Tony's tongue stuck out of his mouth as he put the finishing touches on his project. He was eight years old and he hoped this was the project to make his parents proud. To make them notice him. He took it off the desk, going out of the lab, looking around the large, empty mansion. He saw Jarvis, his butler. "Jarvis, where's my dad at?" Jarvis smiled. He was an older man, going into his 70's. "In the parlor young sir" Tony smiled, jogging off with his project in hand. Jarvis sighed sadly. Young Anthony always seemed to bounce back after his father. He's seen that boy smile thru black eyes and broken noses. He wondered how long that would last until that sparkle was snuffed out like a candle.

Howard was in the parlor by the bar, drinking a tumbler of scotch, staring at a map of the ocean where Captain America had gone into. He was one of the smartest men in the world yet he couldn't find one man in the ocean. He sneered as he took a big gulp of the amber liquid. Suddenly the door to the parlor opened. There stood Tony looking tiny and vulnerable and hopeful. "Dad...I made this. I wanted to show you." Howard nearly growled. The bottle was nearly empty. "How many times have I told you not to bother me when I'm in here?" Tony frowned, daring to walk closer. "But dad.." "Don't but me!" Howard turned sharply to his son, glaring. What Tony held was a little robot. A robotic arm, moving, almost reacting to the environment. Howard continued. "I don't have time for you and you'r worthless piece of shit! What the hell is that?! What are you gonna do with an arm like that? Next time you want to brother me, make it worth it." Tony had tears in his eyes, nearly holding the little robotic arm protectively. "But this ones different. It nearly has emotions, it responds to external stimuli. It understands."

Tony knew this was a huge break thru but his fathers drunken rage saw it was junk. Howard growled, taking Tony roughly by the arm, dragging him in the parlor. "It's a robot Anthony! They don't understand! They don't feel! There nothing but machines!" He grabbed the little robot. It's claw spinning, almost understanding fear. Tony cried. "No! Dad! Put him down! Give him back!" Howard growled, throwing it on the ground, stomping the life out of the little thing. Tony cried, watching as he couldn't do a thing to save him. "No...Dum-E..." Howard turned on Tony, lifting him up by his collar. "You named your fucking robot. Your a pathetic excuse for a son." He punched the side of his face, making him fall to the ground with a hard thud. "If it wasn't for you,I would have found Captain America by now!" Tony wasn't sure when he stopped crying. He wasn't sure if he ran out of tears or if he had finally gone numb.

Over the years Tony tried and failed to impress his father. Always leading to a yelling or beating. Always coming away with the same feeling. He wasn't enough. He was never wanted. He was always in the way. Now, he rushed down to the lab, locking it as he leaned against the lab door, breathing heavily. His breaths turning to hyperventilating. He slid down the door, holding his head, trying in vain to will the anxiety to go away. He and dear old Captain had another fight. This time his fathers name was mentioned and possibly something along the lines of "he would be ashamed or he was twice the man you are" but Tony could barely hear after his fathers name was mentioned as his fathers voice took over his head. Worthless! Piece of shit! Pathetic! If it wasn't for you..! Tony whined, feeling tears well up. Suddenly he heard his name called from across the lab. "Tony!" It sounded worried. Why? Worthless! Tony didn't want to look up. Was scared to look up. Then he felt arms around him, bringing him into a large, strong warm chest. He felt a kiss on his head and hands petting his hair as he was held.

"I'm sorry Tony. I didn't mean any of that in the kitchen. I was just mad. Please, just look at me." Tony swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked up, meeting the worried baby blues of Steve Rodgers. Steve then brought a hand to his face gently but it made him wince, as if he was going to be hit. Steve nearly gasped, taking his hand away. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean any of that. You just get so frustrating sometimes, I lose my temper." Tony was calm enough now to struggle out of his hold. "Its fine." He wiped his eyes, hating himself for breaking down like this, especially in front of there captain, the love of his stupid life, even if Steve didn't know it. Steve frowned. "Fine? This is not fine. I triggered some kind of panic attack and I feel awful about it. Let me do something to make it up to you." Tony nearly glared,standing now. "Why would you want to do that? You apologized. I accepted. Why do you even care anyway about me? You can stop the act."

The words rushed out of his mouth before he could stop them. Horrible habit. Steve glared softly, standing, going to him. "Because I do care about you. We all do. The whole team cares." Tony scoffed. "Yeah, I've hear that before. Look, why don't you just go upstairs and heard the rest of the sheep and leave me the hell alone? I'm fine, thanks for caring." Steve gently took him by the arm. "I'll go but only if JARVIS promises me he'll keep an eye on you. I don't want yo doing something stupid like taking out your reactor." Tony smirked weakly, moving out of his hold. "Please. Give me some credit on creativity. go." Steve rolled his eyes but the worry never left as he left the lab, going to update the rest of he team. Once he left Tony sat at his desk, getting out his whiskey bottle. Which is what he came down here for. (and to calm down but Steve had to butt his perfect nose in it) he poured some into a tumbler, drinking it like water.

