"What exactly do you want with me, Satsuki-sama?" I asked politely.

Ten minutes after my kidnapping by the Elite 4, I found myself being served tea in a prestigious dining room. A gracious chandelier hung above me, candles lit. I tapped my foot awkwardly, still completely unsure of exactly what was going on, a bit regretful that I was too nervous to thank Soroi for the tea in front of me.

"Before I answer that," she responded, proper as usual, "I need you to calm yourself. I can assure you that no harm will come to you."
The next nine words were out of my traitorous mouth like Lando betraying Han: "My ass. What game are you trying to play?"
Satsuki must have noticed my appalled expression after that rebuttal; she simply closed her eyes and took a small sip from her teacup.
"There is no game, Yamashiro Zakku." There was a clink!as her teacup touched the coaster plate, a sound that chilled me to the bone. "Although I'm not surprised that you would respond that way, based on your relationship with Matoi."

Time began to slow down. Satsuki's legs changed positions in slow motion. My hands shook, causing my teacup to jiggle between my fingers. I was all alone with her now, no dark-eyed butler to at least give me somesort of calmness. I looked across the table, not quite meeting her eyes. I feel like those eyebrows are going to leap off her face and- my heart skipped a beat when a smile creased her face. It was devious, it was a tad graceful... but it was knowing.

"Aren't you going to drink your tea, Yamashiro?"
"Not until you tell me why I'm here." I impressed myself by being able to keep my voice steady.
"Are you implying that I have sabotaged your drink?" She asked, tilting her head.
Yes."N-not at all."
"Then please, drink." She emphasized the last word with a tap of the heel.
"Alright." I took a gracious sip, hoping that I had just avoided a swift kick to the testicle. Despite the situation itself, it was the best drink I had ever tasted.
"There," Satsuki said during my intense relief of not getting roofied,"as I said, no harm."
"Fair enough… so what do you want with me?" I repeated.
"I will make this simple; I want to train you and enlist you into my ranks."
"E-excuse me?"
"I have been watching you, Yamashiro Zakku. You have a headstrong personality, ambition, perseverance… yet no abilities to assist you in taking advantage of those qualities." I couldn't help but blush at this. "I can help you reach your goals… to become stronger… and to protect your friends."
"So you planned the whole thing out, didn't you?" I took regular sips from the now-addicting tea. "You looked at my entrance exam results and kept me in a dormitory, even after No Tardy Day freed up the slums. You *sip* took *sip* advantage *sip* of me! *Extremely long sip.*" Soroi slid over and poured me a second cup. "Thanks."
"I in no way took advantage of your situation. If anything, I was honoring you for your prowess. Listen carefully, Yamashiro; what I plan to do may very well earn you an extremely high position in Honnouji Academy."
I crossed my arms and agreed to listen. I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, now did I?

"You will come to the Academy every other day for the next three weeks. You'll be given a Two-Star Goku Uniform and be taught how to use and control its power. In addition, you will be taught how to fight from Sanageyama. You will learn each and every step that it takes to become part of the disciplinary committee. And if your training bodes well, you may receive an upgrade."
The plan was so well formulated it was almost scary. There was one thing missing, of course. "And what if I say no?" I responded.
On cue, she held up a contract. I noticed my sloppy signature- I was never that good at cursive- at the bottom of the document. "Then your time as a student at Hannouji Academy will come to an end and I will be rid of this document. You will be expelled and sent home."

My heart froze in my chest. The surprisingly delicious tea that I had been drinking suddenly turned sour. If it weren't for the fact that I was completely unable to move, I probably would have vomited. My stomach turned as I saw that same smile from just minutes ago crease her face once again. Like a being in the clouds, she planned every step.

"And finally," she continued, ignoring my state of despair, "if any word of this gets to Matoi, she will suffer the same fate."
I should have known, I thought as Satsuki took another proper sip. This is all because I'm with her. All that bullshit about having an 'ambitious personality' was just a pisspoor cover-up for what's really going on here. And even if I were to secretly confine this to Ryūko… she'd know. This is Lady Friggin Satsuki we're talking about.

As if reading my mind, she started up again. "Think carefully about this, Yamashiro. If you accept and succeed, you will be given benefits that I have never offered a student before… Do you accept?"
I looked down at my empty teacup, appearing to be lost in thought. "…Give me a day to think about it."
Her eyes opened, finally caught off guard.

