A/N: Back again! Hope 2019 is treating you well!

Thank you for all the reviews. I'm super pumped you're still enjoying the story!

An important note: In this chapter, I reference an episode in the series "Haunted." I soon realized that it would be a problem (whoops) because this story takes place before Terra is introduced, and I assumed Robin got ahold of Slade's mask sometime during or after the whole Terra thing. But it's been awhile since I've seen the series & I wasn't quite sure (sighhhh), so I changed it a bit to be safe. So it still happened, just in a different way. Hope it all makes sense & hope ya don't mind the change.

Unimportant note: Haunted was such a good episode ugh

With that, enjoy!

Chapter 40

Lights

The bo staff collided against nothing as Robin worked through his training movements. Although Slade had offered the use of his Slade-bots, after his previous encounter with them, Robin was still a bit wary of them – much to Slade's amusement. Besides, he wasn't really practicing his skills, he was thinking. And going through his techniques with his bo staff was akin to a sort of meditation for Robin.

After staying the day and another night at Wayne Manor, they had departed back to Jump and were now back at Slade's haunt. Saying goodbye to Gotham had been easy. Saying goodbye to Alfred had been hard.

"Please take care of yourself, Master Dick. I…Well, I've never stopped and never will stop worrying about you."

"Of course, Al. I'll be careful."

Alfred had wrapped Robin in his arms before the boy could hardly blink. Over the boy's shoulder his eyes hovered on Slade's form.

The butler's voice dropped so that it was out of earshot.

"Although I trust your judgement, be careful of who you keep company with. This might come in handy later."

The flash drive hung in Robin's pocket, unused and untouched since Alfred had given it to him. He knew what the device would contain without Alfred explaining.

All of Bruce's intelligence on Slade Wilson was now copied and suspended in a tiny drive.

Since Robin had lost access to the Bat Computer a long time ago, he had to settle for a good ol' fashion flash drive. Archaic. But it got the job done. The boy still hadn't decided if he would look at it. By opening the files, Robin felt he were betraying Slade's trust. What would he find that the man hadn't already told him?

Unless Slade's been lying…

And a naïve part of Robin didn't want to entertain that possibility. The thought though had begun to gnaw at him. Besides, there were other things about Slade's life that he wanted to know.

His wife…

His former apprentices…

But it felt wrong to pry, uninvited, into the man's past. Perhaps he could just fact-check what he knew and let the rest wait for another time. But Robin knew himself. A lick of curiosity would have him burning through the files on the drive in no time, so he pushed the weight aside for the moment. But it hovered in his mind, waiting. Each step he took, the drive grew heavier. It weighed on the boy.

Almost as much as the impending conversation that loomed in the distance. After a day, a night, and a few more hours, the boy had roughly built out what he needed to say.

Hey Titans, I've been working with Slade to find Batman, but don't worry. Slade isn't the insane villain we all thought he was. He's a lot better now guys. Oh and btw – Batman now has a psychotic clone running around Jump. How do I know he's a clone? Well funny story there…you see Slade was…

Yeah, Robin wasn't worried about the conversation one bit.

He spun and jerked back as his staff collided hard with something.

"Geeze, Slade. A little heads up would be appreciated."

"Learn to – "

The boy disengaged his bo staff from Slade's staff and stepped back, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, be prepared. Cut the crap and stop making excuses for being an – "

Robin barely managed to drop to the ground and dodge the staff that whipped around toward his head. Instead of a follow-up attack, a hand appeared in front of his eyes. As Robin accepted it and was hoisted to his feet, he met the quiver of a smile.

"Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same?"

Robin matched the smile with one of his own. He shrugged, knowing full well he would have taken any opportunity to catch Slade by surprise. The man regarded him for a few moments with both hands wrapped around his own bo staff.

"Comm system is up and ready if you want to reach the Titans," Slade said coolly.

The boy swallowed with a nod, aware of the fact that Slade was studying his reaction closely.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks…" he trailed off as he spun the staff in his hand. It flipped between his fingers as he twisted it – an old habit he had developed during long hours of strategy talks with Batman. A long sigh escaped the boy's lips. "You think it's a good idea, right?"

Slade shrugged as if he were unbothered by the question. "Up to you to decide."

Robin practically gaped at the answer.

"The great Slade Wilson doesn't have an opinion for once?" Robin snorted, pointing the staff at the man accusingly. "I find that hard to believe."

Slade's hand grabbed the end of the staff and lowered it down.

"I assured Mr. Pennyworth I would remain neutral on the topic," he continued.

Robin narrowed his eyes as he jerked his weapon back. Classic Alfred move to interfere in something like this. He whipped around, and their staffs lightly collided again.

