Throw the Damn Ball or So Help Me

Chapter 1: Puppy Love

Disclaimer: I don't own dog AUs or Attack on Titan. However, this particular AoT dog AU belongs to me, with my own original ideas (of what dog each character is, their behavior, roles, etc). Except for Eren being a German Shepherd because it's all over the place apparently.

I have no idea what I'm doing but bear with me. I had another dream. Just to be clear, Eren (and the others) isn't a full dog, but a humanoid with dog ears and a tail, with dog-like behavior.

"Um, Hanji, what is this?" Levi blinked at the package in front of him. It looked badly wrapped and he swore it was moving.

"You're supposed to open it and find out!" Hanji chirped, excited.

"I don't like celebrating birthdays for this exact reason." Levi announced sullenly, eyeing the package with wary apprehension.

Erwin sighed beside him. They were sitting on the couch staring at the large box Hanji dragged in. Other noteworthy items of celebration included a cone-shaped hat forcibly fixated to the top of Levi's head, some streamers, a banner, and balloons that were already popped. They already ate some of the cake.

The box wiggled and a whine came from within.

"Okay that time I know it moved." Levi said, scooting away from the box. "Hanji what the hell did you do?"

"Just open it, dear." Erwin ordered in a weary tone. His boyfriend was such a drama king sometimes. Levi leaned forward, lip curled in disdain. He knew what it was. Or at least he thought he did. There was no other explanation.

Hanji probably put a baby in there to surprise Levi and Erwin, who probably shouldn't talk about children around the excitable scientist. Taking a deep breath, he decided to find out if his theory was correct.

He tentatively grasped one edge of the ribbon holding the entire package together. Slowly pulling on the string, his present unraveled.

He screamed because he didn't expect a puppy to jump out and attach itself to his face, licking and crawling all over him.

"Hanji what the hell?!" Levi shrieked, pulling the writhing mass away from him to get a better look. Erwin and said gift giver were laughing at the reaction.

"It's a German Shepherd! Isn't he cute~?"

The puppy in his arms was cute, he had to admit. He had the most beautiful green eyes, the first thing he noticed besides the wet, slobbery tongue. Dark brown, fluffy, floppy ears hung from his head, with a tinge of lighter brown around the edges and base. A similarly colored tail beat against the couch vigorously, showing the pet's happiness. At least Hanji had the decency to put him in some overalls instead of taking the term "birthday suit" literally.

Levi sighed. "Hange, this is sweet, but I'm no good at keeping pets." (1)

"Oh you'll do fine!"

"Yeah, I think he's a nice addition to the place." Erwin added, smiling. "What are you going to call him?"

"I already named him Jaeger!" Hanji exclaimed. The puppy yipped in agreement.

"That's not fair. If he's my pet then why can't I name him?" Sighs and eye-rolls were his response. "Hmmm…what about…Eren? Eren Jaeger?"

The puppy barked, light and happy, burrowing his face into Levi's neck.

"Aw, he likes you!"

"Aren't you going to say thanks?" Erwin whispered.

"Yeah, thanks for the dog…shitty glasses." Levi grumbled. Eren started to lick his face, tail wagging. "Ack! Hey! Make it stop! Gross!" Levi maneuvered his face out of the puppy's grasp, who simply tilted his head to look at him in confusion.

"Don't expect me to do everything for you." Erwin told him.

"Me neither! This is your responsibility now!" Hanji added.

"Why do you sound like my parents?" Levi asked, examining the latest member of their group. Eren's skin was a tan color, and although he was a puppy he looked to be a teenager in human years. His ears practically blended in with his hair.

And those eyes. Levi couldn't stop looking into them.

"Well, I gotta go." Erwin commented, glancing at his watch.

"What? But you just got here. What about the rest of the stuff?" Levi asked, turning his attention to his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, I'm working a late shift tonight. Besides, the two of you need to bond." The blond said as he stood, running his hands through Levi's hair with a warm smile.

"Erwin is right. We'll do more tomorrow or something. Just make sure little Eren doesn't get into the cake!" Hanji replied, also standing to leave.

"You can't just leave me here! What am I supposed to do with this?" Levi called after them, holding up Eren by the armpits for emphasis. The puppy turned his head to stare after Hanji and Erin, tail wagging slowly.

"The rest of his stuff is in the box! I packed everything you'll need!" Hanji called back.

