Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

TITLE: Learning Things In The Dark

My father always said that the first thing you have to do is take care of yourself. Always put yourself first. Well, my father was a selfish bastard and he had never met Merlin—but we'll get to that later.

How can you think of your own survival first when a ten-year-old girl is dying in your arms, gasping for breath, and there is nothing you could do?

Some say it was in the water, some say it was an airborne illness that started it, but no one could verify it. A plague hit our country and people began dropping like flies. Then the curse that hit our land was gone just as fast as it had arrived.

Morgause said that it was the Universe's way of balancing itself. Mother Nature was cross with us and was teaching us a lesson. We all laughed at her, but I felt sick when she was the first one of us to go.

After it was all over, the curse, the plague, whatever it was, only a third of us had survived. Some survivors continued hiding, while others ventured out in hopes of finding a reason to continue.

After my father passed, and my sister fled, there was no reason for me to remain in our home. I was curious about the outside world, my first ever real opportunity to go out there and do some good! I removed the barriers and opened it to the public. What was I going to do with a ten bedroom mansion anyway? I put Percy in charge and left with anyone that wanted to tag along. Gwen and Elyan followed.

We survived on scraps and the generosity of others. Again, I was reminded of how my father had been wrong. He had been so sure that people only stole and thus we had to protect what was our own.

Soon Elyan and I began to help the small village of Nyth reconstruct, while Gwen helped in the clinic. That's where she met Lance. The villagers said that he'd been the sickest in the bay and only healed after Gwen was taking care of him. "She gave him a reason to live," the physician said.

Our intention had been to help the people of Nyth and then move on to Ealdor, but we soon discovered that Lance wanted to head to Nemeth in search of his family. Gwen left with him and Elyan and I were on our own—or we were for a while.

Perhaps because it had been so long for the both of us—I know we certainly didn't intend it. Elyan knew that I fancied men and maybe he was bisexual...or just lonely. We sat around the fire finishing the last of the wine presented by the villagers and suddenly he was on top of me. Our hands were inside each other's trousers and we wanked each other off sloppily, drunkenly. I don't remember falling asleep but I remember waking up when Elyan wanted another go. It felt good to feel him, his tongue inside my mouth. It felt good to feel anyone. I wondered if we were going to have sex again.

When I woke up in the morning, he was gone.

So, not bisexual, just lonely. Then ashamed.

I waited for half a day, then continued my journey to Ealdor—hoping that Lance would soon be reunited with his family, and that he and Gwen would join me soon after that. My friends had been my refuge, and loneliness was scarier than any other curse.

The journey wasn't the greatest. The paths were worse than any others that I'd come across. It was as though I was being told to go back. That only piqued my curiosity further, and I forced myself to continue.

Three days later I reached Ealdor, and came across the clinic and asked to speak to the person in charge. Gaius, his name was—an elderly gentleman, wise beyond all reason. My father would have liked him.

"I've come to help," I told him. "I was in Nyth and I heard that you can use all the hands you can get."

Gaius' face lit up the moment I told him why I was there. Apparently he had heard of me, or, well, my father. His face fell with distress. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid we can't pay you."

I chuckled. My father never did anything for free. I completely understood why the first thing that this man said to me was about payment. "I simply need a place to stay." I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it a bit for reassurance. "If you can help me with that, I can manage the rest on my own. I can hunt and I can cook."

"That's very helpful, very generous."

"There are no needs for formality. This plague that we've been cursed with, whatever this is, I just know that I'm healthy and I can help. My...friends...they went off to other villages seeking family and friends and they might be joining me as well."

The old man nodded and sent for his godson. "Get Merlin," he told a young woman.

Then, I met him. Everything had led up to that moment; it was as though everything was worth it because of him. Then, he opened his mouth.

"Merlin, did you take your medicine today?"

"Yeah, right after I drank horse piss."

Merlin Emrys was the most opinionated person I'd ever met in my life.

The first time I saw Merlin, I finally understood what it meant to go weak at the knees. Not that I wasn't able to balance myself, but the moment he looked at me, I felt that I would have melted right then and there if he'd touched me. Needless to say, it was just my blood sugar being low.

"Merlin, this is Arthur Pendragon." Gaius made the introductions. "He'll be staying with you for a short while until we find proper accommodations."

Oh.

"Why me?" Merlin whined. I didn't feel so great after that. I was already becoming a burden. Perhaps I should have volunteered to look for my own place to stay.

"Because you're always the first one in and the last one out, and you know more about the clinic than anyone else. You can show Arthur around, teach him when I'm busy. Also—"

"But…" Merlin interrupted.

"Merlin…"

The young man sighed. This was the most interesting conversation to watch. I could tell that Merlin was definitely the type of bloke that marched to his own tune, but this old man could simply raise an eyebrow to shut him up.

Neat trick.

"Come on," he said to me as he grabbed my bag and led the way.

"I can carry my own cargo."

"Fine!" Merlin dropped my bag on my feet and continued walking.

I looked up at Gaius, who simply sighed. He was probably thinking the same thing as me. This is going to be a very long assignment.

00*-*-*00

I reached Merlin's quarters and saw two beds pushed together.

"Did you have someone here before me?" I couldn't help but ask. He grumbled in response. I took that as a yes. "Shall I pick a corner and push my bed there?"

He looked around the room and then looked at me. "I'll take the right side. I'll push my bed off there. I don't have any sheets or blankets for you though. So we'll have to share tonight. In the morning, I'll get some, so—"

"You want us to share?" The thought made me more uncomfortable that it should have. I felt a sort of heat rise inside me and I was afraid that my body liked the idea more than I anticipated.

"I don't want us to share. It does get pretty chilly at night so I can't afford to lose sleep over being too cold and I'm sure you don't want to catch something. I leave quite early for the clinic anyway…"

"Alright," I said, begging him to stop. It seemed as though he was more uncomfortable about this than I was. I wondered who this person was that he lived with before me and what happened to them.

"It's nearly supper time. My mother will be waiting." He looked at me expectantly.

"Is that an invitation?"

The shock in my voice was hard to miss. Ever since I had arrived, Merlin had not said a kind word to me. He had been acting as though having to share quarters with me was the biggest inconvenience he had ever had to suffer, and yet now he was inviting me to his mother's for supper?

He sighed and then rolled his eyes. I wasn't sure if I was beginning to like him or really hate him.

"I need to take a shower. Why don't you get settled in and then we'll be off. Okay?"

I nodded. A shower sounded excellent. I hadn't had a proper shower since before Elyan had left. We'd stopped in some village when we were both on our way to Ealdor and that's really when I'd noticed him watching me. And then a few days later he was gone.

I really don't know what was worse. Was I feeling betrayed that my friend had used me and then abandoned me or that I simply wasn't worth sticking around for? I went to the left corner of the room and began to unpack my things. I was relieved to find one pair of trousers that were still clean. The next day, I'd really have to find a place to get my clothes washed.

I had nearly finished changing when he came back into the room. I'd been alone for so long that being around someone was going to take some getting used to. I quickly snapped towards the door and Merlin walked in with nothing but a towel around his waist.

The first thought I had was that this bloke really was going to be the death of me, the second thought was that I hadn't realised how skinny he was. He was unusually thin.

"Sorry, I sort of forgot to grab my clothes before…"

"That's alright, I didn't mean to jump at the door, I'm just not used to…"

Awkward silence.

He walked up to the cupboard and began to pick out clothes. I watched him. Not because he was an attractive bloke walking around practically naked. Well, not just because of that, but because his shoulder bones were popping out more than usual. His skinny arms were still lean and muscular, but it was the first time I had noticed that there was something wrong with Merlin.

0*-*-*0

"Mother, stop putting so much food on my plate!" Merlin whined to Hunith when she insisted that he was too skinny.

So I wasn't the only one who'd thought that. I mean, we were surrounded by the plague, but most people that looked as sickly as Merlin did without a shirt were usually on a hospital bed. He was walking around without a care.

"Arthur, I'm glad you're here and staying with Merlin," Hunith said turning towards me, and putting more food on my plate as well. I didn't mind as much as Merlin.

"Why?" Merlin's voice was irritated.

She continued, ignoring him. "If he collapses again, I'm sure you'll tell me straightaway and not a week later like him." She smacked Merlin behind his head and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Mother!"

The evening continued famously. Mostly it was Merlin's mother fretting over him; it was a great show.

0*-*-*0

"So you are sick?" I couldn't help but ask Merlin when we returned to our quarters. "Your mother…" I had to admit she looked sick as well.

"She's recovering. I mean...we think she's recovering. There were a few cases where the patients looked healthy but they died soon after."

"And you?"

"I was sick for a while, but...I wasn't. I mean, I had the symptoms everyone says. They feel tired, but can't sleep. Their body isn't taking in any nutrition, they end up mostly vomiting it...high fever, restlessness, weird dreams...and...other things...I mean, I feel all of that, but I'm not bed bound. I can walk around, help people...I stopped worrying about myself and...I don't have time to worry about myself. I'm going to keep helping until I literally can't."

"Maybe you should slow down a bit?"

"No one asked you!" he snapped at me, and I wasn't really sure why.

