Happy Jearmin week! We already have the best protecting moment ever in the last chapter, so instead of making something up I just used that. I'm trash but hopefully you'll like it.

He couldn't believe he had done it. Not even now, when they were back 'home' and it was all done. Even sitting here in the corner of the room with his legs curled up to his chest and his elbows on his knees. He had spoken to Jean about this once, about giving up your own humanity for the greater good. It had seemed so easy back then, like knowing that you were helping humanity in the long run would make it all okay and worth it. Like it would wipe away the faces of the humans who died because of you. He knew now that that wasn't true.

The worst part of it was that he didn't know if he had really helped humanity at all. Maybe Jean wouldn't ever help the world. Maybe he would hurt it. It was possible, he supposed, that humanity was safest as it was, behind the walls and never questioning that the government and the military were doing all they could to protect them. Maybe they were all better off not knowing the truth about the titans, about anything. What he had done, he had done for selfish reasons. He had killed that woman, that human, because he couldn't stand the thought of a world without Jean.

Thinking about it didn't make it better. It made it all worse. No one was proud of him, for what he did. They looked at him with fear and disgust. They thought he was a monster too. Even Jean. Jean was worse than the others. He was so clearly horrified and it was awful because he had done it all to protect him. No matter how much he loved him though, Jean would never feel the same way. He was in love with Mikasa.

He was glad that Mikasa could be there, even if Eren couldn't. She had killed another human before. She understood at least that there were times when there was no other option. Times when you had to kill or be killed, or watch someone you love die. He knew that given the same situation she probably would have killed that woman to save him or Eren. But she wouldn't be as weak as him. She wouldn't be crying or vomiting because of what she had done, she would accept it and move on. She would be strong, like she always was.

"Armin?"

The familiar voice jerked him from his thoughts. The voice that wouldn't be here if not for him. If not for the fact that the woman had hesitated. If not for the fact tat she had been a better person than he was. "Yeah, Jean?" His voice was feeble, shaking and cracking pathetically. He hated it.

"I'm..." The taller brunet trailed off, probably put off by being around someone like him. Someone so useless, who had killed without a thought. "Thank you for what you did."

"You're welcome I guess." Armin replied dully, not bothering to look up from where he sat on the floor. He couldn't look into those eyes, not now. Jean was thanking him, yes, but Jean was self centered and always had been. Of course he would be glad to be alive, how could he not be? It didn't mean anything. It didn't mean he didn't view Armin as the scum that he was.

"Armin, you did what you had to. There's no reason to be ashamed." It was funny, his voice almost sounded pleading. Like he wanted Armin to feel better. Almost.

"Yeah, but you didn't." He pointed out. " I didn't actually have to. I would have been fine if I hadn't, you're the one who had to and you didn't." He wasn't sure why he said it, because it made it sound like he was mad at Jean. He wasn't, really. God help him, he could never be mad at Jean. Not for this, and not for anything. It wasn't his fault that this happened, it was Armin's.

Jean slid down the wall to sit beside Armin, looking horribly defeated. It made him feel even worse. "I know, and I should have shot her myself, but I couldn't do it. I wasn't as strong as you were. I'm sorry."

"I wasn't strong Jean, I was weak. I couldn't deal with you dying. I knew I couldn't handle it, so I let myself become a murderer. I sunk to their level. You were above that, you should be proud of yourself. If we all die tomorrow then at least you still have the moral high ground. You and all the others." Armin argued. Not that it could really be called arguing, it was more of a weak mumbling than anything else.

"No it isn't, because it's my fault you're like this. At least if I had done it you would have been okay."

That registered something inside of him. Some kind of hope, however small. "Why do you care if I'm okay? All you ever worry about is yourself. Shouldn't you be happy that I did it? You're alive and you don't have to feel guilt. It's a win win."

"Armin, I haven't felt that way since Marco died. He saved my life, you know. That's probably why he died. It's my fault and it should have been me. I just don't want anyone else to suffer so I can live." He explained. Of course, he had been stupid to even consider anything deeper or special about him. The only thing special about him was how unendingly useless he was. All he ever did was make people worry.

When he spoke again he couldn't keep the shaking out of his voice. "And you think I'm suffering?"

That earned him a sigh and Jean's stupid hopeless voice. "I know you are, it isn't hard to tell." Why did he have to act like this, it would be easier if he had just left it as a thank you. Sure, having him care was nice, but he didn't care the same way as Armin and that was more painful than indifference."

"But I'm alive, so you can stop worrying about me." He turned away, tucking his head between his arms. He wanted this conversation to be over already, why couldn't Jean just leave him to his self-loathing?

There was another sight and a brief hesitation before the other boy responded. "God Armin, I'll never stop worrying about you." His voice was filled with more emotion than Armin had really heard from him before. Well, aside from the hatred in it when he spoke of titans and the military police. This wasn't hatred, it was more complex than that. There was fear, and sadness, and reief, and something else too.

It was too much for Armin to understand by himself. "What?"

"Armin, I know you don't feel the same way that I do, and I'm fine with that. Really, I am. I just want you to be okay. I love you." Jean talked faster now. It seemed that now that he had gotten it out there he just wanted to explain all of it.

Even so, it was too much for Armin to believe. Why would anyone ever love him? How was it even possible? He was nothing, useless, they were all better off without him. Sure he was smart and level headed, but so were Mikasa and Levi, when it came right down to it he was superfluous. He was reading too much into it, obviously Jean would never love him, not that way. They would never feel the same way. "Like as a friend." He concluded uncertainly, turning to face Jean in a more comfortable position on his knees.

Jean had to look the other way for a moment as though mustering up his courage to make eye contact and speak again. "More than as a friend. I'm not trying to pressure you by saying that, and I'm sorry if it comes across like that, but I need you to understand that I'll always accept you, whatever you do. I don't care that you killed that woman, it doesn't change you. What I care about is that you're upset about it. I'm here for you, however you need me to be here."

"Jean, you don't have to pretend to feel that way for my sake." Obviously that must be why he was saying this, there was no other logical explanation. "I'd rather you just be honest with me."

"I am being honest. I would never lie to you about something like that. What are you trying to say?" Jean sounded almost offended at being accused of lying.

Armin didn't buy it. "What you already know. I mean I've saved your life three times now, and risked my life for you. I mean I would die the most painful death a thousand times over, if it meant you would be okay. You must have noticed how I feel by now. If you hadn't then you wouldn't-"

He was interrupted when Jean's lips crashed into his own, causing him to gasp in shock. It felt like what he imagined a heart attack might. An intense pain in his chest so strong that he would have pulled away if not for the wall behind him. Instead, he did the next best thing and wrapped his arms around Jean's shoulders, loosing himself in the feeling of Jean's chapped lips catching on his own smooth ones. After a moment he broke the kiss so that he could do an awkward sort of half crawl over to straddle Jean's lap. From here he was even a little bit taller than the other boy.

"Jean, I swear to god if you're not serious I won't save you next time."

Jean snorted, looking up at him with those amber eyes. He opened his mouth to say something and Armin imitated Jean by kissing him right then and there, taking advantage of Jean's open mouth by slipping his tongue inside and tracing the line of his teeth. His mouth still tasted like the soup they had eaten for dinner. He let out a satisfied sigh into the other boy's mouth and knew that it was all worth it. He would always protect Jean.