"Alfred isn't here."

Slade stepped forward, arching the staff in two quick shots toward the boy. The loud clacks resonated with the words, drawing them out in the vast space.

"I am a man of my word."

They stood, locked against one another for several moments, before Robin caved and withdrew his weapon. The boy sighed and sat down – none too lightly – onto the matt. He tapped the bo-staff against his knee as the rhythm settled into his spinning thoughts.

"So, what's the next move then?"

Another form plopped down beside him. Robin's shoulder knocked into Slade's chest as the weight threw him sideways. As he pulled away, trying to regain his balance, a hand rustled his hair.

"Ah a question I can answer," Slade said as a devious glint appeared in his eye. "While you were laying around the many couches of Wayne Manor – "

"Hey – " Robin protested as he knocked the hand away.

Slade only grinned. His eye darkened as the man withdrew into the depths of his thoughts.

"I've been busy…"

It had taken the boy close to an hour to scrub the remaining residue of silver dye out of his hair. Even then, if he peered closely in the mirror, he would see bits and pieces of it peppering through his locks.

After Slade had launched into a lengthy – somewhat concerning, somewhat impressive – explanation about his latest invention, Robin had hesitantly asked the man if he wanted to train some more. If he were honest with himself, Robin had just been searching for a way to procrastinate on the upcoming conversation. He had been expecting the man to decline the invitation or to casually spar with bo staffs for a while – nothing too serious.

The boy groaned, as he stretched out his legs, remembering how Slade had immediately perked up at the request. He should have known from the look in the man's eye that he was in trouble.

Robin rose from his seat on the ground, making his way out of his room. He hadn't minded the grueling sparring the man had put him through though. In fact, in the short amount of time he'd been with Slade, Robin already felt he had improved some. The boy grimaced as he hobbled into the hallway. Some might be a bit of an exaggeration – all the bruises on his body could attest to that.

What surprised the boy, however, was how different this sparring session had been. Slade hadn't immediately jumped into anything; instead, the man had asked him what he wanted to work on, and only then did Slade offer his own suggestions. It was odd to say the least, and in some ways, it had unnerved Robin. Slade had listened to him and had adapted his methods.

That didn't make training with the man any easier though. The man had put Robin through the paces, and in the two hours, Slade had even managed to squeeze in another lesson working with guns. The boy still didn't like the feeling of the cold metal under his hands, but under Slade's guidance, he had to admit that his aim and accuracy had improved much since their last lesson.

The boy stopped halfway down the hallway. He leaned against one of the dark walls as guilt crawled its way up his arms, winding around his wrists like heavy chains. If they could see him right now…the Titans… what would they think? He felt bare under the cold, sterile lights that shone down on his form. Another thought sunk into his mind as he rolled against the wall, so that his forehead pressed against it.

It was no longer a matter of if they knew but when they knew …

It suddenly became hard to pull the cold air into his lungs.

Unless he just didn't tell them…

The thought was still temptingly close to him.

He pushed himself off the wall, steeling himself against his own thoughts and raked his hands through his hair as he walked into the living room.

"I thought you said this wasn't permanent," the boy remarked as he threw an accusatory glance towards Wintergreen. Water from the damp towel around his neck began seeping into the fabric of his shirt and a couple drops fell on his open palm next to the flakes of gray dye.

"It's not, but I never said it wouldn't take some time to remove," the older man countered as he rose from his place on the couch.

Robin dragged a hand through his hair again, thoroughly annoyed that his hair still betrayed his temporary allegiance to Slade. Wintergreen approached and peered over him, his sharp eyes scanning over the boy's head.

"A few gray hairs here and there is nothing to worry about."

"Next time you want to dye my hair, remind me to say no," Robin muttered with another annoyed sigh.

"Is something wrong with gray hair?" Slade asked from the dining table. The man looked up from the laptop screen in front of him, fixing the boy with a long look.

Robin scowled. "Yeah – there is. I'd look like you."

"That would be quite unfortunate," Wintergreen remarked as he glanced between the two figures.

The boy grinned at the older man who reached out and took his towel. His soft hands patted him on the back.

"It's good to have you back," Wintergreen said with a matching smile, "Slade gets too full of himself sometimes."

Robin hesitated at the sentiment as the older man disappeared down the hall with the damp towel. It was odd how normal he felt standing in the living room with Slade and Wintergreen. A small piece of him felt an unusual comfort at having the older man around. The man had a warmth to him that Robin gravitated towards, and he couldn't help but see how in one breath, Will was so like and so unlike Alfred.

He shook his head, brushing away the constant guilt that threatened to encroach again.

