction as well as bubbling (which is the release of gas and why Bob shrank while he was being affected).

Some combinations of chemicals are more reactant with each other than other combinations. They have a lower initial energy required to start the reaction. Dr Cockroach added a chemical that reacted more strongly with Unknown X than Benzoate Ostylezene Bicarbonate did. Thus, the reaction stopped affecting Bob as much and the new substance went through a reaction instead. This would use up the reagent (Unknown X) before it could completely destroy Bob. The black flakey solid formed during the process, the precipitate, is another indication of a chemical reaction. Rather than producing a gas, the new reaction formed a solid on the surface as a by-product.

And there's my semi-scientific explanation for what happened to Bob. But now it is time to get on to the more important stuff. So just sit back and enjoy the story.

Well, Professor, I think your concoction worked," remarked the hooded figure in his gravelly voice. "Ms Ronson says that during the meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff last evening, General Monger mentioned that one of his monsters would be out of commission for the foreseeable future."

"According to the president, it was 'the blue squishy one.' His favorite," she confirmed with a shrug. "No one ever pays attention to the lady holding the tea."

"Now, we don't know whether that means the monster is merely injured or it is actually dead and the general simply doesn't wish to admit it," the gravelly-voiced figure said.

"Trust me, there is no possible way they could figure out what chemicals I used before the reaction was complete, let alone devise an appropriate way to counter it. There simply wouldn't be enough time," the other female member stated. "The creature is destroyed. I guarantee it."

"If that is your expert opinion, Professor, then we will proceed as if that monster is gone," he stated before turning to another HAM member. "Does your friend have his plane supplied and ready?"

The figure with a southern accent said, "Yep. We even brought it over to this end of the country to make it easier. All we need to do is wait for those varmints to poke their heads out."

"Something will happen to prompt the monsters to leave their lair," said the gravelly-voiced member. "And if it takes too long, we'll arrange something to get their attention. For the good of humanity, of course."

At that moment, the door to the darkened room opened and the unhooded member of HAM stumbled in. After nearly falling on his face by tripping over a chair leg, he quickly checked over his clothes and hair for damage. Once assured his appearance was still perfect, he turned his attention back to the group.

"So what did I miss?" he asked.

Although over a week had passed since the disaster that nearly killed Bob and left him nearly sleeping constantly since, they were no closer to an answer about who was responsible. There was no return address, no one at the post office could recall who dropped off the package, and here seemed to be no obvious hints about where it came from. Link hated the idea that someone could hurt his friend and get away with it. He hated feeling helpless, but he couldn't do anything until someone told him who to blame.

He was the brawn of the team, not the brains. Well, he was the more precise brawn while Susan was the large-scale version. She was stronger, but sometimes they needed someone smaller and who wouldn't destroy the surroundings. Dr Cockroach compared it to a sledgehammer and a scalpel. Of course, the mad scientist was the smart one of the group. He was the one who figured out the answers to complicated problems.

It had always been that way. Even in the beginning, back when Link barely understood anything the humans (and Bob) said to him, Dr Cockroach was trying to use his brain to understand and solve all problems. He spent months teaching the reluctant student both the local language and the major changes the world experienced while Link was frozen. And no amount of macho posturing or refusal to cooperate could stop Dr Cockroach from his self-appointed task. By the end of the lessons, he wanted to throw the mad scientist through a wall and yet was grudgingly thankful to finally understand what was going on. Then Dr Cockroach turned his attention to asking lots of questions about his past, trying to apparently solve the mystery of Link's species.

He could still recall which details the mad scientist focused on. Dr Cockroach seemed particularly interested in the fact the females laid eggs, the babies spent at least a month in the water before climbing onto land, and that they formed proper family groups with the toughest guy leading the girls rather than whatever system the humans apparently used. The mad scientist poked at him a little, muttering things like "partially amphibious lifecycle," "most likely a monotreme," and "semi-exothermic." Then he complained about the impossibilities of an egg-laying species having a bellybutton, but he quickly dropped the topic the instant Link commented about the problems of a human-cockroach combo. In fact, the doc refused to talk to him for the rest of the day after that. But he never truly stopped thinking about it. About a month before the more concerning recent events, Dr Cockroach ran over to him with a scientific journal, peered into the back of Link's mouth (without asking first), and then scurried away while muttering "Kollikodon" or something.

