WARNING: This chapter is RATED M to be safe. Like my previous M-rated chapter Final Solace, it's nothing too, too graphic, but it is not appropriate for very young readers. Please skip the last scene if you want to skip it.

I'm on time for my monthly update! I really hope I did this chapter justice because I know many are waiting for this moment, I tried my hardest. I hope it's satisfying after all that mental torture and angst from these two aggravating midgets.

I've been listening to Ruelle and Fleurie – Carry you while writing this fic & Nathan Wagner – Innocence for the last scene, I think it suits quite well. Beautiful songs!

Thank you 92 is half of 99 and blackbutler415 again!

Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie

Chapter 34 — Eclipse

The atmosphere in the large carriage was tense.

Eren threw a definitive glance at Armin who was seated beside him, but the blonde had no idea what on earth was happening too.

Seeing as it was winter solstice — a rare season where most of the military was dismissed to return to their families — Jean and Sasha had already left the headquarters. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had plans to go to town until Ida arrived in their rooms with a pale-faced Connie in tow, and subsequently declared that they would all spend their break together at one of the estates that she had inherited.

"You guys have nowhere else to go too, right?" Ida had said, crossing her arms as the trio gaped at her in shock, jaws unhinged. "I won't take no for an answer! I'll settle all the expenses, so pack up!"

Was it strange that Ida — one of the most strict and aloof veterans in the Survey Corps — had suggested such a thing? Yes. Hell yes!

But what was most strange was that the mood of the usually stoic redhead had taken a serious turn. She no longer scowled nor glared at anyone, and she was unusually chirpy. Needless to say, this sudden change terrified the boys and it only sparked their suspicion. It was like she was a whole different person.

"You think she's like that because of what Captain did to Seth?" Connie whispered, throwing surreptitious glances at the silent, indifferent-looking Ida who sat on the opposite couch in the carriage, indulging in a novel.

"Beats me, Connie," Eren whispered back. "I thought she would've been more pissed."

Armin joined in the conversation. "She can't be plotting something, right?"

"I can hear you, you know." Ida looked up from her novel and the trio went stiff. She laughed harmlessly at their reactions. "Relax, I'm only in this carriage because I dumped Hanji and Mobilt in the other one. That lunatic will probably ramble all throughout the trip and I just want some peace and quiet."

"Why did you suddenly want to take a trip?" Eren asked with caution in his voice. "I mean… from what I heard you hardly take any breaks."

She shrugged. "It's because I hardly take any breaks that I deserve one, no?"

"Uhm..." Armin mumbled, shifting his position in his seat. Ida raised an eyebrow at his nervous body language. "We just didn't think you would've invited us."

"I invited that lunatic along as well," Ida empathized. "It's because I know that you guys have nowhere else to go too. I mean… we don't really have any families to visit, so why not spend it together?"

"Oh…" Eren echoed, subtly throwing a glance at Connie who seemed rather despondent after hearing Ida's reasons for inviting them along. It was only rather recently that he had lost his family after the massacre of the Ragako Village.

Ida seemed to have picked up on the change in Connie's mood as well, for she suddenly changed the subject. "It will take a while before we reach Mitras. If you guys are bored, do you want to read a novel? I packed quite a few."

"What are you reading?" Armin curiously peered at the title of her book. He immediately went red when he read it: The Duchess Scandalous Love Affair.

Oh my god, was that what he thought it was?!

"It's an adult romance novel!" Ida declared, not at all abashed. She grinned mischievously and leered towards the frozen Mikasa who was the only one brave enough to sit beside her. "Do you want to read one, Mikasa?"

Mikasa's cheek darkened. She hastily averted her eyes from the book that Ida was proffering towards her. "N — No! It's fine! Thank you!"

"Don't be shy!" Ida encouraged, obviously enjoying her innocent reaction. "This is my favorite title!"

Mikasa looked affronted and she hastily backed away from the novel. Sensing her discomfort, Armin swooped in to save her. "I — It's fine! You can read it yourself!"

"How cute," Ida chuckled. They were fun to tease. "Fine, I won't force you guys if you don't want to."

The boys laughed sheepishly in unison.

"So… what are we going to do when we reach the estate?" Eren inquired, still suspicious of her intentions of taking them along on an all-expenses-paid vacation.

"Relax and be a full-time bum!" Ida crossed her legs and leaned back. "I don't have any ulterior motives. I just want to relax and not think of anything."

"Really?" Connie narrowed his eyes, his suspicion not assuaged.

Ida nodded. "Truly, I promise."

The boys blew out a relieved breath. They were worried about nothing.

"I wonder what Jean is doing now," Eren grinned excitedly. He couldn't wait to boast about the trip to him. "I bet he is totally sour about not getting to tag along."

"Probably being a Jean-boy," Connie snickered. "Maybe his mom might even read him a bedtime story to sleep tonight."

A sounding laugh erupted through her younger squad members. Ida smiled, thinking of how innocent their conversations were. The younger scouts brought an air of innocence and playfulness. With Levi around, it was always stifling and formal.

Slowly, the casual conversation continued, and the teenagers began to relax around her, as did Ida. It was hard to keep the plastered smile on her face, but after spending hours with them in a carriage, the smiles and the laughs came more naturally.

This was exactly what she needed. A distraction. Time to herself. She needed to get away from Levi and be in the company of people she cared about.

She was content just listening to her squad's conversation, so Ida leaned her head against the cold glass window, watching the year's longest night fall over the villages and fields of Sina. By the time she spotted the familiar walls of Mitras outside, the sun had nearly risen. They had traveled here all night. Even then, the decorated city felt dark. The candles sputtered in the windows as the carriage drove past the rowdy street parties, and through the gate to the well-lit private road that led to the Starke estate.

"Wow, the housing estates here are something else," Eren said, becoming greatly aware of how decadent the buildings were in the capital. "Did you grow up here, Ida-san?"

Connie looked out of the window, and then back to Ida, interested in the answer as well.

"Nope," Ida replied, careful not to make any vigorous movements because Mikasa had fallen asleep on her shoulders by accident. She didn't want to wake her yet. "Our main estate is further north, that's where I grew up. We do have some farmland and other estates, but I've never been to our estate in the royal capital though."

"Looks like we'll arrive soon." Armin could see the sprawling estate from a distance; a large imposing white building that looked equally as big as the headquarters.

"Mikasa," Ida softly prodded the girl on her shoulders. "Wake up, we're arriving."

The Asian fluttered her eyes open slowly, blinking away the sleep. She gasped when she realized she had shifted her sleeping position and was now resting her head on Ida's shoulders. "S — Sorry!"

Ida smiled warmly. "It's fine."

Finally, the carriage stopped, and the coachman announced that they had arrived. Hanji and Mobilt had already descended from their separate carriage by the time Ida had exited hers.

"Ida!" Hanji chortled, waving her over energetically. "Hurry up!"

Ida surveyed what she could see of the estate cautiously. A grimace spread her face. To say that it was grandiose was an understatement, the estate was sprawling and imposing in appearance, and it only reminded her of the detestable Jaron Starke with its affluence.

"Wow," Eren breathed in wonder, taking in the lavish estate. "Ida-san you're like… really, really rich."

"Tell me about it Eren," Connie's eyes were wide with awe and disbelief. "I think I know who to go to now when I need to borrow some money."

"Right?! We should squeeze her dry!" Hanji suggested evilly, whirling around.

The group was approached by an older man in his late sixties man dressed in a coat. His graying hair was slicked back neatly with gel, and he wore a set of square spectacles that framed his deep-set brown eyes.

"Lady Starke," he greeted Ida with his hand to his chest and a slight bow. "I'm Kelson Robane, the head butler. Welcome. My apologies for not greeting you by the carriage, we weren't expecting you."

Her heart stilled. Ida hadn't thought much about it but hearing someone refer to her by her title — a title once held by her deceased mother — felt strange and foreign to her ears. It caused a reaction within her that Ida could only describe as dread and hatred.

"How did you know it was me?" she found herself asking, and it was only when it came out of her mouth did she realize how stupid that question was.

Kelson looked surprised. "Your scarlet red hair is proof of your lineage."

A torrent of frustration washed over her. Of course, it had to be her red hair. What else could it possibly be? Ida had disliked its strange color ever since she was a child. But as an adult, Ida realized that she disliked it even more now.

"You look just like your late mother," the well-dressed butler remarked with a warm smile, unknowingly stirring a cyclone of vindictive emotions within her, striking a soft nerve. "She was a well-known beauty too."

Ida forcibly kept her plastered smile on her face. "You know her?"

"Had the privilege to meet her when she was a child, back when your grandfather was still alive."

Mobilt quirked his brow, confused at this new set of information. "I thought all past servants of the Starke family were under interrogation from the government?"

"I was called for interrogation, but I was released and cleared, sir," Kelson explained with a tone that held nothing but servitude and respect. "The good folk have to survive somehow, and our jobs are all that's keeping us afloat. I hope it's not an issue?"

"A — Ah!" Armin stammered, uncomfortable with how servile Kelson's attitude was. "It's fine! It's not as if the government could prosecute every servant who worked underneath a corrupted noble household!"

"I have come with guests," Ida gestured to her comrades behind her. "We'll be staying here for winter solstice."

Kelson seemed to have registered the importance of the guests and he nodded, leading the small group into the estate. Ida was relatively surprised at how well the place was maintained when there was no one living here, but she supposed that it was one of the perks of being so wealthy. She was impressed with the extravagant décor that embellished the hall, which was lined with red carpeting. On the ceiling, a string of stunning candle chandeliers lit up the paintings that sat on the walls. The air of affluence was palpable. Lost in observation, Ida was brought back to reality when a soothing voice invaded her mind.

"They'll lead to your rooms," Kelson gestured to the three servants who bowed slightly when she looked at them. "Please follow them."

"Well, go and rest," Ida motioned for them to leave, realizing that her squad was uncomfortable by the grand surroundings and were waiting on her to move first. "Freshen up and then we can have breakfast."

At her urging, her comrades began to move. "Let's go!" Eren said, dragging Mikasa down the hallways.

Mikasa gasped. "E — Eren! Wait!"

"I've never been to a place like this!" Armin said a little too excitedly as he trailed after them. "You think Historia lives in a place like this, Connie?"

"Probably, Armin!" Connie scanned his surroundings. "Jeez, it's really like a whole other damn world."

"I can't believe I get to leech off Ida!" Hanji cheered, disappearing down the long hallway.

Mobilt chased after her, screaming. "Squad Leader! Please don't run! There are a lot of expensive—"

The sounds of glass breaking and Mobilt shrieking for her to 'be careful' followed shortly after. Ida exhaled audibly. She knew that Hanji had probably bumped into a display vase. Finally alone at the entrance parlor, Ida dropped her happy pretense and turned warily to the man beside her.

Kelson smiled when he saw her staring at him, his wrinkles prominent around his eyes. "I'm in charge of the maintenance of this estate, my lady, please let me know if you require anything."

"Everything should be settled during their stay," Ida instructed softly. "Anything they need, put it under the household expenses. Our baggage is in the carriage, please deliver it to their respective rooms."

"I understand."

"Thank you, Kelson."

Ida was about to leave the entrance parlor, but she found herself drawn to the portraits that were situated at the other end of the room. Almost as if she was in a trance, she walked towards it with Kelson following her. Ida didn't even realize her heart was beating erratically until she stopped in front of a portrait.

The butler trailed her line of vision. "This is—"

"Jerome Starke, my grandfather," Ida said sedately, recalling his face from Elsie's memories. She moved her eyes to the other painted face on the portrait, feeling absolutely nothing as she studied it. "And that is my mother, Elsie Starke when she was a child."

