A/N: I'm really upset with how I figured out about Love Live!'s existence a few days before the second season's finale. Love Live! even brought me back onto this site and I haven't really written fanfiction for almost four years(?) so please bear with my confusing formatting and grammar and all the little things. For me italics represent character thoughts and a separated flashback sequence indicator.
I came up with this after listening to "Glass no Hanazono" for pretty much the whole day. So, without further ado, here's some frustrating Nozoeri - as Nozoeri usually is!
...
Ahh, I'm having another one of those days …
Barren. Save for a few cooking essentials and papers here and there, the entire living room and kitchen were barren. The apartment owner was a bit too responsible when it came to cleaning and, as a result, the floors and table would completely saturate themselves with each sunset's colors, as if trying to live up to their names and support something other than the occasional teacup for once.
If a burglar were to break in, they'd assume this apartment was unoccupied. If the young resident were to be evicted right now, it'd take almost no time at all to leave.
"Hey, Nozomi …"
Nozomi hummed in response, putting most of her attention on the two empty teacups in front of her.
"Have you ever thought of painting this place?"
"Hmm … not really," she started thoughtfully but dismissed her thoughts when she realized what her best friend was hinting at, "besides, I wouldn't know which color to paint it."
"Green, maybe? It's your favorite color after all."
Nozomi laughed warmly, touched by her seriousness. "Ericchi, I don't want my walls to photosynthesize."
After Nozomi's subtle rejection, the two girls remained silent as Nozomi finished preparing tea and simple snacks. However, Eri's unexpected silence made the spiritual girl regret her tease. Normally, Eri was honest and genuine with everything she did unless it involved Eri herself. And normally, Nozomi teased Eri at every chance she got, especially when Eri wasn't being honest with her feelings. Nowadays though Eri has been exceedingly active in talking about Nozomi's life outside of Muse that the violet-haired girl feels like she's been neglecting Eri although they've always been spending a lot of time together.
In short, Nozomi is confused.
"Ericch-"
Eri clapped her hands together just as Nozomi started talking and interrupted with her never-faltering optimistic tone, "-You're right. Maybe we should go out and buy some actual plants then!"
The older girl finally placed the tea set on the table yet didn't sit, instead she towered over next to her best friend and adopted a stern tone. "Errichi. Is something wrong?
"Huh? No," Eri trailed off. Nozomi was about to prod her further-something she's a bit too used to when it came to Eli-but ceased when Eli decided to elaborate on her own accord for once. "everything's fine. No classes are too difficult, practice is refreshing, and my home is as peaceful as ever. As for me, well … I'm mostly content with everything. I have a few troubles of course but who doesn't?"
Nozomi was taken aback. Not only did her stubborn friend admit unabashedly that she was indeed having problems, but her simple confession sounded like a plea. Not a plea for help. Far from it, rather. She searched her sparkling, topaz eyes. Where she expected to find eyes struggling as if they were being forced by Eri's will to appear absolute, confident, and, most of all, unwavering, Nozomi instead found two completely frozen, albeit dull eyes. She looked extremely disinterested in what she just said, as if it were a speech she prepared just for the sake of boring everybody around her.
Ericchi … are you begging me to not help you?
"Eri-"
"-More importantly, Nozomi, how have you been feeling lately?" Eri asked, quickly exchanging her dull stare in for a shining, motivated gaze.
"I've been fine? A certain friend of mine has been really confusing me lately though."
Eri pulled her eyebrows closer and frowned in frustration. "I didn't ask about me. I asked about you and only you."
For some reason she couldn't quite pinpoint, Nozomi couldn't keep her usual infinite patience. Eri has been acting differently for the past week and when they would talk without any of the other Muse members around all the blonde talked about was whether Nozomi was content with absolutely anything Eri could think of: her shrine maiden job, lunch, being vice president, college plans, and now her own apartment. The shrine maiden had a feeling of what the bitter taste in the back of her throat was but she didn't want to acknowledge it just yet. Not when there was the slimmest chance of her and Eri just relaxing with tea and no overly curious, almost judgmental, questions being thrown at her.
"Well you won't just get me, Ericchi." Nozomi firmly stated, instantly regretting her ambiguous statement after seeing the hurt in her best friend's eyes. What hurt the most though was how Eri didn't steel herself. Her painful comment remained in those topaz eyes like a crack right through a jewel's core, mocking Nozomi.