"Call me if you need anything!" Erwin waved.

"I need you now! Come back and help me!" Levi yelled, a squirming puppy in his lap. When he heard the door close he laid his head back on the couch and sighed. It was quiet in his apartment for a few minutes.

Eren bumped his head against Levi's chest, letting out a small confused whine. When Levi looked down, he picked Eren up again, staring at him. Eren titled his head to the side, tail wagging slightly in hopes of a positive response.

"Well…shit."

Congratulations on your new puppy! Please remember that your puppy is more than just an animal. They have needs just like you, even though they behave differently. Here are some tips on how to keep your new puppy happy and healthy!

Make sure your puppy eats enough and is on the proper diet for the breed.

Toys are always a good way to keep your puppy occupied, so keep plenty around and be sure to take time to play!

When your puppy gets tired, make sure it has a bed to sleep on. There are a variety of dog bends specially designed for each breed. They can also sleep on regular beds!

Puppies can get dirty, so make sure you clean your pet on a regular basis!

Take your pet to the vet for check-ups often! Dogs need to be checked for worms as well as human diseases, so take them to a doctor who specializes in both.

"Alright, goodnight Eren." Levi yawned as he crawled into bed. After going through the supplies Hanji left for him in the puppy box, Levi made sure everything was set up properly. Or his version of properly. Food and water bowls were in the kitchen, where Levi attempted to feed Eren for about an hour. The dog just sat on the floor, looking at him with that adorable yet confused expression, so Levi assumed Hanji fed him before coming over.

He also showed Eren where the bathroom was. Again with the staring.

"You're potty trained…right?" Levi asked. Eren blinked. "Not gonna talk? Okay…"

There were toys, which Eren was happy to play with while Levi cleaned the place up, grumbling to himself. He had to admit the dog was cute, but he had no idea what he was doing. Eren liked attention. He wanted Levi to play with him using the toys. He wasn't content to gnaw on the tennis ball. He wanted Levi to throw it.

By the end of the day, Levi was exhausted. He fell across his bed, laying for a moment as his body relaxed, then slid under the covers. Eren stood by the door. The lamplight went off, and Levi closed his eyes.

After a few minutes, Levi felt the mattress dip and heard the sheets rustle. Blinking, he turned the lamp on to come face-to-face with Eren. The puppy was attempting to snuggle up to him.

"Hey, no, there's a dog bed over there. That's where you sleep." Levi said, pointing to the white fluffy pad next to the door. Eren glanced from him to the dog bed. Levi groaned, getting up and gesturing for Eren to follow, who did so happily. They walked over to the bed and Levi pointed. "See? You sleep here."

Eren cocked his head to the side and sat down, watching Levi as he trudged back to his bed and got settled again. The lamp went off. Levi soon fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, Levi was awoken by a shuffling sound. Alarmed, he sat up to see Eren turning in circles, attempting to get comfortable as he curled up on the dog bed that he dragged onto his mattress. The slump and rocking of the puppy collapsing onto his space had Levi sliding a hand onto his face.

"Okay Eren, time for a bath."

Several days passed since Levi received his puppy. It was awkward because despite the helpful manual Hanji provided, he still felt like he was doing everything wrong.

Especially since Eren was staring at him like that again. The confused head tilt, finger in his mouth, Eren made no attempt to get into the tub full of water.

"Come on, hop in." He urged, patting the side of the tub. Eren looked wary. "What, is it too hot?" Levi dipped his hand in the water, then splashed some at Eren who yipped and ran for the door. "Hey wait!" Levi grabbed him. "What, did Hanji do weird experiments with water?" Eren whined. Levi sighed.

"Alright, we'll take it slow. You gotta take your clothes off though. You…know how to do that, right?" Levi replied tentatively. Shit this was awkward. Levi felt like he was dealing with a baby…who happened to be in a teenager's body.

Eren blinked, looking down at his shirt. Hanji forgot to provide Eren with other clothes besides overalls. Levi took him shopping and found some outfits Eren liked to wear and was comfortable in. The current outfit was the last clean pair and Levi was determined to keep it that way. Eren was also caked in dirt and mud from running around outside.