Slade rose from the table and an anticipation suddenly fell over Robin. He moved forward, his feet carrying him to the chair in front of the laptop.

He reached out and then hesitated, staring at the blank screen.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Slade's question sounded very far away.

"No its fine – just – "

"Stay behind the camera, I know."

The words were laced with a reassurance that the boy desperately clung onto. Robin took a deep breath, wrenched his eyes away from the screen, and flashed a confident smile toward the man.

"They might not even pick up."

Slade raised his eyebrows.

"I doubt it."

Robin's smile dropped off his face.

"Yeah me too..."

His hand hoovered over the keyboard. Robin was a bit surprised by the laptop in front of him. He had expected some intricate setup when Slade had set up a line to the Tower. The laptop in front of him made Robin feel like he was back in his room at the Tower video calling Alfred. It relaxed him just a bit and as his gaze flickered back over to the man, he realized that perhaps that had been the point.

"The signal is virtually impossible to trace. But on the off chance your robotic friend – "

"You mean Cyborg – "

"Cyborg manages to get a lock in your signal, he'll only be able to get a general radius for your location…if being found is a concern for you."

Robin leaned back in his chair. His eyes drifted toward the ceiling as he pictured the disappointed eyes of his friends. It felt wrong to be purposely hiding his location from them, but if the conversation went south, the last thing Robin wanted to deal with was all four of them showing up with a vengeance against Slade.

"A general radius would be enough," the boy said as concern etched its way into his voice.

"I doubt it."

"Slade – " Robin began as he kicked forward in his chair. He twisted around, prepared to launch into a long debate with the man about the talents and prowess of the Titans. That was his team Slade was talking about, and no one – no one – would ever say anything bad about the Titans under his watch.

The man had been casually leaning up against the wall, but upon seeing the reaction his comment stirred, Slade straightened up and held up his hand.

"A 20 to 30-mile radius is a lot of ground to cover, Robin – "

"We've covered more in a day – "

"With you leading them – "

"They're not incompetent without me – "

"I'm not saying they're incompetent. I'm saying without you, I highly doubt they'd even know what to look for – "

"C'mon, is a grungy, deserted warehouse really that out of the box?"

"Well if by some miracle they managed to get into the warehouse, it looks practically deserted and they wouldn't– "

"Oh yeah, and all the damn gears wouldn't give it away at all, Slade."

"It's not unusual for an old manufacturing plants to have gears – "

Robin threw his hands in the air. "This is all besides the point," the boy snapped, cutting off the conversation. "Despite the fact that I still think they could do it," he continued, sending a warning glare at the man when he opened his mouth to interrupt, "that's not what I'm really worried about."

Slade paused for a long moment as if debating to continue to argue his side of things before he gestured around him.

"Do tell then."

Robin hesitated, suddenly aware that the following explanation could lead him down a very tricky path. He wasn't sure how Slade would react to this knowledge, and he wasn't sure if the other party involved would want the villain to know this piece of information.

"You might not – "

Slade waved the protest aside.

"I can handle it."

Oh well.

"Raven."

"Raven?"

"Raven," Robin confirmed with a dead finality.

Slade's face furrowed into a frown of confusion.

"I understand the girl has a unique blend of telekinesis powers but…there has to be more to that if you're worried…"

"Well you see," Robin started as he treaded heavily on his words. "She has a sort of link thing with my mind…"

"A sort of link thing with your mind?" Slade repeated while fixing Robin under a penetrating gaze.

The boy flushed, wincing at the look Slade threw his way. "Yeah, it's a long story, so why don't we just – "

The sound of a chair scraping the wood floor drowned out the rest of Robin's futile suggestion. Slade planted the chair on the ground and threw his leg over it.

"I have the time to listen."

Robin stared at him for several moments before he shook his head. The boy hastily stood up.

"Nah – I don't think you'd really want to hear it."

A hand on his wrist stopped him from making it very far.

"Trust me, I do."

There was a finality in his words that Robin recognized with a cold dread. He had two options in front of him: either he could tell the man what he wanted to know, or he could argue his way out of the explanation. He normally would have gone with the latter, but something in Slade's voice caused him to hesitate. There was something much softer within the syllables that Robin had picked up on. Slade genuinely wanted to know. He wanted to sit and listen, and he was willing to wait for as long as it took for Robin to speak.

The boy slowly lowered himself back down, eyeing the man with trepidation. He stared at the ground for a few moments before he looked up and met the cold, gray iris.

"I had – uh – a bit of a run in with a hallucinogen," he started wearily. He had been hoping to avoid this story for a few reasons, but the boy could see no other way around it. If he treaded carefully, he might be able to avoid any mention of what he had actually hallucinated.

