Ugh, this week has been soooo freaking looonnnggg... Dealing with the infinitely stupid customers at my work is slowly chipping away at that last sliver of sanity that I've been desperately clinging on to. Then again, getting my own padded suite in the nearest mental hospital sounds pretty tempting. Anyway, despite the annoyingness that never ceases to end, I managed to finish up the final chapter of this story. So without further rambling on my part, please enjoy the chapter and leave me a review. Or send me a potato launcher since my work prohibits bringing guns with us.

It's the Zombie Apocalypse, Bitch!

Chapter 5

"We're only about three minutes away from Sasori's," Itachi told the group as they headed down the road.

"Good. I'm running low on fucking ammo already," Hidan replied with an irritated tone.

The four of them hurried through the streets, rushing past the damaged buildings and cars. By now, not a single human remained other than themselves, and the area seemed to be infested with a moderate amount of zombies. While Hidan and Itachi shot at the zombies, Sakura hit them with the metal pole that she'd armed herself with. Hinata was without a proper weapon, as she couldn't very well use a sniper rifle as they ran. Instead, she noticed a large knife in Hidan's belt, which he had stolen from one of the broken-in stores they had passed. Hidan turned his head just in time to see the girl slice the blade upwards, slashing open one of the zombie's throat as she ran by him. Although getting his throat slit wouldn't stop him completely, he would definitely be slowed down enough for them to get away.

Meanwhile, Itachi watched as Sakura hit one of the zombies in the head hard enough to send it flying backwards. Both men couldn't deny that women who kicked zombie ass were hot.

Sakura flashed a smile at Itachi, a light splatter of blood on her face. Itachi returned the smile as he ran alongside of her. However, there was a loud revving sound, and Itachi glanced over his shoulder to see a zombie riding on a moped heading straight towards the pinkette. Reacting quickly, he tackled her forward, sending them both on the ground as he pushed her out of the way.

Hinata's eyes widened and she rushed over to them as the zombie sped off and crashed into a tree. "Sakura! Are you okay?"

Sakura didn't seem to hear the answer, as her green eyes were locked with Itachi's dark ones. The raven-haired male was lying on top of her, his face only centimeters away from hers. Their gazes held for several seconds, and both of them were oblivious to Hidan's awkward coughs. Itachi lowered his lips to hers ever-so-softly, planting a gentle kiss on her lips.

While Hinata smiled at the couple, Hidan rolled his eyes. "Hey, I don't mean to interrupt or anything, but you might want to move before a bus comes along and runs your asses over. And by the way, why the fuck did I get bitched at when I was going at with Hinata? Fucking hypocrites..."

As if on cue, a school bus swerved around the corner, causing the four to sweat-drop at the coincidence. Cursing quietly to himself, Itachi quickly swept Sakura into his arms and got them out of harm's way while Hidan pulled Hinata away from the crazily-driven vehicle. It was being driven by zombie of course, and the seats were filled with more zombies, clawing and scratching at each other, as well as playing with musical instruments that had been left on the bus.

"At least it wasn't an ice cream truck," Itachi murmured as he set Sakura down.

"A bus full of music-playing zombies isn't that much of an improvement, though," the pink-haired woman added with a small laugh.

Hidan looked over at the other male. "Hey, Itachi. Isn't that your asshole boss over there? Danzo or something?"

Itachi turned his head to see a zombie-turned Danzo ambling around across the way, his suit splattered and stained with blood. An uncharacteristic malicious glint found its way in Itachi's eyes. "It's like my dreams finally came true."

With an amused smirk, Hidan watched as Itachi stalked over to an oblivious Danzo, while Sakura and Hinata exchanged quizzical looks. Itachi didn't seem like the type to hold grudges, but he apparently hated his boss to the point where he'd gladly shoot the bastard down. Seemed legit, considering many people hated their bosses.

"This is for all the freaking times that you gave me last minute projects, AND then had the balls to take all the credit for it! Well, this is payback bitch!" With a shaky hand, Itachi pointed his gun at Danzo, who gave a low grumble at his employee. "What did you say!?" Itachi's eye twitched slightly.

"F...Fu...ck...yyyu..." Danzo mumbled unintelligibly. "Fuuuu...ccck...you... Fuckyou..."

In his fit of rage, Itachi's face turned slightly red with fury. "Fuck you! And fuck you for stealing my favorite pen the last time you came to my office! It had a light on the end of it!" With that he fired several shots at Danzo, emptying his clip furiously. "That'll teach ya!"

