A/N: Sorry about the wait guys! I've been busy, but I'm back with another installment. The reviews you've left are so kind so thank you all so much! It means a lot that you guys like it so far - this is the first fic I've written like this and I'm trying really hard to get it right. Only 3 again this time but they're a lot longer and took me a while so I hope it will suffice for now. Reviews are motivation so keep at it and enjoy!

There is a certain time of the year when Makoto Nanaya becomes particularly dangerous.

It occurs just after winter has passed, when pedestrians can finally hang up their coats for good and NOL operatives are at last allowed to walk around without their cloaks (although particularly studious soldiers such as Tsubaki Yayoi will still decide to do this).

It's a time when the Ars Magus that regulates the temperatures around the Hierarchical Cities finally kicks into high gear again, making most people a whole lot warmer and happier. Unfortunately, while 99% of citizens enjoy this time of year, there is a select few that certainly do not.

In fact, there's really only one person who doesn't enjoy it – Makoto Nanaya. Why you ask?

Two words: Mating Season.

Now before you jump to conclusions, it should be noted that the girl in question is a beastkin – not a full-fledged squirrel. As such, she doesn't adhere to a "mating season"; quite frankly, she's in the mood whenever she feels like it just like any other human, thank you very much.

Despite this, however, she still has some squirrel DNA, and this in turn can nevertheless make this time of year extremely unpleasant for her. The same can't be said for Makoto's family since she's the oldest child and most of her younger siblings haven't even experienced the oh-so-wondrous stage of life that is puberty yet.

And her parents? Well, as you might expect, those two reaaallly enjoy this time of year compared to herself. She shudders when she thinks about mommy and daddy doing, well...that. Ugh.

To be blunt, Makoto is just abnormally horny right now. And no matter how hard she tries, she can't seem to calm herself down.

So you might wonder why this is such a bad thing. Really, all this build-up is really just a roundabout way of saying Makoto Nanaya hasn't been laid in a while and she needs it more than just about anything else you could think of. Even chestnut parfait.

Also, take a look at her! She's most certainly not hard on the eyes...especially in her battle uniform. So why? Why is this such a bad thing for Makoto? Once again, the answer lies in two words. These ones much scarier than the last:

Kagura. Mutsuki.

That's right. We're referring to the pervert that Makoto is forced to work with now on a daily basis. The head of the Mutsuki family is for whatever reason the only available, and as much as she hates to admit it, physically attractive guy that the beastkin has access to right now. Her other two viable options – Ragna and Jin, seem to have the hots for Noel and Tsubaki respectively, and despite her primal urges, there was no way in hell Makoto was betraying her friends for a one night stand.

So this left Kagura. The creepiest, most disgusting (in terms of personality) man to ever walk the face of the earth. It was quite the predicament, and it didn't help that Kagura spent almost all of his free time trying to hit on her anyway. Which was getting increasingly difficult to ignore with each passing day.

So now you're starting to see why this is a very big problem for Makoto.

Eventually, the day comes when the beastkin's raging hormones simply cannot be neglected any longer. So she takes multiple deep breaths and quietly leaves her room, heading to Kagura's suite. She's already hating herself for what she's about to do.

After barely knocking twice, the door swings open. Almost like Kagura was waiting for her...

...gross.

"Ah! Makoto baby! Couldn't sleep, eh?" Kagura winks at Makoto and she wants to puke right in front of him. "You know," he continues, "I could help you out with that if you want-"

Makoto doesn't let him finish as she pulls him down into a furious kiss and forces her tongue down his throat. She tries with all her willpower to ignore the stupid smirk he's got on his face as she pulls him towards his bed.

Kagura is late to breakfast the next morning, and no one misses how he walks with a rather obvious and painful looking limp. The perpetrator of his condition, who is now finally incredibly relieved and content, lets out a hearty laugh at the scene.

Something tells Makoto he won't be hitting on her ever again...and that kind of makes this all worth it.

Jin Kisaragi is unusually susceptible to brain freeze.

It is especially odd considering the weapon he wields, however this is an undoubtedly true fact. The Hero of Ikaruga can't eat or drink anything less than lukewarm, lest he be rendered completely incapacitated. He has been aware of this striking weakness for quite a while now, but has done a fairly good job at keeping it under wraps.

That is, of course, until the day Tsubaki and himself finally have the same day off. An occurrence that literally has never happened before today, and this was well into their time as NOL soldiers.

And wouldn't you know it, she wants to go get ice cream of all things. Damn it all.

The truth is, even Tsubaki has no idea of Jin's hypersensitivity regarding cold food and beverages. It really does appear to be something he wants to take to the grave, but his childhood friend was so looking forward to this day that he just couldn't say no when she proposed it earlier.

Jin has therefore been pacing around his office for the better part of an hour, waiting for the unusually late Tsubaki to arrive. Strange...she's usually so punctual. Or maybe it just seems like she's taking forever because he's so anxious? Whatever.

Finally, a knock sounds at his door.