Red hair and green eyes, Ida thought sullenly. How tragic.

Composing herself, she touched the portrait, hoping to trigger the Will of Odina, but the only thing her mind did was to remember the words of her grandfather. The devils on earth. The mental image of the anguished despair on his face was enough for Ida's disgust to skyrocket to a whole other realm. She snatched her hand back, recoiling from the memory.

"This was their favorite estate," Kelson explained kindly, misunderstanding her interest in the portrait. "They used to visit here during winter because it's much warmer in the capital compared to the north of Wall Sina."

Instinctively, she curled her fingers to stop it from shuddering. Ida held her hands to her chest as she nodded absentmindedly, not really listening to his words. She dragged her lifeless gaze to the ostentatious gold ring on Jerome Starke's painted fingers — the heirloom crest ring that every single head of the Starkes wore.

It was the exact ring that Jaron Starke had once treasured; the proof of their nobility, heritage, and power.

The proof that they were sinners, Ida amended somberly.

"Now you're the head of your family, my lady." Kelson's calm voice invaded her hideous thoughts when he noticed what she was staring at. "I don't know where the ring is now, but you should get one made if it's lost."

It's in Elsie Titan's stomach along with the shitty remains of Jaron Starke, Ida said bitterly in her mind, deciding that it was too drastic to let say it out loud. Only a few in the government were privy to the fact of the Starke family's true nature for now. Ida didn't want to shock the old man to his early grave.

"Send someone to a jeweler to commission one..." she heard herself saying. "...then send it to the main estate."

Ida felt a strong urge to correct him, to tell Kelson that he was wrong. But she thought otherwise. Because whether she liked it or not, the world would always see her as a Starke. But they were all wrong. The head of the family was no one. It was a stupid ring that would never be worn again, but because it symbolized the head of the Starke family, Ida decided it was rather strangely poetic to have it sit at the main estate; abandoned, unclaimed, and ultimately forgotten.

She pointed to the portrait. "And remove every single portrait of my predecessors from this house, I don't want to see it. Burn it, destroy it, I don't care. I just want it out of my sight immediately."

She could sense Kelson's apprehension at her sudden change of mood, but despite whatever misgivings he looked like he had, he did not voice it out.

"I understand, Lady Starke," he said obediently.

"My name is Ida, not 'Lady Starke', Kelson," Ida snapped, snarling. "Do not call me that again — ma'am if you must. I'm a soldier from the Survey Corps, not a damned noblewoman."

Though Ida was sure he could detect her suppressed anger, Kelson only smiled. "I understand, ma'am."

Aggravated that she was losing control of her emotions again, she stormed away. Ida couldn't stay in a room that was filled with the painted faces of the Starkes any longer. The hollowness in her chest was starting to get unbearable, she could feel the painted haunting green eyes of her predecessors studying her.

Reaching an isolated balcony on the second floor, Ida inhaled deeply, trying to calm her frenzied nerves down, but the damage was done. Her fingers would not stop shuddering.

Devils on earth.

Jerome Starke's voice echoed in her head, playing on repeat. Gritting her teeth, she closed her eyes in agony, her heart pounding against her chest. If it wasn't for the fact that she might startle someone, Ida would've screamed for it to stop.

When she had calmed herself down enough to her liking, Ida breathed in rhythmic patterns and pried her eyes open. Her lifeless gaze landed at a group of servants at the courtyard chatting away, oblivious to them watching her.

A new spell of internal conflict engulfed her. Was it selfish of her to say that she envied them? That she desired a simple life like that?

She bit her bottom lip, annoyed by her own thoughts. Yes, it was. Because she was the descendent of the devil on earth, the very same tainted bloodline that ironically gave her the skills and strength to fight for humanity.

Maybe in a sense, she was given this power of awakening as a means of atonement for what her ancestors had done. This was her life — a life filled with contradictions.

Happiness was irrelevant to people like her. In fact, it was blasphemous to think she could be happy with Levi, that she deserved to be happy. All she needed to do now, was to focus on freeing humanity from the tragedy that her family had caused. This was her responsibility.

She would not become another Starke like Jaron or Elsie, or anyone of those bastards before her. She was different, and she would use her power differently.

Tilting her head up to the sky, she smiled sadly at the disappearing, lonesome round moon and curled her fingers shut.

"You'll be okay..." she told the glowing moon, closing her eyes.

She won't let the darkness take her. This wasn't her destiny. She'll defy it all on her own. The moon loves the sun, just as shadows love the light, yet she was certain she was capable of glowing all by herself.

But as she stared at the emerging sun and watched the moon gradually disappear, Ida Starke knew the simple fact was that the moon only glows because it's reflecting off the sun.

And Levi Ackerman was her sun, and she would only shine because he's there.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

It was a fantastic idea to bring Hanji and the rest of her squad on this trip with her. They were boisterous, uncontrollable, and made laughable spectacles wherever they went, and this distracted Ida from her miserable thoughts, preventing her from going to some dark place in her subconscious and wallowing in it. She felt truly at peace with their presence.

The looks on her squad's faces when they arrived at the dining hall was endearing. They could hardly contain their shock. The dining table was so laden with food, the white cloths beneath were hardly visible. The servants moved between them constantly, passing out plates and delicate crystal goblets with a silent, effortless elegance that was expected at one of Sina's great houses.

Sasha would've liked it here, Ida mused sullenly, nursing her own cup of tea.

The sight of the affluence made her sick to the stomach and she could hardly eat anything, but she kept her discontent to herself, not wanting to dampen her comrades' jovial mood.

This meal could've fed a small village, she thought, poking around her meal. A derisive grimace spread to her face. It was revolting to her to think that the Starkes had lived so lavishly while the rest of the population rots to hell because of the Titans.

Near the end of breakfast, Ida finally brought up the main topic that was hovering in her mind.

"When we get back…" she started, causing everyone to look at her. "...I'll probably be assigned to my own squad."

"Huh?" Eren wondered if his ears were playing with him. "You're leaving Captain's squad?"

Ida nodded numbly. This plain confirmation caused a significant tension to rise among the table. She could see the underlying shock on their expression and the silent debates churning in their minds. Ida smiled inwardly. Was it really that shocking that she was leaving?

"Did you discuss this with Erwin already?" Hanji was the one to ask.

"I did. I've gotten this approval," Ida prodded the piece of meat on her plate. "It'll be official once winter solstice break is over." She placed her fork down, absorbing her squad's wariness. "Don't worry, it's not as if it'll change anything."

"Why?" Mikasa voiced the one question that everyone wanted to know.

"It's a promotion that was delayed," Ida explained naturally, moving her gaze to the recruits. "But regardless, as I'm still in charge of you guys till then, I'll like to remind you that you must obey your Captain's orders unconditionally. Whatever qualms you might have of Levi's actions, just know that it is justified."

Armin was intuitive enough to know what she was referring to. "What about Seth then...?"

"I doubt he'll stay in our squad," Connie remarked. "After all, didn't Captain—"

Mikasa nudged Connie by his sides softly and he stopped. The message in her disapproving blue eyes was clear: they should change the subject.

Connie nervously peered at the Ida, who looked as though her mind was in another place.

Silently thankful everyone was so considerate of her feelings, Ida sighed. "Fischer will no longer be part of the legion," she drawled in a deadpan, still looking at her plate of food. "I've made other plans for him."

A heavy silence hung in the air after that. Though Ida could tell they wanted further elaboration, none of them thought it was wise to ask.

"So… how about we go shopping later?" Hanji shrewdly suggested, sensing that the mood at the table had turned strained. "We could exchange gifts! Isn't it a tradition for the Longest Night?"

"That's a great idea, Squad Leader!" Mobilt beamed, joining in. "Why don't we all go out to the capital afterward?"

"I'd like that!" Armin agreed. "I've never been to the capital!"

If Ida found this sudden change in conversation strange, she did not pursue it. A part of her suspected that Hanji would probably explain to her squad about the situation in greater detail later, far away from her ears.

"Sure," Ida agreed, grateful for their consideration. A warm thankful smile spread to her face. "Let's do that."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

They had spent their day roaming the capital to purchase their gifts. On Mobilt's suggestion, they had decided to draw lots to see who they would be purchasing presents for. Ida had drawn Armin's name, to which she was glad because she already had the perfect present for him. She could still fondly remember how his eyes lit up, full of childlike wonder when she gifted him with a rare illegal book about the world beyond the Walls, taken from the extensive collection of Starke's family private library.

Though if there was anyone who was happier with their gifts, it had to be Eren, for it was Mobilt that had drawn his name. The prized assistant had presented the Titan Shifter with a piece of paper with something scribbled on it — much to Eren's confusion — before he explained its true purpose.

"A one time ticket to escape from Hanji Zoe…?" Eren had read it out loud, confused.

Mobilt only nodded fervently in response. "You can use that once, and I will protect you from her when things get too heated."

Ida chuckled to herself as she brushed her wet hair, fresh from the shower. A smile spread across her lips when she recalled how Eren went to envelop Mobilt in a hug with tears in his eyes, beyond thankful for the gift.

She was worried that Hanji had drawn her name, but it was none other than poor Mikasa who had gotten the eccentric Titan Scientist instead. Mikasa, with a dreaded expression, had opened the box, only to quickly close it when she saw its contents, turning beet-red.

"You can thank me later!" Hanji had nudged a confused Eren, ignoring the death glares that Mikasa was throwing at her.

Ida had an inclination of what the present was — probably something really inappropriate concerning Eren — but she didn't get the chance to look at it as Mikasa had thrown it in the fireplace seconds later, threatening to kill Hanji should she attempt to 'taint Eren's innocence again'.

Her eyes snagged on the unopened box on her dressing table at that thought. Ida had left the small party happening downstairs at the drawing-room earlier, and she hadn't had a chance to open her gift yet.

Putting her brush down, she took the small box and undid the ribbon holding it together. It was Mikasa who had drawn her name. The Asian had looked so nervous when she approached her, and Ida couldn't help but feel curious as to what she had gotten her.

"I'm not good at doing gifts," Mikasa had said softly, pushing the small box to her, "but I saw that, and I thought it's beautiful so..."

Ida smiled when she saw what Mikasa had gotten her. It was a beautiful charm made of silver, meant to attach to a bracelet. The design was rather simple, yet ornate, and it hosted a moonstone gem in the middle. Mikasa was right, it was beautiful. She touched the gem gingerly and her heart warmed in appreciation.

"She isn't so bad after all…" Ida murmured, playing with the gem.

Moving out of her seat, she retrieved the worn-out looking charm bracelet from her drawers, attaching the new charm she had gotten from Mikasa onto it. In silence, Ida stared at it, wondering why she was still holding onto it.

Deciding that it was a question she didn't want to ponder over, she quickly decided to seal all further thoughts by removing it from her sight. But her throat felt unbearably dry even after she had put the bracelet away.

Heaving a loud sigh, Ida fell face-first into her soft bed. Unfortunately, this gift only served to remind her of the very thing she had run here to escape from.

Well fuck, she thought, her lip beginning to bleed from how hard she bit it.

While being with her comrades had effectively distracted her most of the time, it was times like this when she was alone that Ida found most difficult. She had decided that it was best to distance herself from Levi, but the difficulty level of this task couldn't be farther above her head.

Because even now, when she was hundreds of miles away from him, Ida couldn't help but think of him.

"Stop, stop thinking of him, you idiot…" Ida chided herself aloud, wondering if she was going to feel this frustrating hollowness for life. "God damn it, Ida…"

Ida was growing desperate and she was beginning to feel the floodgates of her trapped emotions threatening to open. She clamped her eyes shut. Anything would do at this point, she just wanted to forget. To stop being the love-scorned woman.

"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."