Hidan laughed, enjoying the show, while Sakura gaped at the sight. Hinata merely poked her fingers together nervously, keeping silent. Once Danzo's bullet-filled body collapsed onto the ground, Itachi returned to the group, calmly reloading his empty gun.

"Alright, let's get going," he said, as if nothing strange had just happened. "We should get out of here before we're completely surrounded."

"Too late," Hidan pointed out, gesturing to the horde that began to close in on them.

Oh, fuck me..." Hinata deadpanned. The other three looked at her in shock, surprised that she'd actually sworn.

Hidan smirked. "Literally?"

"I'm pretty sure that wasn't an invitation!" Sakura snapped, giving him firm tap on the head with the metal pole.

"OW! That was fucking uncalled for, bitch!" he hissed, rubbing the sore spot. "It's okay for you and Itachi to dry-hump in the middle of the road, but I can't even make a fucking comment?"

"Shut up and run!" Itachi exclaimed, nodding towards the one opening they had before being closed within the circle of zombies completely.

They all took off into a sprint, running as fast as they could to get away. Hidan and Itachi shot only the ones that were directly in their path, knowing that if they stopped for too long they'd be done for. Sakura hit a few of the zombies with the pole, smacking them out of the way. Hidan didn't notice one particular zombie coming up to his right, instead focusing on another to his left. With a wave of panic, Hinata grabbed one of the handguns from the back of Hidan's belt and shot the zombie directly in the face just as he was about to sink his teeth into the silver-haired male's shoulder.

"Damn," Hidan mumbled. "Maybe you should hang onto that..."

"Was the safety even on?" Itachi asked Hinata as they continued their sprint to Sasori's house. "Because it looked like you just grabbed it and pulled the trigger."

"N-No, it was off," she stammered.

"Oops," Hidan said under his breath, avoiding Itachi's critical stare.

"You know, if that had accidentally gone off while it was still in your belt, you would've received a nice bullet hole in your rear end for your troubles," the Uchiha lectured.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. At least now I know that Hinata can handle different types of guns without a problem," he added with a suggestive grin that caused the indigo-haired girl to blush all over again.

"You're such a pervert," Sakura grumbled, hitting another zombie in the head.

"Guilty as charged," he replied carelessly.

Sasori's house finally came into view, much to their relief. Their ammunition supply had run dangerously low for one thing, and the number of zombies in the area was astounding. Everyone else had either evacuated from the city or had been turned into zombies.

"That fucker better be home or I'm gonna be pissed," Hidan hissed as they sprinted towards it.

"Aren't you already?" Sakura quipped, panting slightly from the constant running.

The silver-haired male snorted. "Fine, I'll be even more pissed. Happy?"

"Not really," she responded stoically.

They reached the house, with Hidan furiously banging on the door after he discovered it to be locked. "Hey! Sasori, open the fucking door!"

"Come on," Itachi muttered, knocking hard as well. "Please answer the door."

Hinata shot at a few zombies coming their way, only for the gun to run out of ammunition. She quickly grabbed a second handgun from Hidan's belt and began to use that one instead. "Hidan, I can't hold them all off for long," she nervously told him.

"Shit." Hidan grabbed his shotgun and began to fend off the oncoming horde, his door-banging job now handed over to Sakura. "Dammit, Sasori! Open the fucking door already! C'mon!"

Seconds later, the lock disengaged, earning a sigh of relief from Itachi and Sakura. Sasori opened the door, gesturing for them to hurry into the house. Itachi and Sakura bolted inside, followed by Hidan and Hinata. The red-haired homeowner quickly bolted the door shut, using at least a half dozen locks in the process.

"Can never be too safe," he murmured with a bored expression. "So, what brings you guys here?"

"Oh, you know, we just wanted to pop in and say 'hi'," Hidan remarked sarcastically.

Sasori glanced at him carelessly as he led them to the kitchen. "No need to be a smartass, Hidan. Though I must admit, it's better than your usual routine of being a dumbass."

"Fuck off."

"Sasori, we came here because you took the Hummer last week to make repairs on it. We need it in order to evacuate from the city," Itachi explained.

Deidara was seated at the kitchen table, a bottle of beer clutched in his hand. "Yo." A dreamy smile was on his face, and it was clear that he wasn't on his first beer. Or second. "Hey, who are the pretty ladies, un? A schoolgirl and a nurse...that's hot, un..."

"Back off," Hidan growled, possesively wrapping an arm around Hinata's shoulders. "Schoolgirl is mine and Nurse is Itachi's. Even though she's technically still just a med student."

"Shut up," Sakura snapped, throwing an evil glare in his direction. "Just wait until you come into the hospital where I work, and then you won't be so smug."

