Everything Wrong with Warriors:

Chapter 5

Hey guys!

I'm sorry about the wait, I'm currently on vacation. The past four days I've been cramming in youtube and video games. I'm going camping in Yellowstone National Park and other various camp grounds for the next 11 out of 16 nights. The wifi that I can get from my phone is enough to use the internet but really isn't enough for youtube or video games. So, yeah. Sorry.

So about Mistyfoot's family. I'm perfectly aware that a gray tabby could have a black furred kitten without a black colored cat anywhere in the lineage. But, based on the Erins other cat genetics, someone in the lineage would have to have black fur. They don't exactly know these things. And I've always pictured Bluestar, Mistyfoot and Stonefur as more of a Burmese cat, with actual blue-gray fur.

Anyway, onto the chapter.

Disclaimer: I own nothing here.

"Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Everything Wrong with Warriors! I'm your host, Bluestar, and I would like to welcome my new co-star, Yellowfang!" Bluestar gestured over to Yellowfang, who had been sitting in the guest chair eating a mouse.

"Mmmphff mgh," Yellowfang waved.

"For StarClan's sake, spit out the mouse!" Bluestar rolled her eyes.

Yellowfang spit the mouse on the ground and then smirked at Bluestar.

"Happy now?" Yellowfang asked snootily.

"That was not what I meant," Bluestar glared.

"Anyway, welcome! I'm going to let Yellowfang talk about this first case, so take it away, Yellowfang!" Bluestar exclaimed.

"Fine. Some cats in the series have very questionable names. For one, Dustpelt's father was named Fuzzypelt. Also, Furzepelt from the later series. Newtspeck, Hollowbelly, Loudbelly, and Heavystep all have weird names. We don't really know why the Erins thought these names were good ideas, but we are asking them to never do it again. You don't know how many times I hear these cats complaining because their names are ridiculous," Yellowfang droned.

"Show some emotion, would ya?" Bluestar nudged Yellowfang.

"I don't DO emotion," Yellowfang said with a completely straight face.

"Well then," Bluestar scowled.

"Next we have the issue of the ThunderClan leaders. Most ThunderClan leaders were the previous leader's apprentice. Bluestar was Sunstar's apprentice. Firestar was Bluestar's apprentice. Bramblestar was Firestar's apprentice. If this pattern is going to keep happening, I truly feel sorry for ThunderClan. Imagine Berrystar, the stumpy-tailed leader of ThunderClan," Bluestar shook her head while Yellowfang chuckled.

"What?" Bluestar sniffed.

"Berrystumpytailstar," Yellowfang laughed. Bluestar stared for a moment, then burst out laughing too.

"Alright, how gave them catnip?" Leopardstar yelled from backstage.

There was more laughter from behind the cameras, and Mousefur and Longtail looked at the screen.

"We'll be right back. Enjoy this picture of Tigerstar in a skirt," Mousefur said, and the picture came up.

A minute later, Yellowfang and Bluestar were back on screen, with barely concealed laughter on their faces.

"Next is an issue with the drought in the Fourth Apprentice. In the book, the Moonpool wasn't dried up. According to the other books, the stream that is the border between ThunderClan and WindClan is fed by the Moonpool. But, the stream was dried up during the drought, which makes absolutely no sense. If the Moonpool had water, the stream had water. Basic logic," Bluestar said.

"Now, we're going to do what we call a Counseling Session. Many warrior cat couples are messed up, and we're going to talk about them," Yellowfang said.

"First is Feathertail and Crowfeather. Personally, I just have a problem in general with both of these cats, but that's not the point. They were a terrible couple. Feathertail was nice all of the time and Crowfeather was so mean to everyone. Not to mention the fact that they barely knew each other yet Feathertail was convinced that she died for Crowfeather and Crowfeather only. Crowfeather basically made Feathertail forget about Stormfur, which is not okay," Yellowfang finished.

"We're also going to discuss the bad fan ships. If you like one of these, I'm sorry, but you need a new favorite couple. One of these are Briarlight and Jayfeather. This couple is actually pretty realistic, except for Half-Moon getting in the way. Apparently, another is Ashfur and Scourge. What the heck… Yup, I read it right. Dear StarClan, that's horrible. I'm really not sure why this one is a thing. Whitewing and Hawkfrost. No, just no. Whitewing knows so much better than that. And we have another one with Hawkfrost. Oh, look at that. Leafpool and Hawkfrost. Blech. No. Squirrelflight and Hawkfrost? Come on, really?" Yellowfang sighed.

"We have 6 more. The next is Hollyleaf and… Sol? Ewwwwww… Okay, I'm getting a feeling that people are just running out of ships and came up with this. Now we have Hollyleaf (again?!) and Breezepelt? They're half siblings, for StarClan's sake! That one gets and absolutely not! Hollyleaf and Ashfur? Yeah, that'd never happen. He tried to kill her, she did kill him. Lionblaze and Icecloud? Well, it's not the most ridiculous thing ever, and frankly it's less weird than Lionblaze and Cinderheart… Lionblaze and Breezepelt?! You've got to be kidding me! Again, they're half siblings! Jayfeather and Breezepelt? Ahhhh!" Bluestar quickly looked away. Yellowfang was staring at the wall.

"Lastly, I would like to discuss the 'You saved me! I'll be your mate' deal. This doesn't happen too often, but when it does, I want to throw by book at the dumb mates," Yellowfang said.

"To end off the episode, we'll do a typo. Sometime, the fresh-kill pile was called the fresh-kill pie!"

"This has been Everything Wrong with Warriors!" Yellowfang said.

"See you next time!"

Sorry about the shorter chapter again. I just wrote everything I wanted to, so I ended it.

On the bright side, I included Yellowfang! She's my second favorite Warriors character, so I just had to. Who's my favorite? Hollyleaf. So don't call her evil.

Thanks for reading! Please put suggestions, opinions and questions in the reviews! I'll try to address them all in the next chapter.

-XxShadowcat222xX-