"Listen, I'm not trying to…"

"So don't."

"Right, I'll just head for the shower then." I grabbed my towel and a t-shirt, and was out of the room before Merlin could say anything else. I wasn't really sure why he was so cross with me, but I didn't want to think about it anymore. I just wanted some hot water—I knew that the steam would make me forget everything. I just wanted to wash the day away.

Unfortunately, every time I closed my eyes, all I saw were Merlin's blue eyes, his defined jaw line; God, he had a pretty mouth. I had gone to Ealdor looking for peace, and I'd never been so jittery; now all I thought about was his mouth. I wondered if I could just lick that jaw.

No!

I was not going to ruin this for myself. I was a Pendragon. I would behave, I would keep my emotions in check and I would not give in to desire. I was at Ealdor to help and that's what I was going to do. I was going to speak with Hunith and find out about her condition and her cure. Then I was going to work at the clinic while I waited for Gwen and Lance to come.

I was not going to fantasise about the man I would be sharing living quarters with. I already did that and ruined it. I was going to be friends with Merlin and nothing else.

Thankfully for me, I hadn't forgotten my clothes when I'd left the room for a shower. I changed in the bathroom and returned to the room with my loose t-shirt and shorts. It would be awkward to sleep next to him, but at least I was sleeping on a real bed.

The moment I left the bathroom the lights went out, and I heard a shriek. I tried to return to the room, but not before bumping into things left and right. When I arrived at the room, it was darker than the hallway.

"Merlin?" I whispered.

"Here," he answered, although I had no idea where here was. "Lock the door behind you immediately."

"Okay." I followed his instructions.

"Just walk five steps forward then take a left, then four more steps and then a right and you'll be on your side of the bed. Tomorrow when we separate the beds, we'll have to practice our way around the room in the dark."

"What happened to the lights? Does this happen a lot?" The lights were often going out in other villages as well, but they had candles, and other preparations made. This sounded like it was something different.

"Some of the people that are plagued…" He paused for a moment. "Something's happened to them. It's like a switch inside them that snapped, and they cut the power in the middle of the night, and if you're not too careful, they'll grab you and…"

"And what?" I asked, my tone matching the sound of his whisper.

"You don't want to know." I didn't say anything for a while after that. I simply took off my shirt and bundled up in the blanket, fully aware of how close Merlin was to me. "Sometimes, they just come in and steal. But sometimes, they take people with them and we never see them again."

"What is this plague?" I asked. I felt Merlin's body shift as though he was now facing me.

"I don't know. All we know is that it started here, in Ealdor, and it spread. We also know that it's over, meaning no more people are getting infected, but the people that are sick are either getting over it quickly or only getting worse."

"Your mother…"

"I don't know. She says she's okay, but sometimes …"

"Sometimes what?" I asked. I was now mere inches from him. There was a chill traveling down my spine and I immediately regretted taking off my shirt.

"I know that sometimes at night she locks herself in her room, and she's told her neighbours to not let her out no matter what they hear. It's like...whatever these people have...she has it too and she's simply suppressing it. I know Gaius has been giving her medicine; I still don't know what the medicine does though…"

"You should talk to her," I offered and then internally groaned. Me, offering advice for someone to talk to their parent. I wondered if Merlin could see me rolling my eyes in the dark.

"Yeah, I will…" he said and yawned.

"Good night," I whispered, and turned the other way hoping I could will myself some warmth. Suddenly I heard voices. Screams and they only got louder and more chaotic. I panicked. I grabbed Merlin's arm and he held my hand for a moment.

"It'll pass. Just breathe," he whispered.

It did pass and I was still panicking. I didn't understand. What was that? I didn't want to ask Merlin. I was afraid he would hear the fear in my voice. I tried to calm myself as best as I could.

"Goodnight, Arthur," he said.

"Goodnight, Merlin," I answered.

0*-*-*0

When I woke up in the morning, it was warm—mainly because Merlin had his arm around me and his erection was pressing into my backside. It was awkward, and comforting at the same time. I didn't—I couldn't deny my attraction to Merlin and now he was asleep next to me—I wanted to push back, God, I was stupid. I quietly and slowly tried to slide out of the bed and from under his arm and naturally, I woke him .

"Oh, sorry." Merlin turned and immediately retracted his arm from my body. I miss the warmth instantly. Then he must have realised his erection. "Oh, shite."

I chuckled. "It's alright…"

"I...Erm…" I think this was the first time I saw the man lost for words.

"I'll just get dressed," I said, and turned towards my belongings looking for a clean shirt. I heard the door open and close behind me. I sighed with relief. Thankfully, we'd have separate beds from that night on.

0*-*-*0

The first day in Ealdor, I learned the lay of the land and how the clinic worked. Gaius mainly needed help transporting patients. Any emergencies that came in went directly to him, then someone would have to carry the body over to an empty bed after he or she was diagnosed. Usually they had very little manpower that could carry the patients with ease. I suppose, they wanted me for my muscle.

Merlin's words. Not mine.

"Where is the rest of the manpower?" I asked. Surely, I couldn't be the strongest person in Ealdor, as much as I liked the thought of it.

"We get requests almost on a daily basis from other villages around us for the medicine." Gaius sat down next to me to take a rare break. The man worked harder than anyone I'd ever seen before. "You may already know about the ones that come out at night?"

I nodded. I had so many questions about that. Before I could ask, Gaius spoke again.

"When we send someone to the nearby villages, we need protection for them…"

"So now all of you are vulnerable at the home front."

"That's why we lock the doors at night," Gaius answered with a soft smile.

"Well, I'm here, and if I can help in any way—"

"Gaius! It's Hunith!" a voice screeched through the door. Two people were bringing Merlin's mother into the room.

"What happened to her?" I asked; she looked white as a ghost and her lips were turning blue.

"She's still alive," Gaius said calmly. "Take her to an empty bed...there." He pointed toward the corner.

"I'll do it." I carried Hunith and walked over the bed, laying her down gently.

"She must have had a reprisal. The disease hasn't completely left her system." I could never understand how a person could be so calm in such chaos. Gaius was the most put-together man I'd ever met.

Merlin came in, frantic. His manner was the complete opposite of Gaius's. He was terrified and unnerving everyone around him. "It's me. It's my fault! She's my blood!" he kept repeating. Everyone around us was confused.

"What's your fault?" I finally asked.

Gaius looked up at him and he immediately shut down. He knelt next to Hunith and held her hand. He was quiet for the rest of the afternoon. When it was time to leave, it was important that we locked up the clinic and sedated the patients, so that they couldn't go outside where they would be in danger.

"Come on, Merlin. You have to go," Gaius said, placing his hand on Merlin's shoulder and gently squeezing it. "Unless you want me to sedate you as well."

"You know what happened last time you did that," Merlin answered, standing up. He gave Gaius a smile and Gaius shook his head.

"What happened last time?" I was so curious. Everything about Merlin, I was just so curious.

"I was knocked out for three days, they thought I'd never wake up."

"Why?"

"It's the medicine, it works differently on me than it does on everyone else."

"I don't understand." I really didn't.

"No one does." Merlin grinned and walked past me. His arm slightly brushed against mine, and I forgot to breathe again. "Come on, we've got to get dinner then set up the room."

"You still didn't do it?" I asked, annoyed. Sharing a bed with him was torture. I was beginning to get frustrated with my feelings towards him—my attraction.

We ate at Gaius's that night. He'd cooked a simple meal and apparently it was Merlin's favourite. During the walk back, I noticed that Merlin was exceptionally quiet. Whenever I turned to looked at him he'd immediately look away. This went on for the entire walk back and eventually I just gave in.

"What is it?" I snapped.

"Nothing."

"Then why are you—?" He looked at me confused. Maybe it was all in my head. "Never mind."

"You're really strange, you know that?" he asked me.

"Right, I am strange." He was the one who kept looking at me as though he wanted to say something, and then was acting so...aloof.

"And a prat," he added.

"What? You don't even know me!" I shoved him away from me. Even though it really was just an excuse to touch him.

He pushed me back. "I know you well enough to know you're a prat. I knew that the moment you walked in. I don't know why Gaius likes you."

"And let me guess, you don't like me?"

"I didn't say that." His face straightened up and the smile disappeared.

"Right. I came in, I'm always in your way. You're forced to share your space with me...so naturally, I'm a prat." We'd reached our living quarters.

"So you do admit you're a prat?"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," I answered as I opened the door and entered the room. The bed was still there, joined. I knew Merlin had said that he didn't have time to fix up the room, but just seeing it made it so much more real. I'd have to sleep next to him again. I could only hope that my desire to touch him wouldn't overcome me in my slumber.

"You certainly don't," Merlin mumbled as he went to his side of the room.

"I'm sorry, Merlin." He stopped to look at me. "I'm such an inconvenience in your life." I was sorry. I didn't think that I was going to be roomed with someone once I arrived at Ealdor and on top of that, with someone who would hate me so much. "I'll ask around tomorrow and find somewhere else to go. You don't have to—"

"No!"

"It's okay, you don't have to be polite!"