Thinking was what Dr Cockroach did. And even if his escape plans never succeeded, his brains never stopped working. So if there was anyone who could figure out who tried to kill Bob, it would be the doc. He was already compiling a list of people who would have access to the necessary chemicals and possessed the knowledge to pull of the attack. It was only a matter of time.

He just hated waiting around and doing nothing. Dr Cockroach was the one who was doing the hunting for the creep, making use of the first computer he'd had in decades that didn't require the use of chewing gum and tin cans to construct. Susan was alternating between trying to help the mad scientist, looming over the door to Bob's room semi-protectively, and looking guilt-ridden regardless of how they reassured her that it wasn't her fault.

As if attacking Bob didn't already provide enough reason to punch the mystery attacker, upsetting Suzie set his pointy teeth on edge. Even if she lacked proper scales or a tail, he still considered her to be essentially his giant little sister and someone had to look after her. Actually, someone had to keep an eye on all his fellow monsters.

The world was different when Link was growing up. He couldn't even begin to describe all the changes. Back in the days that he went by a different name, one he doubted anyone else alive could even hope to pronounce, knew what to expect out of his relatively simple and straightforward life. Grow up, find a bunch of females on the beach to take home, and raise a bunch of kids. Of course, he kind of ruined that plan when he decided to explore a little bit to the north after hearing some stories about weird scale-less and tail-less freaks wandering around and ended up an adolescent icicle for his trouble. So now he got to experience a world with a warmer climate, vacation destinations, screaming babes on the beach, and not another single member of his species left. But at least one thing was still semi-familiar: the idea of a family and protecting them. So what if his particular family didn't exactly match what it was supposed to be? It was still his family of monsters and it was his job to keep it safe from anyone dumb enough to mess with it.

"What are we going to do about this?" he asked, staring up at his audience.

"You and Doc will fix it," roared Insectosaurus.

He'd been surprised when the general first brought the giant grub to the base. Not just because of the sheer size of the monster, but also because the first thing out of the insect's mouth once the light was gone was to ask what happened. And while Bob and Dr Cockroach just covered their ears at the volume, Link was too busy laughing at hearing the familiar language once again. Yes, there was a weird accent to it and Insectosaurus could speak it far louder than anyone else, but it was the language that Link grew up speaking. What were the chances of that?

So while the mad scientist tried to calculate the extreme improbability of a mutated grub speaking the same language as an ancient species of fish-apes that appeared on different continents on in vastly different time periods, Link worked on teaching their newest member to understand the English language. Speaking it certainly was never going to work (though the weird sounds Insectosaurus made while trying to was rather entertaining), but at least the giant monster could understand everyone now.

Insectosaurus was extremely young when he was brought in and didn't seem to age very quickly at all. There were times even after he gained wings that he acted like he was still a child. He was larger than most buildings, but he still needed someone to look after him. So while all the monsters were considered part of Link's family group, Insectosaurus was the one that was definitely considered his. What this meant was that the giant monster had a particular name for him that no amount of explaining could change.

…And Link wasn't even sure he wanted Insectosaurus to change it anymore.

"You and Doc and Susan will fix it. I know you will, Papa," the giant monster roared. "You'll find the bad people who hurt Bob. Then they'll be gone and we'll have movie night."

Link climbed up the large butterfly-like creature (though Dr. Cockroach kept saying he was a moth and it was amusing to annoy the mad scientist by saying "butterfly" instead) and he found a cozy spot on top of Insectosaurus's head. He quickly scratched around his antennas, producing a rather happy sound from the overgrown kid.

