Unbreakable

The middle of a war is not the best time for one boy to discover that he is not unbreakable. Sequel to 'Starlight, Star Bright'.

Chapter 43: Grief

A/N: I finally tore myself away from School of Dragons long enough to write this. It is absolutely FREEZING D: like, I mean, I like the cold - I love the cold, and winter is my favorite season - but I was not built for it, I tell you. I actually have a cold intolerance, and the slightest change in temperature is enough to make me don a sweatshirt and socks. But winter is so pretty, and I just :3 I love it. Anyway. Hiccup is having like, a ton of angst in this chapter, huh? XD I love him. Hiccup, I mean. Canon or AU, he's just so cute.

"Drink this, Hiccup, c'mon…drink it now…"

This was the first thing I was aware of, this voice, quiet and insistent, easing the pounding of my sore and aching head. Then I registered that there was something cool and unarguably solid pressed against my lips, and for one wild moment, I thought it was somebody's lips, that I was receiving a kiss. But I had long since given up on ever finding a woman that could love me as I was, so I dismissed the idea as ludicrous.

"C'mon, wake up…"

I wanted to open my eyes and respond, to look at the speaker and speak back, but my eyelids were so heavy…I was so tired…

"Hiccup!"

I groaned, a long, low, painful sound. "What?" As I spoke, I allowed my eyes to flutter open sleepily, showing the person above me that I was indeed awake. But in the brief moment between opening my eyes and closing them again, I saw sunlight, bright and blazing, glinting off metal, that solid, cold thing against my mouth.

"You need to drink now…drink…"

Canteen. As my brain slammed back into action, resistance was the only tactic I knew. "No!" I tried to scramble away then, but my arms were shaking, and my legs felt like Thor had left his hammer upon them, and I knew they wouldn't hold me up.

"Hiccup, Hiccup, calm down!"

Calm down?

"I won't drink it!"

"No, listen—

"I won't! I don't like what it does to me, I'm not drinking it, I'm not drinking the stuff, I won't…" My voice gave out halfway through the declaration; my throat was too dry and sore to keep going. And of course, my refusal meant nothing. Thor knew Alvin had forced the vile concoction down my throat whenever I didn't comply.

"It's not going to do anything to you!" The person sounded stressed and harried; they looked stressed and harried, I thought, and I knew I recognized them, but foe blurred into friend and danger blurred to safety, blue eyes blurring to brown.

"You actually expect me to believe that?" I was quieter this time; I didn't have enough energy in me left to scream. "He tricked me for a little while, but not again…not ever again…he fooled me once, and then…then I was fooled again…and I'm not…I'm not…" I broke off suddenly, unable to keep going, coughing violently into my hands, spots of spit leaving my mouth to live on my fingers instead. I swallowed, readying myself to keep going, but the person in front of me had remained silent all this time, and suddenly I wanted to hear them speak, even if they spoke only false assurances of a world outside this one. "W-well?" It was hard to talk; it hurt, and every word scraped against my sore throat. "Go on. You're not…doing much…much good here." I collapsed on the ground beneath me. "Alvin will be so happy."

"H-Hiccup, you're not…"

"I think a part of h-him likes it when I…I give him trouble." I put a hand to my throat, wincing. "I think he thinks it gives him an excuse…to beat the living hell out of me." Was I saying this? Was I actually saying this stuff aloud, or was I just thinking it? I couldn't tell. But I couldn't make myself stop speaking, or thinking. I hoped I wouldn't get hurt too badly tonight, though – my throat hurt too badly to scream.

"H-Hiccup, wait…calm down…" I knew better than to trust a voice that shook. "Just calm down. Quit talking if it hurts." The person drew in a deep, shaky breath. They probably wanted me to save my energy for the noises of pain when the whip hit me. "And…and I'm not giving you anything that will hurt you."

"I hope it does," I whispered; even this was a struggle for me. "Because nothing helps anyway."

Shaky fingers found my lips. "Hiccup, you need to take a drink. Please."

Now that word sounded all wrong, especially considering it didn't come from me. Normally it was me doing the begging. Either way, I pressed my lips together. "I don't want it."