Steve was in the gym, punching the snot out of a punching bag. The seams nearly ripping on it. He regretted everything he said. Why would he even say that?He doesn't even remember why he was mad anymore. He just remembers hurting the one he cared for most. The one he worried himself silly about. The one who he cared for a little too much and it scared him. "Why don't you kiss him already?" Steve jumped, getting into a fighting stance before backing down, seeing it was Just Clint. "Clint. Don't sneak up on me like that."Clint chuckled weakly, his arms crossed over his chest. "Seriously thou, everyone can tell you and Tony have a thing for each other. Your little tiff upstairs proved it." Steve shook his head, turning to resume punching the bag. "Exactly how did that prove that? If anything, it proved I'm an awful person." He paused, his fist still on the punching bag. "I told him Howard was twice the man he is. I knew it was crossing a line soon as I said it, I just couldn't help it. I was so mad.." "And jealous." Steve gave him a look. "Jealous of what?" Clint shook his head. "You know what." He did know. Tony, every once in a while would go out with Johnny Storm of the Fantastic 4. He kept telling himself he shouldn't care what he does, it's his life. They were only flings but still, it stung Steve and he hated that it stung.

The next day Tony text Storm, wanting to get together for a drink. There flings were almost once a week now and Storm knew exactly why. He was in love with Steve, he looked like Steve and a way to vent frustration on someone who isn't biases or lives with him. Storm was on his way to pick him up and Tony was getting ready, at least trying to look presentable. He's been up the last two days and was running on coffee and sheer will. Mostly to ruffle the captains feathers. He was putting on some cologne when Steve knocked on his door. He put the bottle down. "Come in." Steve came in, slowly looking like a kicked puppy but that changed when he saw how nice Tony was dressed. "Where are you going?" Tony turned away, running his hands thru his hair, making sure it was in place as he looked in the mirror. "Out with Storm. Don't worry, I'll be back sometime before 5AM." Steve shook his head. "Look, I came here to apologize. I'm sorry about what I said yesterday-" "You know you already apologized and I've already accepted? Guess it doesn't hurt to have a double feature." Steve kept himself from glaring. "Yes. I know and I still feel like trash. I never should have said that. It was out of line." Tony got a text on his phone suddenly, looking at it. "Ah, my rides here. Thanks for the heart felt chat, I've gotta go-" He started walking toward the door when Steve grabbed his arm gently, staring him down. "Tony, why can't you accept that?" Steve could see in the way the smaller man handed himself that he couldn't let himself accept that.

Tony glared. "I have and I did. Let me go." They both stared for what felt like forever. neither wanting to budge or admit defeat. Then Steve kissed him. Tony tensed, not expecting the kiss but melted as Steve deepened it, exploring his mouth. Before a moan could escape Tony Steve pulled away, panting. "I'm...I'm sorry.." He turned, walking quickly out of the room, leaving Tony confused hurt and with an obvious tent in his pants. He breathed out, watching as he left. Once he got enough composure he text storm that he would be down in a minute. He could feel the faintest of an anxiety attack. Why would Steve kiss him? And then leave? He fucking left him to deal with this, not even a confession or reason. He ran his hands thru his hair again in confusion. He hated being in love and he hated being in love with gorgeous, blonde,perfect super soldiers more.

He composed himself, rushing into Storms car. Storm smirked. "Fashionably late. Ready?" Tony nodded, putting on his own smirk, hoping to hide the nerves that still were raging thru him. The question still going thru his head. Why? They got to there bar they always go to, Tony getting them into one of the VIP rooms so they could be alone. Once the Bouncer was leading them thru the club like atmosphere, Storm went to hold his hand. He could feel how tense Tony was, nearly shaking. Once inside the lavish, sexy room, Storm asked. "What happened this time?" Tony sighed, going to sit on the red couch. "Steve and his damn morals." Storm nodded. "So a fight?" "A bad fight." Storm smirked, going to sit next to him, putting his arm around him. "Oh so this one was bad, not the other 500 fights?" Before Tony could speak a bartender walked in, taking the orders.

