A/N: This is post-COLS because I haven't read COHF, and I probably won't read it. Plus post COLS one-shots is a lot more fun.

I don't own Mortal instruments.

Isabelle ended up getting choke-slammed onto some concrete, breaking the concrete, by some poisoned tentacle monster and then poisoned through a cut on her neck. It was described as 'a giant octopus or squid' by Clary. Isabelle wouldn't heal by the healing runes.

It wouldn't have happened if Alec was there. He probably would've been the one injured if he was there. He was the only one that gets injured for a strange reason.

Magnus finished healing Isabelle and walked in the library. He had to hang around, just in case the poison in Isabelle's veins started back up again. Clary and Jace were by Isabelle's bedside, just in case.

Magnus opened a drawer on the desk and saw a piece of paper titled: Things Alec Isn't Allowed To Do

Magnus had to snort and picked it up. He noticed that it was stapled to another piece of paper.

It probably says not to read too much or something. Magnus thought and looked at it.

1. Alec isn't allowed to smash Izzy and Jace's faces into their birthday cakes.

Even if it is funny? –Hodge

2. Alec isn't allowed to draw moustaches on our faces when we're asleep.

Precisely. –Hodge

Like a sir. –Maryse

Jolly good show. –Robert

3. Alec isn't allowed to go in our rooms and spray whip cream and cheese in a can on us to wake us up.

4. Alec isn't allowed to have a scissor, knife, and a lighter collection.

Not after last time. –Maryse

Even if it was cool. –Robert

5. Alec isn't allowed to press knives into people's necks on a hunt.

God, not like last time. -Hodge

Especially not like last time. –Robert

6. Alec isn't allowed to throw water balloons, frozen water balloons, water balloons filled with whip cream, water balloons filled with cheese in a can, paint balls, and frozen paint balls at people from the balcony.

Magnus stared at the list. He wondered if this was the same person. The same nice, calm, and thoughtful Alec.

Alec was a troublemaker? This sounds more like Jace. Magnus thought confused.

7. Alec isn't allowed to bring home cats that are in heat for Church to mate with.

8. Alec isn't allowed near rubber bands.

9. Alec isn't allowed to have posters of bikini clad women in his room.

He isn't allowed to have posters of women in his room. Period. –Hodge

10. Alec isn't allowed to have playboys. Or any sort of porn.

Or put gay porn in the bedroom and accuse me of having them. –Robert

Or put them in my room. –Jace

Or put 'playgirls' in my room and accuse me of being a lesbian. –Izzy.

11. Alec isn't allowed to sing 'Clown' to Jace.

Even if he's a good singer. -Jace

12. He isn't allowed to say 'pussy' and the 'C-word' when he's insulting someone.

The 'C-word?' –Alec

13. Alec isn't allowed to write on this list!

14. Alec isn't allowed to hit Jace in the face with pots and pans.

Even if I apologized for chipping his tooth? I bought him ice cream. –Alec

You ate it! In front of me!–Jace

I apologized. Which I never do. –Alec

Stop writing on this list! –Robert

15. Alec isn't allowed to have women strippers in the library.

Not even if they're for Hodge. –Maryse

That sucks. –Hodge

16. Alec isn't allowed to make bombs. Or get books on bomb making.

Except on Fourth of Julys. That was actually awesome. –Hodge

At least someone appreciates me. –Alec

Stop writing on this list! –Maryse

17. Alec isn't allowed to fill our drawers with whip cream or heated nacho cheese.

18. Alec isn't allowed to be alone in his room with women of supernatural origins, for hours.

That includes women that are 'normal people.' –Maryse

Not even if she's the Seelie Queen. Especially not her. –Hodge

Even if Alec has good taste in women? –Robert

19. Alec isn't allowed to bring women to the Institute.

This is why I don't have friends. –Alec

20. Alec isn't allowed to call up hit-men.

21. Alec isn't allowed to try to convince Isabelle and Max that they're adopted because of their different colored eyes.

22. Alec isn't allowed to go to the woods and dance naked in the moonlight.

23. Alec isn't allowed to toss Jace off the balcony and see if he survives.

24. Alec isn't allowed to play 'Booyah.'

25. Alec isn't allowed to lick people's food and say 'I'm just protecting my grub.'

26. Alec isn't allowed to do drugs.

27. Alec isn't allowed to smoke anything.

28. Alec isn't allowed to continue his sentence during a silence.

29. Alec isn't allowed to start food fights during meetings.

I still have whip cream on the ceiling. –Maryse

Oh good. I thought that was something seeping down from Jace's room that Alec caused. –Robert

That's coming from Jace's room. Yeah. I caused that. –Alec

Magnus looked up at the ceiling and noticed a white patch, right above his head. He looked back at the list.