"It'll help. It's water, just water."

"Just…just water?" I wasn't quite sure I trusted them, but a drink suddenly did sound appealing.

"Yes. Just water."

"Nothing you've added?"

"I wouldn't lie to you."

"Alvin would," I mumbled, or maybe just thought.

A canteen suddenly found its way into my shaking hands, and I blinked down at it in shock. I was being given a choice? Why weren't they forcing me to drink, or threatening me? I just stared down at the container for a minute, my hand shaking so wildly that the liquid within, whether good or bad, sloshed. I hesitated for a minute more before lifting it to my lips, and I tipped the contents into my mouth.

From the taste, I gathered that it really was water, just water. It was warm and tasted strange, but it soothed my burning throat. I didn't quit drinking until I noticed how light the container had gotten. It would be selfish of me to take this person's water when they hadn't lied to me or forced me to do anything yet.

"How do you feel now?"

"Better. Thank you," I admitted truthfully.

"Can you look at me?"

"Huh?"

"I need you to look at me, Hiccup."

"Okay." Now that I wasn't so thirsty, now that the pain in my throat was dying, I felt more exhausted than ever, and it was a conscious struggle to keep my eyes open. I met the blue gaze slowly, and when I did, I couldn't help the gasp ripping its way from me. It wasn't just that those eyes were extraordinarily pretty; it was also that they reminded me of someone else's eyes, someone I had known at another time…somebody with blonde hair and a booming laugh and a skill with swords…somebody who smiled a lot…Humongous.

The name seared within my memory; the fires of pain and icy hand of grief had not gone away. I remembered Humongous, remembered so much about him, remembered those blue eyes that would never open again gazing down at me once when I slept, murmuring that I would one day be free…I remembered that gaze as he taught me the correct way to hold a sword, a lesson that Alvin had never seen fit to give me. I remembered his voice, quiet and broken, as he related the events I couldn't recall. I remembered him taking a few minutes out of his every day on Berk to speak with me, to smile at me, to look at me in the kind of way that made me feel warm, because there was something within that gaze, something that told me…had I not been suffocating under the weight of my own grief, I would have felt embarrassed at the realization. I had liked his smiles and kind looks, and I had loved his touch and his company and craved his stories because every little thing he did around me seemed to tell me that he was proud of me, that he approved of me, even when nobody else did, and it had made me feel so, so nice.

A choked sob ripped its way out of my mouth.

"Hiccup? Are you okay?" The blue eyes looked concerned now, and I looked away, because I couldn't bear to keep looking when Humongous was gone.

"Hiccup…" They – well, I guess the voice sounded like a girl, so she – she started to talk again.

"Please," I interrupted, almost gasping with the effort it took to speak through the pain, as though the sorrow I felt was physical, "please, I just want to sleep…please, let me sleep…"

"Hiccup, wait, wait a minute—

"I'm tired," I whispered, letting my head fall back onto the ground behind me. "Please, let me rest, I'm so tired…I'm so tired…of hurting…"

"How is everyone else?"

"We're okay." The response was brief and dismissive. "Where's Hiccup?"

"Over there. He's sleeping, I couldn't keep him awake…I tried, but…I did manage to fix up his wounds…Thor, he had a lot of them…" I couldn't tell if it was my imagination, or if the speaker sounded strangely choked.

"But he's okay?"

"I think so. He's…Chief, I don't know what to make of him. He feels…really warm, and I kept trying to get his fever down, but there wasn't a whole lot I could do…he's sick, he's thrown up everything in his system and then some…I gave him a bit of water earlier, but it was a struggle for him to keep it down. He's…he's delusional. He can't seem to remember where he is or what happened every time he wakes up. He's been…talking."

"Good job, Astrid." The response was stern yet proud. "You may rest now, if you like." Even I recognized the dismissal in the voice, yet the other person – Astrid? – didn't.

"No, Chief, I can't—Hiccup…" she began to protest, but the other interrupted.

"…is safe with me. I'm looking after him now. Astrid. I promise."