Does the "I don't own Hellsing" Hand-fan dance

Seras lay on her back, kicking her feet into the air.

"A-B-C-D," she sang over and over, a letter for each time a boot swung up into her vision. For some odd reason, the melody of those four letters was calming to her tonight and she looped them over and over, not keeping count of how many times she repeated it. "A-B-C-D, A-B-C-D, A-B-C-D." Slow, fast, and in varying pitches, she continued her exercises. Her legs never grew tired; no matter how many times she swung them, they seemed to refuse to protest.

"E" is the letter you're looking for," she was informed in a mocking tone. She turned her head to see Captain Bernadotte leaning in the doorway. He seemed to be enjoying the view, and she tugged her uniform top down over her exposed stomach before sticking out her tongue. He grinned and winked, although the gesture was almost lost with his lack of a left eye.

"We're going downtown for some entertainment," Pip explained, and suddenly the doorway groaned as all eighteen of the Wild Geese tried to crowd it at once, waving at her. "We just came down to see if you wanted to come along. It's rather boring around here tonight." Seras considered the crowd of unruly mercenaries, and then nodded.

"Sure, I'll come along," she agreed. She placed her palms beside her head, swinging both feet up and vaulting into the air before landing on her feet with the grace of a gymnast. The men clapped and cheered as she gave a mock bow before joining them.

They had barely made it out the door before the hairs stood on every man's body. All eighteen shivered and immediately moved closer to each other, their baser instincts remembering that there was safety in numbers. The Captain crunched his cigarette between his teeth, his eye widening as a tremor wracked his body as well. Only the girl in their midst seemed unperturbed; she twisted around to face the figure that had appeared behind them, her gaze curious and trusting. The men moved closer to her as well, not as much from chivalry as from the thought that being closer to her gave them some immunity over the monster behind them.

"And where are you headed, on such a lovely night?" All the Geese turned as one, but the question was not directed at them. The man stood behind them, as creepy as ever in his strange red garb and reflective sunglasses. Each felt a gaze pass over their body; each sighed internally in relief as they were dismissed without a single word being spoken. The vampire honed in on the tiny woman, who crossed her arms and tilted her head slightly, a picture of laidback composure.

"They invited me out to go have some fun. No one needed me, so I agreed to tag along." The two stared at each other for a long moment, having some sort of silent exchange before she turned on her heel, continuing out the door. The vampire looked at them all once more, a vicious smile spreading slowly across his face. His canines stood out, longer than any normal human's teeth and gleaming wetly in the light. The brave mercenaries backed away in repulsion and the smile widened to split his face.

"Sniveling cowards," he proclaimed, and a memory swam at the back of their minds of having been called that before. And just like the last time, they let the insult slip as they turned tail and made a beeline to follow the blonde woman and bask in her relative safety.

They walked together out of the manor's gates and down the sidewalk, acting like a bunch of teenage fools. The men shoved and tripped each other, laughing when someone couldn't correct themselves in time and stumbled onto the ground. Seras rolled her eyes, choosing to walk at the front of the line with Pip in order to keep from tripping over a fallen man. She knew that in a few hours they'd be drunk out of their minds and no one would end the night without having been sprawled on the sidewalk at least once.

Seras breathed in the stale air of the city, choking slightly on the smog and bitter tasting air. Her enhanced senses made some things wonderful, but at times it could be a hassle. She finally just stopped breathing, only pushing air into her lungs when she needed to talk.

The men fought for a while about whether they should all go eat first, or go straight to the pub. Finally someone suggested they just eat at the pub and after a chorus of agreements they turned to head to their favorite joint. Seras tagged along; while jogging to keep up with the men's long strides, she tried to remember the last time she'd been on that side of town.

She couldn't pull up a good enough memory and abandoned the thought, but not before considering that as a woman, she would have to be on her guard. They were headed to the "bad" side, where there were more dark alleys than well-lit streets. However, the thought of it didn't bother her like it would have if she'd been human. Even dimly lit, she would be able to see perfectly well in the alleys, and a normal human wouldn't be able to hold a candle to her in combat now. She'd have no problems if someone had it in their head to try something.

"Greasy," the captain said sullenly as he stared at his plate of food, taking a long drink out of the mug in his hand before lapsing back into irritated, drunken silence. Seras smiled but said nothing, sipping the fruit juice she'd ordered demurely and watching the men flick coins at each other across the table and flirt with the women sitting at the bar.

She'd made sure there was just enough alcohol mixed into her drink to cause a buzz, but not enough to counteract against her undead stomach. Fruit juice was alright to drink, and a small amount of the good stuff wouldn't mess her up too bad. She wasn't fully boozing and carousing like the men in her acquaintance, anyway. She just had a pleasantly fuzzy brain.

A young man caught her eye across the bustling pub and winked at her. She blushed and giggled softly, waving her fingers at him. He made to stand and suddenly Pip's fist slammed on the table, disrupting both their drinks. The startled young man sat back down and Seras punched the captain in the shoulder.

"What did you do that for?! He was cute," she pouted. "I'm getting drunken enough that I might have talked to him without being shy," she added. Pip glared stonily at her and sunk down into his chair. She sniffed haughtily and fluffed her hair before taking another sip, relishing the orange and pineapple flavors of her drink.

"If I let you talk to him," he began, his words slurred, "you-your vampire would murder me." Seras looked at him incredulously, one eyebrow arched.

"My vampire?" she asked, and he nodded with a surly frown. "He's not my vampire. He's my master, and who I see is my business and no one else's."

"No, he's your vampire." Pip turned his head up to glower at the ceiling, as though he considered the light fixture a personal insult. He emptied his drink and barked at one of his men to go get another. When a fresh glass was in his hand, he continued. "If he wasn't, I'd have made a pass at you myself. But everyone knows that you and him got… something."

He motioned to the loudly laughing men sitting across the table. "In'nt that right, boys? That vampire and this lady here's got something," he pressed, waggling his eyebrows. The men began to whoop and made expressions among themselves, to the blonde's chagrin. Seras slammed her glass on the table, a thin crack running up the side.

"Oops," she muttered as she turned the crack to face the table so a waiter wouldn't see. She gathered herself up in a deep huff and stared down the Geese. "I," she began, her gaze serious, "have nothing with him." Pip waved his hand and another fresh drink appeared before her. Forgetting her one-drink rule and began to gulp the new glass, letting her frustration ride away on waves of fruit and rum. Why did everyone have to think that she and Alucard were a couple, just because they spent a lot of time together and she was the only one able to stand him?

"I bet you-urp- all my money," Pip said with a slight belch, "that you could walk right into Hellsing and kiss him, and he wouldn't do a damned thing to you." He sniffed and banged the table once with a fist, prompting a new soldier to run up for another drink. Seras finished her glass and didn't even notice who refilled it—it was just full again. Or did someone buy her another drink?

"I'll take that bet," she said bravely, and the other soldiers oohed as they closed in. "But you—you have to kiss… Sir Integra!" she called her wager triumphantly. "Loser has to pay the winner half their paycheck for the next two months."

"It's a deal, mate." They clumsily shook hands over the table before turning back to their drinks. Just one more… for courage.

Afterword: Here's a nice little 2-shot for you. Had it written for a long time, but never posted it. Such is the way with Juju.