Her eyes snapped open when the memory of Seth's advice rang in her head. Drawing up as if caught in a flood of waves, she jolted up from her bed. Why didn't she think of this before? The best way to get over Levi was to replace him with someone else! Ida wasn't about to sleep with a stranger as a rebound, but she figured that being around eligible men was a rather good solution. For heaven's sake, she was in the capital of Mitras, there were eligible bachelors everywhere!

This was such a bad idea, but a tempting one nonetheless, and for today, even though her gut was telling her not to go, Ida decided to give in to temptation.

She was on holiday and the only thing that mattered to Ida was getting over her Captain.

With her resolve set, she got off her bed and went to the wardrobe to pick out her best clothes.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"Hurry up, Mobilt!"

"Squad Leader, please slow down!" Mobilt pleaded urgently, struggling to balance himself under the heavy pile of books that Hanji had thrown at him. "W — We shouldn't be taking so many!"

"Ida said I can take whatever books I wanted back to the headquarters!" Hanji reminded him happily as Mobilt swayed about, struggling to hold onto the books. "We need to take all of this back!"

Hanji couldn't have been gladder that she decided to accompany Ida on this trip because she was worried about her friend. A few hours ago, Hanji's well-intentioned concern was rewarded in the most surprising way, when Ida had told her that there was a collection of rare books about Titans in the estate's library. This was a researcher's dream!

Mobilt heaved a heavy sigh. "Alright… but please slow down! I can't hold onto that many!"

When they were done plundering the estate's library of all the books Hanji wanted, they went back to the drawing-room where the younger recruits were at. The teenagers were coddled together near the fireplace, playing cards as they sat in the circle on the carpeted floors.

"Where's Ida?" Hanji scanned the room, frowning upon realizing she was nowhere to be found. "She's not done cleaning up yet?"

"Oh, she's not with you?" Eren raised a brow. "We haven't seen her."

Strange, Mobilt thought. It had been nearly three hours since Hanji had accidentally spilled her drink all over her dress, unable to contain her excitement when Ida had told them about the rare books she found at the library.

"Maybe she's resting?" Mobilt offered.

Hanji pouted; she had wanted to discuss with Ida about the books she found. "Maybe."

"Why do you think Ida is leaving our squad?" Connie peered at the cards in his hand. Now that Ida wasn't around, he figured it would be a good time to ask. "I bet you something happened between Seth and her."

"Beats me," Eren replied, throwing a hand on the pile of cards in front of him. "But I doubt she'll leave, not that Captain would let her."

"She won't leave," Mikasa stated with conviction. The boys didn't understand, but she did. "I know she won't."

"I doubt she would," Armin nodded, agreeing.

Hanji quirked a brow. "Seems to me that you all like Ida, huh?"

Armin smiled sheepishly, slightly embarrassed. "She's pretty nice once you know her, and we've been through so much together. It's kind of weird to think that she won't be part of our squad any longer..."

Hanji returned his smile, but a stinging sensation ached at her chest.

God damn it, Levi, she thought, cursing the Captain. Why did you have to be so stubborn?

Internally, Hanji made a firm resolution to corner him and give him a stern talking down the moment they arrived back at the headquarters. Levi could avoid it all he wanted, but Hanji was determined to give him a wake-up call. She would not watch from the sidelines any longer.

"Sir! Please wait—"

The sounds of hurried heavy footsteps approaching caused the inhabitants of the room to turn to the door, curious over the commotion. The door slammed open, revealing a surprise visitor and a nervous-looking Kelson.

Hanji let out a resounding gasp. "Levi?"

The recruits were appalled at his appearance and promptly dropped the cards out of reflexes. Levi had often chided them for idling about. All four of them stared at their Captain expectantly, gaping and shocked to see him.

"Apologies," Kelson panted, bravely holding onto Levi who looked as though he was about to explode any moment. "This man says he's from the Survey Corps. I tried to hold him back, but he—"

"Where the hell is she?" Levi cut through sharply, his chest rising as he took quick breaths.

Did he rush here? Hanji assessed his state, taking in his casual outfit. A smile threatened to spread across her face once the shock of his sudden appearance faded away, but she forcibly held it in.

"It's okay Kelson, we know him," Hanji assured the butler, approaching them. "What are you doing here, Levi?"

"Ida, where is she?" Levi reiterated with a scowl, his patience clearly running thin.

Hanji cocked an eyebrow, but it was Mobilt who replied. "She's in her room, I think?"

Levi looked like he was about to pivot around when Kelson stopped him with a new set of information. "Lady Starke is not at the estate now, she asked for the carriage. She told me to inform you that she was going to the pubs and that you should enjoy yourself without her."

Hanji was mystified to hear that. Throughout her years in the legion, not once did Ida join her comrades whenever they went to town for a drink. 'Too rowdy,' she would always say whenever invited, preferring to spend her time in isolation with a book, or with Levi who shared her same sentiments.

From the fierce grit of his teeth, Hanji knew that Levi did not take kindly to the news. "Tch. Did she say exactly where?"

"No, sir," Kelson replied, frowning at the situation.

"Fuck," Levi hissed hotly, racking his fingers through his hair. "God damn it, that damned brat."

Hanji stopped him just as he was about to storm out of the door. "Wait, Levi!"

"What?" Levi glared at her, waiting for her to get to the point. "I don't have the time, shitty glasses. Spit it out."

She carefully examined his expression. Hanji couldn't hold back her grin. She didn't need to ask anymore. Levi had made it quite clear with his annoyance and impatience what his intentions were.

She slapped his back, figuring out his plans. "Would you want to hear my advice?"

Levi shrugged her hands off him, scowling. "As if I would listen to advice from a psychotic maniac like you," he sneered rudely.

Hanji laughed, letting his insults roll off her as she always did. "Of course, you wouldn't!"

Levi stared at her, befuddled before his visage softened if only a little. Understanding slipped through his grim expression.

"Well, hurry up!" Hanji nudged him out of the door, laughing as she gave him an assuring wave. "Don't fuck up again!"

"Tch, thanks," Levi grumbled quickly, walking off and elaborating no further.

When Levi was gone, Hanji turned around with a wide victorious grin. She had thought that she needed to step in, but it seemed that there was no need for it any longer. Mobilt seemed to have picked up on the situation as well, for he was shaking his head, the relief evident in his face.

"What…" Eren blinked, not quite catching what was happening. "Why is Captain here? What's happening?"

"What happened, Eren…" Hanji drawled for suspense, smiling so hard it had Eren wondering if her face was going to split. "...is that I doubt Ida would be leaving your squad any longer!"

This revelation sunk in slowly, but the magnitude of it all was clear. One by one, the recruits returned her smiles, fully comprehending the situation at last. Even the usually stone-faced Mikasa had a small smile on her lips.

"Finally," Connie blew out a relieved breath, picking his cards up again. "I guess this means the end of watching out for stupid arguments and mood swings."

Hanji laughed heartily at his remark, snaking her arm around Mobilt's neck and grabbing him as she cheered. "This is a cause for celebration!"

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Too ugly.

Her bored green eyes scanned another male figure.

Too tall.

She made an irritated nose with her teeth, frustrated with her lack of progress. Ida Starke was seated by a bar as she nursed a glass of wine. As expected of an establishment in the capital, the party goers of the night were dressed in fine clothes, and the pub's décor was relatively posh compared to the pubs in other parts of the Walls. The social atmosphere, charged with evanescent gayety, was giving her a massive headache.

Heaving a loud sigh, Ida stubbornly began her search again, adamant on making some progress.

Too flirtatious, she thought miserably when she scrutinized another unsuspecting male who had his arms around two courtesans. Damn it, I'm getting nowhere!

"I've never seen you here before," a low voice rumbled from beside her. "You're not from here, are you?"

She migrated her scowling gaze to the unwelcome visitor who took a seat on the empty barstool beside her. He had golden-blonde hair that was neatly cropped, and he wore a well-fitted brown suit that contrasted with his sapphire eyes. The stranger had a strong bone structure that accentuated every inch of his face and skin that looked as smooth as a fine cut diamond.

Handsome, but that wasn't enough for Ida.

"I'm Heinrich," he introduced with a handsome smile. "I work as a trader in the merchant association. What's your name?"

Too friendly, doesn't have black hair nor gray eyes, too tall and he smiles too damn much, Ida concluded sourly in her head, keeping her apathetic countenance. No good, he doesn't pass.

Sadly, her death glare did not manage to eviscerate the smile from his face, nor did it send him scurrying away as she had expected it to.

"Ida," she said flatly, going back to scanning the sea of minor nobles and wealthy merchants.

Despite her cold introduction, Heinrich only smiled charmingly and offered, "May I buy you a drink, Ida?"

"If you don't mind me drinking you to bankruptcy, then sure."

The merchant looked amused at her answer. "Oh, I'm sure a gorgeous lady like yourself wouldn't be able to do that. But sure, be my guest, my coffers are full."

He's an insistent one, Ida thought dreadfully, wondering why she didn't just shun the guy from the very start. Nevertheless, she decided she wouldn't mind accepting the free alcohol.

Heinrich waved to the bartender over and placed his order. A few moments later, the bartender came back with a bottle of alcohol. The blond poured two shots before he directed one to her.

"Thanks," she mumbled, gratefully accepting it. She was going to need all the alcohol in the world to get through this dreadful night.

Ida downed the shot and sighed, earning a surprised look from Heinrich.

"You hold your liquor well," he commented steadily, pouring her another shot. "Let me guess, you're here to get over a bad breakup."

"And you're thinking that you would be my perfect rebound," Ida retorted dourly, accepting the new shot he pushed to her. "Sadly, you're not my taste."

He raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Really? I beg to differ, I've been told that I'm quite the catch in the ladies' eyes around here."

Ida scoffed tiredly and propped up her elbow on the bar counter, resting her head on her hand. She studied him carefully, absorbing in his confidence. Indeed, Heinrich was rather handsome in a sense, but there was something off about him that Ida couldn't put her finger on.

He was just too noble looking, too polished, almost as if he would scream at the sight of blood.

A sly smirk touched her lips. "Do you wear a cravat?"

Heinrich was bewildered at her sudden question. He had figured that this beautiful woman he was trying to pick up had quite the eccentric nature, but he hadn't been expecting that question that came out of nowhere.

"Uh… when I have to…?" he replied unsteadily, unsure if that was the answer she wanted to hear.

Dry amusement colored her gaze. "How tall are you?"

"5"9," the confused male stated tersely.

"Too tall," Ida deadpanned, grabbing the bottle from him when she decided he was too slow in his attempts to get her drunk. "I like short men."

"Really...?" Heinrich laughed awkwardly, scratching his chin. "I thought women always preferred tall—"

"You smile and laugh too much," Ida interrupted him rudely. "My ideal man always has a hideous scowl, is always glaring at someone, and looks as though he has constipation all the time."

Heinrich was stumped for words. Upon seeing his gawk, Ida smiled sweetly, feigning coyness. "Also, do you have any maddening cleaning habits?"

The bewildered look Heinrich gave her pulsed with shock. "C — Cleaning habits...?"

"Yeah," Ida nodded blankly, as if it wasn't an absurd thing to ask. "I like men who clean unnecessarily."

In disbelief, Heinrich scoffed her remark, unable to determine if the woman in front of him was doing all this to chase him away, or whether she truly meant her words. Frustrated, he took his own shot glass and finished it.

Ida poured him another shot. "Told you, you're just not my type."

"If I'm not mistaken, you're comparing me with the very guy who spurned you," Heinrich said, his annoyance apparent. "Not a great start for a woman looking to get over someone, mm?"