The large head radiated heat, just like the rest of the furry body. He remembered the mad scientist commenting that while normal insects were exothermic, anything the size of Insectosaurus would have to be at least somewhat endothermic. Then he started babbling about dinosaurs and old theories about being cold-blooded being discarded due to a better understanding of the necessary physics, but Link started ignoring him once he started using words with more than a dozen letters in them. All he knew was that Insectosaurus felt really nice when he started feeling chilly.

"You're right. The doc will figure it out eventually. I just hate waiting around like this. It makes me feel useless."

"You're not useless. But the world is really big and there are lots of tiny humans all over the place. And lots of them look the same. Except Susan, but she's a little bigger and easier to see. And Monger, but he can fly," Insectosaurus rumbled. "We need to know where to look for the bad people or we won't find them. But we will, Papa. We'll find them and no one else will get hurt."

"I hope so," he muttered.

"We will. I know it. You won't let the bad people hurt anyone else because you're Papa. And that's what papas do. And didn't you say Doc is the smartest person in the whole world and could figure out anything if he put his mind to it?"

He nodded grudgingly, "Yeah, just don't tell him I said that."

"Then he'll figure out who the bad people are. Just be patient. If you believe in those around you, even the impossible can happen."

"You got that line from that weird chick flick you saw on television, didn't you? What is it with you and cheesy romance movies?" Link asked.

Insectosaurus shrugged, which looked more like he was fluttering his wings, "I like them. What's wrong with the idea that true love can conquer all and that there is someone out there for everyone?"

"One, it is cheesy and girly. Two, those movies tend to have the girls talking about their feelings way too much and not enough action. I'm surprised anyone can watch those things all the way through without falling asleep. And three, they are completely unrealistic."

"Why do you say that?"

"We could start with Susan's love life, if you want an example. True love didn't conquer everything for her. Look at that jerk, Derek. He smashed her heart into a bunch of itty-bitty pieces, so she nearly threw him into orbit before we could rip his limbs off for hurting her," he summarized, crossing his arms in front of him. "Like I said. Those movies are unrealistic."

"But we love her and she loves us," Insectosaurus rumbled, looking at where he perched on the giant monster's head. "And didn't everyone conquer an evil alien clone army because of that?"

"That's different," he said quickly.

Insectosaurus shook his head, nearly dislodging Link from his position, "There's lots of kinds of love. Why does true love have to be romantic?"

"Because that's the only kind they ever talk about in your girly movies?"

"But doesn't 'true love' just mean 'real love,' Papa? So if the love is real, then it means it is true love. Even if it isn't the kind of love that leads to weddings like Susan almost had before growing a little taller."

For a moment, neither of them spoke. Then Link slid down the length of the monster's wing and landed lightly on the ground.

"That's it. We're cutting back on your chick flicks for a while."

Leaving the giant insect alone, he headed back to the main room. For the most part, Link did feel a little better than he did before talking to Insectosaurus. It was nice having someone believe that things would work out. That vote of confidence from Insecto helped make him feel less useless and helpless about the situation. Even if he didn't figure out anything really and part of the conversation started turning into a weird discussion about cheesy romance movies, he felt a little less tense than before.

That didn't, however, mean that whoever attacked his friend would get off the hook. No, they definitely wouldn't get away with this. As soon as the doc told him who was responsible, Link would hunt them down. And he meant that quite literally.

Humans forget that before they started wandering around this particular continent, Link and his species were already here. And even if some of the creatures in the deeper water and in the darker forests were more deadly and were whispered in stories that warned of wandering too far away from the family groups alone, Link and his species weren't helpless. They were predators, hunters, and dangerous foes.

The pointy teeth weren't just for show. Nor were the stronger limbs and powerful tail. There were generations upon generations of the strongest and smartest of them attacking creatures far larger and scarier than any human could ever be (with Susan on a bad day being the only exception to that). The females and the young of the species were guarded by a single male who would fight and defend against anyone and anything that threatened their family, regardless of how deadly or fierce the opponent might be. That was how it had been as far back as they could remember and it was what Link expected to do himself when he was growing up. They always protected their family.

