Chapter Four: My subconscious is really pissing me off. Sunday through Friday, the seventh of August through the twelfth of August, two thousand eleven. Katie.

The character names of The Percy Jackson and the Olympians series are owned by Rick Riordan. The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Separate Entity, two thousand fourteen. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.

Content warnings for the chapter Contains minor language, vomiting, and recollection of rape. May contain triggers.

The first few kisses were gentle and soft. Sweet. I ran my hands over his shoulders, felt his heart beating through his shirt. "Want to come over tonight?" he asked in that husky voice of his.

"Patience is a virtue, Max," I said unable to completely keep the smile out of my voice. "My stuff is already at your place. I'm moving in tomorrow, and then we can cuddle all you want."

He nipped my earlobe. "You know what I mean," he said, running his hand down my thigh.

"And you know how I feel about that," I said.

"Waiting till you get married," he scoffed.

I just shrugged. The truth was, I wasn't exactly waiting for marriage as much as I was waiting for the guy I wanted to marry. And, for all his charms, Max Rawn wasn't that guy. "Sorry, babe," I said, and kissed him from his jaw to his chin to his lips.

Something started to go hard in Max right then. His arms tightened around me just for a moment, but he relaxed again and I didn't think anything of it.

"Let me walk you home," he said.

I smiled and leaned into him. He left his arm wrapped around my waist as we headed down the sidewalk.

I woke up shuddering. Why hadn't I run then, when I still had the chance?

I felt like the walls of Travis's room were closing in on me. I untangled myself from the covers and slipped out the door into the living room. Travis was there, on the couch, snoring softly. I curled up on the floor beside him and the sound of another pair of lungs, another heartbeat beside me, chased the terrors away, if only for a little while.

When I woke up, light was streaming into the room and Travis was gone. I stood and stretched my aching muscles, then made my way into the kitchen. The smells of rosemary and onion in the frying pan helped mask the smell of fear and dark alley.

I learned from Connor that Travis worked at a grocery store a few blocks away. His schedule at work was erratic; he basically just had to make a certain number of shifts in a month, and the distribution of shifts changed every month. It suited him, Connor explained. "I don't think he could handle doing the same thing every month."

I wanted to smile, but my muscles wouldn't move. I turned back to the sink and began drying glasses.

None of this would have happened if I'd paid more attention. I didn't notice that we weren't headed to my apartment. I didn't notice the turn down the empty side street. And the moment I realized, Max pinned me against a brick wall.

CUE THE LINE BREAK. IT GOES HERE.

I'd run while injured before. I had gotten used to ignoring my body, just putting one foot in front of the other until I reached shelter. This was different. It wasn't just my body that was in pain. My heart ached like a stab wound, and my mind wouldn't stop screaming. How had this happened? I wasn't some sheltered waif, naïve to the ways of the world. I knew how to defend myself; knew to keep my guard up. I guess that after all the years of training, I had forgotten that not all monsters weren't human.

Right foot. Left foot. My lips, when I licked them, were salty. I couldn't tell if the moisture was tears or blood.

My eyes flew open. For a few minutes I just sobbed into Travis's pillow. I pried myself out of bed and got dressed. I pulled on one of the pairs of capri pants Travis had bought for me. They were my size, but they were still too loose at the waist. Was I losing weight? The thought that Max's attack was still affecting me physically made me shudder.

Fully dressed, I went out to the couch. Travis was still supine and snoring, though as I watched, he began to twitch and mutter. He's having a nightmare, I realized. I reached out to shake him awake. The moment my hand touched his shoulder, Travis snapped awake. Before I knew what was happening, I was pinned to the carpet next to the couch. Travis was on top of me, his knees on my hips and his hands on my shoulders.

I panicked. I couldn't be pinned down again! I could not let that happen. I brought my head up and forward, smashing it into his. He recoiled, holding his nose, and I pulled free.

I jerked to my feet and bolted to Travis's bedroom, locking the door behind me. "Katie?" Travis's voice echoed through the door. "Dammit, Katie, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" I couldn't answer. Travis's voice came again, softer now. "I'm so sorry, Katie. You took me by surprise. I thought you were a monster. Please tell me you're okay." My throat was still blocked. I heard Travis sigh heavily, and then his footsteps were walking away. I sank to the floor with my back against the door and cried.

CUE THE LINE BREAK. IT GOES HERE.

I made Connor breakfast did the dishes and then sat on the couch. I picked up the remote and turned on the television. Nothing was new. Politicians were still disagreeing. Another actress had cheated on her rock star husband. I flipped listlessly through the channels.

I wished I had something to do, to keep the memories away. But I hadn't even been able to talk to Connor this morning when I gave him his eggs. The nightmares wouldn't let me forget what had happened the last time I had made myself vulnerable.

It was hard to keep my walls up, but it would have been harder, I thought, to let them down. Travis was being so…sweet, so unobtrusive, which was a side of him I definitely hadn't seen at Camp Half-Blood. And Connor would have been easy to talk to, if I was able to talk. But Max was now like a phantom that stalked behind me, paralyzing me and closing my throat.

While Connor and Travis worked, I did my best to straighten up the apartment. I was trying to find a way to pay them back for letting me stay here, and besides, the ability of two guys in their twenties to turn a space into a pigsty is breathtaking. I did not want to know how the object blocking the garbage disposal ended up being a sock full of marbles, and I didn't ask.

I was getting very pissed off at my subconscious self. I had already gone through it once; I didn't need to relive what Max had done to me every night when I slept. The nightmares were wearing me down. Every sound made me jump. My dagger bracelets had been lost that night in the alley, and I wasn't about to go back there to get them, so I felt exposed all the time.

Travis was working all week, so the only times I really saw him were when he was unconscious on the couch. And so we've come full circle, I thought one night as I sat on the floor waiting for sleep to come.

Saturday's nightmare was a bad one. I'd stabbed at Max again and again with my daggers, but he couldn't even see them. He'd laughed at me, told me jewelry wouldn't save me, tossed them away as if they were only bangle bracelets. Because to him, of course, that was all they were.

The nightmare hadn't ended there, unlike the others that lasted only a few horrifying minutes. It had gone all the way to the point where Max had left me bleeding on the ground of the alley, zipped up his pants, and sauntered off.

I had woken up shaking and vomited in Travis's garbage can. When I crept into the living room, the couch was empty. Travis must have been working late. I sat down on the floor, because even without Travis snoring, the place had become a comfort.

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