"No, Arthur. I don't want you to...stay with someone else. I've made you feel like you're not welcome in our village, and all you've done is help us. You are very kind, and very giving, and I've been ungrateful." He paused for a moment and we simply looked at each other. "I'm just used to people coming and going, and basically looking for what they can get, and I just thought…"

"That I was the same?" He nodded. "I don't blame you. I get that a lot." He smiled, and I felt weak at the knees again. "Anyway, it's getting late...we should…"

"Right." He turned towards the door, and began to set the locks up. I quickly took advantage of the fact that he had his back towards me to change clothes and get in the bed. I was hard. Something about being around Merlin—I couldn't help myself. The cool breeze would flow through the room at night, and I'd get a whiff of his scent. It was as though this was happening on purpose. Someone really wanted to torture me!

It was as if my animal instincts had taken over and all I wanted to do was mate with him. What was wrong with me? What was worse was that we had to share a bed, again. He turned to look at me and saw me in bed, and I'd covered my entire body. He turned the lights out—just in time—because I heard that noise again. The same chaotic, panicking noise from the night before.

A few moments later I felt Merlin's weight on the bed. I took a deep breath in and turned.

"Are you alright?" His voice startled me.

"Yeah, why?" I wasn't sure what he was referring to. No, I was not alright.

"Your breathing is funny," he said.

"My breathing?" I attempted to sound cynical, even mocking. He'd noticed my nervousness, could he tell? "I'm just scared of those...things." It was the truth. Maybe not the whole truth, but truth nonetheless. "And I'm worried about Hunith."

"Thanks," he said, almost in a whisper. I didn't answer, I was smiling only to realise that it was dark and he couldn't see me. "You're just saying that because you don't want to sound like a prat," he teased me.

I turned to face him. "Well, I gave you a chance to toss me out."

"I'll have to rethink my decision again." I was definitely grinning now, and I was glad he couldn't see me.

"Goodnight, Merlin."

"Goodnight, Arthur."

0*-*-*0

I woke up the next day and found myself alone in bed. Also, the bed was only half a bed. Merlin had managed to quietly move his half of the bed to one corner of the room.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

I shook my head. "No, I just…" felt your absence. I quickly got up off the bed and looked around. I felt like a lost puppy. Merlin only laughed at me.

"Why don't you shower first, and I'll set up the room." Merlin nodded and waited for me to acknowledge his words. "Then we can practice the layout of the room so we can walk in the dark."

I turned to get my things when he spoke again. "Oh, and I've sent your clothes for laundry. They should be delivered back washed and dried by the afternoon. I left a pair of trousers for you to wear and you can borrow my shirt.

"Erm…" I was at a loss for words at Merlin's kindness. "I—"

"I'm sorry if you're upset that I went through your things. I really only just grabbed the clothes and gave them to Sania, she's the lady that cares for the building," he explained. "I just didn't want to wake you, you looked so…"

"So what?"

"Nothing...just peaceful. Sorry." He turned away from me and began fumbling at his things. That was so odd. Just the night before, wasn't he calling me a prat? And now he was acting so—

"I'll just go and shower then." He didn't turn, and I left the room. By the time I returned, Merlin had set the room up and our beds were against the wall—opposite from each other—as opposed to joined together. I was curiously gloomy about this fact.

0*-*-*0

It was a long day at the clinic, and the day after, in fact, the entire week was miserable. I worked long, hard hours, and it seemed as though nothing was really making a difference. The same patients were returning every other day, saying that the medicine was wearing off quickly.

Gaius was running out of time and Merlin was running out of patience; they were working diligently to diagnose the problem and create the potions.

The evenings were the same. We'd eat with Gaius most of the nights and walk back to our quarters. Some nights Sania would provide us with a meal. I had worked out how to walk about the room with perfect ease as well. We were settling in, but I felt odd. This didn't feel the same as it did when I stayed with Elyan; we used to talk well into the night, finishing off whatever moonshine we could find. Maybe that's why things hadn't worked out with Elyan. We had also eventually given into a craving. Merlin was far too focused for that.

His number one concern was caring for his mother, and his number two was caring for everyone else.

"Do you ever have fun?" I asked him one night on our walk back "home." We'd been living together for a few months now.

"Fun?" He raised his eyebrow and looked at me. "I am far too busy and I...read...before going to bed."

"Yeah, medical books, research. When was the last time you went dancing?"

"Dancing?" There was that eyebrow again. "What has gotten into you?"

"Sania told me yesterday that a group of them get together on Saturday evenings, lock themselves inside, and enjoy music and food and dancing until the sun comes up. Why don't you ever go to that?"

"Do you want to go?" he asked.

No, genius! I only asked because I don't want to go. "I thought it would something fun we could try out," I said, attempting not to roll my eyes. "Something different from what we do every day and night."

"We?"

Honestly. "Yeah, it'd be no fun without you."

"I doubt I'd be much fun."

"Why?" I was about to ask more. Why was it that Merlin was so closed off and reserved? I'd watched him interact with other people and his patients. He was full of life, loved making jokes with everyone. Then why would he think that he was no fun at all?

"Arthur!" A familiar voice called out to me as we were about to reach home. It was Gwen, and she had Lancelot with her.

I called out to them and rushed to take Gwen in my arms. I'd missed her. I'd missed familiar faces. "Lance, how are you?" I shook the man's hand. He looked as healthy as ever.

"Brilliant!" he answered with a smile and turned to look at Merlin.

"Oh, this is Merlin. We live...together." That sounded odd.

"Yeah?" Gwen grinned slyly and I had to stop her at her tracks.

"It's not like that," I said. "He's been kind enough to let me stay with him until I find more permanent accommodation."

"How long have you been in Ealdor?" Lance asked me as Gwen is hanging onto my arm but really is looking Merlin up and down.

"About three months," I answered, only to realise that perhaps staying with Merlin was my permanent accommodation. "Well, we've been busy, the curse started off from here, there are a lot more sick people—" I was failing at making my point.

"Do you folks have a place to stay?" Merlin asked, interrupting my semi-incoherent rambling.

"Not yet," Lance answered. "We just arrived and were told to speak with someone named Sania."

"Yes, she takes care of the building here." Merlin pointed towards the housing. "But, she isn't here today. On Thursdays, she stays with my mother."

"Oh," Gwen said, disappointed. I was about to jump in, offer them my bed when Merlin spoke again.

"She'll be here at first thing sunrise. I can leave a note out for her to come by and speak with you. For the night, you are more than welcome to sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the floor."

I led the way to our quarters and Gwen and Lance followed.

"We couldn't possibly take your bed," Gwen said, just as I had predicted she would. "Lance and I are perfectly happy on the floor. Really."

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "We are not going to have an argument about this. You two are my guests, you should sleep in my bed and I will sleep on the floor." I turned to Merlin and raised my finger at him. "Don't argue with me."

Of course Merlin argued with me.

After what seemed like twenty minutes of negotiations, I'm not really sure how it happened, but Gwen and Lance were all set to sleep in my bed and I was to share Merlin's bed. I didn't have a reason to say no besides that it was too small—which in truth—it really wasn't.

Lance headed for the showers first and Merlin made an excuse to leave the room. I reckoned he was just as uncomfortable with this as I was. Gwen sat me down next to her on the bed, saying she wanted to speak with me.

"Elyan…" she began. My heart began beating rapidly.

"Gwen, I—" I didn't know what to say.

"He came to Nemeth," she said, sympathetically. "He was so ashamed of himself. He told me he felt as though he betrayed your trust—"

"He didn't—" I didn't know what to say. I missed Elyan, he was one of my best friends but what happened between us wasn't entirely his fault. I could have also stopped it.

"I tried to convince him to come with us, but—" She looked up at the door and stopped talking, for Merlin was standing there.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude…" Merlin struggled but Lancelot was right behind him and whatever conversation Gwen and I were having was thwarted. I awkwardly stood up from my bed and Lance took my spot.

Gwen left shortly afterwards for the shower, leaving me alone in the room with Lance and Merlin. The two of them hit it off immediately and didn't seem to stop talking. I felt more awkward. I sat on Merlin's bed, touching over the area where he usually slept, while he sat next to Lance and chatted away.

Merlin could talk and he loved it. He was the most entertaining and lively person I had ever met. But there was also something about him, a guilt that sort of hung over his head, and that he never shared with anyone. There was a secret he was concealing from everyone. I could feel it, I just didn't know how to find out about it.

If things continued the way they did between him and Lance, I wondered if I could get Gwen to find out for me.

I'd felt extremely uneasy sitting on Merlin's bed without him, but when he came and sat next to me, I was even more self-conscious. He seemed the opposite of me, as though he had done this before so many times—shared beds with friends—that he didn't have a problem.

I turned over and lay on my side against the wall. Shortly after he'd given instructions on how to go about the room in the dark and not turn on the lights; Merlin was next to me. I held my breath, afraid to breathe, afraid to move, afraid to think. I feared my body betraying me.

"Arthur," he whispered. For a moment I thought I'd imagined it then Merlin gently touched my arm. "Are you asleep?" he asked.

I turned as quietly as I could. "No."

"Who is Elyan?"

"What?" I almost spat out the word.

"Is he someone who hurt you?" Even in his whispers, I could hear the concern.