At least, I thought, I can go home with that much.

…

I slouched as I walked back to the Makanshoku's, my feeling of happiness completely lost. Every situation that I had been in leading up until this point; the whole fiasco with Mako and Ryūko, the stupid letter that helped me win my first real love, none of it could compare to the crap that I was dealing with now. And don't worry, reader, I don't blame you for finding me a tad whiny.

It came down to two choices: give in and join up with Satsuki to become something that my girlfriend despises, or say no and get expelled because I was too much of a coward to face a higher power. Of course, there was still the third choice of trying to keep it a secret between me and Ryūko and throwing her in the same barrel as well.

Seriously, can life ever give me some sort of a break?

As I approached the doorstep, I noticed a rectangular box with my name written on the side in extremely careful and proper handwriting resembling that of a prestigious writer. I knew exactly what it was as I bent down to examine a small note attached to it… more tea. The note's handwriting far preceded that which was on the side of the box.

"If you join us, you get more of this stupid tea, you damn underachiever."

Although the chance to lose myself in my guilty pleasure was tempting, it did not at all outweigh my choices. Still, I smirked as I picked up the box and walked inside, where Mako greeted me.

"Zakku-kun! You're finally back!"
"Yeah, sorry about taking so long. About the groceries-"
"Oh, yeah, I was STARVING! But Mom picked up the groceries and saved us all. Ooooooh, what's in the box?" She said, pointing directly at the container holding my guilty pleasure.
"Uh… just a package I had to pick up from the post office. I got a message on my way to the store that said-"
"Oooooh, can I see what's inside, Zakku-Wakku? Pleeeeease, I promise I won't tell anyone!"
Anything is better than another "Hallelujah" sequence. "Just think of it like I'm a spy and the contents of my package are for my eyes only."
"Okay… wait, why is Lady Satsuki-sama's handwriting on the box?"
Crap. "Well, you see, uh, my parents requested that…" Need to come up of a way to get out of this… "Wait, why did you call me 'Zakku-Wakku' earlier? What's with that?"
"Hm? Oh, I caught Ryūko calling you that while you were gone."
"I don't believe you."
"I know, I could hardly believe it either! When she found out that I caught it she got all red and blushy and stuff."
"So she's calling me pet names now. Can't say I'm… sad about that. Where is she, anyway?"
"Oh! I forgot! She went looking for you when you didn't come back after an hour."
"And I also told her not to tell her about calling you that," an irritated voice said behind me.
"Ryūko-chaaaan! You're back!" I didn't find it surprising that Mako's attitude was my polar opposite.

I was able to turn around quietly, despite the unsettling feeling that my guilt had caused me to squeak like a door in desperate need of oil around the hinges. It didn't help that her arms were crossed, a scowl creasing her face. I prayed to whomever was in charge with my atrocity of a student life that she wouldn't inquire of the contents in the box.

"What's in the box?"
Shit. "Nothing."
"What's in it, Zakku?" She repeated, taking a step towards me.
"It's for my eyes only."
"Ooh! Is it the severed head of your wife?" Mako asked. "Did the killer you just caught play you like a fool?"
"Do I look like an old African-American actor to you?"
"About as much as Mako looks like a whiny Caucasian actor," Ryūko replied, pointing with her thumb. "Screw this, I'm opening the package."

To my dismay, she forced the box out of my hands and whipped out her scissor blade in preparation of cutting the duct tape. As time slowed down once again, gears attempted to turn in my mind, trying to form a distraction. I can't stop her from opening the box, that's for sure. But it's only tea… I can wiggle my way out of this situation, as long as she doesn't see…

Jakuzure's message on the side of the box.

As the blade began to pierce the tape, as Mako pointed at the message with the intention to speak, I did the only thing I could think of. I graspedRyūko's wrist with my left hand, the other grabbing the bottom of her shirt. With a grunt, I brought my face up to hers and kissed her passionately, at the same time lifting her shirt (this was much harder than how I'm making it, I assure you).

Feeling her tongue eventually give in, I saw her eyes close. I felt her hand relax. From behind, I heard Mako's nose explode and a thud as she collapsed. One shot at this!

I grabbed the dropped blade and strained my arm to reach the message that would spell my doom.