I just had this crazy idea that it would be fun to throw River into oitnb and see what came of it seeing as she's already a prison bird herself. If you're a reader of my other current writing ventures then there should be some updates this week. I'm back on the writing wagon. I'm going to see how well received this idea is and then we can roll on from there, let me know what you think - I'll leave this up for a while before I post more.

Chapter 1: Arriving in Litchfield

"Don't worry, time will pass quickly" River breathed in deeply the scent of the Doctor's tweed jacket as he attempted unnecessarily to reassure her.

"I don't know why I'm doing this," she grumbled scrunching up fistfuls of tweed in her fists, unwilling to release him from their embrace just yet.

"It's a goodwill gesture, you did take over the Whitehouse using your lipstick and a hairpin…"

"I was bored," River groaned, "You didn't show up for our date and…"

"Inmate! That's enough touching"

"You said I could have one last hug, you didn't say how long it could last" She felt the Doctor obeying the strict female guard, his hold on her loosened as he took a step back. He grinned at her, his goofy, floppy haired, green eyed, childish, happy grin. "You'd better come and visit me," she warned him, "And don't forget to post that cheque, as if you need money in here… It sounds nothing like Storm Cage…"

"You'll be fine," the Time Lord laid a gentle kiss against her lips to hush her. He frowned as they parted and ran his tongue along the red tint she'd left laced across his lips. He moved the taste around his mouth, "River… You can't take hallucinogenic lipstick into prison with you"

"I don't know what you're talking about," her tone teased him, "Bye Sweetie" She turned from his smile, hearing a small chuckle escape him. River allowed herself to be lead into processing by the bulldog-like guard, whose nametag read 'Wanda'. The Doctor stood for long few moments after his wife vanished from sight. He wanted to be selfish and take the shortcut to the end of River's sentence. However his impatience often got him into trouble, and besides, her cheque needed to be posted and he was certain that the prison phones would be incapable of dialling the Tardis' number. Even if River could call the Tardis the charges would be out of this world. The Doctor sighed, pulling the envelope with River's cheque out of his pocket. He would be unable to be there for her in person every day, he would be unable to sneak her out at night as he'd done when she'd been in Storm Cage; but he would do his best to take care of her in every way available to him. With that final thought he turned on his heel and strode out of the correctional facility. At the gates, stood on the street corner was his faithful Tardis. He'd already decided that after running the necessary errands he would return the Tardis to this very same street corner and remain there until River was released.

River looked down at the inmate ID card pinned to her orange attire; she was actually very pleased with the picture. When she'd been imprisoned in the Storm Cage facility they hadn't even told her to be ready, which had resulted in the picture being one of her in mid-sentence looking completely unattractive. She hugged her bedding and pillow to her chest as she followed another new inmate towards the awaiting van. Processing had been a small ordeal, River was by no means shy about taking her clothes off, but having to squat and cough in front of a butch looking prison guard called Wanda was just, god awful. Her mind wandered to the Doctor as she took up a seat in the back of the prison van. She wasn't entirely sure that she trusted him to ensure that she had funds while inside the prison. River cringed, she should have just done it herself, why hadn't she just done it herself?

"You okay there hon?" the broad New York accent broke the silence making River jump slightly. It came from the driver of the van, a beautiful little dark haired woman with a pair of sunglasses propped up on her head and red lipstick that River instantly approved of. She wore beige prison attire under a brown yard jacket exactly like the one River currently wore.

"Yes, I am. Thank you"

"Ah, British. Oh you'll do just fine in here hon, we could listen to Brit accents all day long. What's ya name? We only use last names here, I'm Morello. That there's Parker and Stevens" She pointed to the inmates that had arrived with River.

"Song. You drive the van?"

Morello laughed at River's naivety though not in a condescending fashion, her smile was infectious, River couldn't help but return it as the woman said, "Well no one else is gunna do it. We do everything around here"

"Alright Morella, quit running your mouth and hit the gas" The guard escorting them took up his position in the passenger seat and pulled the door shut swiftly. Morello raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows at River before turning in her seat and starting up the van with a delicate twist of the key.

The journey was a short one, a simple trek across the complex which made up Litchfield correctional facility. River barely even had time to daydream about all the adventures the Doctor had probably already gone on without her, he was an impatient soul like that. Morello led the small troop of arrivals up a small path towards an alarmed door, she scanned a card against the reader beside it and waited patiently, hand on the handle for the buzz to grant them entry. River watched her in fascination as she tugged it open and with a wave of her hand insisted that they enter ahead of her. Inside there was just a swarm of beige clad women, none of which looked in the slightest bit friendly, all of whom looked as though they were in there for murder. River Song had been in the universes largest and most dangerous prison; and she had actually been inside for murder, though this had been a fake murder. No one needed to know that she hadn't really killed her husband in cold blood, but that didn't mean she couldn't use it to her advantage. So, instead of looking timid and intimidated by the sneers and the glares, she simply smirked back at the hardened prison women. She was absolutely certain that she was rubbing a few of them up the wrong way, but River Song was an assassin, trained by the movement of the Silence; the last thing she was, was afraid.

"Alright Song, here's where you're at. You'll get assigned before you know it; then you can get outta that orange. Kinda suits you though," Morello gave River a cheeky earnest smile, "Oh, I almost forgot" she rummaged around in the deep pockets of her yard jacket. River looked down at the plastic wrapped toothbrush and soap she was being offered, "We look after our own, yanno what I mean? I'll see you real soon okay, take some time to settle in. It can be a little strange at first, but relax, this is home now. We're all family here"

With that said, Morello turned and left to show the remaining arrivals to their rooms. River slowly turned on the spot to face the three unfriendly faces staring at her. She sighed, clutching her new belongings tightly to her chest still. Her eyes flickered to the one remaining bunk bed underneath a rather agitated and bushy haired woman. She didn't instantly move towards what she assumed would be her bed for the night. The one thing River was accustomed to, was prison etiquette; and that involved waiting for the already housed prisoners to grant you permission to take a bunk. The glares didn't faze her as she stood and waited patiently.

"You've done this gig before huh Song?" An older woman laying on an adjacent bottom bunk addressed River at last.

"For most of my life"

"Well aren't you gunna just fit right in? Your bunk is there under Nichols. Don't mind her, she's only just got out of solitary" River eyed the bushy haired Nichols perched up on the bed above hers, staring blankly at the wall, "Your time will be over before you know it Song"

"Time, is what I have the most of in this world," River smirked to herself as she threw her belongings down onto the stark mattress. Perhaps this women's prison thing wouldn't be so bad after all.