"I don't go to fucking hospitals," he replied dryly.

Itachi sighed. "So anyway, do you have that Hummer? Has it been fixed?"

"Ask the moron over there," Sasori sighed, casting an annoyed glance at the 'buzzed' blond.

"Oh, great. What the fuck did you do?" Hidan demanded angrily.

Deidara slunk down in his seat. "Um...well...you see..."

"He decided that he wanted to put jet fuel into the gas tank," Sasori told them with a calm yet irritated tone of voice. "So in the end, the damn Hummer exploded. Not even five minutes after I had finished with all the repairs."

"WHAT!?" Hidan grabbed Deidara by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall, his face red with fury. "You blew up the fucking Hummer!? What the fuck is wrong with you!? Idiot!"

"It was an accident, un," Deidara replied meekly, looking ashamed.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "No, you're just an imbecile. When I told you that the jet fuel wouldn't make the Hummer fly due to the fact that the vehicle lacked wings, you put it in the tank to see if it would make it go faster."

"I should kill you," Hidan hissed at Deidara, his violet eyes narrowing.

Hinata wrapped her arms around his waist and tried to pry him away from the frightened blond male. "Now's not a convenient time to kill him, Hidan. Maybe later." If we make it out alive...

"I'm surprised that the zombies haven't made it to my house sooner," Sasori remarked, though not an ounce of surprise was visible on his stoic face.

"Why haven't you already left Tokyo?" Itachi asked him, frowning when he noticed as the house was gradually surrounded by the undead swarm outside.

The redhead shrugged briefly. "Why bother? There's nowhere to go. Even if I did have the Hummer, there's too many zombies out there and too much damage to the road for us to be able to evacuate."

"So we're just going to die here?" Sakura gasped, shocked at his lack of care.

"More or less," he answered.

Hinata looked around in worry, her eyes widening when she heard the sound of glass shattering. "They're breaking in. Isn't there anywhere we can go at all?"

"Roof! The roof!" Deidara stumbled a bit, clumsily heading towards the staircase in the hall. "They won't get us as quickly."

"Motherfucker," Hidan muttered as he and the others followed him. "We're taking advice from a drunk guy. It's like the blind leading the blind..."

Itachi glanced at him. "Best advice we can work with right now, considering that there's no other way out. But once we're on the roof, we'll be trapped. All we can do is hope that we can fend them off while we can."

"And I am not drunk, un. Just a little buzzed," Deidara added, tripping on the last step.

Once they'd reached the second floor, Sasori pulled down the ladder that brought them up to the attic. The six of them hurridly climbed the ladder and made it into the attic.

"Let's try to break the fucking thing so that they can't climb it." Hidan knelt down, only to groan in dismay. "Fuck, it's made out of metal. And we can't pull the damn thing up from this angle. There's no way to fucking reach it."

"Forget it, there's nothing we can do about it. Let's just get up onto the roof," Itachi growled.

Sasori opened one of the large windows and stepped up onto the window sill. "Just walk along the ledge that leads outside and then grab onto the ladder that Deidara had installed in the event of a zombie apocalyspe."

"And you all called me an idiot! Now who's the idiot, un!?" Deidara laughed manically as he hopped up onto the ledge also.

Hidan and Itachi exchanged glances, annoyed that the blond pyromaniac had been right about his crazy idea. Sasori made it to the roof first, then had to pull Deidara up when he almost toppled off the ladder. His bumbling stupidity earned him a smack upside the head. Itachi followed them up, then turned around to help Sakura up.

"Fuck, they're coming!" Hidan grabbed Hinata's wrist and tugged her up onto the window sill with him just as the first zombie reared his ugly head up into the attic. "Shit shit shit!"

They moved swiftly along the ledge to get to the ladder, just as that same zombie tripped and fell head-first out the window. His body hit the ground several feet below, where he lay unmoving for a good five seconds before clumsily pulling himself back up. Hidan quickly climbed up the ladder first, since he was closer, reaching the top seconds later. Hinata was already heading up herself, and she grabbed hold of his hand when he offered it to her. He pulled her up, swearing when a woman began to walk across the ledge. To everyone's horror, she didn't fall off as they had hoped.

"What the fuck? All the other fuckers had no friggin coordination, so how come this bitch isn't falling?" Hidan snarled, then slammed his foot down into her face to make her fall.

"Guess not all of them are completely hopeless," Sasori mused.

"Um, that's not a good thing," Sakura deadpanned.

"Never said that it was," he replied.