"He's Gwen's brother," I answered. "We were best friends and we travelled together for a while…"

"Were you together?" he asked. There's nothing I wouldn't have given in that moment to see Merlin's face. Why was he asking? Was he merely curious? Concerned? Jealous?

"No, not really…" I offered. "We just had...he left." I was still hurt. I wasn't hurt that I had been used, but I felt abandoned by my best friend. He could have said something, we could have talked, we could have pretended it never happened.

"Hmm." Merlin slowly moved his hand around on the bed until he found mine and held it for a moment. "As long as it doesn't still make you sad."

I squeezed his hand back and let go. I was afraid that if I held on it for a bit longer, I might have leaned in and kissed Merlin, might have searched for his lips. "Thanks, Merlin."

"Goodnight, Arthur."

"Goodnight, Merlin."

0*-*-*0

The next morning I woke up alone in Merlin's bed. Gwen and Lance were still asleep on mine. They looked perfect together, even in slumber. I couldn't help but be a bit jealous. I wished Merlin had stayed. There was a note on the door from Merlin stating that he'd already spoken with Sania and that she had breakfast and a room ready for Gwen and Lance.

After breakfast, we headed over to the clinic and I introduced Gaius to Gwen and Lance. Merlin was in the apothecary mixing up potions, and Gwen went to work with him. Lance and I did what I usually did every morning. We transferred patients from bed to bed, changing the linens, then transported the laundry. After lunch, we helped in the construction of the third wing of the clinic. In my three months in Ealdor, I'd assisted in the construction of the second wing.

"The other villages—the people are beginning to be cured," Lance said, as we'd taken a break in the late afternoon. "In Nemeth, for example, there's very little to no reversion of the curse."

"And what of the people that are being claimed as incurable?" I asked. I was sure that the nightcrawlers or whatever they were calling the severely infected, were in other villages as well.

"There aren't that many, and those that exist, they are mostly locked up in isolation as the physicians try to determine their mental state," Lance answered. He told me that, in every village he and Gwen had been to, there were more cured than infected. I didn't understand what was so different about Ealdor that people weren't getting healed completely.

0*-*-*0

Two nights later, after they were settled in, Gwen invited Merlin and me over for dinner. I tried to tell her several times that Merlin and I weren't a couple but she wouldn't budge. The least I could do was convince her to not mention it in front of Merlin.

She laughed and called us "cute." I was embarrassed. I didn't even know if Merlin was interested in me—I didn't even know if Merlin fancied blokes. I had assumed—hoped—he did. But I had no evidence to prove it either way.

"This is rather early for dinner isn't it?" Merlin asked, the sun wasn't going to set for hours. I had thought so as well, but, unlike Merlin, I wasn't rude.

"Sania's told us about the Saturday evening festivities in Avalon," Gwen said and my heart leapt with joy. Finally someone was interested in having fun. "We were thinking of going and staying there for the night. Why don't the two of you come? Surely you're not working tomorrow."

"Merlin works every day," I answered before he could get the chance. I saw why she thought we were a couple. "We go in late on Sundays, but we work Sundays. As Gaius says…"

"Disease does not take a holiday," Merlin said, and I laughed. "Arthur works every day as well," he added. "He just likes to tell me people that I am the do-gooder and he's…"

"I'll come with you," I chimed in before Merlin could say anything else. "Merlin can stay here and rot if he so wishes."

"What makes you think I don't want to go?"

"I don't know… I didn't think you'd be any fun," I mocked him.

Merlin gasped and threw a piece of bread at me. We turned to look at Gwen and Lance who were simply staring at us. I looked at Merlin who flushed with embarrassment, and I was sure that I was sporting red cheeks myself.

"We'll help you clean up and then we should be off," I said, straightening myself up. I could only imagine what they were thinking. I was a fool to entertain the idea that there was something more between Merlin and me, and now others around me were beginning to see my foolishness as well.

We arrived at Avalon, the pub, ten minutes before they closed their doors. We were led down a narrow passageway, and before our entry we needed to go through a "health check." I reckoned they wanted to make sure that they didn't let anyone infected in to the venue.

Merlin knew nearly everyone there and they all seemed happy to see him. Although, there was one who did not look as pleased. A young man sitting in the corner, he looked at me, glared really, and then looked away.

I spotted Kara, a local girl who helps out at the clinic, and approached her. "Kara, do you know who that is?" I asked, pointing at the man in the corner. He saw me looking at Kara, he stood up and walked away.

"Oh, that's Mordred," she said. I'd never heard of him. "You know, Freya's brother."

"Freya?" I asked. I had never heard that name either.

"Don't you know about Freya?" she asked me as though I had been living under a rock. "You live with Merlin and you don't know Freya?"

I shook my head. I had no idea what to say. She sighed and walked away, leaving me confused and intrigued at the same time. My thoughts were interrupted immediately when Gwen pulled me in for a dance.

"Gwen," I whispered in her ear and she looked at me. She knew I wanted a favour. "Can you find out who Freya is…and Mordred."

"Now?" she asked, surprised.

"No, not now. Whenever you can...do that thing you do and find out…" I laughed and she joined me. A moment later, Gwen, Lance and I were dancing together and I could see that Merlin was watching us from the corner of the room.

Gwen always had the most energy of any woman I'd ever known. At times it made me feel sorry for Lance. We danced together for what felt like an hour before I was allowed to take a break. As I tore myself apart from the group, I turned to find Merlin holding a glass of water for me.

"Thanks," I said and I drank it as if I hadn't had water for days.

"You looked good out there," he said. I shook my head. "What?" he asked.

"Don't mock me," I said, handing my glass back to Merlin as he refilled it for me. "At least I was having fun."

"Are you really suggesting, I don't know how to have fun?" he asked, looking offended. I shrugged. Before I knew it, the music had changed and Merlin had pulled me into the crowd.

The only thing that was beating faster than my heart was the music. Merlin placed his hand on my hip and pulled me in towards him. The crowd cheered. He began to lead me in circles around the room and I matched him beat for beat. He tried to trick me, switching moves mid-tempo, but I caught up with him. All those years of Morgana dragging me to dance lessons with her had finally paid off. I made a mental note to thank her if I ever saw her again.

The music changed and it was my turn to lead. I slid my right hand under Merlin's shirt, feeling his skin under my fingertips for the first time. It felt as though I'd had an electric shock. Merlin was warm. Warmer than normal.

I pulled him towards me and twirled him around. It wasn't long before he picked up on my moves. I hadn't realised that Merlin knew how to waltz. The beat was too fast, yet Merlin could move with me. Eventually, the music stopped and he was arched up against my hip. The crowd cheered and the music changed again. Gwen jumped up towards us and hugged us frantically.

"Arthur, I have missed dancing with you and watching you dance so much!" she squealed.

Lance slapped me on the shoulder. "Thanks for making me look bad in front of my girl, mate."

I was winded, and I was having difficulty breathing. I turned to look at Merlin and he looked equally flushed. I straightened myself up and shook his hand. "Alright, Merlin," I said, "I'll give it to you, you know how to have fun."

"How did you learn to dance like that?" Gwen asked.

"Growing up—my friends, Freya and Mordred, we attended classes together and entered school competition and things…" Merlin spoke softly, as though he was carefully choosing his words. I saw his eyes trail around the room, as if he was looking for someone. Mordred?

"Is that why you don't come here?" I asked, unable to help myself. "You're avoiding Mordred." Merlin looked at me with a piercing glare that cut right through me as though it were a sharp knife. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business."

"Yeah, it's not." He turned and stormed away from me, as I looked at Gwen and Lance, defeated.

We eventually found a corner in the room to curl up into and fall asleep. Lance held Gwen and they slept on their side against the wall. I was facing the room with the wall behind me. I missed Merlin. I wished he'd stayed with me for the night but I wouldn't have even known how to ask him if I tried. In the middle of the night, I groggily woke up and saw Merlin and Mordred talking. Merlin looked apologetic and Mordred looked livid.

A moment later, Mordred was holding Merlin's hand. It wasn't in anger, it looked rather romantic, I thought. Merlin looked down at Mordred's hand that was holding his then he looked at me. Our eyes met. Merlin didn't react. Mordred turned to look at me next and I immediately closed my eyes. I wasn't sure what was happening, but starting a brawl in the middle of the night in a club, which was under the ground to hide from nightcrawlers, wasn't exactly my idea of fun.

I must have fallen asleep immediately after, because the next thing I knew, Gwen was waking me up, and it was sunrise. It was time to head home, shower, and start my shift at the clinic. Gwen, Lance and I waited by the doors for Merlin but he never arrived. I wondered if I should have stayed back for him, but I knew that if I had stayed, Gwen and Lance would have stayed with me.

Two hours later, I was at the clinic. Merlin arrived an hour after that, with a bloody nose, and a swollen lip.

"What happened?" Gaius asked, before I got the chance to.

"Mordred." Merlin looked at Gaius who simply nodded. "It's not as bad as it looks."

"With Mordred, that's never the case," Gaius answered. He turned towards the cabinet and brought out some gauges and medicine and tended to Merlin.