Once she left, Storm continued. "So fight. Bad. This time." Tony sighed, taking a shot of jack. "Yeah." Storm waited for him to continue. It didn't happen. "So what made this one so bad?" "He mentioned my father." All the joking air was gone from Storms face. He knew how bad Tony had it with his dad and knew it still affected him "What did stars and stripes have to say?" Tony looked away. "Rather not say."Sstorm glared, moving closer, taking a hold of Tony;s chin, forcing him to look at him. "What did he say?" Tony swallowed, letting out a breath. "He said I could never measure up to Howard. That he would be ashamed of me and that he was twice the man I am. Just. A lot of shit. I mean, its a fight, shits gonna go flying so it really wasn't surprising he would bring something like that-" Storm suddenly crashed his lips to him, wrapping his arms around him. "Shut up Stark. And don't listen to a word he says." Tony nodded, melting into the kiss, wanting to forget that fight, the words that were thrown, that kiss in his room..

It was 3Am when Storm let Tony off. Storm went around his car, opening Tony's door. Helping the drunken man out .Tony held his hand as he stood, nearly falling into him, giggling. Storm chuckled. "Com'on Stark, can you make it up to your room?" Tony smirked, kissing his neck. "I don't know, I think I need some help." Storm smirked, his hands traveling down to the inventors ass, gripping it. "Twice in one night ,I don't think I'm doing your ass right." Tony bit his lip with a smirk before crashing his own lips to Storms. Storm moaned before leading Tony into Stark Tower, not stopping his groping or kissing. Once they got into the elevator Storm had Tony pinned against the wall, kissing his neck, his free hand lowering to the tent in Tony's pants. Tony moaned, thrusting his hips into Storms hands. Storm smirked against his neck, biting him. "Eager arnt you?" Tony nodded, biting his lip. Once the elevator got to there floor, They were met with Steve's glare and crossed arms. Tony saw him first, suddenly feeling like he was cheating. Storm stopped, turning to Steve. "Oh if it isn't Stars and Stripes-" He suddenly was struggling as Steve grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "I believe it's time for you to Leave Johnny." Johnny glared as Steve forced him to stand. "Fuck you,you know none of this with Stark would have happened if you fucking treated him like a human being." Tony was watching, now behind Steve. "Storm, stop." Tony called out but was leaning against the wall for support.

Steve looked between the two of the as storm continued. "No, Tony! He needs to hear this. You know why he comes to me Captain?Because he feels worthless. He feels like a piece of shit, something someone can just throw away and walk over. I may not be the nicest person in the world but I treat him hell of a lot better then any of you do. I'll leave but I'm checking in with him tomorrow. Better treat him right captain." Storm turned away with a huff, making his way out of Stark tower. Steve swallowed, taken aback by the sudden outburst. He turned to Tony but found him gone. He should have known he'd run off. "Jarvis, wheres tony now?" "The lab sir." Steve sighed, running his hands thru his hair as he made his way down to the lab.

Tony in his lab was sitting at his desk, his head in his hands. He knew Steve would be down here any second and he wasn't sure he could handle that. He was still half drunk and confused and now he felt so vulnerable. Exposed like an open wound. He tensed when he heard the lab door open and Steve's voice following. "Tony..are you ok?" He didn't want to answer. Hoping in vain that ignoring him would lead to him leaving. No such luck as Steve walked closer. "Tony, please talk to me." Tony swallowed the lump in his throat. "Why?" Steve was about to talk when Tony continued, his voice horse from holding back emotions. "Why did you kiss me?"

Steve swallowed, walking closer. "Honestly?" Tony sat up, still listening to Steve. "Yeah." Steve walked closer, kneeling down, taking Tony's face in his hands. "because I've wanted to for so long. I just didn't think you would have accepted it or returned the feelings." Tony brought his hands onto Steve's shoulders, closing the gap and crashing his lips to his. Steve melted, kissing him back, opening his mouth to his. The kiss started off sweet, exploring and loving but soon turned dirty, needing to be closer. Steve pulled back. Tony whined, wanting more. Steve smiled softly. "Why don't we take this upstairs to your room?" Tony nodded, his mind too fuzzy from the alcohol and now pleasure running thru him. He was achingly hard in his pants and he hoped Steve was going to help relive him. Not kiss and run. Tony stood and Steve started suckling on his neck soon as he stood. Tony melted into him, biting his lip. He felt Steve leading him to the elevator. "Ooh keep it up and we won't make it to the room..." He felt Steve kiss and suckle his neck harder and he swore he felt him smirk. Damn tease.