Like the ladder in the attic, the one that led to the roof was also metal and bolted to the side of the building. So not only were they trapped on the rooftop, but the zombies had an accessible way to reach them. Hidan pointed his shotgun over the edge and began to blast away at them, cursing when he ran out of ammo. He swore even louder when he realized that he had no shotgun shells left. He took the two remaining handguns and emptied those also as the others watched nervously. Itachi and Hinata shot at the zombies as well, though they had run out of ammunition soon after as well.

"Fuck," Hidan hissed, chucking one of the empty handguns at a zombie's head to knock it off the ledge. "The fuck are we supposed to do now!?"

"Well...it was nice knowing you guys, I suppose. Probably should've left us six bullets so that we could've finished ourselves off," Sasori remarked.

Itachi took the pole from Sakura and began to physically beat the zombies that had begun to climb up the ladder. "We weren't exactly keeping a count of what bullets we had left..."

"What are we going to do?" The pinkette swallowed nervously. "We can't fend them off forever."

"It's simple," Deidara said calmly. "We're just all going to die and/or be turned into zombies. Unless they decide to just eat us, of course."

Itachi paused long enough to glare at him. "Shut up. You're not helping the situation."

"Wait, listen," Hinata suddenly spoke up, catching everyone's attention. "Do you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?" Hidan asked, looking around.

The indigo-haired girl was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out the sound that she was hearing. "It sounds like...a helicopter," she breathed, her eyes widening. "I see it! It's heading this way!"

"Quick, flag them down!" Sakura exclaimed, looking around for something to get the pilot's attention.

"Wait! I...I got this, un..." Deidara pulled his shirt off and began to wave it around frantically. "Heeeey! Helicopteeeer! Ooooveeerrrr heeeeerrreee!"

Hidan sighed and shook his head. "And this is why people like you shouldn't drink."

Deidara looked at Hinata and Sakura. "Maybe the pilot will notice us if they see some boobs, un..." That earned him a smack from Sakura, Hidan, and Itachi. "Owww... What'd I say?"

Sasori picked up a firecracker that had fallen out of Deidara's shirt pocket. He lit the end of it as Hidan and Itachi continued to pummel the oncoming zombies that were trying to climb onto the roof. The fire cracker went off, signaling their presence. To everyone's relief, the helicopter began to fly towards them.

"Oh, thank god," Sakura gasped.

Seconds later, their means of rescue hovered several feet above the rooftop and a rope ladder was thrown down to them.

"Grab on!" A red-haired man with several piercings yelled down to them. "Hurry!"

Sasori went up first, followed by a smiling Deidara, whom had decided to throw his shirt in one zombie's face. "Thank you to all my fans, un!"

"Get up, you idiot," Sasori hissed, dragging the intoxicated blond up when he began to swing around on the ladder as if it were a plaything.

Sakura went up next, and Itachi couldn't help but take a look up her skirt. He turned a light shade of red when he noticed Hidan's knowing grin and immediately stopped his staring.

"There's not much room, so you'll have to squeeze together," Pein told them as Hidan went up next. Besides him, there as a blue-haired woman and a man with a swirl design mask.

"Oh, joy," he replied sarcastically.

Hinata and Itachi quickly climbed up as well, and it was then that they noticed that there were only three seats for the six of them to share. Hidan took it upon himself to plunk his ass down on one of the seats and pull Hinata down onto his lap. Itachi followed suit, grabbing hold of Sakura and placing her on his lap.

For the first time, Sasori's face showed a hint of emotion, and it was not pleasant. "If you think I'm sharing a seat with this idiot, you are sadly mistaken," he growled, motioning towards Deidara.

"Hi," the blond replied with a goofy smile on his face, draped over the remaining seat.

"I'll just sit on the floor," Sasori mumbled as Pein ascended the helicopter and flew away from the house.

"We're finally safe," Sakura said with a sigh of relief. "I thought we were screwed..."

Hinata nodded in agreement, her head against Hidan's chest. "Me, too."

"We're lucky that you guys came along," Itachi said to Pein, his arm around Sakura's waist. "Thank you."

"By the way, how the fuck did this whole thing start anyway?" Hidan asked, gazing out the window with a frown.

Pein's ringed purple eyes narrowed a bit. "Why don't you ask this one right here?" He gave a brief nod at the masked man, whom had remained silent so far.

"Hehehe, you see, it's a long story," the masked man said sheepishly.

"Tobi, you pushed the big red button, even though it clearly said 'DO NOT TOUCH'. You're lucky that Konan and I brought you along with us," Pein added with a harsh tone. "We could've just left you."