"No, Ericchi, what I meant wa-"
"-No, I get it. I knew there was something," Eri lowered her head and stared into her teacup for a moment, taking in its color and warmth. When she looked up at Nozomi again the topaz in her eyes blended with the sunset, making it look like she had fire and water fighting, producing a smouldering stare. Her pause was barely a second long but it felt like the longest to her cacophonous mind and the shortest to her non-reacting muscles, "something you just weren't satisfied with but I guess the answer is me. Aren't I really stupid? I'm the wor-"
"No!" Nozomi shouted, desperately trying to find the crack she left in the blonde's eyes. She couldn't find the crack, despite knowing every nook and cranny of them from gazing intently at them for three whole years. In fact, her very eyes looked foreign to her. Eri's all-too-familiar topaz was blurred by an even more familiar greedy, deep orange that wanted to do nothing but consume. It consumed this very apartment every day.
The sunset.
It ended days, killed light, and forced people to find their own light. It marked the end of attending that elementary school with the neglected sakura tree tucked behind her old classroom. The middle school where she made two nice friends-her two first friends-disappeared through the train window and blended into a nauseating orange with flecks of green before the train also disappeared into an underground passage. Nozomi couldn't even remember what her other schools looked like, just that it was the sunset that always drove her out of the classroom every day. It acted as a signal of the end and Nozomi was far too used to it.
"No …" she repeated, still frantically searching Eri's now watery eyes. Ultimately she decided to grab her by the shoulders.
She's still here.
Nozomi lowered her gaze and decided on looking solely at Eri's neck. Anywhere but the eyes.
"No. I can't talk about my own problems without … without talking about you too."
"What…? That doesn't-I don't understand, Nozomi!" Eri shouted. For a second Nozomi wondered if her own voice sounded as desperate as Eri's did now. Or maybe her voice was even more desperate. No, it was desperate. She is desperate.
This week has been different. Her time with Eri has been changing. The way Eri talks to her isn't the same. Her entire life has been dictated by changing and adapting.
But if … Eri, too …!
"I mean…! What I mean is ...I think about you a lot, Ericchi. You affect me a lot. So much more than you could think. If you're troubled then it reflects onto me, you know? If you're acting differently then I will too! You're my problem! But … you're my solution too, Ericchi." By the end of her outburst Nozomi was kneeling on the floor in front of the blonde with her arms limp on her sides. However, her hands had the sides of Eri's school vest in a deathgrip.
"Nozomi …"
Eri sat there, completely frozen. She repeated Nozomi's words and lingered on the words 'you're my problem.' But the word 'solution' rang in her ears like a wake up alarm. It disturbed her and the world she made for Nozomi and herself. In it she and Nozomi stood in two different lanes but they always matched each other's speed even if their hurdles were at different stretches of the track.
Yet the alarm shook her world. She looked down at Nozomi but all she saw was the top of her head. She had never seen Nozomi like this before. Nozomi had never challenged her perspective of their relationship.
Come to think of it … did I ever ask?
"I haven't been acting different, Nozomi. I've just been worried about you."
Nozomi released her grip and slumped onto Eri's thighs, exhausted. "Why? I don't understand, Ericchi."
"... Your eyes."
Nozomi raised her head but kept her gaze on Eri's stomach. "Huh? What did you say?"
"I said," Eri grabbed Nozomi's cheeks and forced eye contact, "your eyes. Last week, when we separated at the crosswalk after we ate parfaits. You had this look and-well, you looked really hurt.
"Ah!"
"What?"
"You saw that?"
The orange was dissipating. Only the rims-where eyes were watery-were still stained.
Nozomi didn't struggle in Eri's hands but she looked away. "It's embarrassing, Ericchi."
"Nozomi. Please, just this one time … tell me what's on your mind. I don't know what you're thinking and … you don't know what I'm thinking either after all, huh? I only have your eyes. So, please, look at me and … I know It's weird for me to say this but ... tell me."
Ah, she found me out. Psychic? I'm just used to reading your eyes, Ericchi.
Nozomi looked into Eri's eyes and was surprised to see herself. She hated when that happened because she didn't know why. It only happened a few times during their entire friendship and the last time was when she pushed Eri to tears in the hallway right before they joined. It was also right before she sprinted to the rooftop and spilled all of Eri's feelings to Honoka and the other Muse members.
It scared Nozomi when she couldn't clearly see Eri's topaz eyes. Maybe she was just imagining it or maybe it was all intuition, but she can't see anybody's eyes as clearly as she does the Muse members, Eri especially. When she looks at strangers passing her on the street she only sees herself in their eyes. She doesn't judge them. But why does she only see herself?
How could I compare Ericchi to a random stranger?
