Close Calls.

Writer: Invader Johnny.

Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, I own squat!

Plot: The Tallest receive a call from Earth but unlike all the others, it wasn't Zim who contacted them but rather Gaz and we all know that is not good news.

Author Notes: So today's my birthday and to celebrate I'm posting an IZ fic, god how I missed writing for this fandom.

So Ok this is a one shot I had in mind ever since I started watching Invader Zim again and specially after hearing "10 minutes till doom" several times, I loved the Gaz-Zim alliance of the episode, sadly this never got made which it sucks greatly.

Just to let you know I had to re-write this fic several times since I was not satisfied with how the interaction between Red and Gaz came about, it was pretty much a battle of the wits between them.

That being said, I just to let you all know Zim has been on Earth for about two years and knows that his "secret mission" is a fake which makes him mope around, much to Gaz's annoyance.

So if you want to gimme a not so suckish review after you read, I would greatly appreciate it.

Beep… beep…beep.

"Somebody, ANYBODY tell me whose calling us now" Purple ordered with a mouth full of doughnuts.

"It's just another transmission from Earth my Tallest" A technician replied.

"ANOTHER ONE?!" Red snarled.

"I'm afraid so my Tallest" The same technician said "Should I ignore the call?"

"Who asked such a stupid question?!" The furious leader demanded.

Needless to say that all the Irkens in the bridge quickly pointed at each other, not wanting to be the one at the receiving end of their leader's moment of blind rage, but also not wanting to be the next to win a one way ticket to the air locks.

Purple rolled his eyes at how his subordinates handled the situation that so happened to repeat itself far too often for the crew's liking, clearly they had not learned from their past mistakes.

That being said, the not so brilliant leader still shook his head "You think by now these idiots would know to simply ignore the calls and never ask for the obvious answer."

Unfortunately for them all, Red was going to sent someone to the cold cruel vacuum of space, so he indifferently pointed at a random table headed service drone and evilly commanded to "send her to her doom."

Two guards, who suddenly came out of nowhere, roughly grabbed the poor girl by her shoulders, the short alien screamed and begged for her life but said pleas went onto deaf ears, after all in accordance to the army's survival it was better a short Irken than any of the taller individuals to get the short end of the stick.

Purple smirked cruelly "Gotta love this time of the week"

As much as the less intelligent of the two tallest hated Zim, he did acknowledge that if anything that his unwelcomed transmissions had the advantage of pissing off his co-ruler and when that happened it was yet another window show for him.

He wickedly recorded the death of every defenseless soul that had the misfortune of being sent to the air locks.

After a few tense seconds, a brave yet slightly stupid technician had the galls to ask the very same question "Should I ignore the call my Tallest?"

Purple resisted the urge to slap himself, he may not care for the lives of his subordinates but that didn't mean he was in any hurry to see them all die.

His reasoning was simple; if Red ordered the demise of everyone who asked or did something stupid in their presence then the whole crew would have met their end in a matter of weeks, yes they were expendable but replacing several technician every week was a logistical headache for the childish leader, so he didn't want to even imagine what would it feel like to replace a dead Irken every hour.

Instead of that happening, Purple simply suggested to his friend to just kill any idiot who permitted any calls from Earth.

Red was about to order the death of yet another innocent and short drone when he was suddenly interrupted by a dark voice no one in the Massive has ever heard before.

"You two are the Tallest? You don't look very tall."

Both leaders looked at the screen only to be greeted with a penetrating glare from a little girl.

"Who the hell are you?" Red questioned ominously.

Gaz waved her hand sarcastically "Nice greeting."

"I asked you a question child!"

"Right to the point I see" She mocked "Fine by me, if you must know I'm someone who has a bone to pick with you.

"Get in line" Purple sneered "The Irken Empire has a lot of enemies after all."

"And I don't think we even know you human" Red commented "You are a human right?"

Gaz rolled her eyes "Unfortunately I am."

"Then what could we have possibly done to you?" Purple questioned.