Hidan gaped at Tobi. "So you mean to tell me that this whole fucking thing is your fault?" He shifted Hinata slightly to hold her better as she began to doze off in his arms. "Eh, then again, the world was going to shit anyway. You kind of just sped up the fucking process."

"Don't you worry, guys! I have a great idea for us now that the world has been overrun by zombies!" Tobi announced.

"You mean the entire world has been infected?" Itachi asked.

"More or less," Konan sighed. "We aren't the only survivors, though. There are others that we will eventually meet up with."

Tobi stood up, ignoring the protests from Pein and Konan. "And then we'll start a new nation, and it shall be called Utobia!"

"Utobia?" Hidan sweatdropped. "You're fucking kidding, right?"

"I like it, un!" Deidara stated.

"Nobody asked for your opinion," the silver-haired man growled. "I'm fucking surrounded by morons..."

"Will everything be okay?" Sakura asked with worry.

Konan shrugged slightly. "As well as it could be in the event of a zombie apocalypse."

"Yay! Real life Resident Evil, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"No, not 'yay', you stupid bastard," Sasori hissed, getting more and more annoyed.

"But now that the world has gone to complete shit, what do we do now?" Hidan asked.

Pein ascended the helicopter even higher. "As Tobi said, we are heading towards an area that has so far been deemed as safe. There is food and ammunition, as well as other items we will need to survive this. The area may be quarantined off and gated to keep those who've been infected out. That's the first step at least. But it's not going to be called Utobia," he added.

"At least we got away," Sakura murmured, snuggling against Itachi. "I wonder if any of our friends made it out okay."

"At this point, all we can do is look out for each other and anyone else who is left," Konan told them.

"We now live in a world that is overrun by zombies! It feels like I'm starring in my own action movie!" Tobi declared happily.

Hidan snorted. "If this was a fucking movie, you'd be the first one to die. Especially since you're the whole reason why this damn outbreak started in the first place. I should kill you myself."

"At least I don't have to go to the office tomorrow," Itachi mused. "Works for me."

"And look at all the happy couples!" Tobi pointed out. "Pein and Konan are destined to be together!" The redhead and blunette exchanged glances, their faces slightly blushed. "I don't know you six that well, but I can tell that you're all happily in love!"

"Now hold on a minute. What do you mean by that?" Sasori raised an eyebrow. "Are you implying that all of us are dating one another?"

Tobi laughed. "Well, obviously! The guy in the suit and the nurse are clearly together. Same with the cute schoolgirl and that guy right there who wants to kill me. I can tell that you and your slightly drunk boyfriend are in love as well." He gestured to Deidara.

For the first time ever, Sasori displayed an acute fit of rage. "WHAAAT!? I'M NOT WITH THAT IDIOT RIGHT THERE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

"I love you too, man!" Deidara proclaimed with a hiccup.

"SHUT UP! NO, THIS IS INSANE! WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!" The redhead stated/yelled.

While he continued to fume and deny any existence of a romantic relationship between himself and Deidara, Hinata looked up at Hidan shyly. He was watching with amusement, a smirk on his face. Hinata hesitated for a moment, then reached up to touch his cheek. Hidan looked down at her, his violet eyes locking with her lavender ones. With a light blush on her face, Hinata leaned up to plant a soft kiss on his lips, only for Hidan to respond with a deeper kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she felt his fingers entangle in her hair.

Itachi and Sakura soon followed suit, displaying their own passionate kiss. Sasori shoved Deidara away when the blond attempted to give him a hug, nearly pushing him out of the helicopter in the process.

"Please, no shoving, no jumping, and no fornication in my helicopter," Pein said monotonely.

"Now...off to Utobia!" Tobi exclaimed.

"IT'S NOT UTOBIA!" Everyone retorted angrily.

And that concludes our insanely random end-of-the-world-zombie-apocalypse story! It's always enjoyable to make weird ass stories like this with a lot of random comical crap. Does that appear to make me less-than mentally stable? Perhaps... Or maybe it just means I'm eccentric! Like Einstein! As in Joe Einstein, my friend's delusional uncle who insists that he once delivered pizza to Whitey Bulger. But anyway, moving forward, I hope you found this fic to be amusing, so please let me know if you liked it. In a week or so I'll go through that whole phase where I think this is the worst story I've ever written after convincing myself that this was a flawless masterpiece that Shakespeare would be proud of! Shakespeare is my sister's pet rock. There are some tough critics out there, and he is one of them. I will be posting a bloody, violent one-shot soon to change up the whole comedy phase. But then I'll be working on my newest multi-chapter story soon after. Stay tuned for the next story, as well the memoirs of my latest visit to my closest friend, AKA my psychiatrist!