"Who is Mordred and why is no one outraged by this?" I couldn't help myself. I couldn't just stand there and stay in the dark. I was in the dark about too many things. What was this curse, why was it worst in Ealdor? What exactly were these nightcrawlers? Why did Hunith still keep relapsing? And why were the medicines no longer working? And now new questions were popping up everywhere. About Mordred...and Freya.

"Well, we're not lovers anymore, that's for sure," Merlin joked and Gaius chuckled. "But I thought we'd moved past all this hostility, especially after we lost...Freya."

There was that name again.

"Who is Freya?" I asked taking a seat next to Merlin. Gaius was still tending to him and Merlin's gaze was towards the roof. Gaius told him to not move.

"She's Mordred's sister," Gaius answered.

"And Mordred is your boyfriend?"

"Was my boyfriend," Merlin corrected me.

"And Freya died from the curse?"

"Sort of…" Merlin paused. Gaius handed a paste to Merlin and he began applying it on his swollen lip. I was staring at Merlin's lip, unashamedly. Even if it was swollen, I wanted nothing more than to lean in and bite it. Merlin caught me staring.

"I think I am owed some explanations."

Merlin sighed and looked at Gaius who nodded. They had this understanding between each other, it was inspiring and yet, I was jealous. Gaius left the room and closed the curtains behind him. I settled into the bed, knowing that this was going to be a very long conversation. Or so I'd hoped. I just wanted to know everything about Merlin. Everything.

"Freya, Mordred and I grew up together…" Merlin began and I nodded. I knew that much. "We were always very close, and as you may imagine, when you grow up doing everything with someone...there's usually conflict, attraction."

"Freya fancied you?" I asked.

Merlin's eyes confirmed it. They had a sort of sad look, as though he was regretting that she did. "Yeah, and Mordred, too." I didn't blame them. Merlin was hard not to be attracted to.

"And you're gay, so you naturally…" I assumed Merlin was gay, he could have been bisexual. He could have shagged both Freya and Mordred. I tried not to think about that. Mordred was bloody gorgeous, and I was sure that Freya was beautiful too. A pang of jealousy rose up my spine.

"So now you've found the problem," Merlin answered. So, definitely gay then. Not bisexual. "I wished I wasn't gay. I mean I didn't want to be so different from everyone else. I wished that I could love Freya the way she loved me. But, then I found out that Mordred was gay too, and we grew closer as friends, it was something we could share—with each other. Freya became increasingly jealous of us and she—"

"She what?" I asked. Merlin had suddenly stopped talking.

"We don't talk about it, but there's something you should know," he said. His look was grave. I waited eagerly for him to tell me what it was. "Ealdor is a land of magic."

"Magic?" My voice could not have been condescending enough. Sure, we'd all heard the tales. The old kingdom of Camelot was engulfed with magic until an evil king started punishing everyone who performed magic, and everyone that practiced the craft had to go into hiding. But that tale was over two thousand years old.

"Shh! Yeah, it's true."

"Can you do magic?"

"No, but my ancestors could. In this day and age, it is very rare for a child to be born with magic. And Freya...Freya was one of them."

I scoffed. I didn't mean to be so rude but I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Curses aside, but actual, real magic? Was Merlin being serious.

"It's true, Arthur. Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"Okay, yes," I admitted. Merlin was sharing a secret with me, and regardless of how absurd the secret was, he'd never been so open with me before. Besides which, I would listen to him even if it was only to recite the contents of his medicine book from cover to cover.

"Freya...some say...and I believe them, I believe them now. I should have believed them earlier. They think that Freya cast the curse. She cast the curse on me, on my mother, she wanted us to suffer. And the curse—it was like a disease—airborne and we gave it to others. She wanted to punish me; she wanted to make me watch my mother suffer. So I could—"

"You could what, Merlin?" His face was pale and he looked as though he was holding back his tears. "Your mother is safe, she's out of danger for now," I tried to comfort him. I squeezed his shoulder with my right hand. I would have done anything for him not to be so hurt.

"She wanted me to leave Mordred; she wanted me to marry her, give her a child."

"So she placed a curse on you?"

"Yeah, but it didn't work. I mean, you know how I get sick but I can still manage to function?" I nodded at his question. I was always intrigued by that. "Gaius thinks it was my body resisting the curse. I wasn't dying, not the way she'd wanted me to. We'd only been spreading the curse. She said she'd placed the curse on herself too. That we'd have to mate, so she could live. She fell quite ill, and Mordred…" He paused for a moment. "Mordred wanted me to give her what she wanted, so she could live."

"You don't really believe that, do you?" I asked. She really would have lived if Merlin had mated with her?

"After she cursed me, Mordred and I, we stopped…" He didn't say it but I knew what he meant. "He left and she only got worse. He told me to try...to marry her, to have a child with her, so she could live. I didn't want to believe her; I didn't want to believe him. Then a year later, she was gone. And I suppose to this day—"

"He blames you."

A tear rolled from Merlin's eye and I caught it with my finger.

"You can't really believe that, though?" I asked. "I mean, curses, and magic. This is just a plague and we'll have to figure out—"

"But everyone is always getting sick; even after they get better. Everyone I touch...Don't you see, Arthur, I am the curse!"

"Is that why you work in the back, so you don't have to touch people?"

"Everyone I touch gets sick."

I ran my hand over Merlin's cheek. "You touch me...you touched me last night when we were dancing."

"I try not to," he whispered. His gaze was towards his hands and I wished for him to look up at me. I wished I could read his eyes, his thoughts.

"Do you want to?"

Merlin immediately looked up at me then. As though my question had startled him. Unfortunately, I didn't get my answer at that moment.

"There you two are!" Gwen came bursting through the curtains. "I have been looking everywhere for you, Merlin. And Arthur, Lance is asking for you." I stood up immediately and left the room. I didn't want to make Merlin any more uncomfortable than he was already feeling.

That night, I was awake all night thinking over what Merlin had told me. A woman, a scorned woman, had cursed Merlin out of love and jealousy. She'd made it impossible for them to live, unless they mated. And now, according to Merlin, anyone he came across was getting the plague. Did that mean that eventually I would get sick too?

Freya died because she didn't mate with Merlin. Was Merlin to slowly die as well? I wondered if Merlin's curse only required him to shag Freya to be cured, or whether could he shag anyone. Even Mordred?

"What are you thinking about?" Merlin. He was always able to tell when I was awake. Even in the darkness.

"How'd you know—?"

"Your breathing. It's not very soothing at the moment."

"Sorry, I didn't realise it bothers you so much," I teased.

"It doesn't. Just wondering if you're thinking about Elyan."

"Elyan?" I asked, shocked. I hadn't thought about Elyan in days. "Why?"

"I overheard Gwen speaking with Lance that he was due to visit. I thought maybe she told you—"

"Well, she hasn't yet," I snapped. "And I am not thinking about him."

"Good," he said.

Sometimes, I really didn't understand Merlin. "Why good—?"

"Goodnight, Arthur."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Goodnight, Merlin."

0*-*-*0

The week continued as it did, and nothing really seemed to change, especially not between Merlin and me. Gwen did manage to get some information on Freya and Mordred, but it wasn't anything I already didn't know. It seemed that the villagers did believe that Freya had caused the curse, and no one blamed Merlin. It also appeared that only a few of them knew about Freya's "escape" from the curse, the "loophole." No one knew, besides a handful who didn't really believe, that Freya had caused the curse to bond Merlin to herself.

I began to question my own beliefs. I didn't believe in the old religion, in magic. Certainly, I'd heard of it, but it was all hearsay, wasn't it?

I also questioned my attraction towards Merlin. Was I fascinated with him because of the curse? I knew, I could feel in my heart that Merlin was attracted to me as well—was that because of the curse?

My days and nights continued with these thoughts. Every day I'd see Merlin and every day I'd wonder if my feelings were real or was it all just some sort of magic?

I thought about asking him. I thought about asking how he felt about me, but I didn't even know how to approach the subject. Even if Merlin was aware that the curse was slowly killing him, would he really have sex with someone just to save himself? He still seemed pretty hung up on Mordred. Maybe he wanted Mordred, and maybe Mordred wouldn't have him after what had happened with Freya.

I was lost in my thoughts as I walked home alone that evening. I didn't even realise that someone was calling out to me. A hand tapped my shoulder.

"Arthur!"

"Elyan." To say that I was surprised was an understatement. I had completely forgotten that he was due to visit. I didn't know when, but I should have been expecting it.

"How are you?" Elyan asked as he awkwardly stood in front of me. I was unsure, as am sure he was too, whether we should have hugged, shook hands or just stood there.

"Fine. I heard you were going to come by," I said. It was all I could say in that moment. I saw Merlin walking towards us from behind Elyan.

"Your friend Merlin, I met him in the market when I was with Gwen and he told me that you two stay together." There was something odd about Elyan's tone but I didn't want to read too much into it. I simply nodded.

"I have been speaking with Sania, to see if we can find a place for Elyan. She believes, there won't be anything available for at least a week," Merlin said. I looked at him and nodded. Merlin too, was looking at me rather strangely.

"Gwen said I could stay with her," Elyan said and I nodded again, lost at words.