"Other than sending that moron Zim to my planet and making my brother more of a pest?" Gaz questioned in mild annoyance "Not much"

"And we care because?"

"Because if you don't help me out here I'm going to find you two retards and cut your throats so deep that you're be like cry if you can even eat your shitty snacks ever again!"

Purple grabbed his neck in mild fear but Red narrowed his eyes.

"You know, we could simply send someone to your planet and teach you some manners"

"Right, because I'm the one that needs matters" She stated dryly.

"Hey, here's a thought!" Purple interrupted "Let's send Invader Sneakyonfoota after her, if he succeeds in killing Zim maybe he can kill this human too!"

Gaz snorted "You mean this guy?"

What the Tallest (and the crew) saw to their utmost horror was the most disturbing thing they seen in all their years.

Gaz had the skull of an Irken in her hands.

But what made it all the more disgusting wasn't that she was holding it but rather what she had turned it into.

She put a straw on the skull and drank from it.

"Poor guy," She quipped sarcastically "He never had a chance."

"P-please tell me that is Zim's head you have there" Purple had the courage to speak.

Gaz patronizingly shook her fingers "Nope, sorry to disappoint you."

"Then, who….?"

The girl shrugged "I could be wrong but I think it was the guy you two sent here a couple of weeks ago to kill Zim… Sneaky-whatever was it? ... Gotta tell you, he begged for mercy when I broke his neck."

The Tallest were shocked.

"But then again he really should know not to mess with what is mine."

Red was incandescent with rage "YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST KILL ONE OF OUR TOP INVADERS AND GET AWAY WITH IT?!"

"I believe I just did" She replied smugly.

"Wait till I get my hands on you" Red hissed.

"I'm surprised, from what I kept hearing from Zim I didn't believe you guys were capable of empathy."

"Lets get one thing straight Earth girl" Red snarled "you have just doomed your planet, we'll sent someone else, someone competent to kill everything and everyone you care about and once that's done, I'll personally execute you slowly and painfully!"

"Go ahead."

Purple gaped "Come again?"

"Are you stupid and deaf?" Gaz snapped "I said go ahead."

Red was not amused "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?!"

"Nope, but honestly I don't give a rat's ass if you come and destroy the Earth, I actually been waiting for Zim to do just that, but he isn't exactly the great invader he claims to be, in fact he's so bad at it."

She took another sip from the skull.

"But I gotta give him some credit though; he does know how to cause mayhem" Gaz added with a cruel smirk.

"Zim is nothing but a monster" Red snapped.

"Oh? And you're not?" She challenged darkly "Last time I checked your people wants to conquer the universe and enslave or destroy other species and Zim has been trying to do that to the human race so enlighten me, exactly what makes him so different from the rest of you assholes?"

"Zim is a defect" Purple replied disgustedly.

The girl raised an eyebrow "A what?"

Before any of the Tallest could answer her, a thought came to the smarter of the two.

"You know what?" Red sneered "We don't have to tell you anything, WE are the leaders of the powerful Empire in the universe and you… Oh you are just a stupid human with no knowledge of how things beyond your worthless little rock work!"

"YEAH!" Purple agreed "You tell her!"

Soon enough murmurs of approval came from all the other Irkens in the bridge; Gaz could even see a few of those technicians giving her dirty looks.

However she wasn't pissed off, oh no, on the contrary.

She was quite amused.

The sardonic smiled proved just that.

"And here I thought Zim had a big ego."

Red hatefully narrowed his eyes "My patience is running thin child."

"Gaz"

Purple raised an antenna "What did you say?"

"My name is Gaz" She said "If I acknowledge you two as the Tallest or whatever, the very least you can do is call me by my name rather than `child´, it's getting on my nerves and trust me, you do not want to get on my nerves."

"Are you serious?!" Purple chortled "They call you Gaz? That's a stupid name!"

Before the evil girl could say some angry comeback, Red interrupted.