Once in the elevator Steve had him pinned to the wall, crashing his lips to his as the doors closed. Tony moaned against him, his arms wrapped around Steve's head, gripping his perfectly blonde, quaffed hair and messing it up gorgeously. Steve's hand went to Tony's arm, gripping harder then intended from the excitement, making Tony gasp out of his kiss, looking panicked, pushing Steve away on reflex. This all happened fairly quickly, Steve was shocked, hurt then worried and scared. Seeing his now (hopefully) boyfriend have another panic attack that he somehow caused. "Tony...talk to me..." Steve had his hands up in surrender, not quite sure of what to do. He knew something he did triggered this, but not what. Tony was looking around the elevator, possibly for an escape, he shook his head trying to control his breathing. Flashes of his dad manhandling him, grabbing him, dragging him. Worthless! Your fault..!why no one loves you! He hadn't realized when he curled into a cornor of the elevator, hands gripping his head, willing the awful voice to go away. He nearly jumped when he felt Steve wrap his arms around him. He spoke quietly, his voice shaking. "Steve?..." He felt a few tears run down his face and Steve wipe them away with his thumb. "I'm here tony.. I'm here. I'm not leaving." Tony swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to get a hold of his emotions. His voice still wobbled, body tense. "I'm sorry..I ruined our night."

The elevator finally opened in the floor they wanted. Steve stood, helping tony up. "You didnt ruin anything. You can't help these attacks." "Yes I can." Steve shook his head, his arm wrapped around the genius. "No, you can't. If you do, then you make future ones worse by holding it in. com'on, lets just lay down." Tony knew that was Steve code for talk-about-emotional-shit-you-don't-want-to-talk-about. Steve got him inside, sitting them on the bed. He held Tony close. "What did I do?" Tony shook his head. "No." "Tony.." Steve gave that warning tone he always gave when he did something the perfect captain disapproves of. Tony rolled his eyes. "No, cap. I don't do emotions-" "Says the man who has panic attacks." Tony gave him a look and Steve's face softened.

"I don't want to trigger another attack. I know I did this one and I did the last one. I don't want to trigger anymore pain in you. Tell me what I did wrong so I can stop." Tony swallowed the lump tat formed again. Damn, he thought he as done with the tears but his eyes welled up as he looked away. He couldn't say no to Steve's puppy eyes. "My father wasn't a father of the year. He kinda treats me, roughly." Steve almost glared. Howard hurt Tony? "He abused you." "More or less. He grabbed me by my arm a lot, dragging me somewhere, grabbing me to get my attention, whatever. It was a simple thing but I guess it stuck.." Steve suddenly brought Tony in his arms protectively, kissing his head. "I'm sorry I triggered that, both times. I never meant what I said, in the kitchen. Howard was a bastard and you deserved better. Your more a better man then he could ever hope to be."

Tony couldn't help but melt into his arms and chest but rolled his eyes. "Just don't go treating me like I'm glass." "No guarantees." Tony smiled weakly into his chest , picking at the white shirt. "I'll accept that." Before he could help it a yawn escaped him and Steve smiled softly. "Com'on, lets lay down." Tony wanted to protest, to do naughty things with the captain but the feeling of Steve helping him lay down, taking off his cloths and bringing blankets over him. He never knew that the feeling of being taken cared of could feel so amazing. He felt his eyes water. He has never felt so loved or safe. He felt Steve lay down next to him under the covers, wrapping his arms around him. He melted, sinking into Steve, feeling those gorgeous lips on his head again. "I'm not leaving. I promise." It was the fastest Tony had ever fallen asleep.

He wasn't sure what time it was when he woke but he turned over, feeling for Steve only to jump in panic. His side of the bed was cold so it was a while ago. Did he get tired of him already? He swallowed the lump in his throat. He hated how fragile the captain made him. He started to sit up, his breathing getting faster then Steve rushed in, coming to his side. "I'm sorry, I should have left a note." His hands rested gently on Tony's arms. Tony shook his head, willing away the anxiety and fear. "Note for what?" "For leaving like t hat. I went to make breakfast. I always wake up much earlier then you so I got up. JARVIS said you had woken and were starting to panic because I wasn't here. " Tony sighed, feeling like a kid. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your breakfast making. I just..." Tony cut himself off, looking away. Steve sat on the bed next to him, hands still holding him gently in his place. Tony closed his eyes. "I just thought you had grown tired of me. Dealing with my emotional baggage and anxiety. That's a big task, like a huge, monumental task that no one should have to carry.-" "Tony.." Steve brought a finger to Tony's mouth, shushing him of his rambling.

Tony swallowed, fearing what he might say. Steve brought his hands to his face, smiling softly but his eyes so serious. Only he could pull off such a combination. "I love you Tony. Your more important to me then my breakfast making. No matter what I am doing, it's never going to be more important than you." Tony felt his eyes well up again with those damn tears. He spoke, hating his voice for shaking. "Why? Why am I so important?" Steve smiled softly. "Because your worth everything to me." Tony felt his tears go down his face as Steve leaned in, kissing him, gently. He melted when Steve wrapped his arms around him him, gently deepening it. He knew he had a lot to work with, he knew that Tony may never get over his insecurities and anxiety but he'd be there every second of it to help bring him out of that darkness.

AN: just a little fluffy angst. I've been feeling depressed latly and needed a way to vent. Hope you all enjoyed it :)