After a moment, Eren lifted his shirt. Levi flicked his eyes to Eren's pants, and the dog began to unzip. Levi looked away out of courtesy. Eren leaned down, curious, tail wagging slowly. Levi pointed to the water. When Eren hesitated, Levi took his hand—rough on the palm and equipped with claws—and gently dipped it in the water.

"See? No big deal." Eren blinked at him, then eased into the tub. "Okay, here's the shampoo for your hair, and the soap for…the rest of you. I'll be…in the living room or something."

He turned to walk away but heard Eren whine. The dog's chin was laid against the rim of the tub, tail rising out of the water.

"Don't tell me you can't wash yourself."

Eren whined again.

Levi trudged back to the tub, squirting some shampoo in his hand and rubbing it into Eren's hair. The dog smiled, eyes closed, and made a sound of enjoyment. Levi gently pushed the dog's head underwater to rinse the shampoo out.

"Um…your tail too." Levi muttered. Eren arched his back so Levi could reach his tail, who tried not to focus on the ass beneath the appendage. Lathering the shampoo into Eren's tail, he realized the small of his back right above was sensitive by the way Eren wiggled and yipped.

"Next time, you're washing yourself." Levi muttered, embarrassed. He took the soap and looked at Eren, who smiled and waited. "No way." He shoved the soap into Eren's hands and crossed his arms. "You need to learn. Didn't Hanj teach you?" Eren's ears flopped down as he shook his head, giving a pathetic expression. "I'm not falling for that."

And I'm not running my hands all over you. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Eren lathered the soap in his hands and stood so suddenly Levi flailed from his seat on the toilet. He turned away as Eren scrubbed himself, then dunked enthusiastically to splash the entire room. Giggling, the puppy seemed amused by Levi's scowl, especially when he shook himself.

"I'll get you a loofah or something for next time."

A few days later, Levi was taking a shower. Nothing unusual, it was just his normal morning routine. What made it different was the fact that Eren pushed the door open, tail wagging and ear perked up. He let out a light bark, as if he found what he was looking for, and walked further into the bathroom, shedding his clothes.

"Eren! I'm trying to take a shower here, what are you doing? Go outside and close the door!" Levi scolded him, using the shower curtain to hide from the dog.

Eren just smiled, yipped again, and stepped into the shower.

"No Eren! Bad!" Levi admonished, although the shock and embarrassment in his voice hid any kind of anger, so the dog ignored him. Levi sighed. "Fine, you need another wash anyway." He grabbed the shampoo bottle and squirted some into his hand.

Eren stood happily as Levi rubbed the shampoo into his hair. He seemed to like the attention and the way Levi was touching him, because he kept leaning closer, eyes closed and serene smile on his face.

Levi wasn't going to think about the both of them being naked in the shower. He just happened to have a weird puppy, who was very affectionate. Eren still refused to sleep on his dog bed. Only on Levi's bed. He woke up cuddling the puppy, who had the habit of whining or yipping in his sleep.

When he was pushed under the spray, the dog shook his head and Levi made a disappointed sound, jerking back and scowling. Then Eren was grabbing the shampoo bottle and attempting to rub it in Levi's hair.

"No, I already put that in my hair…hey, stop!" Levi gave up after a moment, dropping his hands and letting the dog wash his hair. In turn, he took the opportunity to put some of the shampoo on Eren's tail, since it got dirty as much as the rest of him. Eren stepped closer again, then reached down to Levi's ass. "Woah, woah!" Levi shrieked, backing up and nearly slipping.

Eren's ears were flopped down, head tilted, a sad look in his eyes. He whimpered a bit, confused, hands reaching out to him.

"Eren, I don't have a tail like you do." Levi told him with a sigh. Eren looked even more confused…and curious. He angled his head, trying to peer around to see if Levi was telling the truth. "Hey! Stop checking me out! Silly mutt."

Eren let out an offended yip, but Levi was more worried about the dog trying to touch him again. "You're doing the rest by yourself." Levi muttered, ducking out of the shower. Eren whined, looking pitiful under the water. He didn't seem to understand what was wrong, and why Levi was acting so strange. "What? You can wash yourself. I showed you how."

Eren made to step out of the shower, trying to follow his owner. Levi gave up and pushed him lightly back, stepping back in, muttering 'just one more time' as he grabbed a sponge brush and lathered it with soap. He wasn't going to use his hands again. Somehow it made him feel weird…and dirty. Why did Hanji have to give him a dog?