"I don't give a fuck what your name is human!" Red growled "You just committed several crimes against Irken kind, one of them which is wasting my time talking about Zim!"

"You just made that up didn´t you?" Purple whispered to his co-ruler.

"Shut up I'm having ruthless leader moment here!" He muttered back.

Gaz was bored "You done with your ranting?"

"I had enough of you" He scowled "Cut the transmission."

A random Irken pushed a button and the screen went black.

"Set a course to Earth!" Red ordered ominously "We have a score to settle now!"

Purple blinked twice "So wait… are we really gonna destroy that pathetic little world?"

"YOU DAMN RIGHT WE ARE!" His co-ruler bellowed "No one and I mean no one disrespects the Tallest without suffering the consequences!"

"But if we do that then we will be going in the opposite direction of planet Boodie Nen!" Purple argued "Invader Slacks is waiting!"

"LET HIM WAIT!"

"You know, for a guy who seeks universal conquest you really don't have your priorities straight" A familiar chilling voiced comments.

Everyone met the screen to see a very annoyed Gaz.

"It's not possible!" Purple shrieked "We turn it off!"

"I called again dumbass."

"That still doesn't explain how you managed to contact us without us even accepting the call!"

Gaz shrugged "I guess your equipment is just plain crappy then."

Red gasped "How dare you?!"

"Look I didn't want to come to this but you forced me."

"Oh, we forced you to what?" Purple taunted "To call your mommy?"

Several Irkens snickered.

Gaz's first trembled with rage.

She was mad, no she was pissed.

And when you were the target of Gaz's anger there was no escape from a terrible fate.

Too bad that the Tallest didn't heed her warning and now they were going to learn that the hard, brutal way.

"No and if you want to keep your limbs, I suggest you don't ever say that again."

"Or what?"

"Or this!"

Without a warning, The Massive started spinning.

"WOAH! WOAH! WHOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Learning to use Irken technology has its perks" Gaz thought wickedly.

She simply hooked her portable Game Slave 2 to Zim's computer, pushing a few buttons almost as if she was playing her beloved game rather than controlling the most powerful ship in the know universe.

Probably in existence.

It was certainly a curious thing that Irken and human technology were compatible.

"I gotta remember to thank Zim for this later on but now I got a problem that needs solving."

Without a care, Gaz crashed the Massive to a nearby asteroid.

"SHIT!" Red cursed "NOT THIS AGAIN!"

"MOMMMMMMMMMMMMY!" Purpled cried out "I'm in my happy place, my happy place... My happy placeeeeeee!"

Suddenly everything stopped.

But it was a brief breath, because Gaz turned off the artificial gravity.

And to make matter worse, two robotic arms grabbed the Tallest by their waists.

"Uff!"

"I COMMAND YOU TO STOP THIS AT ONCE!"

At that moment Red's face met the wall not once but three times, each time more painful than the last.

"Ack!

Damn it!

Stop it!"

Not once did Purple or the technicians bothered to try and break free or float toward their comrade/leader to put an end to this madness.

After a few minutes of Red being hit by the wall, the robotic arm showed him towards the communication screen, only to gaze into the eyes of the she-devil.

"I warned you" Gaz growled "I asked you nicely and I don't do nice."

"That was NICE?!" Someone screeched, if this is her best behavior I hate to see her ugly side!"

Purple glared at the direction of the random technician, but didn't have the courage to speak out.

"A diaper would be nice right about now" the scared leader thought. "This human is scarier than a slaughtering rat!"

Red however wasn't intimidated, not by a long shot.

He glared daggers at the girl who not only disrespected him but also made a mockery of the Massive, their race and their authority, but to him the biggest insult was that she easily put everyone in the ship into submission.

"That's my job!"

So he wasn't about to give a freaky child the satisfaction of degrading the him and his subjects any longer, he had too much pride in his kind after all.

"That's the best you got?"

Gaz raised an eyebrow.

This was new to her, usually people were frightened to even cross in her path but this alien was not showing any fear, if anything he was defying her.