"Nozomi, aren't we best friends…?"
"Friends …"
Nozomi scrutinized her face in Eri's eyes. With Eri's pleading question echoing in her ears, she realized that although that is indeed her reflected in those eyes, it isn't the Nozomi right now, kneeling on the floor and looking absolutely ridiculous. This Nozomi … looks like herself as a child.
"No, Nozomi. We can't bring the wall with us to our new house."
"But my drawings are here! And look-what about these lines? Grandma made them so she could show me how big I'm getting!"
"You can make another one. Everything can be replaced, Nozomi. So don't get too attached, okay? You make new memories and see new things every day."
"Ahh … I see …"
"Nozomi?"
The violet-haired girl closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let Eri's voice consume her. Her memories, her thoughts, her questions, everything. When she finally opened her eyes Eri was kneeling on the floor right in front of her and they didn't have to strain to look at each other any longer.
Clear, shining, beautiful, perfect. Just as it should be.
Nozomi laughed. She wasn't even good at reading people like she thought.
"You know, Ericchi … when I look at people, I can't really read their thoughts or their eyes."
"H-huh?"
"I look at somebody and see if we'd have any kind of future together. When I look at strangers mostly I see nothing of themselves; I just see myself. But when I look at Kotori-chan or Hanayo-chan or any of Muse … I see their really beautiful eyes. I don't have to see myself in them, because I know they're looking at me, you know? Muse … we're going to be together for a long time, even after we graduate. I know it."
"I - I see. Well, I agree, but you can't just change the topi-"
"-Shh, Ericchi. I'm not done yet." Nozomi placed a finger on her best friend's lips and held Eri's hand with her free hand.
Eri nodded apologetically.
Nozomi smiled. "Good girl. Now, when I look at you, Ericchi … I see the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."
Eri blushed but didn't dare break eye contact.
"Do you know what that means, Ericchi?"
"Um," she thought about everything her best friend told her in the past few minutes briefly, "that we'll have to keep dealing with each other for a long, long time?"
Nozomi couldn't help but laugh. She couldn't help but wrap her arms around Eri and laugh her heart out.
"Bing-o, Ericchi! You're so smart! So, about that day you were talking about … I was scared because I couldn't see your eyes. All I saw was myself as a lonely child. Well, it was my body and everything but all it looked like was a sad child, haha. Like a big baby, I guess?"
"I - Is that so? Then … you weren't unsatisfied with something?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I just thought that there was something you wanted to do or change but didn't know how to, you know, start …"
"Aren't you talking about yourself, Ericchi?" Nozomi teased, secretly touched by her concern-albeit misdirected.
"I was not! I was just … I really thought I was right though …" Eri trailed off, clearly confused.
The two girls remained silent on the floor, lost in their own thoughts. Nozomi was wondering how Eri could be so convinced that Nozomi wasn't content with her life. She looked around at her apartment. The sun had set long ago and all that was left was a dim room adorned with only the default decorations and essentials. Barren.
"Hm? … Ah, I see. Wow, you were right, Ericchi!"
"Huh? But you just said I was just talking about myself!"
"No, no. After thinking about it … well, you know how I'm very used to change? I'm so used to it that even here I've only settled in my own room. Everything I really need is in my room, actually. But … it's not like change can't hurt me or anything. If I had to leave my pictures behind I'd be really sad …"
"Nozomi …" Eri immediately took her most precious friend into her arms and kissed her cheek.
"Ericchi … If I lost Ericchi … I don't think I'd smile for a really, really long time. I think that's what I was thinking of that day."
"So, you are unsatisfied with something?
"Hm, yeah."
Eri loosened her arms just enough so she could bump foreheads with the bright, emerald-eyed girl. With a soothing tone Eri asked, "And just what is that, Nozomi?" Eri smiled as if she already knew the answer by gazing into her clear, green eyes.
Nozomi smiled knowingly as well. "Instead of just staying near, I want to hold my future in my arms and look into her beautiful eyes."
Eri giggled. "And?"
"And," she leaned in, "I want to learn everything about her … because she'll also teach me everything about myself."
"I'll gladly help you with that."
The shadows stretching across the dark apartment's walls leaned into each other once more.
"So, you have to hold my hand and run with me okay? I want to see all kinds of different worlds with you, Nozomi."
...
A/N: I never thought I'd write a fic with a kiss in it! I mean, I didn't exactly describe one here but it should be pretty obvious when and where these kisses happened, right?
Anyway, reviews are appreciated! I always feel like my writing is hard to follow so it'd be great if I got some feedback on that!