Ida did not reply. She knew what Heinrich was saying was nothing but the cold hard truth. When she had arrived here an hour ago, she was determined to snag herself a handsome bachelor to distract her. And yet, Ida found that her problems ran deeper than she had expected it to.

Miserably, she found herself comparing every single damned male to her Captain. Too tall, too friendly, too charming, too weak looking… and the list went on...

And this annoyed her greatly.

Because the truth was, nobody could ever compare to Levi Ackerman.

So why was she trying to find some semblance of him in every male figure she was checking out?

Growing increasingly aggravated with her futile attempts to get over him, Ida angrily drank another shot and slammed the glass down on the table. She mulled over her failure for several moments. She'd told herself to forget him and Ida had blatantly ignored her own instructions. How stupid.

With a newfound surge of determination, she reminded herself that she even went through all the effort to put on a stupid dress and went out by herself. Ida couldn't even begin to give up now.

"Seems like I struck a nerve, eh?" Heinrich observed, shaking his head. He refilled her empty shot glass. "It's not good for a beautiful woman like yourself to sulk, you know."

When Ida didn't reply, Heinrich took a strand of her hair, playing with it. "Your hair is beautiful, it's such a unique shade."

Ida scoffed wearily and swatted his touch away. "I hate the color of my hair."

"I for one think it adds to your appeal," Heinrich murmured, his sapphire eyes studying her as if she was a prized gem he had found. "The guy you were describing sounds like a real nasty jerk."

"Grumpy as hell as well," Ida supplied with a sharp edge. "I work with him and he's a pain in the ass. And what about you? Why are you here tonight? Seems to me that you want to forget someone as well."

He shrugged, finally moving his gaze elsewhere. "My engagement got called off yesterday. The woman I loved left me."

"Bummer," she said, offering no consolation. Ida instead held out her glass. "Here's to the unlucky folks who got fucked over by a stupid thing called love."

He clicked his glass with her. "And here's to the new interesting people we meet tonight."

"Interesting?" Ida feigned a bit of eye-rolling and meanly added, "I wouldn't say you are interesting."

"I'd like to correct your opinion on that," Heinrich proposed smartly, a mixture of challenge and confidence brimming in his cerulean eyes. "It'll be tragic if a beautiful woman such as yourself left here with that opinion of me."

"You're too charming," Ida replied in her customary bitterness.

Kennard shook his head and laughed at her remark.

"What?" Ida asked, taken aback by his entertained bouts of laughter.

"Man," he whispered in hilarity. "Can't say I ever got that before. So... is that a bad thing?"

"Well, you're different from my ideal type," she admitted sullenly. "Hell could freeze over before he says something as cheesy as that."

Despite her coldness, Heinrich smiled. There was adoration in the way he stared at her. "I can make you forget him," he offered after a short pause, a sexy lilt dancing in his sultry voice. "If you would give me a chance. Join me for drinks?"

Momentarily, she gaped at him in disbelief. Ida had never had a stranger speak to her so bluntly. Normally, she'd kick guys like him in the balls and runoff, and yet tonight, Ida did want to forget.

Despite having the forefront to know that drinking this much was a bad idea, Ida vehemently decided that perhaps the company of another adult male was truly what she needed — she was aware that she hadn't really interacted with any other male counterparts that weren't from the Survey Corps ever since she enlisted. Maybe, this was a good option. It wasn't like he could out drink her anyway.

She held out the bottle of liquor towards him with a challenging smirk. "If you can get me drunk enough, I don't see why not."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Much like any other holiday season, the royal capital was busy with partygoers swaying about. Nobles, high-ranking officers, and rich merchants alike partook in the celebrations. Most were drunk out of their minds, meandering the streets and looking for some fresh air before they honored another pub with their presence. While they were elated with life, Levi Ackerman was visibly frustrated, and his annoyance was only growing by the second. He had visited almost every pub he saw, and he still couldn't find her.

His only solace to calm his annoyed nerves was to keep looking.

That fucking brat, he cursed inwardly, mentally sighing. The night's temperature was chilly, and Levi didn't know how much longer he could contain his temper. Where the fuck is she?

Just when Levi was about to drop by another pub, he heard a familiar voice answer that question in a most surprising way.

"—you heard me! Cravat, you gotta wear the cravat! You promised me!"

"I… heard you! Jeez… you really do sound like you really like men in cravats..."

Following a loud smack, the male voice groaned in pain. "Shut up! Where… are we going?"

"Silly goose..." the male voice drunkenly slurred. "To my carriage, where else?"

"I have my own carriage! My coachman is probably around here— ah shit!"

From his peripheral vision, Levi could see the couple approaching him, clearly drunk from their night of celebrations as they swayed around, bumping into each other. But that wasn't the point, the point was the intoxicated female in question had vivid red hair.

You've got to be shitting me, this can't be real.

"Be careful…" The blonde male mumbled adoringly, supporting her when she almost tripped on a small crack in the pavement. "Ida..."

Levi's eyes bloomed rapidly once he heard the trigger that snapped him out of his idiotic stupor.

With unprecedented instincts, Levi felt his body move and he bolted towards them. He grabbed onto Ida and instantly separated her from the blonde stranger with a hard shove. The redhead gasped in shock as she fell forward from the sudden pull, right into Levi's arms.

"Oof!" Heinrich stumbled on his footing, barely winning the fight with gravity. "Hey man! What gives!"

Levi was too preoccupied with the woman in his arms to bother about the drunken fool.

"Ida?" he said urgently. He grabbed arms, but her response was lacking. "Oi, Ida!"

Ida swayed and she held onto her head, the jackhammers pounding into her brain. "Urgh…"

Groaning, she blinked, focusing her blurring vision on the figure holding onto her. She gasped and grabbed onto him, staring at him as if he was a jackpot prize she had won at the gambling dens. "O — Oh! You're… perfect! You look exactly like him!"

"Tch." Levi hissed, realizing that Ida was beyond delirious. She was drunk out of her mind. Incredulity threatened to drain his rationale before he forcibly reprioritized. "Let's go."

He grabbed onto her wrist, leading her down the streets.

"Hey!" Heinrich chased after them, fuelled by drunken gasoline. "Who are you?! What do you think you're—"

"Fuck off when I'm still asking nicely," Levi cut through his sentence sharply. His eyes appeared dark with spiked anger. Meanwhile, Ida only examined his menacing expression with heavily lidded eyes, marvelling at his pronounced agitation.

The blonde swallowed, reeling his outstretched hand back. Even in his inebriated state, Levi's voice was radiating such a strong admonition that Heinrich knew he couldn't take lightly. His instincts told him the stranger was not to be trifled with. Levi's message was obvious: stop me, and you'll regret it.

Without one last lethal glare that Levi was sure would've sent him running, he forced himself to storm away with Ida, greatly aware that his anger was amplifying. He needed to be in control. All anger and frustration aside, Levi was relieved he found her.

"S — Slow down!" Ida gasped, unable to keep up with his speed. "Hey—"

Levi stopped and spun around. Through narrowed eyes, he scrutinized her. Ida only smiled drunkenly at him; her face flushed. Releasing an audible sigh of exasperation, Levi slid off his jacket and wrapped it around her, shielding her from the winter air.

"How much did you drink?" He asked with a scowl, adjusting the jacket around her shoulders. His anger had since dissolved into concern.

"Don't know!" Ida chirped, grinning. The honesty in her eyes bothered him as candor leaked from her confessions. "I was so miserable, I just kept drinking!"

She stumbled forward and etched her face closer to his. "Gods, I was right...!" Ida gasped, clapping her hands in glee. "Now that you're wearing a cravat, you look exactly like him!"

Levi frowned, confused with what she meant. Now that one conversation had been set aside, another complicated one was about to begin. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"I'm saying you look exactly like the jerk that spurned me, Heinrich! It's amazing!"

That was when it all aligned within him. Fuck. Ida was obviously mistaking him for that bastard she was with earlier. Worse still, she was mistaking him for his own person. Scoffing at the ridiculous situation, Levi decided that the best course of action was to get her back to the estate. He knew that Ida was never a great drunk. The last time she drank this much, the stinking brat had puked all over him.

Thankfully, Ida followed him without any protest, grinning like an absolute fool as he scoured the streets for her carriage. It was easy to spot from the Starke crest stamped its doors. The coachman recognized her. He peered reluctantly at Levi, but it seemed he was perceptive enough to realize he wasn't a stranger.

Levi had half expected Ida to collapse into a drunken slumber the moment they got into the carriage, but Ida only sunk back in the cushioned seats, her gaze never leaving him. She was smiling happily as if she was going on a joy ride and Levi felt oddly unnerved. It felt like it had been a long, long time since he had last seen her genuine smile.

Tch, as if this day couldn't get any shitter, he thought furiously, breathing out in long rhythmic patterns to calm himself. The brat is drunk off her ass while I rode for hours chasing after her. How fucking great.

He pinched his nose bridge in exasperation as a scowl spread on his lips. Levi felt unbearably pathetic, he had no idea what he was supposed to do now. Needless to say, it wasn't a state that he was particularly fond of being in. He was used to being in control. Levi had approached everything in a calculated manner, but he should've known that Ida was always the only exception in his life.

What the hell was he supposed to do now?

As the bitter thoughts festered into an uncontrollable train, ready to be derailed at any given moment, Ida shifted to the seat he was in and plopped herself down next to him. Levi studied her intentionally, strangely cautious by how she was staring at him.

"You're so handsome!" she said happily.

His visage dropped into a frown, bewildered. She was behaving too out-of-character for him to read her. Ida reached out and grabbed his arm, hugging it as she pressed her face against his bicep.

Levi bristled at her sudden contact. "Oi. What are you—"

"Shut up," she said, her voice dropping. "Just let me…"

Levi felt the defensive nerves within him spark up, but he held onto it. A contemplative expression graced his expression. He remained quiet and allowed Ida to hold him, wondering what the hell her intentions were.

Why was she holding onto him like that? He scowled, holding in an emission of anger before turning to her stare at her. Damn it. Ida was always a reckless idiot. The reminder of how Ida was with another man when he found her left a very sour taste in his mouth. Would she hold onto him like this if he hadn't arrived in time?

Levi had half a mind to launch into a lecture, but he thought not. He would reserve his anger for another more opportune time when she was awake and sober.

"You even smell like him…" he heard her murmuring and she sighed wistfully. "You sound like him as well… Is this okay, just for a moment… for me to imagine that he was here...?"

His eyes expanded. It surprised him, the disbelief and the relief that came with her words. Was Ida thinking about him? It made sense. But she was drunkenly mistaking the blond bastard for him too. Yet the awareness did little to settle the bittersweet irony.

Was it that hard to believe — even in her inebriated state — that he was here in flesh, and not the figment of imagination that Ida fooled herself to believe in?

His faint happiness was overshadowed by the anger wallowing within him. But Levi wasn't angry at Ida, he was angry at himself. He wanted to murder his past foolish self. She was always there, right beside him, all he had to do was reach out. Why the fuck was he so stubborn?

They wouldn't even be in this pathetic state if he wasn't so bloody obstinate. He had ultimately let his fears get to him. How pathetic.

This whole time, Levi assumed Ida had long gotten over him, but maybe he was wrong. He was vaguely aware of his own insecurity, and this realization left him feeling vulnerable, but somewhat also relieved.

She sighed again and closed her eyes. "Why did she leave you…?"

He kept his voice rigid and even. "Who?"

"The girl you loved… the one that you got engaged to..." she clarified, her words laced with heaviness and contention. "Why did she leave you…?"

Levi realized Ida was speaking as if she was still talking to that blonde asshat. The irony struck him. But he thought strangely that it was an opportunity too. Currently, Ida was not looking at him as her Captain and superior — the duty-bound soldier who dismantled her heart — but just as another average man.