"Aren't you afraid?"

"Of you?" Red mocked "Hardly."

Gaz crossed her arms, fearlessness was something she could respect "I can see why Zim holds a great deal of admiration towards you, even though you don't deserve it."

"Like I fucking care if I have that defective's respect!"

"You should care."

"Why would I?"

"Zim is very loyal towards you and your cause of universal conquest."

"Yeah, so?"

"So answer me this, can you honestly say that anyone else is willing to even die for you?"

"I don't need loyalty" Red replied disgustedly "I can simply order others to do just that!"

"Oh, really?"

"YES!"

"Then why has no one come to break you free from my grip on you then?" She asked "Or a better question should be why hasn't your purple idiot friend over there ordered to save your sorry ass?"

"Because… because…" Red said trying to come up with a believable excuse.

Gaz simply raised an eyebrow looking extremely bored at this pathetic sight.

"I don't need to answer to you're a lowly creature!"

"Great comeback dumbass."

Red gasped in surprised "How dare you insult me?!"

"I been doing that the whole time" She snapped back "So either you have a worse listening problem than Zim or you just can't comprehend that people can stand up to the likes of you."

"That's it!" He hollowed indignantly "When I break free and I will break free I'll personally go to your inferior planet and kill you myself no one insults a Tallest you hear me! NO ONE!"

"I can't wait to see you try." Gaz replied sarcastically.

Purple had to ask "You really don't care much about your life, do you?"

"Not really, no."

"You're creepy"

Gaz chuckled evilly "Glad someone thinks so."

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Red hollowed "I command you to release me now human!"

"I don't take orders from fucking cowards."

The crew members gasped simultaneously, fearing what their leader would say now; this girl surely had a death wish, there was no other explanation as to why she just gave the biggest insult by Irken standards.

"Zim may be too oblivious to see what's right in front of him, but I'm not, I seen the communications he has with you two."

"So you have been spying on him" Red accused.

"No, my brother has been spying on him," Gaz corrected "I on the other hand am welcome here."

"So Zim has been fraternising with the enemy" Red said in disgust "He is weaker than I thought!"

That remarked was met with a spank on his butt.

"HEY!"

"What did you say?!" Gaz raged. "What did you fucking say?"

"I said he is weak!"

The girl narrowed her eyes dangerously.

She pushed the buttons on her game repeatedly, with every push; the robotic arms kept spanking Tallest Red like he was a small child rather than the leader of the most feared race in the galaxy.

The sight was too unbelievable that no Irken could believe what they were seeing.

"Should we do something?" A technician whispered to a fellow crew member.

"I don't wanna die" his companion cried out in fear. "So that's a big fat no!"

Gaz continued to spank Red without mercy, she was hell bent on humiliating the bastard that humiliated Zim, yes he was an idiot but he was her idiot and no one messes around with what was hers.

"Had enough yet?"

Red didn't even flinch; he was not going to show fear in front of a little girl.

"I'll take great joy in killing you" He said with a maniacal smile.

"You're either very brave or very stupid" Gaz said mildly impressed "Others have cowered before me in the blink of an eye."

"That's because Irkens are the most powerful race in the universe" Red said condescendingly.

"And yet I'm not the one about to die."

"Wha…?"

A second later the oxygen went off.

Several Irkens within the bridge began to choke; some grabbed their necks as if that would magically give them the oxygen their systems so desperately needed.

Red being the smartest one around simply ordered his PAK to bring upon the oxygen by ordering a bubble to cover his head, the Tallest took a much needed breath.

Others soon followed their leader's example.

Tallest Red smirked smugly "As you can see human, there is nothing you can do to me!"

Gaz smiled cruelly "Or so you think."

She quickly started to press buttons in her Game Slave 2, within seconds the Massive started to break in half.

Everyone saw in horror as the Armada's capital ship was beginning to decay, cracks were being visible and the lights went in and out but oddly enough the transmission was not being interrupted.

"What's happening?!" Purple was freaking out. "how is this possible?!"