"At some point during my brief stint with it, Raven entered my mind, so she could see what I was seeing," Robin rubbed his eyes as memories flashed before them. It was the one event the Titans had never discussed after the fact. No one had brought up their leaders near self-destruction since that fateful day, and for that, Robin was appreciative.

It was disconcerting with the man so close to him to recall how he had imagined Slade trying to kill him. His eyes flickered around him warily, double checking the lights above him were on and functional and that the man in front of him was real. At least Slade wasn't wearing his mask…

"Since then, we've had this link. I don't know how to describe it. Its tiny. I don't even notice it, but sometimes when her focus is on me, I can feel a whisper of it. So I think if they knew the area, she might be able to sense me."

Slade leaned back in his chair. Robin watched the man closely and recognized the look in that gray eye. The gears of Slade's mind were churning, taking in the new information, processing it, and figuring out just what to do with it.

"Has she used the link before?"

"I don't know."

"Has she used this specific method of telepathic communication with others?"

Robin shrugged. "Not that I know of."

Slade frowned, leaning forward from his seat. His tone dropped. "Tell me, just how much do you know about your friend's powers?"

"Enough," Robin responded. He stiffened, growing defensive in both his tone and stance.

"What's the range for her empathic abilities?"

Robin didn't waver from his stance as he bristled under another question that he didn't know the answer to. "Sorry, I'm not a micromanager, Slade. Unlike some people, I don't go around drilling people about their abilities."

At the comment, Slade rose from his chair.

"How about her magic abilities – what sort of spells does she know? Where does that knowledge come from? Or how about her home planet? Where was Raven raised?"

"I don't – "

"Do you even know where she got her powers from?" Slade asked, exasperated.

The boy grew quiet.

"No."

"That's not micromanaging to me," Slade continued as he pressed his hands behind his back, "Those are basic questions that you should know."

Robin frowned, dragging a hand through his hair. Raven's eyes blinked into existence into her mind. Despite the girl's powers, he had always sensed a fragility around her. He had never pressed her too hard for fear that she would completely withdraw and maybe even leave. There was something about the girl that had triggered a protective nature out of Robin, and so he had simply excepted the fact that he would know as much as Raven wanted him to know.

"She's a friend first, Slade," he whispered, "I don't pry into her life."

Slade let out a very long sigh at the comment.

"And I would expect nothing less from you."

The words were surprisingly soft. Gone was the accusatory tone; instead, the man sounded tired. It was a tired that had long since begun to gnaw away at his harsh exterior.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Robin asked tentatively.

Something passed over Slade's face – a distant emotion the man quickly brushed off.

"Good."

Before Robin could question him further, Slade started to pace, cutting off the word with a short step and walking into the problem that had yet to be settled.

"The signal is almost impossible to trace. It is possible, however improbable, for your ro – "

At the warning glance Robin sent his way, Slade immediately corrected himself.

"Cyborg to do it. The chance is slim, but it's there. And if Raven has the supposed telepathic link to your mind…"

Slade suddenly stopped in his pacing and rounded on the boy.

"Do you care if you're found, Robin?" Slade asked. His eye focused on the boy's movements as he awaited an answer to his question.

Robin's head snapped up at the question and was caught off guard by the vehemence behind it. The guilt crept back in, licking at the edges of his fingertips. "Not particularly. If it doesn't go well, the last thing I want is a bunch of angry Titans at our doorstep."

"So the way I see it is you either don't call them – "

"But they deserve to know," Robin exclaimed, rising from his seat. "At least," he growled, "about Batman and the clone. If by some chance they get mixed up in all of this, they should at least know not to engage."

"And me?"

The question halted Robin in his tracks. He tilted his head towards the man as the question hung, unanswered in the room. Alfred's words hummed in his mind.

The Titans deserve more than a maybe.

"I uh – I haven't decided about that…"

Slade nodded, but the silence stretched a bit too long for Robin's comfort.

"So then take my confidence, I can assure you that they won't find you."

"But Raven – "

"If this link is strong, then she would have already found you," Slade said, waving the concern away. "And if they do end up here somehow," the man continued lightly, "Well, just let me handle them."

"Slade," Robin warned as he moved forward. His voice held a fierce flare to it and before he could lambast the man with threats of his own, the unmasked man spoke up again.

"It would solve all the problems – "

"You will not – "

"Alright," Slade conceded as he held up his hand, "I won't and will not do anything."

Robin huffed as he stalked back to the laptop screen. "Better not," he mumbled under his breath. If he had turned back around to face the man, he would have seen the grin that stretched out across Slade's face. But instead the boy stared at the blank screen, lost in thought.