He thought through what he should reply before he opted for a blunt, but honest one. "I was an asshole."

She chuckled quietly. "Ha… I figured that... you must blame her, huh?"

"I'm not blaming her," he defended, crossing his arms. "I bitched about a whole lot of crap about how it was best for us to remain as we were. Said a lot of stupid shit as well, but it all my own damned insecurity."

"She must've been hurt," she said, subtly nodding as she absorbed his words. "But... if you're out here, drinking yourself to stupor and finding comfort in a stranger, then you must've still love her..."

He grimaced, vexed by the situation. Why was it that their relationship was powered by loops of irony? Everything was wrong and right at the same time. This wasn't how Levi imagined their talk to be. Sadly, the real irony of this entire thing was that if he was given the opportunity right now, Levi could've easily solved everything.

Ida was right — he did love her; Levi could not deny that. But the words refused to leave his mouth, whether it was because she was mistaking him for someone else now, he didn't know.

"You should try to get her back." The drunken girl suggested quietly when he didn't reply. "Don't get stuck in a shitty situation like me… Life is just too short, you should make your life worth living..."

He tilted his head, intrigued. Levi saw no harm in taking the opportunity. "What about you then?" he asked sharply. "What happened to that guy and you?"

"I left him."

Levi's right eyebrow twitched. His cool exterior reflected ominous concerns. "Why?"

It took a while for the inebriated woman to reply.

"Because it was for the best," she murmured, her tone suddenly despondent. "That person… he's someone that can never prioritize me, and just me… He was destined for greater things… A hero, he was called, the strongest, and so irrecoverably perfect..."

Her words conjured a tempest that took Levi by complete surprise. Perfect?

Why was it even now, Ida still fucking thought of him as perfect? Hadn't he proven it time and time again, that he wasn't perfect? That he could make mistakes? No one was perfect in this damned world.

He had made a mistake and hurt her, and yet, why was it that Ida still thought of him as perfect?

"Do you hate him?" he found himself asking quietly. For some reason, now that Ida was drunk, Levi found it easier to lower his pretenses. "For never being able to prioritize you."

"No…" Ida's eyes were shut, but her sincerity carried through her words. "… He is my life's worth in all… I'll forever be indebted to him. I can't hate him… nor can I blame him, because... I know this wasn't what he wanted either. He's a good person…. but circumstances forced him otherwise..."

Silence skipped through them, heavy with regrets and longing.

"What about you…?" she incited when Levi didn't reply. "Do you hate her for leaving you...?"

"No," he answered hoarsely. Levi's throat was growing dryer. An apprehensive demeanor highlighted his tone now. "I don't."

"Hmm… what kind of person was she...?"

A contemplative expression presided over his face. The carriage continued to rock against the pavement, expelling an uncanny sensation. The calm and peacefulness felt strangely terrifying. Levi had never felt such uncertainty and calamity before. In that suspended moment, it seemed that the entire world had fallen silent to listen.

"A troublesome woman," he finally stated bluntly, eyes dark with foreboding tension. "She was a sorry excuse of a soldier. Stubborn and foolish, but she was more than that… because circumstances forced her otherwise too. I could never fully understand her."

Ida slowly nodded again; this time riveted by his honesty. "Mhm... it seems like we're on the same boat… I could never completely understand that jerk either."

Inwardly, Levi felt slightly better to hear her side, to hear that she found him to be just as complex and puzzling as he found her. "If you didn't hate him, then why did you leave him?"

"Because…" Ida's eyelids slid open, eyes hazy with residual hurt. "...the route that he plans to take — no… the route he has to take… for mankind, for everything… I was a hindrance to his dreams… to his duty… something to stray him awry. He... was never mine and mine alone, he belonged to humanity, and I… as someone so insignificant, can't hold him back anymore…"

Levi could almost feel her pain transferring over as his heartstrings started to pulse and throb. As if it was a natural instinct, he recoiled from it.

"What about you then?" he demanded pointedly.

"Mhm?"

"You." He stressed, miffed by the conversation. "Don't you care about what you want? You sound like you wanted to stay beside him regardless of anything the fucked-up world throws at you."

"Hah… Of course, I do..." Ida murmured, closing her eyes again. "I love him..."

Levi felt as if he was shot in the chest. He was aware of Ida's affection for him, but never did he hear her say those words out loud before.

Another pregnant silence passed, before his voice dipped into a deadpan whisper. "Then why?"

"Idiot," she murmured. "It's because I love him that I can't bear to see him suffer because of me, I can't be that... selfish..."

He scoffed derisively at her explanation; it was just like her to say something like that. "Tch, it looks like you don't have any faith in him."

"You're wrong, I had faith. In him. In us... But that asshole… he was wrong to think of me so weak… you don't know this… but I'm pretty strong on my own…"

His teeth clashed together in a grit, anchored by rage for himself. Faith? Levi reminded himself that he had no fucking right to ask that question. He had no faith. Not in him. Not in her. And definitely not in them.

But Ida always did.

"But what difference does strength make… when you're born into a cruel world like this...?"

"What?" he echoed.

"The stars of the night had already foretold our tragedy..." she murmured, her voice getting lower and softer. Her head was resting on his shoulder. Ida was finally giving into the effects of alcohol. "...but even then, even if it was for just a moment, I wanted to be with him… and I'll always stick by him… but…."

Stars of the night? What the hell was she talking about now? Curiosity plagued him, but never got the chance to manifest because Ida closed the discussion book with a slam with her next words.

Her eyes slowly fluttered to a close. "I should've known better…"

He felt her body relaxed, slowly slipping into a drunken coma. Levi felt tension perch onto his shoulders in anticipation for her next set of enigmatic words that he knew would inevitably send his emotions into chaos.

"... we could never eclipse..."

Before Levi could ask what she meant by that, Ida had already fallen asleep.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

By the time Levi arrived back at the estate with an unconscious Ida, the party that his subordinates were holding was in full swing. Levi did not miss the dumbfounded curious looks that they were throwing at him, but thankfully, none of them asked any questions. Not that Levi would answer them, he was a private person, and frankly, whatever that happens in his personal life was none of their damned business.

He was walking down the hallway, carrying a blacked-out Ida in his arms — one arm under her legs and the other supporting her back — when the butler spotted him.

"Sir," Kelson approached him anxiously, analyzing the situation. He reached out courteously. "Please, let me help—"

"Forget it," Levi said as he angled Ida away from him. "Don't bother us, I'll take care of her."

Ignoring the servant, Levi re-adjusted the sleeping Ida in his arms and carried her to her room. Her body felt small in his arms, fragile and delicate. Levi felt as if she could crumble any moment and he certainly didn't want anyone else touching her.

He placed her in the bed gently. Ida sighed as she sank into the soft feather bed, stirring in her sleep. In silence, Levi sat on the edges of the bed, watching her.

How strange it was. Levi had seen Ida sleep countless times in the past, but even now, he still felt a strange fascination in it. He had always wondered why she allowed herself to be so vulnerable around someone like him who could've forsaken her so easily.

He studied her face which was dusted, powdered until the bruise on her cheek had vanished. He frowned, reaching out instinctively to touch her cheek. Heavy regret inundated him.

Each time the regrets reemerged Levi would diligently analyze them again, hoping that this time, his mind would be satisfied with his self-professed remorse, but it never was. Not until he got her back. Not until she forgave him. Until then, like an unforgiving specter, it would be back to haunt him all over again.

She stirred under his touch. Without further warning, Ida's emerald eyes lifted from its alcohol-induced slumber. A melancholic, dewy gaze adorned her otherwise tired expression. "Levi…?"

He froze, wondering if she was sober. A small sad smile spread to her lips.

"Is this a dream...?" she asked sleepily, blinking at him lethargically.

"No, it isn't," he whispered in a deadpan, retracting his hand back.

"Hah…" she sighed. "Hormones are honest… I'm even starting to dream about him too..."

He would've scoffed at how stupid her comment was if not for the situation he was in. Levi was just about to reiterate that this wasn't a dream when Ida pulled on the corner of his shirt.

"Stay…" she implored weakly. "Please, don't leave me… at least wait till I fall asleep..."

He lowered himself and then scooped her up in his arms. While still sitting up, he was careful not to make any vigorous movements to fully wake her up as he gently laid her on his hard chest. Taking advantage of the dream, Ida laid her chin on his chest and gazed up at him. For a long moment, they laid there like that, Levi stroking her hair while Ida gazed up at him with half opened eyes. His fingers gradually slid from her hair to the fading bruise on her cheek.

"I won't leave," he finally whispered. "Go back to sleep, you're tired."

"Promise me..." she murmured distractedly, so sleepy that she couldn't even focus on staying alert for her dream.

"I won't," he promised dryly.

He stared somberly at her for a couple more seconds. After what felt like an eternity, he whispered, "I'm sorry for everything."

"Jerk…" she simply whispered, slowly finding that this dream was about to come to an end. She was about to leave for another dream.

Rather than answering, Levi stroked her cheek, watching knowingly as she drifted further away. He held her tighter as she did, as if he were to let her go, she would disappear again.

Silence enveloped the area again when Ida slipped into another drunken coma, but before Levi could find any serenity of peace, the voices of the past started to engulf him, powered by his regrets.

"I won't let you die."

Even though he left her to die.

"I'll follow you to the depths of hell."

Even though he was the one who abandoned her.

"So please… Levi… choose me…"

Even though he was the one who left her.

"You can't make up your damn mind."

But he did make up his mind now.

"What am I to you?"

Ida was the one he loved.

Why? Why was it even now, Ida still stubbornly refused to see him as he was — an imperfect man who dismantled her heart and left her to die? The imperfect man who could never place her as first priority. Why didn't she hate him? After all he did, her hate would've been justified and expected.

So why…?

Levi didn't know exactly how long the images and dialogues burned in his mind. But it erupted like a chaotic celebration. The numbness had spread all the way to his toes. No matter how hard he attempted to suppress the thoughts, they continued to swirl. Mental images flashed in his head; her smile that seemed like heaven, the fire in her eyes, and the hurt in her tears. Until finally, a recent phrase that she said echoed:

"We could never eclipse."

What the hell did Ida mean by that? Eclipse, Levi repeated in his head, trying to search his memory. He had heard of it before. He inhaled deeply as the mental images clashed together again, materializing into another different memory that played.

He tapped on the wooden door. "Oi."

Hanji stared at him at his appearance by the door, hair mussed and eyes sunken in. "Oh, morning Levi."

He leaned against the door frame and folded his arms over his chest. "You look like shit."

"I've been up all night writing about my findings."

"All night? Really?" Levi scoffed. "Aren't you exhausted?"

Hanji sighed, still scribbling something down on a piece of paper. "No, I'm too busy."

"Well, you just got even busier. Erwin wants us to come by his office for debriefing."

Hanji nodded absentmindedly, but her hand never stopped writing. "Got it, let me finish this last sentence."

"What are you writing?"

"I'm researching about the solar eclipse."

"Eclipse?"

"When the moon and sun meet, something extravagant happens," she explained patiently. "We call that an eclipse."

He raised a brow. "And here I thought your hobbies couldn't get any drearier."

"It's not that," defended Hanji. "It's just a theory, but I wondered if the moonlight Titans that recently appeared at Utgard Castle had something to do with it. I thought I'd be able to understand it if I studied some astrology."

Levi nodded numbly. "Any luck?"

"Related to Titans? No. But it's interesting, nevertheless." Packing away her notes, she stood up. "Let's go, we shouldn't keep Erwin waiting."

A sleep-deprived Hanji stumbled past him, bumping into the door so hard that Levi winced. Sometimes, he envied people like Hanji, who lived their lives with a reckless disregard for self-control. Ever since Levi had joined the Survey Corps, he had lived a life that was deliberate and planned.