All of the sudden, everything stopped.

Silence reigned over The Massive.

"Here's what's going to happen you bastards" Gaz said menacingly breaking the silence, many eyes looking at her with utter terror "In ten minutes your ship is gonna be destroyed leaving you all stranded in the middle of the cold merciless vacuum of space unless..."

"Unless what?" Red had the courage to ask, he was beginning to comprehend that this girl meant business.

"You tell Zim his mission is not a joke and you make him an official Invader."

"WHAT?! NEVER!"

"You seem to forget who has the power here." Gaz patronisingly said as her fingers caressed the buttons of her game slave.

Red simply glared back.

"So let me remind you that you have ten minutes, Zim is gonna be home pretty soon, and if you don't call him, then you will all be stranded in space and considering just how many other alien races you idiots managed to piss off, good luck finding a ride back to your home planet."

Despite's the girl's very real threat, Red still managed to smirk confidently "You still won't get rid of us so easily,"

Gaz raised an eyebrow, "And why is that?"

"Even if you do manage to destroy The Massive, there still are thousands, millions of Irken ships traveling alongside us, our soldiers would rescue us in a matter of seconds and from there, the assault on your planet will soon follow, so I have the power over life and death, child."

Several crew members saw that their leader was speaking the truth, he had given the a bit of light in a moment of darkness.

"True, you could do that" Gaz agreed, not really caring.

The Red eye Tallest felt that he had managed to convince the human girl that nothing she did could destroy him or the Armada, the arrogance in his eyes was unmistakable.

"You lose human."

However he did not know Gaz wasn't one to lose in anything, and she was going to show that smug bastard she wasn't one to play around the bush.

Gaz opened an eye "Like I said yes you could be saved by your Armada but then again I can simply order the Massive to self-destruct, that should be a hell of a show."

"WHAT?!"

She smirked victoriously "Just imagine, the Massive imploding in the cold vacuum of space, taking a good chunk of the Irken fleet with it."

The aliens fearfully heard every word the dark girl was telling them.

"That could have a horrible outcome on the future of your race, wouldn't you say?" She took a sip from the skull "It could possibly be the beginning of the end for your Empire"

"YOU CANT DESTROY THE MASSIVE!" Tallest Purple cried out in disbelief "It doesn't even have a self destruct thingy"

"I believe it does" Gaz retorted "I seen the schematics of your vessel and if I just enter the self-destruct sequence then boom you all implode, I wonder? Would it make a sound? Would your screams of anguish and despair be silenced in space?"

"Why do you care so much if Zim is an Invader or not?" Purple questioned, horrified of how much a child from a technologically inferior race has managed to not only find weaknesses in the Armada's capital ship but also put fear in the hearts of a powerful warrior race in a matter of minutes.

"I agree with you that Zim is an idiot but he's my idiot" She replied darkly "So when you mess with what's mine you suffer the consequences."

Red was fuming, he wasn't about to accept defeat, he woild rather die than to negotiate with a lower life form, specially one who had an involvemt with a defect such as Zim.

"I won't succum to your terms, you damn dirty human!" Red hissed "We Irken don't answer to demands! We make them!"

"Uh huh" Gaz merely saw him with mild annoyance "Remember that when I push the button then."

Everyone in the bridge shared fearful looks, the ominous threat looming over their heads.

"You have ten minutes, if you don't call, you can all kiss your lives goodbye."

The screen turned dark.

Which meant that the clock was ticking.

"You sure that was a good idea? An uncertain voice inquired sceptically.

the girl turned to met the worried eyes of Invader Skoodge.

"How long have you been listening?"

The Irken shrugged "I arrived when you cut of the oxygen."

"I don't see why it's any of your concern what I'm doing but since I'm not in any vengeful mood towards you I'll let you live"

"Um thanks."

"But to answer your question if worse comes to worse Zim doesn't become an Invader, the Earth is safe and your leaders buy the farm."

"I fail to see how getting an agricultural land will be a bad thing for the Tallest."

