Tír na nÓg

What Have I Done?!

X-x-X-x-X

The shipyard was rife with swearing and the pounding of hammers, as the Exploration Group navigated their way through the chaotic maze of bodies and wooden stocks. Rough-tongued men clothed in tattered sailor-uniforms and oversized, striped tee-shirts swarmed all around them. Barely audible over the chaos was the blaring of ship horns and the shrill cries of startled seagulls. The fetid odor of fish clashed with the salty tinge of sea air, creating a noxious perfume that made everyone crinkle their nose.

"What exactly does the Marine Vocation do again?" Alfred practically screamed over the pandemonium surrounding them. The Guide held a hand to his ear, indicating that he couldn't hear him. Alfred sighed, shaking his head in exasperation before trying again.

"WHAT DOES THE MARINE VOCATION DO?" He screeched so loudly that everyone around them fell silent, turning their curious eyes towards Alfred. Arthur sighed, his nostrils flaring. After a few seconds of awkward silence, the people around them turned to each other and resumed their conversations. Gradually, the babbling chatter returned to its previous volume.

"Don't you know anything, you twat?" he snipped. Of course, his words were washed away by the sea of noise enveloping them. Alfred stared expectantly at the Guide, however, it was Emil who answered.

"The Marine Vocation takes care of anything involving the Sea- whether it be handling trade with other cities, fishing, or transportation," he explained in a quiet voice that forced everyone to lean in closer. Feliciano stared at him with wide-eyed amazement.

"Wow! You know a lot, ve!"

Lovino shot him a withering glare, making Felicianoblanch at the malice in his eyes. Everyone else took an unconscious step back, in case Lovino started to sprout horns and grow wings, or something along those lines. "H-huh?" Feliciano tilted his head, looking confused. The Guide cleared his throat, stealing a hasty glance at his wristwatch.

"We should make haste and head over to the docks, Feliks is waiting for us."

X-x-X-x-X

A shimmering turquoise sea expanded endlessly towards the horizon. Ships of all types- ornate yachts emblazoned with the crests of wealthy families, sturdy wooden cargo ships, and intimidating steel-clad war vessels- sailed into the harbor, stopping at the docks.

The crewmen were a plague of locusts, teeming all over the ships with a fervid intensity. Loading and unloading with a frightening single-mindedness. Standing out in a crowd of burly middle-aged men with beer bellies and scar-faced teenagers, was a lovely, well-dressed (for someone in the Marine Vocation), blonde female, with green, almond-shaped eyes the color of spring grass, and a lanky man with a shaggy mop of carroty-red hair and a splash of freckles across his face. He rested a hand on a wooden keg next to him, letting it support his weight.

Seeing the redhead, Arthur let out an anguished groan and stepped behind the Guide. Confused, the Guide craned his gaze in Arthur's direction. "Patrick," he mumbled, narrowing his eyes. "I didn't think he would be here…" he added, his face twisted in distaste.

"Like, give that beer to the hands, ye landlubber!" the blonde stated imperatively, pointing a finger at the wooden beer keg that Patrick was casually leaning on. He laughed, running a finger through his messy locks.

"Aye, aye, Ca'ain!" He chuckled and gave the blonde a patronizing salute, brutally butchering the common tongue with a thick accent and extensive letter-dropping. She snorted, folding her arms and flinging him an irritated stare.

"Like, don't make me totally keelhaul ye, or something like that ye scallywag," she snapped, pursing her lips into a thin line.

"Alrigh', alrigh'," he sighed with mock-annoyance and hefted a keg over his shoulder. "I'll 'liver 'is 'eg to them 'ailors." He walked away from her, flagging down a muscular sailor with a foul expression.

Arthur heaved a relieved sigh, as Patrick and the sailor boarded a ship, wiping his brow. "So, it's that bad for you?" Alfred eagerly enquired, patting Arthur on the shoulder. Arthur furrowed his brow, shooting Alfred a look that all too clearly screamed "Shut-up, or I'll strangle you with the first piece of rope I can find".

"That blonde is kind of cute," remarked Feliciano, grinning broadly at Lovino.

Lovino smirked and folded his arms. "She's mine," he affirmed, glaring at Feliciano as if he dared him to say otherwise. Feliciano sighed, slumping his shoulders.

"Perché, fratello?"

"Excuse me, miss!" the Guide called out, waving his arm wildly to attract the blonde's attention. She stiffened, as if an electric shock had shot through her, and swiveled her head in their direction. The Guide motioned for her to come over. She rolled her eyes, flipping her hair sassily and sauntered over to them.

"Like, is there something ye want me for? It better be like, totally urgent or something, lest I'll be having ye swab the poop deck. I'm waiting for someone, who is, like, totally important, and if ye muck this up-"

The Guide held his hand up, cutting off the blonde's rant.