"I wonder if we will be getting an eclipse soon," she mumbled, staggering slightly as they walked to Erwin's office.

"And then what? Titans will start falling from the damn sky?" Levi asked sarcastically.

"It's a phenomenon, Levi," Hanji smiled, enjoying his deadpan sense of humor. "Eclipses are rare and total eclipses where the moon covers the entire body of the sun are rarer. You know, many believe that for those few times where a totality occurs, those are the times when time stops. It is the time when God is blinded from the world he created, and fate and destiny can be changed. Romantic, isn't it?"

"That's the stupidest thing to come out of your mouth in a while." Levi grimaced, frowning. "The next time that eclipse or something happens, be sure to pray that some dumbshit eradicates all those damned Titans then."

"If only that would happen." Hanji sighed wistfully. "Still, as a researcher, I can't help but ponder over why people believe in such a thing."

The memory pulled away, like waves in the shoreline. Levi tried to suppress the burn in his chest, tried to put the jagged memories together, but it was futile. His brows clashed as Levi touched her cheek again, marveling at how serene she looked.

No matter how selfish it sounded, Levi knew that he could never let her go. For the sake of his sanity, he couldn't.

It was a scary yet simultaneously consoling thought. But letting fear take control was no fucking way to live, Levi decided internally, mulling over his past actions that left a wave of devastating consequences.

Every human being is said to be born with the ability to make choices.

Levi Ackerman knew that he was born with the ability to analytically assess the given roads in his life and make the best decision he can in terms of where each road will lead. In a realm pertaining to fate and destiny, fate is when life urges one towards certain events in one's life, while destiny is when said events are unavoidable no matter how many detours one attempts to take.

But Levi knew now that there was a third option that has been gifted to humans since the dawn of time: freewill — the ability to make the decision to fight fate and destiny when one feels that they have been left without options.

And so, he would fight.

Till his very last breath, powered by his own free will, he would fight, regardless of whether they were running from predestined fate or living on borrowed time.

He ran his fingers through her hair as his blood thinned with emotional ice.

Because they were the rules' exception and destiny's oversight.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

It was the slight touch of the mid-afternoon rays that woke Ida up from her dreams. Murmuring quietly, she tugged the covers over her head. Gods, why did her head hurt so much? She attempted to drown out the rays and steal a couple more minutes of sleep. But as she tossed and turned, Ida knew that stealing a few more moments of sleep were impossible — especially when she was slowly realizing that she had no inclination of ever getting into bed! Crap!

Dread besieged her. Fuck, she was lying on a bed. Oh god no, please no. Ida desperately hoped she had to be dreaming because the last she remembered, she was in a bar drinking herself to a drunken stupor with Heinrich, she couldn't recall anything else!

Taking several deep breaths, she opened her eyes.

She blew out a large relieving exhale when she saw she was in her room and clothed. But even that consolation wasn't enough. Cautiously, she turned and checked the space next to her on the bed. No one there too.

Thanking the heavens, she sat up, bracing herself for the headache and rolling nausea that always accompanied the morning after such a night of indulgence. Ida held onto her head, groaning.

What on earth happened? How did she get back?

As she tried to search her memory, the pain tampered with her logic and convinced her memory about having a conversation with Levi. But the memory was quickly repressed. It was impossible. Her mind was mired with sludge now from the hangover and she thought how silly it was that she even dreamed about him when she was blackout drunk.

"Gods," she whispered in hilarity, "this is a new level of pathetic even for you, Ida."

When Ida realized she had no recollection of what happened, she cursed herself. What was she thinking, drinking that much? She had the best intentions, but alcohol was an external control that sought to break and bend her promises. Ida typically had a very high tolerance for alcohol. However, when someone downs the drinks as she did, there was no blood that was strong enough to withstand the effects.

Still, Ida was thankful for the situation and found consolation that so far, she was convinced that she hadn't made any bad decisions under the influence that she would regret.

Kicking off the covers, she forced herself to wash up and find her comrades. She was famished and from the sun rays that filtered from the window, it was afternoon already.

By the time she left her rooms, Ida was quick to realize that something was off. The estate was far too quiet. Eren and the rest were usually boisterous, especially after they realized she didn't really care about military decorum while on holiday. Not to mention Hanji Zoe was living in the same estate as well. How strange. Everything was in order and they were well-behaved.

Maybe they went out?

Her suspicion only heightened when she passed by the drawing-room, realizing that everything was proper and impeccably clean. The last she saw it, it was in a chaotic mess. But even then, Ida convinced herself it was the servants.

Feeling strangely unnerved by the quiet atmosphere, Ida was relieved to have spotted another form of life, the first person she saw since she had woken up.

"Kelson," Ida approached the butler who was exiting the dining room. He smiled at her appearance while he closed the door behind him. "Where's everyone?"

"In the dining room having lunch, ma'am," Kelson reported. "Do you require any assistance? Can I bring you anything for your hangover?"

She gave him a small smile. "No thank you, but how did I get back yesterday, did I come back by myself or—"

Ida had her hand on the doorknob, ready to enter the dining room and join her comrades for lunch when the answer to her question arrived in the most frightening way — not from Kelson, but from a distinct low voice filtering through the door.

"Close your damn mouth while you eat, shitty glasses."

It can't be...

"Oh, you can't stop being a grouch can you, Levi?" Hanji complained. "We're on holiday! You're too strict for your own good!"

She backpedaled from the door, horrified. Oh my god, don't tell me… Coldness seeped into her at the realization. It wasn't a dream. Holy shit. Why was he here?! She met with Kelson's gaze and her green eyes seemed so lost, so confused that it actually threw him for a loop, figuratively.

"Ma'am?" Kelson inquired, frowning. "Anything wrong?"

At his prompt, she snapped out of her paralyzed state and grabbed onto Kelson, dragging him down the hallway. Once Ida was certain she was a safe distance away from the dining hall and who she thought was in there, she wasted no time in gathering some much-needed information.

"Who is that?"

"Captain Ackerman, ma'am," Kelson verified her suspicions, becoming greatly concerned with how pale she looked. "From my knowledge, you've placed him in charge of maintaining the Starke estates. He even had the papers to back him up. Your guests also vouched for his identity. He arrived here yesterday with you—"

"Kelson," she cut in, her mind whirling in disbelief. That confirmation was all she needed to know, anything else did not matter. "Discreetly prepare my horse for me now, and not a word of this to my comrades."

Confusion ricocheted off the butler. "Ma'am?"

But she offered him no explanation.

"Immediately, Kelson!" she instructed again with underlying steel, already bolting back to her room. "I need to leave this instance!"

All of her senses picked up, on high alert, as Ida quickly took a bag and packed only the bare necessities. Within minutes, she was out of her room. She ignored the servants who bowed at her appearance when she entered the kitchen and ran out of the back door of the estate.

A million thoughts raced through her mind scale when she reached the stables. The unbearable influx of questions was deadly. Levi Ackerman was here, in the estate. Why did he come here? What did he want with her? What did they talk about last night?

It did not take a genius to vaguely sum up what happened last night and how she got back to the estate. Her dream wasn't a dream after all.

Flustered, her mind was completely one-way, and she knew only one thing. As Ida mounted her white horse that Kelson handed to her, she could only grit her teeth as the confirmation washed over her again.

Levi was here.

Which meant that she couldn't be here too.

The thundering of hooves split the numbness of her mind as her stallion galloped onto the paved road and through the estate's gates.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

For once, Ida was glad that the Starkes owned so much land and that she had inherited them all. There were plenty of estates she could escape to — and escape like a coward she did, further and further away from the source of her constant worries. Admittedly, Ida wasn't ready to face Levi yet, not until she was certain that she was completely over him.

The last thing she wanted was to go back to square one again.

As Ida sat in the enveloping darkness of the cabin she was in, she found herself completely and utterly consumed with thoughts of what occurred the night before. Her paranoid mind raced, but she was met with a large question mark — she could still remember some vague images, but not everything.

Why did Levi come to the estate? What did they talk about? How could she forget about it all?

Her fingers curled together. Ida had thought she had done a great job escaping to this isolated farmland and keeping her emotions in check, but now, alone and with her heavy heart as her guide, she knew that she could no longer ignore it.

There could only be one reason why he came.

The impending flood of wretchedness thrashed against the walls she had built. But would it be so wrong to kneel in front of that dam and block out the flood of truth for just a bit longer?

Would it be so wrong to lie to herself that Levi didn't follow her because he needed her too?

Her chin wobbled. She wanted to feel happy about it, she wanted to hope that he came looking for her because he loved her, and she wanted to accept his love. But it was wrong. It was so, so wrong. Levi shouldn't be chasing after her. He was the rational one between them. It was better for them to distance themselves, for both of their sakes, for their duties, and for humanity.

Because the undeniable truth was, Ida ran away because she knew she couldn't say 'no' to him. She ran away from her selfish desires because she knew it was wrong now. The unshed tears of desperation in her eyes said it all: if there should ever come a time where Levi had to choose between humanity or her, then Ida didn't know how she would be able to live with herself.

What if… he made a mishap on the battlefield, choosing her over what was best for humanity? What if… Levi was ordered to die, would such a selfish person like herself let him, even if it was for the greater good? What if… she was ordered to die, would he sacrifice his life to protect her instead?

There were so many 'what ifs', Ida suffocated in the dark.

Someone once told her that denial was a human being's best friend and she couldn't have embraced that fact more now, when she was at her lowest point in life. Ida was too agonized to care if she was being foolish — she had to protect him, she had to protect humanity, she couldn't be so spoiled and selfish anymore.

Love didn't matter to people like them. They were soldiers and duty was the death of love.

So, there she continued to fight, kneeling as she pressed her hands against the dam that kept away the wretched waters. The water fought to break through. She could hear it. She could hear it calling out to her. It wanted to drown her, to swallow her whole. But she wouldn't let it — not if she could be in denial for a little bit longer, not if she could hold out and save both of them from the pain for a little bit longer.

She would be fine alone; she didn't need him.

Finally closing her tear-filled eyes, she decided to seal this prerogative by listening to the rain that pounded on the cabin. There was an anxiety to the rain and the sound was enough to calm her, drowning out every other noise. She stared at the fireplace blankly, watching the orange flames lick the air, crackling in rhythmic patterns with the rain.

As Ida tried to internally grasp for some internal tranquility, she vehemently decided that by the end of this break, she would have to get over him. There was no other way. She couldn't keep avoiding him. She was going to work with Levi, whether she liked it or not, and they were adults capable of putting their past behind them.

Her sullen thoughts were interrupted when a loud urgent banging came at the cabin front's door. Worry plagued her. It was late at night and it was raining. The cabin she was in was situated in part of the farmland she owned near Mitras, and the only person living here was a kind old lady who went by the name of Iris who maintained the farmland.

Getting off the couch, Ida made her way to the door and opened it. "Iris? What's wrong—"

The remaining words died at the back of her throat.

Because it wasn't Iris.

Instead, Levi Ackerman stood at the door, completely drenched from the rain.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The rain fell in a thunderous pattern as if it knew of the hardships both behind and ahead. Each droplet alighted on his skin with just enough coolness to command his mind to the present, to pull him away from the pain of the past and the uncertainty of what was to come.

Any hesitation and qualms were masked from his expression as his hood fell to his shoulders. Levi was drenched, but he merely blinked the water out of his gray eyes as he looked at Ida and nowhere else. The relief that washed over him steadied his breathing; he had finally found her.

The look on Ida's face was hard to describe. There was shock, certainly, but something else hidden among it; hesitation, disbelief, immense pain, but more than anything, a dreadful fear and longing. Her frozen body language spoke for itself; she had never expected him to find her.