And someone made the stupid mistake of attacking someone in Link's family. Soon they would figure out exactly why no one should mess with the monsters.

Susan tried to remind herself that this wasn't her fault. The boys had already told her that multiple times. Even Monger at one point mentioned it was equally his fault for being too lenient on inspecting their incoming mail. But since Dr Cockroach's packages often included things like rubber bands, computer chips, a staple gun, the engine of a DeLorean, assorted chemicals that she couldn't spell, a dozen aluminum cans, a graduated cylinder, a pair of pliers, a model of Big Ben, a set of glow-in-the-dark stars, nitroglycerine, several rolls of duct tape, clamps, beakers, wires of assorted thickness and length, a wind-up toy car, a few empty notebooks, pens, and an old pinball machine, how was the general supposed to know what would be considered "normal" packages and what would be considered a dangerous trap? And just like Monger couldn't have possibly predicted what would happen to Bob, she couldn't have predicted it either. So blaming herself was silly.

But that didn't really make her feel better. It just wasn't right that the most cheerful and sweetest monster she'd ever met had nearly been melted or something. And even if Dr Cockroach said the information needed to devise that plan could have been found even without the article, Susan still felt partially responsible. Even worse, she didn't know what she could do to help the situation.

She'd wanted to contact her parents, hoping that her mother and father would have some kind of words of wisdom and comfort. But she also didn't want to worry them with the idea that someone out there who might try to hurt their baby girl. And if Dr Cockroach was correct about this just being the first strike against the monsters, then there was a distinct possibility that she and the others could be next. Her parents would definitely react badly to the idea of people trying to hurt their daughter, so Susan couldn't tell them about what happened to Bob.

Of course, how could they hurt her? She was over forty-nine feet tall, super strong, and durable. Not even a giant alien robot could smash her. And the supposedly-indestructible force field was… destructible. How could someone human hurt her without breaking out something like a nuclear missile to throw at her? It seemed impossible.

On the other hand, it also seemed impossible to hurt Bob and yet someone managed that. With enough time and patience, it was theoretically possible that someone out there could figure it out. And even if they couldn't leave a scratch on the giant woman, they could still go after the rest of her friends.

Susan ran a hand through her white hair. She hated thinking about the mysterious people trying to harm the others somehow. That could be a serious issue for one of the other monsters.

Yes, Insectosaurus was huge and that made him pretty tough. He was large even compared to her. If they had trouble damaging Ginormica, then the giant butterfly that she could easily ride on was definitely beyond their ability to hurt. Sheer size would protect him. And yes, Dr Cockroach specifically made himself durable and tough enough to survive whatever the world threw at him. She'd smashed him multiple times with a spoon (not the best first impression, but knocking Roxanne off the bleachers in middle school and breaking her arm was probably worse) and it barely slowed him down. And she'd been smashing pretty hard at the time. He was also smart enough that they wouldn't be able to out-think him now that he was aware of the danger. The mad scientist would be fine.

But that still left Link. He was tougher, taller, and stronger than the average human. And now that he was back in shape, he was a very skilled fighter. He was amazingly fast underwater and great whenever they needed someone to wrangle a dangerous problem that would be too awkward for a giantess to handle. There would always be places that she couldn't go or reach well enough to be much help, but Link could cover those areas quite well. As long as there weren't a lot of screaming girls in swimsuits to distract him, Link could be quite amazing. But he wasn't invulnerable and he wasn't a giant. Out of all of them, he was probably the one who could be hurt or killed by a human-sized threat. He was still tough enough that it wouldn't be easy for the average guy on the street, but someone already managed to hurt Bob and Link would be easier to kill than the blue blob.

She wasn't a genius, so she could only do so much to help Dr Cockroach research the possible culprits. And Bob now spent most of his time sleeping in his room (occasionally sleep-talking quite loudly about his gelatin girlfriend, llamas, and what sounded like "the horror of sparkly vampires"), so she couldn't really do much to help him. But Susan could still do something productive.