"Are all people in this Vocation this weird?" Alfred queried, alternating his stare between the six of them. The blonde huffed indignantly, placing both hands on her hips.

"Don't, like, make me, throw ye overboard, or something like that," she snapped, chucking mental daggers at him.

"Please do," Arthur snarked sardonically, his lips twisted into a humorless smile. Alfred gave him a horrified look. The Guide shook his head, burying his head in his hands.

"Are you sure you still want her, fratello?" Feliciano whispered to Lovino. He chortled lowly, cocking his head to the left.

"Bel tentativo."

"Well, I do apologize," the Guide bowed respectfully, "but we're looking for a young man named Feliks Łukasiewicz, have you seen him?" The blonde's eyes widened and she bobbed her head up and down.

"Aye aye, matey! That'd be, like, totally me, ye all seek!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

Everyone's reactions were widely varied to say the least.

Alfred's jaw dropped, his eyes as wide as cantaloupes. Arthur sighed, shaking his head and muttering something in a dark undertone. Emil raised his eyebrows, carefully scrutinizing the blonde, as if trying to determine if the person before him was a legit guy. Feliciano's mouth opened into a perfect little "o", while Lovino looked outright horrified. The Guide stared dubiously at the blonde, his expression guarded.

"Please, if this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny," he sighed, liberally rubbing his temples.

The person who allegedly called himself "Feliks", snorted, pouting childishly at the baffled group. "But I really am Feliks! I, like, totally have the necessary parts!" he insisted, clapping his hands together.

The Guide continued to stare at the blonde with a dubious expression.

"Yeah, pops, he' a legit 'uy."

Arthur groaned loudly, hanging his head. His interest piqued, Alfred turned in the direction of the voice.

Patrick was strolling towards them, with his hands in his pockets, and a wicked smile as wide as Yulemas on his face. Arthur looked up, glowering at the heavens as if it was all their fault. "Oh, an' it's my 'uss-faced br'ther as 'ell!" Patrick cat-called, waving a hand in an overly-cheery greeting.

"Bloody wanker…" Arthur grumbled, clenching his hand into tight fists. Patrick snickered, strolling over to Arthur and flinging an arm over his shoulder.

"So, time for ya' Choosin' Day, no?" He smirked, tightening his arm. Arthur growled, ripping himself free from Patrick and giving him a good shove. "Oi!" cried Patrick, shoving Arthur in retaliation.

"Go back to the brewery, you git!" Arthur shouted, ramming his foot into Patrick's ankle. Patrick howled in rage, bending over to clutch at his ankle. Arthur promptly raised his fist, about ready to shove it into Patrick's face, but was stopped by Alfred.

"Bloody hell, what do you think you're doing?" Arthur snarled, snapping his menacing glare to Alfred.

"Seriously, dude? Not cool!" Alfred ardently shook his head, meeting Arthur's hostile gaze with a serious face. "No matter how annoying your siblings are, you don't just beat up on them!" he continued.

"I' 'ike 'o 'iffer," Patrick piped up. Alfred narrowed his eyes, placing a finger over his lips.

"Really? You're not helping, at all."

Patrick snickered, lazily flexing his shoulders. With a warning look, Alfred released Arthur. Growling, Arthur stepped away from him, radiating a poisonous malice. The Guide sighed in relief, placing a hand over his heart.

"'O, 'en ya' ca'erpilla's 'onna 'oom in'o 'utterflies?" lipped Patrick.

Smart move.

"You blasted arsehole!" Arthur shrieked, lunging at him. Patrick cackled, sidestepping Arthur's attack and kicking him in the ass. With a startled cry, he crashed into the ground.

"E'ic 'ail," Patrick sneered, leaning over the dazed Arthur.

Arthur staggered to his feet, his face cut and his palms scraped, mumbling a vehement stream of obscenities under his breath. "Git… twat… wanker… fucker… arse… cunt…nitwit… Blooming murderer of the common tongue." His words sizzled, hissing like a drop of oil on a frying pan. His eyes smarted from the pain, bile coating his mouth in a foul taste.

"That's no way to treat your younger brother," Feliciano chimed, his Priest instincts kicking in. Patrick snorted, giving him a "I don't give two-fucks" look. Feliciano shook his head in reply, looking away from Patrick with a rueful smile.

"Like, are ye just, gonna be, like, totally ignoring me? 'Cause if ye are, I'll just, like, book another Guide." Feliks let out a loud, indolent sigh, rolling his eyes, and appearing rather bored. The Guide frowned, his eyes narrowing into little slits.

"No, it'll only be another minute." He turned towards Patrick. "May I ask what you are even doing here?" Patrick shrugged, flipping his hair with a toss of his head.

"This lad, was just, like, delivering some, booze, for the hands. They, get like, all 'scupper that!' and it, get's to be, like, a pain." Feliks tilted his head to the side, his expression thoughtful. "Though, I guess, it's like, those scallywags are a total pain either way. 'Cause then, they get, like, all loaded to the gunwalls, and that's totally not good."