He was making a big deal out of nothing. All he had to do is call the Titans, explain the situation, reassure them that he was okay, and hang up. Then he and Slade would continue on their search, find Batman, and everything would be fine.

His finger twitched on the keyboard.

Easier said then done.

"What kind of hallucinogen was it anyway?"

The question slid into the room like a thin knife cutting through water. The rippled echoed out and rushed up against the boy. Any sense of relief Robin had quickly evaporated. His stomach lurched at the words, but despite his unease, he tried to shrug the question off.

"Made me see and hear things. Pretty basic stuff," he mumbled. His fingers twitched again, but having no other distraction, he simply pretended to stare at the screen, deep in thought. His heart raced as he anticipated the questions that were to follow.

"How'd it happen?" Slade asked.

Robin's eyes flickered closed as he leaned back in his chair and his mind faded back in time.

"I was going through some old things that I'd kept over the years. Lots of old relics from villains that I'd hauled from the manor to the tower."

Batman had tried to persuade him against that habit he had developed, but Robin hadn't listened. Looking back, the boy grimly wished he would have.

"Turns out Scarecrow isn't a good villain to keep souvenirs from. Some of his nightmare gas had solidified into a thin film on his hat," the boy paused as his mind replayed the fateful image of unlatching his relic chest, pulling the hat out, and inhaling the cascade of dust that fell in tiny, glittering specs off it.

"I thought it had just been some dust," he whispered. The lights in the room suddenly felt very hot. He shifted in his seat, refusing to open his eyes and look at the man.

"What kind of things did you see?"

The question was asked so innocently, it dropped into the room without a moment's pause, but within the outer layer of innocence, Robin could detect the thinnest edge of suspicion. The thought sent his stomach rolling. He rubbed his fingers together, expecting to feel the finest traces of dust laced around them.

I am the thing that keeps you up at night…

Robin looked up.

…the evil that haunts every dark corner of your mind.

The gray eye stared back at him.

The man in front of him was not the nightmare that had haunted him all those months ago.

But that didn't make the truth any easier.

Robin's voice trickled into the room.

"You actually."

There was a long note of silence between them.

At the words, Slade's face had turned into a mask. His eye was like the wick of a burning candle, and every so often, Robin would catch a flash of hidden emotion deep within his iris. When he turned away, the boy caught a wisp of pain.

"Hope I didn't cause too much trouble for you," Slade remarked as he turned his back to the boy.

His voice was distant. But even in the long stretches of distance, Robin still caught the traces of pain laced within the words. The boy shrugged, unwilling to recall the gruesome images to mind, unwilling to see the same nightmarish figure in front of him.

"You didn't."

But even Robin could hear the lie in his own words.

"I – "

But the man stopped himself. A wash of silence fell through the room, racing against Robin's hands. He could only imagine what the man thought. So much had changed, yet the past was a constant reminder of how much hadn't.

"Slade…" the boy began, trying to find a way to reach the man. His voice was calm in the heavy silence. Weeks ago, he would have quivered finding himself alone with the man. Now, he faced Slade as one would face someone they cared for. It was a painful realization for Robin – that he cared about Slade. Like a knife, it dug deep into his body. It seared. It burned.

It felt like betrayal.

"I know if it happened again, it wouldn't be you anymore."

Robin couldn't deny it. He did care about Slade. Because if he didn't, he wouldn't have said what he said.

The words filled the silence and Robin watched as a deep breath passed over the man. Still he didn't turn around; instead, he gestured vaguely behind him with his right hand.

"I'll give you some space." The man's words matched Robin's calm and collected voice, betraying no emotion behind them. "You can find me downstairs when you're finished."

Robin opened his mouth to stop the man, but the words fell silent on his lips while the man retreated without another glance behind him.

The boy stared long and hard at the empty hallway when the man vanished from sight. He turned back to the task at hand but could only stare at his face in the empty screen. He wished he could have found a way to lie to the man and avoid the very uncomfortable truth that sometimes appeared between them.

But the truth was there anyway – it stretched all the way down the stairs to the basement below them.

His hands were cold and numb against the metal keys.

He wished he could have told he man that it hadn't been his fault. But it had. Slade had been his living, breathing nightmare since he had moved to Jump.

But now…

Now…

Now the man was something more.

The boy's whisper trailed in the room, unheard by anyone but himself.

"Lights out, Deathstroke."

The laptop screen glowed to life.

A/N: Alright, here we go! I swear I was going to have the Titans in this chapter, but I started writing & couldn't resist another angsty moment between Robin & Slade.

Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!