"You can stay in our room," Merlin offered, and I looked at him shocked. What was he saying? "I mean, I can stay with my mother for a week…"

Elyan began shaking his head. "No," I said, before Elyan could say anything. "Don't be stupid, Merlin, it's your place and I am staying with you. I am not going to allow you to go anywhere." I looked at Merlin. "I'm sure Gwen's will be fine for a week?"

"Yes, it'll be perfectly alright."

"Great, it's settled then," I said, determinedly. "It's good to see you, Elyan."

"Gwen's invited you to dinner," Merlin told me.

"And you?" I asked.

"Well, I thought I was going to my mother's…"

"So now you're not." I spoke again. "So we'll be going to Gwen's. I'd bought some wine yesterday from the market, I am sure we can take that. Unless you drank it this afternoon?" I raised my eyebrow playfully. I was becoming quite at ease with flirting with Merlin, despite my doubts about what it all meant.

I knew Elyan was watching us, but I didn't turn to look at him. I followed Merlin towards our quarters. Just before the turn to the hallway where we'd go right for our room—and Elyan would have to go up the stairs a few flights for Gwen's—I nodded to him, and said we'd see him later. Merlin had already left my side when I was speaking to Elyan.

"If you wouldn't mind, Arthur," Elyan said, taking advantage of our alone time, "I'd like it if we talked."

"Of course," I said to Elyan, softly. He was still my friend after everything but an instinct inside me told me to make sure that Merlin knew that there was nothing between Elyan and I.

I returned to the room and Merlin was sitting on his bed, shirtless. By now, we had gotten used to be at ease around each other and weren't so shy anymore. It worked to my advantage, really—I devoured any opportunity of watching Merlin get undressed.

I did my best to ignore Merlin when I entered the room and searched for the bottle of wine.

"Arthur, I really am okay with Elyan staying here, if you want—if you two want—"

"If we want, what?" I snapped. My feelings for Merlin were already taking a toll on me, I did not need this added stress.

"If you want to reconcile," he said.

"Reconcile?" I nearly well screamed. "God, Merlin, I didn't take you to be so stupid. Annoying, yes. A bit of a know-it-all, sure. Impatient, definitely. But stupid?"

"What is your problem?" he had the audacity to ask.

"My problem?" I dropped the bottle of wine on my bed and walked towards Merlin's bed. He stood up as well and walked towards me. He was still without a shirt. I felt the heat between us as we stood inches apart. His hair swept across his forehead. I wanted to run my fingers through it. I wanted to touch him, God, I would have done anything to wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull him in.

"We'll be late for dinner," he said, breaking my concentration. I sighed, hung my head low and nodded.

"Yeah, you're right." I turned around and walked back towards my bed and grabbed the bottle I'd tossed onto it moments earlier. Merlin dressed, and a few short minutes later we were out the door.

0*-*-*0

Dinner was fun. On the outside, it looked like it was fun for everyone. Gwen was ecstatic to have her brother back and Lance was happy whenever Gwen was happy. She wouldn't stop telling stories of Elyan and me to Lance and Merlin. All the trouble we got into as children; how my father had instilled fear in all of us.

Gwen even mentioned Morgana, and I felt immediately disheartened. I missed her. I hadn't seen Morgana in almost a year. We weren't the closest growing up, but she was still family.

"I didn't know you had a sister," Merlin said, when he finally spoke a few words for the night.

"Half-sister," I said, and he looked at me confused, as if that mattered. "I know, she ran away the first chance she had. I didn't blame her."

"Do you want to see her again?" he asked.

"Of course, I do. I miss her a lot. I thought if things ever settled down around here, maybe I'd travel, go searching for her."

"What's stopping you now?" Merlin asked. I looked at him, I mean, really looked at him. What was wrong with this bloke? I shook my head and looked towards Gwen who simply shook her head. Evidently, she saw what Merlin couldn't.

"It's getting late," I said as I finished the last of my meal. "Thank you so much, Gwen, it was delicious, all of it."

"We'll help you clean up," Merlin said.

"No don't," Gwen insisted. "We'll be here, and we're not going anywhere. Thanks so much for the wine, Arthur."

I looked at Elyan just before I left. "We'll talk tomorrow?" I asked. "You'll get a tour of the grounds tomorrow?"

"Are you offering?" he asked, hesitantly.

"Of course," I said with a smile. I could see in Elyan's eyes how desperate he was to speak to me, to ask for my forgiveness, my friendship. And I was willing to offer these things to him. But not in front of Merlin. I was tired of Merlin getting the wrong idea.

We said our goodbyes, and five minutes later Merlin and I were on our way back. When we returned to our room, Merlin was avoiding eye contact with me again.

"Merlin?"

"Yeah?" He still didn't turn. Instead, he was acting though he was preparing his bed.

"Do you no longer wish to room with me?"

"Why do you ask that?" He turned around immediately, that had caught his attention.

"You're so insistent on me living with Elyan, you might as well ask me to find a room with him." Until the words hadn't come out, I hadn't realised how livid I was. I really wondered if Merlin didn't want to stay with me. And if he didn't, why didn't he just say so?

"It's not like that," he said, his voice shaky a bit. "I just wanted to make sure I wasn't in the way of…"

"For crying out loud, Merlin." I was in his space before he could breathe out another ridiculous word. "Do you want to know why I haven't gone looking for my sister yet?"

He didn't say anything, he simply stared into my eyes. I heard him gulp and his Adam's apple bobbed.

"I don't want to leave you," I said, not waiting for him to really tell me if he wanted to know or not. I wanted him to know. "Because, I want you. I think about you every night when I lie alone in my bed. Cold. Wishing for your warmth."

"Your body is unusually cold," he said, as though he was trying to figure out a puzzle.

"No, your body is unusually warm," I argued. "Because you're always running a fever, because you have the disease and yet you won't rest. Because you need to take care of yourself, find someone to fuck, or you will die." There I said it. I said what I had been thinking ever since I found out what was wrong with Merlin. I wanted him to know that I didn't want him to die. That I needed him to live, for me, with me.

"Do you know why Mordred punched me?" he asked, looking up into my eyes again. I ran the back of my hand against his arm and his body shivered. He closed his eyes for a brief moment.

"Tell me, why?" I said. I wanted to lean in, right then and there and kiss him—push him against the bed, drop on my knees—something!

The doorknob rattled. Shit, I hadn't locked the doors.

I let go of Merlin's arm and ran towards the door. It opened a crack and I could see a man, with a crazy look in his eyes, his retinas the colour of blood. He was trying to push the door open wider, and I could see others behind him. This had been the first time I'd ever seen the nightcrawlers, and they were more terrifying than I'd imagined.

"Merlin!" I yelled and he came next to me, pushing the door closed, placing the deadbolts on, starting with the one on top.

Slowly we locked each one and turned the lights off. We had been so careless. I had been so careless.

"It's okay, I think we're okay," Merlin whispered as we held each other against the door in the dark. As strange as it had been, this was the closest I had been to Merlin's body since that night we danced in Avalon. I pulled him closer, held him tighter, wrapping my arm around his waist.

I wasn't scared. Not anymore, I had Merlin. I just didn't want to let him go.

"So tell me," I whispered in return. We were still against the door, as though our body weight was the thing that was holding the door shut.

"Tell you what?" he asked. He was nuzzling in my neck and I trailed my right hand up from the small of his back to the back of his head.

"Why Mordred punched you," I said, and I placed a kiss on top of his head. There was no stopping me now.

His laughter was muffled in my neck. I pulled him closer, if that were even possible. I wanted to engulf myself in that heat. There was a fire burning inside me now and it was caused only by Merlin. I wanted him desperately, needed him.

"He believed Freya's curse to be true, he still does," Merlin said. My hand was massaging the back of his neck and Merlin leaned into that touch. I couldn't see him, but I felt every part of his body that was pressed against mine.

"And?" I asked, my voice quivering.

"He wanted to know if I wanted to get back together with him. Maybe that he could help me, with the curse, since we'd be—together." I could hear the hesitation in Merlin's voice and I was glad he couldn't see the rage on my face.

"But I told him, I wasn't interested. That I had more pressing matters at hand and that if I wanted the curse to be broken in such a way, I'd rather—"

"Rather, what?"

"I'd rather it be you—" Before Merlin could finish his sentence my lips were on his and I had him pressed against the door. He was kissing me back, and I smiled mid-kiss. Then I was pushing into him so hard that I feared that I would have broken the door. I pulled him towards me again, and I led him, in the dark, to his bed.

"Why are we going towards my bed?" he asked. He always needed a reason to argue, didn't he?

"Would you rather we go to mine?" I asked him, in between kissing him on the neck, then his cheek, then claiming his lips again.

"No," he said, I could hear the teasing in his voice. "Since we're already here." He pushed me onto his bed and got on top of me. I would have done anything to see the look on his face, to give him the look of want I knew was in my eyes.

I struggled with my hands to untuck his shirt, to take it off him and throw it onto the floor. He on the other hand, took his time with me. His hands grabbed my waist and they leisurely trailed up, under my shirt until he reached my shoulders then he removed my shirt. His fingers were studying my body in the dark and I closed my eyes and hit my head against the pillow. I felt his hands all over me, I felt his desire for me.

