Delete Button

A/N: Okay, erm...this kinda forced me out of my comfort zone...but I needed to write this, so I'm sorry if I offended any of my readers! I didn't actually say what was going on, but I'm pretty sure everyone understood...I'm rating this T, even though I considered M. I don't think the adult themes are strong enough. Anyway, I hope you all like and are not offended...

Hiccup had not expected this.

With his father away on a business trip, leaving him and his older brother alone in the house, Hiccup had been prepared for a quiet sort of weekend.

Most teenage boys would take absentee parents to mean that they could throw a party if they darn well pleased, but parties just weren't his brother's style, and neither boy had many people to invite, anyway.

Fishlegs would, of course, be there if Hiccup was allowed to add people to the guest list, and for Jack, pretty much the only person who would show was Merida. The pretty, fiery girl was a foreign exchange student from Scotland, and though she and Jack had started out pretty badly at first – meaning he had one day made the mistake of calling her 'Carrot Top' thanks to her bright orange frizz – they had actually wound up friends. Surprisingly, the girl was also pretty nice to Hiccup, too. Even when she wanted a private conversation with Jack, she never shooed the younger boy away, or tried to find ways to make him get lost; she was as nice to him as she was to his older brother.

But right then, she definitely wanted privacy with Jack.

Mostly, Hiccup wished he had never seen the spider. He and Jack argued sometimes, and they got along really well sometimes, and they just ignored each other sometimes, but they had a firm rule in the household, and that was that Jack or their father dealt with the spiders. Hiccup just didn't want to go anywhere near those things. So, when he spotted the eight-legged arachnid scuttling along their kitchen floor, naturally, he decided maybe a trip upstairs would do him some good. He would come back with his brother as a reinforcement, he decided.

Jack rarely ever made a desire for privacy known, and he rarely ever cared. He never locked his doors, and he never made Hiccup knock. So Hiccup barged in the way he normally did, not even commenting on the Katy Perry song that flooded his ears from the radio in the corner. The sight that met his eyes was too horrible for him to tease.

His older brother was kissing Merida. And…and…his hoodie was off. It lay discarded in a blue heap on the floor, and Hiccup realized that Merida's dark blue skirt was about to follow. Jack had one hand beneath the slick fabric, resting on her upper thigh.

Hiccup stood there a moment, completely unable to move, speak, or even breathe. He could feel a flush crawling up his cheeks as he stood there, unable to believe that they hadn't noticed him yet.

And then Merida tugged on the waistband of Jack's jeans, beginning to pull them down, and Hiccup found his voice.

"OH, GOD, NO!" And with that, he yanked open the door again and disappeared from the room as fast as he could.

He heard a gasp from the other room as he flung his own bedroom door and began to pound his forehead against the wall, wishing to God that the mind had a delete button.