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Oh God, Why?

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Early season six crack fic. Blame my kids. I do.

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Rewrite of 'Do you want to build a snowman' https: slash slash www dot youtube dot com/watch?v=dt2nPgk5Pis

Will you help me hide a body?

Come one we can't delay

No one can see him on the floor

Get him out the door

Before he can decay

I thought you were my buddy

We won't get caught

Just help me and don't ask why

Will you help me hide a body?

…It doesn't have to be in one piece.

Oh god whyyyy?

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Mandy showed me this when the movie first came out, and as a fan of the movie I loved it, just like I loved Frozen… the first couple of times… my children have destroyed that love ;)

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WARNING CRACK FIC!

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The sound of knocking startles Kate, her body jerking, the back of her head thumping into the sofa, and a curse escapes. Glancing toward her father's watch, her eyebrows draw together. Seriously, it's nearly midnight.

Closing her eyes, she waits. Maybe just maybe whomever is at her front door will leave if she ignores the sound, pretends to be asleep. There's silence, blessed silence… for a whole thirty seconds.

"Beckett…"

Castle?

Lifting her head up, she angles herself toward her entrance way. What in the world is he doing here? And it better not be for a booty call!

Squatting in front of Beckett's door way he places his mouth against the key hole - damn he should have brought his keys - his lips puckering as he tries to create a seal.

"Beckett… Will you help me hide a body?"

The panic crawls up his spine, sweat beading on his forehead and he lifts the back of his arm, the sleeve of his shirt absorbing the moisture as he wipes it across. Shit, this is bad.

There's no one else to turn to, no one he trusts more than his partner, his fiancée, and as the door opens, he stands, relief flooding his system for the first time tonight.

His savior stands before him, the long, beautiful strands falling out of the bun she must have done earlier, a long green jersey reaches mid-thigh, her glorious legs hidden within black tights, and his tongue peeks through, licks his lips at the sight of her.

Focus, Rick. Focus. They need to go, now.

"Come on we can't delay."

"What did you say? Because it sounded like-"

"Shhhh, Kate." He leans back, his head turning left, then right as he inspects the corridor for witnesses. It's bad enough that he had to utter the words.

"I'm not in the mood for jokes, Castle." Her hands lift to her hips, one eyebrow arching, and his shoulders drop. Oh, if only this was funny.

Grabbing a hold of her hand, he tugs her forward, the urgency that had him running here, returns.

"No one can see him on the floor."

They really need to get going.

"Oh, shit, Castle."

Her eyes widen as she stares down at the man before her, curly black hair obscuring his face, bright red blood pooling under the body, and her jaw drops as she spins to face Rick. What the hell has he done?

"What did you do? Better yet, what do you want me to do?"

Castle lifts a shoulder, the expression on his face seeming to flicker between panic and lost little boy, and she jabs him in the chest. She wants an answer. She's now an accessory.

"Get him out the door?"

Oh. Of course. Why didn't she think of that?!

"Yes, Castle. Let's just drag him out your front door! Past your neighbors, past the doorman, onto the street, and then what? Have you thought any of this through?"

Her head shakes, and really, what is she saying, has he thought any of this through, she's standing over the dead body of her fiancé's daughter's boyfriend. Clearly, there is no thought process happening here.

Pulling the nearest dining chair closer, she slumps into it. It's late and she's far too exhausted for his craziness tonight.

Opening his mouth for the hundredth time, nothing escapes, again. For the first time in forever, he's completely lost for words, and he glares at the body before him.

This is all his fault.

If only Pi hadn't decided to start Frozen on his laptop, again. If only he hadn't taken one of Rick's favorite movies and spent the last week watching it over and over and over again to the point where he can hear it when he drifts off to sleep, the little girl's sing song voice taunting him as he tried to write, that song, starting in his mind at the most unfortunate times - there are times when one shouldn't let it go, and buried to the hilt inside of Kate is one of them. Especially when she hadn't let it go first.

He really did love that movie… the first time… even the tenth. Now, though. Surely, no one can blame him for snapping.

"Do we have to do this now?"

Turning to Kate, he shrugs.

"Before he can decay." Cause really the kid smelled bad enough alive. What the hell will he smell like dead?

Her eyes roll, a full on eye roll, one he hasn't seen in years as she stands, a yawn escaping, and her attitude is really starting to grate. Does she not see the seriousness of this situation?

"Well, good luck with this, Buddy. But I'm going home. I'm sure I can plead the fifth if I get back to my apartment quick enough."

Wait. What? She's leaving? And Buddy?

"I thought you were my buddy?"

Shouldn't their impending wedding vows mean that she has to help in this kind of situation? For better or worse… and yes, this is on the worse side of things, but still!

"Castle, I just got my job back. I'm not risking it."

"We won't get caught!"

Between the two of them they have an extensive grasp on how to get away with situations like this. All those hours at the precinct have to be good for something? Besides the books, and of course all the quickies in the closet.

She raises an eyebrow, her doubt clear, and he huffs at her disbelief. They can do anything if they do it together.

"How did this even happen, Castle?"

He throws a glare at the body, his eyelids narrowing, and her fingers tap against her thigh as she waits for an answer. There's a certain amount of ill will between Castle and Pi, but damn, this is taking it too far.

"Just help me and don't ask why."

It's her turn to release a huff, her body turning toward his front door, because whatever had possessed her to follow him here has well and truly disappeared under the annoyance. If there's one thing she hates more than being dragged away from a quiet night in, it's not having answers.

"Kate." Ignoring his plea, she takes another step. "Will you help me hide a body?"

Her exit comes to a halt, the whisper escaping his lips cutting straight to the core of her soul, and damn him and his ability to turn her into putty within his hands.

"It doesn't have to be in one piece?"

Pivoting, she faces him again, her thumbnail finding its way between her teeth as he stares at her, the puppy dog look firmly situated on his face, and, of its own accord, her head nods.

For better or worse.

Oh god, whyyyyyy?

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So very sorry.

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Thank you to Jo and Jamie for laughing at me, with me.

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Thank you for reading xoxo (Did I mention I was sorry?)