While she couldn't hold and read a physical copy, she mentally went over everything that she said in the interview for that article. Anything she'd said about her friends that could be turned against them, anything that could be used somehow to hurt them like those creeps hurt Bob, would be carefully considered and filed away in her mind for later. She was especially thorough about what she might have said about Link since he seemed like the easiest target. So far, she couldn't think of anything that could hurt them, but she wanted to be sure. If there was even the slightest chance that something she'd said would be turned into a weapon to attack her friends with, she would be prepared. She wouldn't let what happened to Bob happen to anyone else.

"Attention, monsters," announced General Monger, flying via jetpack into the room and interrupting her thoughts. "We have ourselves a situation."

"You managed to figure out where to find the idiot who tried to take out Bob?" asked Link.

"Not yet, unfortunately. Though I can guarantee that there won't be another little package of doom like that again. I chewed out the boys upstairs in security and told them that if they don't take a good long look at all packages from now on, they'll be stuck mopping every floor in this entire base with a toothbrush. And possibly facing a firing squad. I haven't decided completely on the second part yet, but I'm definitely considering it. And even if I don't, just the idea is enough to send those boys scurrying."

"Then what do you need, General?" Dr Cockroach asked, looking up from his computer for the first time in Susan couldn't even guess how long.

"Bit of an emergency in a little town called Tranquility Lake. It's a quiet place in California. At least it was until someone had the bright idea to try inventing an earthquake machine while standing next to a shelf of unstable chemicals that got struck by lightning. He sounds like your kind of mad scientist, Dr Cockroach. Unfortunately, he doesn't appear to have your luck when it comes to weird transformations. He ended up as a weird purple cyborg-blob with about four arms and was the size of a semi-truck that, according to reports, started trying to shake the entire town apart."

"And you want us to go there and persuade him to stop," said Link, punching a fist into his palm in a clear indication of how that particular conversation would likely go.

The general nodded, "Preferably while there are still a few buildings left standing."

"What about Bob?" asked Susan, glancing towards the door to his room.

"Truthfully, he'll likely be far safer here," stated the mad scientist. "The only reason anyone was able to harm him in the first place was due to mailing the packages to a post-office box. There is no possible way they could easily locate the base and the security for the location is on high alert after that first act of aggression anyway, which means that no one would be able to make a second attempt against him."

There was a slight pause from the mad scientist, his antennas flicking back for a moment. And that hesitation as enough for Susan to guess what he was concerned about.

"Bob will be safe in here, but you're worried we won't be out there," she said carefully.

"Well, my dear, you must admit," he said, "if whoever sent that package did intend for it to merely be the start of an attack on all of us, the wisest move on their part would be to wait for us to leave the base. Out in the open and at a known location, the entire situation would leave us more vulnerable to whatever they have in mind. We're easier to locate when out in the field. Not to mention that when we are handling emergencies, we won't be focusing on defending ourselves from random civilians." Dr Cockroach shrugged, "If it was me planning to take out a large group of diverse monsters, this is exactly the sort of situation I would take advantage of."

His words weighed down on his audience, leaving the room silent for a moment. He was right. People would know where they were the instant they charged in. Between eye-witness accounts and the news, their presence when handling other monsters, aliens, or even natural disasters tended to attract attention. Especially when fights led to property damage or saved lives. Visiting her parents in Modesto didn't attract huge amounts of attention since the general public knew why she would be there. But if she or the other monsters appeared in other locations, everyone assumed there would be a dramatic battle that would look great once uploaded to the internet. This meant that if they went out, whoever wanted to hurt them would know exactly where to find them.

On the other hand, Susan knew that lots of people could be hurt if they didn't go. A crazy earthquake-generating monster could do a lot of damage if they weren't stopped. And as she'd already reassured herself, most of her friends would be pretty difficult to hurt by a regular human. If they were careful, they could take care of themselves. And since they knew someone was out to get them, they'd be on guard against problems. She'd make sure to keep a close eye on Link while they were out there (without hovering over him so much that her protectiveness started hurting his pride), but they could still take care of things. They could still help people.

