He Does Love You

"Doctor!" River called out as she entered the TARDIS. She just had a run in with a surviving group of Slitheen, and when they found out her connection to the Doctor… it hadn't been a very pleasant conversation. "Doctor?"

River looked around warily. It was rare for the Doctor to not be in the Control Room, waiting for her with his flirtatious, knowing smirk. So where was he?

"Hello."

River spun around to face the voice, startled as she finally identified a shadowy figure in the corner of the room. As the person approached, River noticed that it was a man. He dressed kind of funny… kind of magician-y.

"Oh hello!" River said, shaking her head. The Doctor was always picking up the strangest people. "You're a bit old to be the Doctor's companion, but times change I suppose"

"Yes… they certainly do." The man said, refusing to look at her, instead staring at the grates in the floor.

"So." She said, smirking. Leaning against the console, River embraced the warm hum of the TARDIS. The feeling of love and acceptance that she always felt on the TARDIS was unlike anything River had ever experienced. Although the feeling of sadness, comfort, and regret that the old girl was sending her… that was new. "Who are you? Where's the Doctor?"

"River." The man said only her name, like a statement or a fact.

"You know my name? I'm surprised he mentioned me! He doesn't usually like to talk about me." River said, only slightly bitter towards the end.

"No. He doesn't."

"Where is he?" River asked. A bad feeling was settling in her stomach when the man didn't respond. "Where is the Doctor?"

"River," the man finally looked up at her. River gasped when she saw his eyes. "I am the Doctor."

"Well… I can see that now. It's your eyes." She said, trailing her hand down his face. He winced as he remembered the first time she had done that. In the Library. "I can always tell from your eyes."

"Yes well then…" the Doctor started to back away from her, looking nervous and slightly guilty. "Perhaps I should take you back now."

"What?" River questioned. "But I only just got here! Come on now, Sweetie! You must explain!"

The Doctor ignored her question, focusing instead on the TARDIS control panel. "Where should I drop you off? Stormcage? Luna?"

"No actually, I'm visiting my parents at the moment."

The Doctor froze, his head hung, looking at his feet. He whispered hoarsely, "Amy and Rory?"

"Yes, my love! Amy and Rory!" River confirmed, a bit annoyed. "You haven't forgotten them, have you?"

"I wish I could." The Doctor mumbled, quietly enough so that River couldn't hear.

"Oh, that reminds me! Diaries! We haven't done diaries yet!" River pulled out her TARDIS blue diary. It was thick, and obviously well used, but it was nowhere near as big as the Doctor first remembered it.

The Doctor sighed, not quite sure whether that would make this easier on her, or harder.

"I don't have my diary with me at the moment." He said, edging around the room to try and distance himself from her.

River rolled her eyes and laughed. "You always are misplacing that silly old thing!"

"Actually," the Doctor said, avoiding eye contact. "I didn't lose it."

"Well then where is it?" River asked impatiently

"I burned it."

A dark silence filled the air. Even the TARDIS ceased to make any sound, the tension was so think. She had been angry with the Doctor for a long time because of how he treated her daughter's memory. The Doctor never knew it, but that was the day she stopped opening her doors when he snapped.

River's hearts clenched. She whispered breathlessly, "You what?"

"I burned it a long time ago, River. I needed to move on, from everything. I needed to forget. My companion helped me see that." He tried to explain. There was a reason the TARDIS hated Clara. This was it.

"Forget?" River wondered incredulously. "Moving on, I understand. You're a Time Lord. You move on from everyone eventually. But forget? Forget what exactly? Forget me? Forget my parents? Forget the very memory of our existence?"

"That was the wrong word…"

"No!" River shouted, her voice thick with emotion. "No, forget was the right word. You really wanted to forget. You wanted to forget me so badly, you burned the only evidence of our relationship."

"It's been two hundred years since I last saw you, River! Excuse me if feelings fade!" The Doctor snapped back, causing River to recoil from his harsh words.

"Of course." She said, her voice quiet. "I think I should go now."

She quickly made her way to the door, pausing only to stroke the TARDIS, letting her surrogate mother pass on her message of apologies and sorrow.

"River." The Doctor called, just as her hand touched the outside air. He seemed to finally hold a look of regret in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I did love you once. I know I never told you often enough, but I did. Sometimes you were the only thing to get me through the day, back then. I know I'm sending you mixed signals here, but you more than anyone should know just how much a Time Lord changes during a regeneration. That man back there, that young faced, babbling, bowtie-fez wearing, madman… he does love you. More than he will ever admit. Never forget that River Song. Never forget that."

With an angry glare, River slammed the door to the TARDIS with all her strength. She stood outside the blue box, fighting back tears, but the sound of squeaking breaks that signaled the Doctor's departure made River break down. She slid down a solid surface, folding her knees to her chest desperately trying to forget the last seven minutes of her life never happened.

"River?" a voice asked, shocked and clearly troubled with concern.

River looked up. Her vision was blurred by tears, but eventually she was able to make out a few choice details: a bowtie, a fez, and a hand full of Jammie Dodgers.

"Doctor?" River choked out, her voice thick with emotion. It was then that she realized that she wasn't at her parent's house in Leadworth. She was on the top of a snow white hill, and the TARDIS was parked a few meters away. The sky was burning Silver, and the tree she sat in front of had leaves of pure gold. It was obviously not Earth. The TARDIS always knew where she needed to go.

"River, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" The Doctor wasn't very good around crying people, especially crying woman. But this woman was his wife, so he'd try his best.