30. Alec isn't allowed to say the following:

1. Rubber band of doom.

2. Strip naked and hope for the best.

3. Die already Jace.

4. This is my grub.

5. Do you want to play 'Booya?'

6. Hey Jace, hold this in front of your face.

7. Do you want to come back to my place?

8. Go to Hell Jace.

9. Go F—yourself.

10. Shut up Jace.

11. Nobody cares Jace.

12. Who wants to play Booya with me?

Nobody should play Booya with Alec. -Robert

13. Let's go grave-digging.

14. Feed Jace to the demons.

15. Let's wrestle…naked…in my bed…with me on top.

16. I'll punch you in the ovaries.

17. Nutcracker!

18. Are you interested in BDSM?

19. It reminds me of the Wild Hunt.

21. Let's kill something.

22. I'm waiting for my mother-ship.

23. Mother humper.

24. Blood for the Blood God.

25. Praise Cthulhu.

26. I had sex with *insert current number of women he laid*

I think the number was five. –Robert

No. It was ten. –Alec

Magnus's eyes widen at the thought of Alec having sex with ten women. Wait, ten women?

Magnus forced himself to read on.

31. Alec isn't allowed in the following:

1. Switzerland

2. Sweden

3. Egypt

4. India

5. Russia

6. Vegas

7. Bars

8. Strip clubs for men

9. Maximum prisons

10. Police departments

11. Minimum prisons

12. The cells of Bone City.

32. Alec isn't:

1. A king

2. A queen

Not even if he dresses in drag. –Jace

3. Kirk

4. Spock

Nope. He's not Kirk and Spock. Nope nope nope. –Simon

5. The ruler of the Clave

6. A Silent Brother

7. Chucky

Sure he's a little creepy, but he's not murderous. Sort of. –Simon

8. Hawkeye

Sure he can use a bow and arrow, but no. Not possible. -Clary

9. A son of Poseidon

He might be. That's under investigation. –Maryse

10. Jesus

11. God

12. The Anti-Christ

12. Son of Jesus

He's not. Deal with it Alec! -Robert

13. Son of God

He's not. I gave birth to him. –Maryse

14. The son of the Archangel Michael

He might be. That's under investigation. –Robert

15. Son of Zeus

16. Son of Hades

17. Son of Death

18. Son of War

19. Son of Pestilence

18. Son of Conquest/Famine

19. The Doctor

There's no way that's possible. -Clary

20. Part of the Wild Hunt

21. Son of Odin

22. Son of Loki

23. Son of Thor

21, 22, and 23 isn't possible. -Simon

24. Brother/Son of Hawkeye

Even if he can hit any target...backwards...with his eyes closed. –Simon

31. Alec isn't allowed to pay for something using the following:

1. His soul

2. Anybody's souls

3. Redheads

4. Virgin blood

5. Vampire's teeth

6. Reproductive organs

7. Human hearts

8. Demon hearts

9. Dragon hearts

10. Vampire hearts

11. Faerie hearts

12. Any other supernatural creature's hearts

13. Lobsters

14. Virginity

15. Anal virginity

16. Ear virginity

Ear virginity? -Simon

17. Naval virginity

I don't even want to know. –Clary

18. Jace

19. Isabelle

20. Clary

21. Simon

22. Robert

23. Maryse

24. Sebastian/Jonathan

25. The Seelie Queen

26. Tears

27. Tears from children

28. Gold

29. Animals

30. Firstborn Children

31. Secondborn children

32. Younger kids

33. Heroin

34. Drugs

35. Cocaine

36. Pornography

37. Pandora's Box

That exists? –Simon

38. Parents

39. Grandparents

40. Sisters

41. Brothers

42. Step-siblings

43. The weird kid on the block that eats mayo on salty wheat crackers that no one likes.

44. Nasal Virginity

I'm not even going to ask. -Izzy

Or think about. -Jace

No matter what, no matter under circumstances, Alec is not allowed to do any of these things, say these things, and aren't allowed in any of these places.

No matter how much Alec tells you and backed up with proof, he isn't any of these things. If number 9 and 14 gets out, Alec might be in serious danger.

Alec isn't allowed to play 'Booya.' Ask Jace, Robert, and Isabelle for clarification on why not.

Ask Jace for clarification on why Alec isn't allowed to shout Nutcracker!

Don't ask why Alec tries to pay for things trying to use the above list.

Written by:

Hodge, Robert, and Maryse.

Jace and Isabelle

Clary

Simon

"So you found that list too?" Clary asked, as she entered the library.

"Is this thing fake?" Magnus asked.

"No. I asked Jace, Izzy, Robert, and Maryse. He really did do and said those things. I still don't know what Booya is. Jace and Izzy won't tell me." Clary asked.

The library opened and Alec ran in, looking excited. He was holding rocks, "Hey Clary. Do you want to play Booya with me?" He grinned.

"Don't even think about it!" Maryse shouted from somewhere.

Alec looked disappointed. "Okay." He said sadly, he turned and left the library.

A/N: Yeah, this is my longest one-shot. It's just a random list. I got the idea from a web-site, but I switched it up a lot.

I mean there must be a reason why Alec seems so boring.

I got bored and was thinking about some lists that I remember reading on fanfiction.

The women thing happened Pre-City of Bones.

Also, Clown is an actual song by a band called KoRn.