Patrick smirked, raising his chin. "Ya', 'east 'ey 'ay 'ood," he remarked airily.

The Guide sighed, glimpsing down at his wristwatch, agitatedly tapping his foot against the stone pavement. "Well, since you're here, can you at least briefly explain the Brewer Vocation to this group? We're running behind our schedule and if we show up too late, I'll be sure to hear it from Axel!"

Patrick flippantly shrugged and adjusted his weight. "Ya', 'ure." He slid his gaze around, his shamrock-green eyes narrowed as they lingered on Arthur for just a mere second longer than the others. The hostility was clear between the two. Without thinking, Alfred grabbed Arthur's hand, only to have it slapped.

"Don't touch me, you git," he hissed in between clenched teeth. Alfred sucked in his cheeks, irritated at Arthur's hostility. Ok, so maybe he shouldn't have opened his mouth back at the Farmer's District, but seriously. Arthur was blowing it way out of proportion. He sure as hell wouldn't bite his head off if he made a tactless remark. Sure, he'd be a little sore… but forgive and forget, right?

"'Asi'lly, 'e brew 'irits 'or 'e 'eople o' 'ír na 'Óg." Patrick scratched behind his ear, shifting around absentmindedly. "An'one 'o or'ers 'ome 'ooze an' is 'egal, 'an usuall' 'uy a 'int or 'o. In 'urn, it's 'onated 'o the 'demy, 'ere 'e 'each 'uture 'ewers. 'Etty 'imple 'uff," he explained in a matter-of-fact tone.

The Guide nodded appreciatively. "That's a rather brief and simple-"

"What do you expect from someone with his intelligence level?" Arthur muttered under his breath. Patrick scowled, but other than that, Arthur was largely ignored.

"-explanation, but it'll have to do. Come on." The Guide motioned at his group. "We'll be leaving to pick up Ludwig Beilschmidt for his Exploration." He shuddered, suddenly appearing rather disconcerted. "I just hope his father doesn't chew me out for being late."

Lovino groaned inwardly, outwardly sulking, as the group navigated their way out of the Marine District. Great. Just fucking great. The cute girl he wanted to ask out was actually a gender-confused she-man (seriously, what guy wore fucking silk flowers in their hair?). Not to mention, that dialect. If Feliks seriously didn't make up his mind and choose either the valley or the sea, some bitch was going to get punched. Especially since she wasn't a cute girl anymore, to balance out her obnoxious way of speaking. She was actually a "he" and an annoying one to boot.

Pirate-valley girl-boy?

What. In. Fucking. Hell. Was. This. Shit?

Chapter title says all… I'm not going to apologize for Valley-girl pirate Poland and fail-cockney-accent Ireland. Nor am I apologizing for the seemingly-random tangent of Lovino's at the end. I will say, I was laughing as I wrote this chapter. I can only imagine the angry mob that will be coming after me for an OOC Poland.

But hey! Germany and (possibly) Nyo! Japan, alongside Hungary and Germania will be popping up next chapter! Let us gather our insane crew and scream at the top of our lungs!

I'm just waiting for my evil streak to kick in and sucker-punch all of you, guys! :3

If I had to pick a song that catches this story, I'd choose the Vocaloid Mash-up of Antichlorobenzene x Paradichlorobenzene because it catches the overall dynamic that will be occurring with the Vargas brothers (Even though they were relatively mute this chapter). I fawkin LOVE that song (Despite the long-ass name) So, give it a listen when you can!

I also noticed what a ginormous idiot I was in ch2 by forgetting the translation notes, so… I'll get around to fixing that! Speaking of translation notes… (So I don't forget)

Perché, fratello?- Why, brother?

Bel tentativo- Nice try.

Patrick's cockney accent- Not even going to try… Good luck! *Troll face*

Now, thanks to all the people that followed this story! Also, my reviewers! Here are your replies!

Aquanova dragon- :3 I'm glad you love this concept! XD As for making me finish… I'll try! If only because I got a ton of epic shet in store for this story! And Divergent… I have! (But Allegiant was a disappointment to me, especially after the first 2 books which were really good)

WinterSpirit13- That's good… Because I know Poland is going to haunt me for the rest of my days… XDD I'm glad that you liked it and found it interesting!

Rosamanelle- *Le gasp* How could you! Naah… It's all cool, k? Well… I'm not going to say anything about Choosing Day, but this is only loosely (very loosely) based on Divergent. There are similar elements, but for the most part… Pretty different. You gave me an idea to make Poland even more effed up than I already made him… If I wind up dead 'cause of Poland… I'll be holding you responsible XDD Yeah… Alfred is pretty rude, but he has the best intentions! :3 Between Alfred and Feliks… Well… I didn't have them really interact, 'cause that would result in your face turning red from all the epic face-palming XD