"We can't live in fear," she said slowly. "And we can't let everyone down. We've got to go, guys."

Link nodded, "Right, Suzie. And if anyone tries anything with us, I'll show them exactly how I held off the Coast Guard that one time."

"Then you all better get a move on," prompted Monger, soaring over the group with his jetpack. "I have a few pencil-pushers and egg-heads to 'encourage.' You're not the only ones trying to track those sneaky little varmints down."

One of the most useful parts about working in the media was that you often heard about breaking news before the rest of the population. So when Derek Dietl heard about a monster attack in a little town called Tranquility Lake, he quickly excused himself to one of the empty offices in back make a quick phone call.

"Soon I'll taste the sweet taste of revenge," he chuckled to himself while waiting for the phone to ring. "And it'll taste like HAM." Then he paused in confusion, "Why exactly am I talking to myself like that?"

"No idea," muttered a janitor as he pushed a broom by, causing Derek to jump in surprise at his presence.

"You heard nothing. Do you hear me? I'm on television. Granted, I'm stuck with only weather forecasts and the very rare fluff pieces with almost no chances for promotion due to… certain issues. But I am on the news and I could make you miserable," he threatened, pointing a finger at him. "You heard nothing."

"Whatever," the janitor shrugged before emptying the trash can.

"Hello," the gravelly voice said over his phone. "What is it?"

Smiling to himself, Derek announced, "There's a monster attack in the town of Tranquility Falls. From the sounds of it, they've already requested the aid of the other monsters."

"Sending monsters to fight monsters. How foolish can the world be that they believe that such idiocy will solve anything? But at least it'll bring our targets into the open." There was a pause before the gravelly voice stated, "I shall inform Mr. Brown that it is time for his contribution."

"Glad to hear it," he said. "I've got to get back. The weather is coming up soon."

As he hung up his phone, he gave the janitor a final glare. He hoped that his position as a weatherman would scare the man into silence about anything he'd witnessed. Though the bored expression on the janitor's face indicated his silence in the matter would be for a completely different reason.

Yes, Link can understand Insectosaurus. Which is why his dialogue is represented as italics when shown from Link's viewpoint. No one else speaks giant monster insect, so they just hear roars. But Link can have surprisingly-meaningful conversations with Insectosaurus. As to why I made the giant monster a fan of chick flicks and oddly philosophical about some things… why not? If Insectosaurus is smart enough to help Link cheat at card games, then I say that he can have more characterization than "giant bug who is attracted to bright lights." So I decided to have fun with his personality a little to make him an overgrown kid who looks at things in a straightforward way that can turn into something that sounds rather profound.

As to why that particular conversation went the way it did, I can honestly say that it just happened. I started writing and somehow Insectosaurus and Link ended up talking about the concept of love for some reason. Go figure.

I also had some more reflective/worrying moments from Susan. She may have picked up some self-confidence and independence, learned how to define herself beyond "girlfriend/fiancée/wife" of Derek, and generally became pretty amazing over the course of the film, but the entire situation is going to still shake her up a little. No one likes having their friends hurt, especially if there is also a chance that it'll happen again.

Oh, and the little comment about Roxanne? I tossed that in because Dreamworks also made the movie "Megamind" and I wanted to add a little reference to that movie. This isn't a crossover; it was more of a mini shout-out to the film.

As for the whole "earthquake machine + random chemicals + bolt of lightning" thing? Yeah, that's a combo of Tesla's supposed earthquake machine plus the origin story of the Flash. It sounded suitable for the "Monsters Vs Aliens" universe. So I kind of borrowed it and twisted it for my own use. I also invented the town of Tranquility Lake because it sounded peaceful and ordinary. Which makes it perfect for random mutated monsters to attack.

So, anyone want to make any predictions about what HAM's next move will be? Who do you think will be their next target and how will they try to destroy him/her? I would love to hear your theories. I already know the answer, of course. But I do love hearing predictions.