Eren seemed happier, tail wagging, content to use his hands on Levi. His owner attempted to ignore how strange it felt. He definitely was not thinking about the shower sex he had with Erwin.

He knew he was blushing. He felt awkward and embarrassed and he was going to yell at Hanji for throwing this on him without any preparation. That manual was only so helpful. It didn't tell you what to do if your dog didn't know about personal boundaries, or was too touchy-feely. Somehow he didn't think it was normal.

When they got out of the shower, Levi grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped it around himself, rummaging in the cabinet for another one to use on Eren. When he turned, however, he saw the door wide open and Eren running naked through the house.

"Oi! Get back here, brat! Don't try to air dry or you'll just get dirty again!" Levi called after him.

Yes, he was definitely going to strangle Hanji for this. He needed Erwin to help him out or he would go insane.

"I swear he's not normal." Levi muttered on the phone. After wrangling his dog and getting him into some clean clothes, he called the scientist to yell about untimely birthday gifts.

"You're probably just making it worse." Hanji countered. "Did you read the manual? It explains everything."

"The hell it does!" Levi swore, glancing around to see if the Jaeger pup was in ear-shot. "He won't sleep in his dog bed. He won't take a bath by himself. He doesn't even like wearing clothes half the time. He jumps on me when I get home. Full on jumping on me and not letting go. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?" he exclaimed.

"He just likes you, that's all. It's a good thing."

"Hange, he licks my face a lot."

"He's a dog! That's what dogs do!"

"Really? And they lay across your lap when you're trying to watch TV? Cuddle in bed? Walk in on you when you're trying to take a shit?"

He heard Hanji laughing on the other side of the phone. "I don't see what the problem is. All dogs do that."

Just as Levi was about to respond Eren strode in, eyes searching until they fell on their owner. He gave a happy bark and jumped onto the couch where Levi was sitting, crawling across his lap and slumping down on his back, hands curled like paws above his chest.

"Okay now he's doing this weird thing where he's lying on my lap and looking at me funny."

"He wants you to pet his belly." Hanji told him.

"Why?"

"Have you seriously never had a dog before? HOW DID YOU LIVE?"

"PEACEFULLY!" Levi roared into the phone. Eren yelped, jumping and skittering away to hide behind the couch. "Aw shit, I just scared him."

"You bastard. I pissed my pants with that yell."

"That's what you get for constantly yelling in my ear, shitty glasses." Levi grumbled. "Okay how do I fix it?"

Hanji sighed over the phone. "Coax him back. Speak softly, look kind."

"Hey, Eren? Come here boy." He cooed, snapping his finger as he leaned around the couch. Eren was hunched over, unmoving, eyes big and scared. "Hey, I'm not gonna hurt ya. Sorry for yelling. I'm not mad."

"Tell him he's a good dog." Hanji instructed.

"You're a good dog. Yeah. Good boy."

"Now tell him he's a cutie."

"You're a little cutie, aren't you? Yes you are!" Levi's voice was rising to a high-pitch, as if talking to a baby. Eren smiled, tail wagging again, and he crawled closer.

"Now tell him you're a dumbass who needs a spanking."

"I'm just a dumba—hey! I'm not saying that!" Levi looked scandalized and his change in voice scared Eren again, who scooted back and whimpered. "Ack, you made me do it again. I'll call you back."

"Well I mean you are a dumbass—," Hanji was cut off as Levi hung up.

"Okay, come on. I wasn't yelling at you. Don't be scared, I won't hurt you. C'mere, Eren. Please?" Levi cooed again, getting on his hands and knees behind the couch. Eren looked wary, scared, but still trusting. He inched closer. "Good boy. You're doing so well. Come on, little closer."

Eren crawled closer until Levi was able to reach him. Slightly flinching away, the dog was surprised to feel Levi's hand in his hair. Petting him, running his fingers through the dog's hair and scratching behind his ears, made Eren smile and lunge forward, tackling Levi.

He started licking Levi, who was on his back and groaning, while Eren's tail wagged. He gave a happy bark.

"Yes. Good boy. Stop licking me."

Author's Note: Yeah, not sure how these dog things quite go, but I do know a thing or two about dogs (I have several) so Eren may act more dog-like than human. I'll try to maintain a balance.

1. Hange as in the nickname based on another way to say the name. Idk.