"Come in," Jin orders as he reapplies his air of authority. No reason to worry Tsubaki with such trivial matters right? This was going to be relaxing and fun, and nothing short of brother himself would change that for him.

Jin's resolve was now hardened, and it was time to go eat some motherfucking ice cream.

Tsubaki enters wearing a rather nice yellow summer dress and a bright smile – a stark contrast to Jin's NOL uniform and perpetual frown. His appearance doesn't detour her in the slightest however, as she quickly grabs his hand and starts heading for the door.

"Are you ready?" Tsubaki asks rather pointlessly, as Jin doubts that she would have let him get ready anyway.

She's seriously bat-shit crazy over chocolate. How that started is a quirk for another time, though.

Anyway, long story short the two find themselves in front of a small ice cream cart vendor. The short stocky man has a cheery smile on his face as he greets them.

"Hello there! How are you two on this fine-"

"Chocolate, please!" Tsubaki interrupts abruptly, evidently unable to contain herself. Jin slightly smirks at how she will still use polite mannerisms even when being rude. How redundant.

The man's smile falters, but he nods as he reaches for an empty cone. "And how many scoops would you like, miss?"

"Three, please!" The enthusiasm in Tsubaki's voice is comparable to that of a small child with A.D.D doing...well anything really.

The vendor quickly finishes the cone, looking incredibly nervous and probably sensing how insane this girl appeared to be over ice cream. He hastily places it in her hands and the redhead wastes no time in beginning to lap at the dessert, shamelessly letting out a rather suggestive moan of pleasure at the taste.

Jin just shakes his head.

The man behind the cart has now turned to him, looking noticeably relieved. "And for you, sir?"

"Huh?"

Jin snaps back to reality as he regards the vendor. Oh no...this is it. This is the moment that he has been dreading all day. His most fearsome enemy is about charge forward, and it's now up to him to protect his dignity.

For the sake of Tsubaki's respect for him, his own pride and expanding his appetite, it was time to meet the enemy head on! Losing was not an option!

Let's do this.

"THREE SCOOPS OF ORANGE SHERBERT!" Jin proclaims rather loudly. It's even more loud considering that the entire area was relatively calm beforehand. Both the vendor and Tsubaki flinch, the former's nervousness having returned tenfold. Somehow with shaking hands he manages to get the cone into Jin's own. Tsubaki just looks both confused and amused, and keeps herself busy with her own ice cream.

Apparently, chocolate is still more important than the ridiculous display her friend just showed five seconds ago.

"Thank you very much, sir." Tsubaki's manners are well-placed once again as her craving has finally been satisfied. She turns from the cart but stops as she notices Jin isn't following her.

The reason for this is because the Hero of Ikaruga is currently on his knees, his cone already forgotten on the ground beside him as he clutches his head in agony.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Jin screams in excruciating pain. Instantly, Tsubaki is at his side grabbing his shoulders, her expression equal parts concerned and scared.

The vendor looks plain terrified.

The feeling is unbearable. After one simple lick it's as if thousands – no, millions of tiny razor sharp icy daggers of death are piercing Jin's brain from all directions. Immediately he had lost his ability to stand, his only interest being able to get the pain to subside at all costs.

"Jin! Jin talk to me! What's happening?!" Tsubaki is becoming increasingly frantic at his lack of response as a small crowd begins to gather.

About a minute passes. Tsubaki is reaching for Jin's radio on his belt when suddenly he stands up abruptly. The redhead, the vendor and the pedestrians are dumbfounded by this display.

"Ugh..." Jin is still holding his head with one hand, the torture the ice cream befell upon him dissipating as quickly as it came.

"Jin!" Tsubaki lunges at him and embraces him tightly. "What happened?!"

For a moment, Jin is completely still. He doesn't know whether he should tell her the truth or not for fear of embarrassment, but the longer he's being hugged by his childhood friend, the more he knows that she would never laugh at his expense.

...right?

So he musters up all the courage he can manage, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her away slightly so he can look straight into her worried and teary blue eyes.

"Brain freeze," is all he says with a completely straight face.

All is quiet for a couple moments. The vendor needs to sit down, probably to contemplate if this absurd day was really happening or if it was just a crazy dream, and all the people that gathered around have left out of sheer disappointment. They were probably hoping that Jin was being mentally assaulted by something way cooler than brain freeze.

There's only one person laughing, and she's laughing hard.

The tears in Tsubaki's eyes are now there for an entirely different reason as she bends over holding her stomach, struggling valiantly to calm herself down. Jin just stands there awkwardly, feeling as though a dagger has been stabbed through his heart.

He later finds out that even Noel has never once experienced brain freeze, and he briefly contemplates suicide.

Hakumen misses being able to actually take care of himself in the hygienic sense.

Since he has no physical human body anymore, the leader of the Six Heroes can no longer bathe, shower, shave or even put on deodorant since he doesn't need to do any of it.

And yes, I said shave, because believe it or not Jin Kisaragi did have facial hair at one point in Hakumen's time line.

Now however, Hakumen is literally just an empty shell of a man, so he can't go through his morning routine anymore. If he hadn't been stuck in the Boundary for one hundred years, it'd be way more a problem now getting out of the habit. Luckily, he was so it's not really an issue but it's still depressing nonetheless.