Levi was the first to break the intense silence. "Why did you leave?"

She took a moment to gaze at him silently. Whether she was staring at her guardedly or staring at him with disbelief, Levi wasn't sure. Her face was now an assortment of composure and caution. "How did you—"

"You gave me full control of your assets," the words tumbled out of his mouth harsher than Levi would've liked, holding an obvious touch of annoyance and anger. "It wasn't that hard to discern where you would go."

Levi had wanted to point out that her white horse was parked at the stables as well, but he figured it would be adding too much salt into her wound. Ida's visage contorted at her oversight as understanding washed over her; it was apparent that she had forgotten that he was just familiar with her estates as she was.

Ida shut her eyes in anger and disbelief. It was reminiscent of the calm before the storm. "Please leave," she said frostily, attempting to shut the door, but Levi already had an arm out to block it.

"Fucking hell, Ida—"

"Leave!" Ida said loudly, drowning out his sentence.

"No," Levi growled with determination, his demeanor losing all composure. He already looked livid. "I won't."

Ida merely bequeathed him a bitter glare before looking away, her resentment still very much intact.

"I won't leave," he reiterated fiercely again, clearer this time. "We need to fucking talk."

An air of anticipatory stillness hung over them as Ida's breathing grew heavier, finally realizing he was dead set on standing in the rain till she relented. He knew what she was thinking; she was deciding on whether to fight him — with violence if necessary — or be cordial with him, not wanting to further worsen their bad relations. With all said and done, she still required to work with him, and he was still her superior.

Just as Levi thought Ida was prepared to combat with a retort, her jawline tightened. Her eyes spoke her thoughts; there was no point in prolonging the inevitable, she wanted to get rid of him as quickly as possible. Whatever happened after that, she would let fate take the reins.

"Fine," she stepped aside. "Get in and dry yourself."

When he stepped into the cabin and the door closed, the intensity of the silence surrounding them elevated to the extremes. His discerning eyes were still gazing into her — inspecting her. Her ruby red hair shone from the light of the fireplace and she was wearing a simple dress, not her uniform that he was accustomed to seeing her in. Levi thought of how serene she looked, how beautiful and positively alive. The sparks of the burning wood hummed in his ears, calming like his steady heartbeat. He was never more certain of what he wanted.

Another stretch of terrible silence ensued and then, Ida shifted, taking quick strides deeper into the room. "You should dry yourself off before you get a cold, I'll go to the main farmhouse, just stay here till the storm dies down—"

He grabbed her arm as she walked past him. A soft shock-filled gasp escaped her. Levi would not let her leave her again. Not like this. He needed her, just as much as he knew that she needed him. With apprehension, her eyes met his, heavy with wariness.

"Stay," his voice was raspy, almost haunting like.

One word. Just one word was all that he needed to say, and though she looked taken aback, Levi knew that Ida would know what he was asking. It was just one word, but it carried the weight of the world along with it and the heaviest of implications; stay with me, don't leave me, and never again do.

Even if it was an unkeepable promise, stay with me.

Even if we were to die tomorrow, stay with me.

Even if we have to fight destiny and fate, stay with me.

Slowly, she pushed at his chest, desperate to distract the wayward thoughts. "You know I shouldn't—"

"I need you." Levi's declaration drowned her soft protest.

He felt every of her muscle tense, going rigid, but she never broke eye contact. Levi's cool gray eyes searched hers for an answer; some sort of inclination that she still loved him, but all he saw was shock and fear that completely paralyzed her.

What was she so frightened of? Levi wondered wryly. Of him? Of them? By the fact that this was so wrong, and yet so right at the same time?

Or maybe... because she had never expected him to say that? To admit openly that he needed her, as irrationally, obstinately, and fervently as she once needed him?

"We can't…" Ida's voice was strained as she fought tooth and nail to maintain her composure. She looked away. Her voice dipped into a whisper and he barely caught her words. "Levi, we can't… you know why we can't..."

He bridged the gap between them, one hand slinking under her chin. He tilted her face to look at him. Silence reigned, with both never looking away. Levi desperately needed her to believe him — this wasn't a game anymore, he had made his choice, and his mind was resounding clear. He was making this choice out of his own free will without any fear.

She was the only lifeline he had left, and her demise would be his too.

And Levi knew that she understood everything that was going on in his head because, at times like this, words were worthless in their maddening relationship.

One by one, the tears collected up in her green eyes, crystal and clear. Tears of relief. And yet all Levi could see was the remains of his own foolishness. He cursed his past foolish self. He had hurt her. Ida didn't deserve the psychological pain he was putting her through. But life was merciless, ironic, and void of rhyme and reason. The unfortunate sadness shot his heart and dismantled his throat. Dry tears didn't cover the overwhelming guilt.

"Stay," Levi murmured hoarsely again. His grip on her tightened, and even though he knew it was selfish, even if he knew it was wrong, he couldn't lose her again. "It'll be worth it."

Ida's eyes enlarged at the words she once promised him when she begged him to stay. He heard her breathe in shallowly and her body shook with a tremendous effort to stay standing.

"Liar." The word shook with such intense hatred that Levi could not help but grimace. "It won't be worth it — it won't — I know that now. We are soldiers, in the middle of a war, and we can't afford to—"

Levi held her firmly. "It will."

She let out a cry of desperation, pushing against him, refusing to be held, but he refused to let her go. "Why are you doing this…?" she cried, hitting his chest. "I was prepared to let you go, you can't do this, you can't, because our ending will be in a tragedy and you're needed—"

He wrapped his arms around her tightly, stopping her. "Ida," he said firmly, and she stopped moving, completely frozen. "I know, I know already."

Upon hearing this, her sobs renewed in strength and her hand clutched on his wet cloak. Ida looked up at him fiercely, almost in desperation. Truthfully, Levi knew that she didn't need to ask, Ida already knew why he was doing this — why he came here to ask her to stay.

They were not forbidden to love. They were simply just damned if they do and damned if they don't.

But if they were going to be damned both ways, then what was stopping them from taking the plunge?

As much as the both of them didn't want to admit it, even if they knew they were taking a one-way route to hell, they both needed each other as much as they needed the air itself.

For the suspended moment in time, as she looked at him, Levi knew he represented everything in the world that ranged from vile to insidious to truth. But love, after all said and done, is selfish and selfless.

"Ida," he whispered. "I made my choice."

Tentatively, he reached out and wiped her tears. Now, you have to make yours. Ida's eyes softened as she realized the full extent of his breaking point. Upon seeing this, Levi wondered what sort of expression he was portraying now; how vulnerable he must have looked before her. This feeling was strange and foreign, and it left him feeling pathetically weak, but he didn't mind it.

Because in front of her, he was different.

Because in front of her, he was just a selfish man who wanted to live for himself and not the selfless hero everyone made him out to be.

Because as she stared at him now, Levi wanted to fall, to drown in her. She was his life worth in all.

The memories flooded his membrane as he stared at her. Memories of their time together. Her face–her eyes, her nose, her lips. Her hands–her touch, her caress, her hold. Her words–sweet, convincing, maddening. Her love for him–unconditional, unfounded, and completely undeserved.

Levi continued to relive the moment when Ida confessed to him on the Wall, continued to relive the moment they shared their first kiss, continued to relive those moments where she was still beside him, even though she was in front of him now.

His arms slid around her waist as he pulled her into his chest. "No matter what happens," he whispered in a deadpan. "I don't give a shit what this damned world throws at us."

"W — Why are you telling me this?" Ida's clutch on his wet cloak grew tighter, but she made no moves to escape his embrace. "T — This isn't right. What about humanity? What about the people we must protect? The anguished fallen we have to avenge? It's our duty…"

His voice came out in a whisper and his face softened a fraction. "I can't do it without you."

Ida didn't need a heartfelt confession. That wasn't them. But by the way his abrasive fingers remained still, he knew she understood his silent admittance. She pulled away to stare at him. His overwhelming presence blackmailed her composure and his intense gaze threatened to break down every bit of sanity she had left.

"I hate you," she said, sobbing. "I really hate you, you damned bastard — why now, after everything you did—"

Levi kissed her and Ida gasped, freezing, as his mouth grazed her bottom lip. Their hot breaths mixed together, sharing the invisible centerfold. He closed his eyes. Levi could feel her warm tears on his cheek and he only embraced her tighter, not caring if he was completely drenched. One kiss, one passionate kiss, was all it would take to satisfy his desire. He wanted her ever since she came back, and now, he was never surer that he needed her by his side.

He had made his choice. A selfish choice. But it was one that he made with only himself in mind in a long, long time. He wanted her back. He wanted his 'middle' back. Though it was irrational, he wanted her and every unkeepable promise that she brought along with her back.

And he prayed to every single damned God in the world that Ida wanted him back too.

He pulled away and Ida stared at him. It was an intense, never-ending gaze that challenged his dark spirit. Levi felt a surge of attraction. Ida embodied everything that he wasn't; she was the light to his darkness, the reason to his mayhem, and the moral compass to his wicked paths.

How does someone so inherently good get caught up in this fucked up world? Levi thought wryly as he studied her face and her tears, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

He heard her gasp a long shuddering breath. "Can I really be this selfish? Can I—"

He cupped her cheek and leaned in again, planting his lips on hers. This was his answer. Levi didn't want to hear her talk, he didn't want to hear about humanity, about the duty that chained them, nor about the fucking demons that haunt them. All he wanted at that moment was her. Only her. He wanted to be just a man. Not the emotionless human weapon ever saw him as. He wanted to lose himself. He wanted so fucking badly to just lose himself in her. Levi was so damned tired of lying to himself, he was an undeniably pathetic man who loved someone he shouldn't.

He had fallen from his pedestal, but he didn't care. Levi was too tired to fucking care.

Humanity's strongest? Control? Who was he kidding? For a long time down their arduous road, Levi knew he was never just the strongest soldier in Ida's eyes. He was so much more than that, and Levi wanted to be more than that.

Because deep down, he was just like any other selfish human being who wanted to live for himself. He was weary. He was sick of playing the perfect Captain. He was tired of putting the needs of others before his. And so, he kissed her fervently, relentlessly, and aggressively. Levi kissed her until she kissed him back, until she lost herself in the passion, adoration, and irony she reserved only for him.

Ida's eyes flickered to a close as a soft whimper escaped her. The folds of his mouth pressed against hers as they fell into a rhythm and stole her breath away. Soon, their lips formed a heated taste that was unique to the spontaneous kiss.

He felt her hands garlanding around his neck and she gripped his wet hair, deepening the kiss. A guttural groan escaped him as the rhythm picked up. More. He wanted more of her. To taste her. To feel her. To be one with her.

Levi stopped the kiss to steady themselves, and his forehead rested on hers. In-between quick pants, he saw that Ida's eyes were hazy. She seemed to have understood what he was waiting for.

"I want this," she murmured, her eyes rising to meet his. "I don't care what happens, I want you."

His hands slid down until he was gripping her hips and he pulled her closer. Hovering over her lips, his mouth curled into a smirk and his gray eyes sparked into something positively predatory. In a split second, his mouth was on hers, heated and unyielding, and thoroughly focused on ways to make her moan.

From the way Ida was cursing softly, he knew he was setting her nerves on fire. His mouth planted wet, eager kisses down her neck while his hands blazed a trail across her back as he started hurriedly undoing the laces of her dress. Ida lifted her arms, whimpering at the sudden, temporary loss of his lips when he pulled the cloth over her head and shoulders.