I jerked up almost involuntarily and he let out a chuckle as he pressed onto my cock with his arse. I began to imagine his arse then, I was allowed to. I often used to make my mind deviate from such thoughts, when we first met, but more recently I couldn't help but notice how Merlin's trousers always made his arse look just so perfect. My hands reached down from his waist and squeezed his arse. He began to grind on me as he pinched my right nipple. Then he leaned down to kiss me.

Everything about Merlin felt incredible. His body was so warm. When our bare chests touched, I wanted to pull him into me and keep him there for as long as I could.

As he was kissing me, he balanced himself on his knees and his hands trailed down towards my trousers. He unbuckled my belt and took a hold of my erection, pushing my trousers down. When he began stroking me I was so afraid that I would come right then and there. Then his tongue licked my prick, and soon his wet mouth all but enveloped my cock.

"Fuck, Merlin," I groaned. I couldn't see, and it all made everything more—sensational. My hands were in his hair, tugging on his locks, steadying his rhythm as he moaned around my cock, and I fucked his mouth. His hands moved down from my waist to my thighs as they rubbed me, and I knew I was going to come at any moment. He sucked harder. "Fuck," I said again—his hands massaging me everywhere. I came undone, spilling into his mouth and he didn't flinch, nor stop. He took in everything I had to offer.

"God, Merlin. That was…" I pulled him up with my fingers still tangled in his locks and kissed him. God, I could taste myself on him. "That was fucking amazing," I said. Another deep kiss as I refused to let go of Merlin's tongue from my mouth.

My hand travelled down again and inside his trousers so that I held Merlin's cock. I loved touching it, I wanted to lick it, I wanted to see it. I bit my lower lip.

"I want to feel you, Arthur," Merlin whispered in my ear, and followed it with a moan as my thumb circled around the head of his cock. "I want…"

"Yes," I whispered in return. I wanted to feel Merlin. I wanted him inside me, stretching my hole, fucking me with everything he had. I never wanted anything more in my life. There wasn't a person in this world that I wanted more than Merlin. I was ready, I had been ready.

I didn't know if my ache for him was the curse; I didn't know if his was either. All I knew in that moment that it had been months of attraction, weeks of longing and I wasn't about to let my mind get in the way of my body's need. This wasn't like Elyan; with Elyan it had been a momentary lapse in judgement, giving into a physical need. With Merlin—I knew—it was so much more than that.

Merlin left the bed for a moment and I felt his absence immediately. He returned, grabbed my hand and placed a phial in it. "Hold this for me," he said. My cock twitched at how controlling his voice was. I felt his weight on the mattress. He was on his knees again, and a moment later, his hands were spreading my legs and his tongue was searching for my hole.

His hands curved around to behind my thighs and I felt his hand gesturing me to lift up. I followed the unsaid command. He pushed in with his tongue. My groan was louder than it should have been, what happened next, shouldn't have been so unexpected. Merlin pushed in with his tongue again and continued thrusting into me with it. I was melting away into him, fuck, I was getting hard again. His left hand reached up and grabbed my right where I was still holding on to the phial he'd placed there.

I heard it open and I only assumed that Merlin spread the substance on his cock and on his fingers because after his tongue, I felt a slick finger enter me, soon there were two, then three.

"Do you like that, Arthur?" he asked, in the most sultry voice possible. I reckoned that, since I couldn't see him, he was more free to do what he pleased with me.

"Yes, Merlin, I love it," I said, hoarsely.

He pulled out his fingers and then pushed them in me again. I moaned again. "Do you want to feel my cock? Do you want me inside you?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes!" I knew I was practically begging, and I didn't care. There was nothing I wanted more.

It wasn't long until he was thrusting into me, and I was pleading for more, asking him to push in further. He pushed in deeper and released a gratifying moan himself. "God, you feel amazing, Arthur. I don't want to stop. I never want to—" Merlin was spilling himself inside me—it was hot—just like his body had always been. He continued thrusting as though he didn't want to stop until he was completely spent, and a few more thrusts later, he collapsed on top of me. His limp cock was still inside me, and my legs were wrapped around his waist. It was incredible.

I was hard again and my erection was now pressed in between our bodies. I knew I wanted more, it had been so long for me that I had been with someone, let alone someone that made me feel so alive. I wasn't sure if Merlin was done—what he thought.

"Switch with me," Merlin said, as though he'd read my mind. I sat up on the bed. Soon he was on his knees and I was behind him. I couldn't believe it, we were going to continue to fuck. "I know you're hard again…" His hands hand found my neck and he pulled me in for a kiss. "I want to feel every part of you. I want to feel everything I can."

I pushed him on the bed and took the phial that he'd held onto; I was spreading the oil on my cock.

It was my turn to fuck him with my fingers for a while before I pushed into him with my cock. My fingers dug into his hip, and he gasped with every movement. I leaned in and kissed the back of his neck then bit his shoulder.

I pushed in a little bit further, my movements were slow. "You feel amazing," I uttered; his reply was simply a groan. Merlin reached his arm back and rested his hand on my neck, pulling me in closer, indicating for me to continue, thrust harder. So I did.

"Oh God, never stop," Merlin begged, and I could do nothing else but obey his request.

Every fibre of my being was coming alive. With each small thrust, I was getting deeper and deeper into Merlin as he pushed back to encourage me. He repeated my name over and over again. I pulled back for one last time and pushed into him; my body collapsed on top of his as I came, my mouth on his ear—calling his name—expressing my need for him.

We cleaned up in the dark and fell into each other, our bodies twisting. My arm was wrapped around his waist and I don't think I ever wanted to let him go. We feel asleep; Merlin fell asleep before me, and for the first time in my life, that night, I listened to his breathing.

"Goodnight, Merlin," I whispered in his ear.

"Goodnight, Arthur," he mumbled back.

0*-*-*0

The next morning, I woke up to the feeling of Merlin's fingers trailing my side.

"What are you doing?" I asked, in almost a whisper. I didn't want to disturb the peaceful moment.

"Trying to savour the moment," he answered.

"Sorry, I woke up and ruined it for you," I said, grinning. He grinned in return and kissed my nose. "Do you think Gaius will mind if we don't go in today?"

Merlin twisted his face as though he was really trying to think it through. "I think he would mind if we sent no word of our arrival. He might think we've fallen ill and send in the cavalry." I groaned. "Yeah, it's probably best if we get up."

"I need a few more minutes," I said, refusing to let Merlin go from my grip.

"We'll be late. And we have to take Elyan with us." Whatever mood that I was getting into, had just been killed. "Besides, we'll probably save time if we shower together."

I was up and ready in no time. "Good, because I want to…"

"Want to what?"

"Watch you," I said as I handed a towel to Merlin and he wrapped it around his waist. I turned to look at his bed that we'd both slept in. What a mess it was. "We probably can't give the sheets for washing…"

"Yeah, I'm afraid, we'll have to do our own washing from now on—or at least part of it."

Ten minutes later, Merlin and I were washing our exhaustion away but were creating a whole new mess of things. It started with watching him stroke himself and me, as I inserted my soapy finger inside him. He hissed and bit his lip. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen him do. Now I knew the face to the sounds he'd made the night before.

In that moment, I wanted him again. I pushed him against the wall. Using soap for lube I pushed myself inside him. He hissed again. This time, it wasn't all pleasure.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just burns a little." He leaned against the wall and spread his legs for me.

"If you want me to stop…"

"Don't you fucking dare, Arthur Pendragon." It was the first time Merlin had ever said my name completely. It was in the most demanding tone I'd ever heard; my cock twitched with excitement and my body...almost instinctively, leaned into him.

"Fuck," I whispered. I watched myself fuck him, my cock going in and out of him. Everything I had felt last night had been intensified because I could actually see. It was bloody brilliant. I chuckled at the thought. "Bloody brilliant," it's something Merlin would have said.

"Faster, Arthur. Harder," Merlin instructed, and I followed. Then I was coming inside him, watching myself in him, feeling myself inside him; my arms wrapped around him across his chest. Then, I turned him around and my hand trailed down to take him and I stroked his cock until he was coming. I watched his face as he did. I wanted to keep that in my mind, because I knew later, that night, when we would do it again, I wouldn't be able to see it.

He opened his eyes and looked at me in surprise. "What?" he asked.

"You're sexy when you come," I answered, with a grin and gave him soap again. This time it was really time for a shower.

"Only when I come?" He raised an eyebrow and I leaned to kiss him again. Another something I didn't think I'd ever get used to.

0*-*-*0

We only had a few minutes left after the shower sex to get ready and meet with Elyan to take him to the clinic. We were going to show him around, then take him around the village. That had been the original plan—before Merlin and I—did what we did.

As soon as we arrived at the clinic, Merlin headed for the lab. I introduced Elyan to Gaius and talked to him about our work at the clinic. Elyan listened intently, nodded at everything, but I knew—I could tell—he wasn't really listening.

"Do you want to take a break?" I asked after an hour, it was time to get some coffee anyway. He nodded and we went to the shop around the corner.

"You don't have to pay for coffee?" he asked, surprised when the coffee shop owner handed me and Elyan our cups then shook my hand and walked away.