River gasped for breath, trying to get her emotions under control. She wasn't sure what she wanted more: to never see the Doctor again, or hold him close and never let him go. But as he drew closer to her, observing her for injuries, River threw her arms around him, clinging to him for dear life and, incidentally, knocking the Jammie Dodgers out of his hand.

"Okay! So clearly, not okay then!" The Doctor said, finding it hard to settle his hands anywhere. He finally began to stroke her hair as she cried, not knowing what to say. Not knowing that his mere arms around her were grounding her back to sanity.

Slowly, so not to offend the distraught woman, the Doctor pulled back, resting their foreheads together.

Shakily, River finally spoke. "Doctor, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I was trying to take Amy and Rory to Barcelona. But I've tried like, thirty eight times, and I never get the right planet." The Doctor started to explain. "Amy sent me out to make sure that it was the right one, or at the very least safe and peaceful. She's probably wondering what's taking me so long. Probably thinks I've been distracted, and I have I suppose. Not that your crying is a distraction, of course, although you always are very distracting!"

"Thank you, Sweetie." River gave a small giggle at his rambling. She leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his lips. A warm feeling filled her hearts when he feverishly kissed her back.

"Now what has you all upset, wife?" The Doctor asked, drawing circles on her arm. "Oh! I do hope you know about that already! It never seemed the right time to ask about diaries."

"Diaries!" River cried, pulling completely back from his embrace, and ruffling his jacket. "Doctor, please tell me you have your diary?"

The Doctor scrambled in his inside pocket for his diary, hearing the desperation in his wife's voice. "Here it is dear!"

River almost started sobbing again as she clutched the small, leather diary to her chest. "Doctor, I guess I never really told you, but I love my diary. It means so much to me."

The Doctor was a bit confused at why she seemed so sad about the diary, but could clearly feel the truth in her voice. "You're welcome. I love mine too, you know. Our own personal history book! For our eyes only! To live on forever."

At his last words, River's smiling face fell, a dark look appearing on her face. The Doctor knew the fate of her little blue book. Her history book left forgotten in the shadow invested Library. But River couldn't know about that. So what was it about their diaries that made her so upset?

"Yes." She whispered, her bottom lip trembling. "Forever."

A part of the Doctor wanted to push her for information, demand that she explain what happened. It hurt him to see her so broken. But the Doctor knew how they worked. The Doctor and River Song always had a system, and it was a simple one. If you were hurt: Hide the damage. If you saw the other hurt: Ignore the suffering. So that's what the Doctor tried to do; ignore her suffering, and hide the damage doing that caused him.

"So!" the Doctor cheered, pulling River to her feet. "I want to go to Barcelona and the TARDIS, obviously does not want to take me there, however she always seems to work well when you're around – and it's not because you drive her better or that she prefers you, that is pure coincidence – so what do you say Professor River Song, my lovely wife? Care to join me?"

River laughed at his unnecessarily long winded sentence, shaking her head at her husband's antics.

"I would love to, Sweetie." She said, filling her voice with gratitude at the topic change.

"Excellent! I haven't been to Barcelona in decades!" the Doctor cried running back onto the TARDIS. "Amy! Rory! Get your coats! I can guarantee the right planet this time, I promise!"

Faintly, River could hear Amy's sarcastic reply of, "Yeah, right!" and Rory's cry of, "You say that every time!" followed by a loud crash which signaled the Doctor's arrival to the wardrobe.

River calmly followed the Doctor up to the entrance of the TARDIS, running her hands up the door's frame, admiring the beautiful paint job she and the Doctor must have given her recently. The TARDIS hummed her greeting, both the loving welcome that she was accustomed to, as well as the soft echo of sorrow from what she knew River had gone through.

Forcing herself to look back at where she had come from, River stared at the spot the future Doctor's TARDIS had landed. She hated the man the Doctor would become. But she realized that something he had said was true. He was not the man she married. He was not the man she loved. But this Doctor, this one here and now, did love her. This playful, crazy, fashion senseless man loved her. And she loved him, with every fiber of her being, both human and Time Lord. This man needed her. So River took all the anger and pain and used it to fuel a promise. She would do everything in her power to make sure that the Doctor, her Doctor, was loved and cared for. Or so help her, she would die trying.

She was so focused on her inner musings, that River didn't notice the Doctor watching her. He noticed the look of pain and determination that was on her face, and wished he could just kiss the darkness away.

"River, please tell me what's wrong!" The Doctor pleaded with her. River Song rarely showed deep emotion such as this. Whatever had happened was bad, and he had the horrible suspicion it was his fault.

River wanted so badly to tell him. To tell him about his future so that he could make sure that it never happened. He could do that, couldn't he? He's the Doctor. He can do anything!

But she didn't tell him.

She didn't tell him that one day, he would break her hearts. She didn't tell him that one day, he would shut out everything from his past. Every person, he ever met would be ignored and forgotten. She didn't tell her Doctor that one day, when his eleventh self dies, their love dies with him.

So River Song, tried to smile, tried to put up a brave face, and swallow back every ounce of pain that she felt. "Oh Sweetie… Spoilers."

Disclaimer: I would have put this at the top but it always looks awkward to me, so deal! Doctor Who and the affiliated characters used in this story do not belong to me. If they did, Eleven never would have died, Amy and Rory would still be his companions, River would have been in way more episodes, and Clara would never have existed!

A/N: Thank you for reading my story! Just so that it's clear, this story was written and posted long before season eight began, so any OOC behavior for the Twelfth Doctor or any blip in plot should be ignored! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!