Her hands entangled back in his wet hair, her mouth slanting hungrily against his, as the dress landed on the floor. Urgently, her hands travelled to his wet cloak, but once Ida realized she was taking too long to get him undressed, she hissed in annoyance and opted to rip it instead.

Their lips clashed together again, desperate and hungrily. Ida tasted dangerously addictive and Levi felt a pull at the center of his stomach, a magnetic tension that called for release. She was almost as hot as he was.

"Levi," her voice ragged and in between fast kisses. Another pleasurable sigh escaped her. "Don't stop."

Ida didn't need to ask. Levi had no intention of stopping, not when she was this tempting, not when she was driving him mad with a need to possess her, not when she was his.

Levi pressed himself against her, growling into her mouth and her bareback felt cold against the wall. Ida responded in fervor to his touches, writhing in such a way, it made him grit his teeth. He gripped her hair and tilted her head upwards for easier access as open-mouth kisses traveled down her cheek, to her neck, and right to her collarbone.

A moan escaped her, and Ida hooked a leg around his thigh just as his hip pressed into her more firmly.

He murmured a breathy curse that sounded like a hiss when another soft cry left her lips. The primal part of him that he had kept suppressed for so long coming alive. Fuck. She was so maddening, absolute chaos, and beautiful mayhem all at once.

It was almost unbearable now, but he could wait. He was still in control. Levi wanted to prolong this moment for as long as he could, to make Ida feel the most terrible pleasure and longing — in the exact damned way she had knowingly made him yearn so agonizingly for her.

Ida seemed to have read his intentions and her impatience was only growing. A breathy hiss escaped her and having enough with just touching and tasting his lips, her hands angrily went towards his wet shirt and she removed it with haste, not caring if some buttons were ripped out for their stitches.

Levi gripped the back of her legs and lifted her until he was nestled firmly between her thighs. Ida's fingernails gripped on his back, clawing into it when he buried himself into her neck, leaving wet kisses and teasing her for what's to come.

Shit, he wanted to curse out loud when he heard Ida's soft begging whimpers. A frustrated groan that sounded almost animalistic escaped him. Levi had wanted to make her yearn for him more, but his hunger was insatiable.

How long had he wanted to hold her like this? At that heated moment, Levi never felt more alive. It was the type of adrenaline unlike any other he had experienced on the battlefield. Her touch revitalized his dark soul and her scent was intoxicating beyond measure. Levi could feel himself losing control, could feel the walls crumbling around his heart, but he decided he didn't care anymore. He wanted this. Fuck. He just wanted to let himself slip.

He wanted her to make him whole again.

"Levi," Ida gasped in between pants, having enough with the wait as well. "The bed."

Against her jaw, he grunted in what Ida could only assume was approval, since his hands quickly found their way beneath her thighs. He carried her to the room, and to the bed, dropping them onto the mattress. Levi knelt between her legs as Ida traced a hand down his neck and to his chest, aroused by the way his muscles flexed underneath his touch.

He knew what she wanted, but before he could react, Ida, having had enough of just touching and tasting his upper body, grabbed for his pants. Levi jerked. Shit. This wasn't good, his mind was completely one-way.

Ida smiled seductively, leaning up to taste the exposed skin of his chest as her hands unbuckled his pants. With a defeated groan, Levi pushed her back to the bed. She giggled as a new layer of blush waltzed on her cheek and he felt her wrapping her legs around him when his lips met hers again.

Her back arched in response when his kisses migrated down her chest, and he took his opportunity. His calloused hands trailed down her back, causing her to shiver at his touch, and he unhooked her bra and tossed it aside.

The touch of her naked skin revitalized his senses as his hands trailed down her body right down to her thighs, lurking there and holding a promise of what's to come. A strange sensation overcame him as his desire to possess her heightened to the extremes. Levi took a brief moment to just stare at her, and his eyes glinted in knowing and predatory primal instinct when he saw Ida's expression; green eyes hazy with lust, face flushed, and her full lips parted as ragged breaths escaped her.

Fuck. Ida was madness in every shape of form, a beautiful chaos that enraptured his soul, far beyond external validation.

It was as if a ferocious flame was trapped within her, and as Levi hovered over her body, it was laid out bare right in front of him, conquering his body as they both burned together.

His groans started as curses, then devolved into incoherent noises as her toes curled into his calves. Levi buried his face hungrily on her neck just as another curse escaped him. Ida's cries were starting to blur together, curses and begging, releasing him from his chains and making him whole again. His fingers were curled on her wrist, pinning her on the bed. Shit. He couldn't wait any longer. How stupid was it for him to think he could live without her.

As long she was beside him, nothing else mattered, he wouldn't her die—

Die?

His stomach dropped and the room began to tilt.

Levi pulled away from her and stared at Ida's face; beautiful, red-faced, and completely vulnerable and naked underneath him. He could feel her toes on his calf, could hear her whimpers over why he had suddenly stopped. But within just a blink, all Levi could see was blood. Blood that cloaked her fragile body, her green eyes hollow and dead, her cumbersome breaths that begged him to leave her to die on the cold floor of the Reiss chapel. He tried to dispel those images, but another gruesome set assaulted him; Isabel's severed head, the burning flames of the funeral pyre, a Titan crushing Farlan's head between its jaws, the cold corpses of their squad…

The world heaved and he instinctively pulled away further, gasping for air.

Ida's eyes snapped open. "Levi?"

What the hell is this? Levi demanded of himself, feeling as if he were outside his body, watching the scene play out. He gritted his teeth as he held his head, his vision suddenly blurring. Darkness began to tighten around him like a noose. No, he had made his choice, he should get a fucking grip on himself.

Levi wasn't even aware of anything until a soft caress grazed the sides of his cheeks. "Don't go. I won't run away."

All at once, the tension left him, and his vision cleared. Levi stared at her; his only salvation. Ida smiled beautifully and understanding slipped through her. "You don't have to let it hold you... Your memories… it isn't our destiny."

Her words sank into him, and slowly, his eyes expanded. Ida had pushed herself up with her elbows, her hand still on his cheek, delicate and warm. The world seemed to have paused and though Ida didn't say anything, Levi could read her eyes: don't let the darkness take you. Choose me. I can free you from all the anger you hold.

"Ida…" Levi murmured distractedly, lost in her eyes that held the promise.

With exaggerated slowness, Ida leaned forward and captured his lips again. He felt his body froze, before he slowly relaxed and melded into her with an animalistic groan. It was stunningly intimate. Ida was giving Levi more than her physical prowess. She was giving him a glimpse into her soul. A kiss never meant much to someone like him. Yet, Ida was redefining the innocent and underrated expression.

She wouldn't leave.

And he wouldn't allow her to leave.

He knew that Ida understood his fears because, for so long, they had mirrored her own. They were so different yet so similar in that sense. For a long time, Levi thought taking this next step would break them, but now... now he knew they would crumble without it. He needed her and he wasn't willing to give her up because he was scared about taking a fucking risk. There was still the tiniest prickle of fear, a trepidation for what tomorrow might bring, but Levi had faith now. Faith in her and faith in himself, more importantly, faith in them.

They would survive this.

Destiny? He would remake it for her. Whatever world she wanted; Levi was determined to carve it out through blood. Even if he had to walk through hell, even if he had to abandon anyone else on the way, even if his soul was beyond broken and his hands stained red...

Whatever fate held for them.

Whatever road destiny paved for them.

Whatever the fucking cruel world throws at them.

They were the strongest, and they could never fall.

A breathy hiss that sounded like a curse escaped him the moment a soft whimper left her lips, and their mouths parted momentarily as their eyes — both heavy-lidded with lust — connected. Ida smiled when he pushed her down to the bed, their lips meeting hungrily again, her fingers entangled in his hair as his hands roamed down her body.

And in that frozen moment as they shared the night and became one, the bloody war stopped, the time halted, and with bated breaths, the cruel world had turned to stare at the sky, in awe of their eclipse.

A/N: Levida is official! I crawled through the desert to get them to this point, it's like a huge boulder has been lifted off my shoulders! Frankly, the slow burn & angst was killing me. While I was writing the previous few chapters I kept mumbling to myself 'why do I do this to myself… why…'

Sorry that it's not a full-blown M-scene! But I can't write bring myself to write that, and I personally wanted to focus more on the emotions/thoughts/intimacy of the characters rather than the act. I also refrained from using any uh… 'explicit' words/descriptions.

I've gotten so many requests for another M-scene since Final Solace was released, but writing those scenes was NEVER my strong suit… and I have little to no experience in writing it (I break out in a furious flush), so some feedback would be really great if you have the time! I'm still learning!

Also, I had plans of dedicating the next chapter to LevixIda fluff, no plot movement, but relationship development, would you guys be alright with that?

Stay safe & thanks for reading, till the next chapter! Updates on status for the next chapter are on my profile. Please review if you have time! It motivates me greatly!

Thank you to all who reviewed and fav/followed!

Guest review replies:

Beasie: Thank you so much, you're too kind! Ah, I'm so glad you don't hate Seth, I actually like him because of how gray he is and the different perspective he brings in comparison to the Survey Corps. As for Erwin & Ida relationship, it'll be explored in more detail in upcoming chapters before RTS!

Sophiel: Thank you for being so kind, thankfully I was amped up to just get them together, so this chapter isn't late! Gods, they were so frustrating to write, but I wanted to keep Levi in character so… I had to go through that. I don't deserve your compliments!

Anon39: Thank you for your kind review! I'm glad you can see how the chapters are connected! As for your question, I pre-plan almost everything in anticipation of future chapters. I'm surprised you can remember the cravat was purchased twenty chapters back omg. The same can be said for the plot, so I hope that even though there's no intense plot movement now, my readers can be patient with me and not drop it out of boredom… I fret a lot about pacing. But things will always come to a full circle! Right now, I'm just foreshadowing and adding snippets here and there for the plot and doing some r/s development. RTS would be intense, so this is just the calm before the storm. ;-;

Kaatlyn: Thank you, I don't deserve your compliments! I'm looking forward RTS too, about three more chapters before we get there! Truthfully, it's hard to develop a relationship while moving the plot forward, too many things to juggle, so I hope you can be patient with me!

Guest: Thank you for your kind review! Don't dread RTS! Haha, I want them to be happy too, but the AOT world is just so cruel. Yep, there will be fluff before the angst hits again, sort of a breather?

LEVIDAAAAAAAAAAA: Thanks for your nice review! I don't deserve the praise honestly, but I'm so glad you liked it!

No account: Thank you for your review! I could cry, you're too kind!

Wuchen: Thanks for your review! Ah, don't strangle yourself, haha! I hope this chapter satisfies you because YES, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER. **relieved exhales**

Guest: Thanks for your review! As for tips for writing… just continue to write and keep writing! My writing was so bad years ago, but as you write more, you'll develop your own distinct style. I'm surprised you could tell that my style has changed from my previous chapters!

GIVE ME FLUFF: Thank you for being so kind with your review, I'm so happy to hear you liked Levi and Ida and that they are perfect for each other ;-;

Dumbasian: Thanks for your kind review! Happy that you liked it!

Runaway: Don't cry *hands tissues*, oh I'm glad you liked the slow burn, I wanted them to fall in love quicker tbh, but urgh… I don't think Levi is someone who would do that. According to Isayama's interview, Levi is a 'slave to his own power', and that he found his purpose in being a 'hero'. So, with that thought, it had to a slow burn ;-;

Simitriah: I'm surprised you find my writing style unique. No, I've never thought of writing my own poetry or prose book, I just write fanfics for the kicks of it because I love this fandom! I'm glad you love Ida, as for when they go retake Wall Maria… yes, Ivy would be there.

Danioneko: Thank you for your kind review, ahhh! I'm glad you find my OCs complex and evolving and that all canon characters are not OOC ;-;