"Free healthcare is a form of payment if you work at the clinic. Everyone else pays in their own way."

"That's incredible."

"I know." I smiled softly. "It's something Merlin and Gaius came up with for the village. We all help out and we all have a job to do." We stopped at a bench and sat down. "It's sort of the same thing we were doing in other villages. Helped them build houses and they offered us free food."

"Yeah," he said. Still looking distracted.

"Alright, out with it," I said, impatient of the way he'd been acting.

"Gwen thinks that they want to go back to Nemeth, to get married." I nodded. I figured it was going to happen sooner or later. They didn't really have much here and Lance was quite close with his family. "So I'll be going with them for the wedding."

"Okay…"

"I thought, maybe after I return, you and I can live together where Gwen and Lance are now."

"I'm with Merlin," I said. It was the first time I'd said it out loud. It was the truth, wasn't it? I was with Merlin.

"I know, for now. But don't you want to have your own place? Gwen said it was a temporary situation."

"No, Elyan." My voice was stern, firmer than I intended it to be. "I'm with Merlin."

"Oh, I did not realise. I thought you two were just...mates. I didn't know—when did this happen?"

"Last night."

"Last night?"

And this morning, I thought, but chose not to say that. "Yeah. It seems your arrival finally gave me the edge I'd been waiting for...with him. I finally made him come to terms with his feelings."

"Oh, I didn't realise I was still a viable option, until last night."

I sighed. I was more annoyed than I'd led on. "It's the same with you, isn't it?" I asked.

"Arthur, I don't understand."

"You and me. I tried not to think about it. I let it go for years. You were always like this. You knew I was gay from the start and you'd toy with me, to see how much I would actually do for you. Then this plague happened and everything was calm and we were travelling. But the moment we were alone together, we shared something and you...ran. Now you're back. I'm with someone that I actually—"

"Actually what?" he asked. The nerve.

"Love, Elyan. I love him." He looked surprised. I would say shattered as well, but I knew he was acting. "And now you're here, you want us to be together, now, after fifteen years of toying with me."

"I'm not toying—"

"I don't believe you and I don't even care." I stood up and tossed my leftover coffee. "I'm late for my shift. Maybe you should go and find employment elsewhere." I walked away without turning back and didn't stop until I'd reached the Potions' Lab in the clinic.

I was looking for Merlin; I wanted to feel him against me even if it was just for a hug and a small kiss. Except, he wasn't there. I returned to the patients' room and Gaius stood by a bed looking worried. Merlin was lying in that bed.

"What happened?" I asked, rushing to his side.

"Gwen found him, unconscious in the lab," Gaius answered.

"What's wrong with him, Gaius?"

"I don't know. At the moment, nothing seems wrong. His fever is breaking; he's just unconscious." Gaius looked at me reassuringly. "His breathing is even and look, his colour is even coming back."

I knew that pale—almost white—colour wasn't his true complexion.

"Are you saying—"

"He's getting better, Arthur. I hope so, anyway."

"Hope so? Why is he not awake then?"

"When he was first hit with the curse—when Freya hexed him with a spell—he was asleep for days. I reckon he just needs to sleep it off."

"Sleep it off? That's not very reassuring, Gaius." I looked at Merlin's lifeless body on the hospital bed, and my heart was breaking. I had just finally had him with me, and now...he was just going to lie there for days, and I couldn't do anything?

"Just sit with him, Arthur," Gwen said. She pulled on my arm, and had me sit down on the chair next to the bed. "Just relax, it's going to be a long few days."

I don't know what I thought was going to happen after we had sex. Maybe Freya's curse was backfiring. Maybe he was only meant to mate with her and if he had sex with someone else, maybe that would kill him. Why didn't I think of that? Why wasn't it killing me?

The rest of the day went by in a blur and I sat there, next to Merlin, staring at him. Gwen brought me lunch, and I barely ate it. I didn't care for anything. I just wanted Merlin to wake up. I checked several times, he was breathing. His chest rose and fell evenly but when I shook him, he didn't wake up. I held his hand, squeezed it, kissed it—but he didn't wake up.

"Arthur, it's time to go." Gwen came by one last time, trying to get me to leave.

"I am staying here."

"You can't stay here, you know they lock up the clinic."

"I know. I saw all the overnight patients were moved to the solitary cells. If Merlin is staying here, I am staying here." I stood my ground and eventually Gwen left.

An hour later, my stomach grumbled. I groaned. I should have asked Gwen to leave me some food. To distract myself, I began talking to Merlin. I told him all about my conversation with Elyan and about my history with him. I told Merlin I loved him. Nothing. Eventually, I leaned back in the chair and tried to make myself comfortable.

"Good night, Merlin."

He said nothing.

0*-*-*0

"Arthur, wake up."

It was morning. Gwen was standing by my side and Gaius was too close to my face looking into my eyes with a Retinoscope.

"Ow, that's bright," I said and Gaius backed off.

"Evidently that's what I need to wake you up in the morning." That voice belonged to Merlin.

I immediately straightened up from my chair and looked towards the bed. Merlin was sitting up against the headboard and gleaming at me.

"Are your eyes...extra blue?" I asked. Everything about him looked different. Good different. He looked alive.

"There is no sign of the disease in Merlin," Gaius said to me. "He's been awake for hours and was just watching you sleep when we arrived."

"Stalker," I said, and Gwen laughed.

"Also, strangely enough…" I turned to look at Gaius who spoke again. "The patients that were all unconscious in the solitary cells have also awakened. They are not all as healthy as Merlin here, but I think they are going to make a full recovery."

"What are you saying, Gaius?" I asked. It sounded too good to be true.

"I can't say for certain, but it looks like the curse has been lifted. Freya can no longer harm Merlin or any of the other people of Ealdor anymore."

I stood up from the chair and hugged Gaius. It was the best news I'd ever received. If the curse had been lifted, that meant that it was no longer going to be transmittable. It meant that others that are affected in other villages would also eventually get better!

"If you're done cheering over there, I'd like to leave now."

I turned to say something to him when Gaius spoke. "You can leave if you're able to walk but I need you to take the week off. I need you resting properly in bed!"

"Can Arthur take me home?" Merlin asked, winking at me when Gaius had turned. "I mean, he's the one who broke the curse and all." I glared at Merlin. He always did have a habit of talking too much. I could feel my face getting red. "I'm sure I'll need his help to get proper bed rest."

"Merlin!"

Merlin slyly smiled and looked at Gwen. "We're mated for life, you see." He winked at her and she smiled softly. "Or at least that's what he told Elyan."

"That's not what I told El— Wait. You heard me?"

"Yeah, you talk a lot, do you know that?" Merlin was beaming again. "I wanted to respond, but I couldn't. It was as though I was screaming, but no voices were coming out."

"Looks like Freya really wanted you to suffer," Gwen said. "Maybe she thought that if you were with someone else—even if the curse lifted—you'd still be trapped. Maybe it broke because of true love."

"Oh, Gwen. Not you too!" I groaned.

"No, I'm serious, Arthur," Gwen argued. "Lance's aunt believes that's why I was able to nurse him back to health. Because I loved him. You stayed with Merlin all night—because you love him."

"Okay, off you go," Gaius said, thankfully interrupting the conversation. "I've got other patients to tend to and you can't keep Gwen occupied here all day."

"Come on, Arthur. I need you to take me home and keep me occupied all day." I shook my head but didn't reply. There was no point in fuelling that fire. "Thanks for everything, Gaius. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? I thought Gaius told you—"

Merlin scowled at me. Yeah, there was no point arguing with him. He was going to be back at work the next day.

We walked back home taking our time. We stopped for coffee and breakfast and talked. It turned out that Merlin could hear everything I had said, and he was glad that I'd told Elyan that I loved Merlin. I was happy to know that he loved me too. Not before he'd managed to call me a sappy teen-aged girl ten times in the conversation.

We hadn't been home since we left the morning before. I had no idea what Sania did or how she knew, but she'd managed to wash all of the linen and our beds were already pushed in together. I was glad that there were extra locks on the door that she didn't have a key for.

That day Merlin and I shagged on the bed in daylight for the first time. Everything I had imagined and loved about us in the darkness was only magnified when I was able to see him. It was better than anything. Better than the shower the day before.

We dutifully returned to work the next day. I could never say no to Merlin, I obeyed whatever that mouth demanded.

There were fewer patients in remission, and slowly but surely everyone who was getting cured stopped returning to the clinic. Merlin wasn't so afraid to touch the patients anymore, and provided help with caring for them. Not just brewing potions.

Gaius believed that Merlin had magic stored inside him—that's why the curse hadn't been entirely successful in killing him—and that his touch was also actually magical. The curse had left his body and he had become the transmissible cure. Hunith was the first to be pronounced completely healthy.

The nights were still dangerous. The nightcrawlers were still out there, but the good news was that their numbers were dwindling. We hoped that one day we would be able to go dancing on a Saturday night out in the open and not in a cryptic cellar.

Merlin and I liked staying home on Saturday nights anyway. Just as I had memorised the lay of the room in the dark, I had also committed Merlin's body to my memory.

The End

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