I mean think about it – here you have a guy that can safely be considered the peak of manliness in the conventional sense. He's abnormally large, incredibly stoic, has a no-nonsense attitude and carries around a seven-foot metallic stick everywhere he goes with ease.

The only thing missing is a glorious beard and a extremely rancid odour to complete the package.

A real man seriously prides himself on needing to heavily rely on sanitary products to keep his masculinity in check – we can't just let it run rampant or else no one would be able to handle us. That's why the morning cleanliness routine is so important – it's a ritual of sorts that reassures us that we're on the right track to ultimate virility.

As soon as Hakumen lost his physical body however, that all went out the window. Sure, no one would deny his manliness, but he had nothing to show for it. Even if they praised him, he still had no pride himself.

The guy just really wanted to be super hairy. Or stink worse than a skunk about to die a horrible death. Or both. It was more important than just about anything else to him at this point in his life. He would never voice it out loud but he secretly thought it was more important than defeating Terumi.

This is why one day, Hakumen decided to stop by a drug store during one of his usual days of hiding in the shadows while trailing the Dark One and Terumi. He was having an especially bad day as he was for whatever reason reminiscing on the amazing feeling on the razor slicing those tiny hairs with the utmost precision so many years ago.

If he closed his nonexistent eyes and thought really hard, he could almost recreate that feeling. Almost...

...but then he'd open them again and be reminded that he was just a walking piece of epic scrap metal now. And to be honest, it was really starting to get to him. Enough in fact for Hakumen to endure the praise he was sure to get as he forced himself to go into the public eye.

Somehow, the hero makes it into the drug store with no problems. He has a sneaking suspicion that people are just too afraid to say hello, which he prefers to be honest. He doesn't do well with his fans.

Approaching the counter, the hero towers over the poor clerk who looks absolutely petrified. Sighing, the seven-foot tall cyborg samurai-looking titan tries his best to not look intimidating – which of course doesn't work at all.

"Ahem, you there," Hakumen clears his throat. "I require a remedy to my repulsive stench."

The clerk looks like he just shit his pants. "I-uh-yeah-uh-I-uh-"

"Please calm yourself, young one. This is of the utmost importance."

Moving a trembling arm up the teenager behind the counter points towards the back of the store. "D-deodorant and body spray. T-there."

Hakumen stares at the kid for a moment, making sure he wasn't going to faint before nodding towards him and heading to the back of the store. When he gets there, he's astounded by the amount of variety they have nowadays in simple deodorants. And this 'body spray'? This is new to him...perhaps he will try it out.

A particular spray catches his lacking eyes. It's labeled "AXE Body Spray", but the flavour of it is what really intrigues him.

"Dark Temptation...$2.99..." Hakumen whispers to himself. He picks up the small bottle in his large metallic hand and surveys it closer. The words 'Chocolate' and 'Love' are also engraved on the bottle, and immediately Hakumen's thoughts venture to Tsubaki. She did indeed love chocolate (in fact she was completely mad over it) and he wondered if this held true for the Tsubaki in this time line as well.

"I suppose I shall try it," the hero decides. Nodding to himself, Hakumen strolls back to the counter and places the bottle of body spray onto it rather forcefully. The clerk looks to have somewhat recomposed himself, at least enough to talk almost clearly, and scans the bottle.

"I-is that everything, S-sir Hakumen sir?"

He just nods.

"$3.99 S-sir," the boy manages to stutter out. Hakumen doesn't make any movement to pay, and immediately the cashier starts fearing for his life.

All is silent for a moment until...

"I believe the amount of currency I am required to supply you is below that. Unless your tags are woven together with deceit and lies?"

At his words, the clerk's eyes drift towards the hilt of Hakumen's massive sword just over his shoulder and he holds up his hands in pure petrification. "T-totally, sir! So sorry! It's on the house, anything you want!"

Slowly, the hero shakes his head as he pulls out an extremely worn wallet from who-knows-where. "That will not be necessary. Here is your pay. I thank you for your assistance."

With that, Hakumen leaves the store. Once he's securely back in the shadows he douses himself in the spray until there's naught left in the bottle. At that very moment, a portal opens before him and a certain young-looking vampire gracefully steps out.

"Good day, Hakumen – oh..."

Rachel seems at a loss for words upon smelling the massive suit of armor in front of her. She sniffs a couple more times before a small smile graces her lips.

"You have a rather invigorating scent today, Hakumen," the vampire praises. "I am impressed. I was going to have you run an errand for me, but I should think that buffoon Ragna will suffice instead. I will leave you be."

With that, Rachel gracefully turns around and returns from whence she came. Even though he doesn't have a face Hakumen is no doubt smiling at the small altercation.

"Pride restored."

A/N:Dark Temptation...I swear by that stuff man. Remember to review! Also I am taking suggestions into consideration I just have to think of the perfect quirks for the characters you want so sorry if you didn't see one you wanted. I promise they'll be up at some point!