"You moron!" She snapped "It means they're going to die!"

"Oh... Ohhhh." A small genuine smile appeared on his face "I'm hoping they don't call then."

"I don't really care, either way I cause destruction to the idiots that made my Zim very unhappy."

"Did you just say your Zim?"

"Repeat it to anyone and it will be last thing you'll ever do" She said menacingly.

The Irken took a step back.

"Zim is entering the base" The computer said irritated "Damn, I was just starting to fall asleep too."

"Don't say anything to Zim, got it?"

"Lips are sealed."

"That better be the case."

"What a horrible time at detention!" Zim snarled " I swear your brother is just begging me to kill him!"

"When are you going to stop saying it and will actually do it?" Gaz said with an eye roll. "You do have an airlock that can send him to the sun you know?"

Before Zim could give an angry retort the computer interrupted.

"Incoming transmission from the Massive."

Gaz couldn't help but smirk.

Zim warily accepted the call after the last time he talked to the a Tallest, he was unsure of what could the outcome be.

The static disappeared and Tallest Purple's face appears, in the background a few Irkens could be seen carrying a big black bag.

"My Tallest" Zim greeted uncertainly "What can I do for you?"

Purple looked at the short defect with utter contempt, but the glare Gaz gave him made him think twice, specially when she was in the background threateningly moving her finger as if daring him to say something that was not in accordance to their deal.

"Zim" He croaked "I believe you took our harsh words rather seriously."

"Shouldn't I have done so, my Tallest?"

"Well, you see when we told you that your mission was a lie we... Didn't meant it."

"You didn't?"

"No, it was a... Test ... Yeah that's it... To see your loyalty to us."

"It was?" Zim was surprised.

"Yes, you didn't go looking for revenge" Purple continues " You are too loyal to the Empire, Zim you have... Proven to be... ugh...a good soldier."

"YES I AM!" Zim said proudly "I KNEW you couldn't have been serious on my mission being fake my Tallest!"

Gaz shook her head, he really was naive.

"Well Zim.. Continue on your mission, destroy the humans."

"I WILL MY TALLEST!"

With one last glance at the scary human, Purple ordered an end to the transmission.

Zim was ecstatic, as far as he was led to believe he was still an invader and more importantly, he still had a purpose.

Gaz knew Zim was never going to be able to conquer Earth, much less subjugate mankind, but the illusion made him happy.

And now he wasn't going to be moody about it and annoy the hell out of her.

She was successful in her cruel plan.

Earth was now officially marked for Operation Impending Doom II.

She was going to have fun being a part of the invasion.

"All's well that ends well."

Well, this was fun to write, I just enjoyed making Gaz's dark and scary nature being used in a selfless way for once if by selfless being a twisted definition of helping to destroy humankind, LOL.

Let me explain a few things, because that's just the type of guy I am:

First of all, according to Steve Ressel, the director of the show; if the Tallest ever told Zim that his mission was really an exile, he wouldn't believe them, why? Because he's too damn arrogant, he would probably think it was their way of keeping him "motivated" on the job.

Well I do believe that in the story I managed to make Gaz less selfish because even if she was only helping Zim so he would stop moping, deep down she did care for his happiness, in turn I also felt as if I made Zim a little less of a jerk but that soon ended when his massive ego returned ten fold after he was reinstated as an Invader.

I'm sure most of you already figured it out but in case you didn't, yes Tallest Purple and the Irken crew swiftly killed Red in order to saved their own skins, they weren't about to risk their lives and the Empire's future because of Red's pride, am I right?

I actually find it pretty ironic that I killed Red off seeing as he is my favorite of the two Tallest since Jhonen Vasquez said he was the most evil character, plus I feel that next to Gaz he is the smartest character on the show if somewhat abusive of his political position.

In retrospect I probably should've written how Red's demise came about but in the end I felt it would have made the story longer, straying away from the ZAGR theme.

Well review my fic ok?, make that my birthday present.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.