As she sat at the bar, steadily drinking herself into a quiet stupor, Tamsin realized she had been stuck in the same routine. She'd been self-medicating with alcohol for so long she couldn't remember what it felt like to experience true emotion. Why was she doing this to herself? What happened to the vibrant, expressive young woman that Kenzi had raised from her rebirth just a few short months ago? That girl was gone, as her memories returned, the guilt and sorrow of her past deeds quickly killed any innocence she'd gained in having a true childhood for the first time in her many lives.
She'd done terrible things, committed crimes in the name of her master, started wars for no reason other than to entertain herself when she was bored, and she'd taken so many lives. Those were the worst, the countless innocents she'd brought back to her master, or to others while serving as a fae bounty hunter. Where was the honor and courage she used to exude in her earlier lives? Gone, smothered by greed and pride. Pride is a hell of a drug and it burns best through the veins with a touch of vanity added to the mix.
Since meeting the Sunshine Gang, Tamsin had changed, emotions she'd long before burried had resurfaced and she was now willing to do anything to silence them. Including drinking herself silly every night. She thought no one noticed because no one said anything to her about it. But one person did notice, Mama Kenzi.
"Bo, I'm worried about Tammykins," the girl confided in her best friend as they sat at a table in the Dal observing the events of the night and enjoying their girl time.
"What do you mean Kenz? Why are you worried?" the brunette asked her.
"Do you mean to tell me you haven't noticed how Tamsin comes in here almost every night and just sits and get's drunk?" the younger girl asked in disbelief.
"Umm, if I say I thought she was just behaving like she used to will you be upset with me? I mean come on Kenzi," she ducks a smack from the girl, "it's not like she talks to me or anything! She only really opens up to you."
"Ugh, you're hopeless! Well I feel like this is going to be something I don't really know how to deal with. You know kind of like I botched the "birds and the bees" conversation with Baby Tams when she asked what sex was." Kenzi huffed. "Do you think maybe you could pull her aside and ask her what's going on? Maybe you could help her out? And it wouldn't hurt to do some bonding seeing as we're all living together…" Kenzi pleaded with big puppy dog eyes.
"Sure Kenzi, anything for you," Bo promised her best friend, thinking she wouldn't get far with the blonde but at least she could say she tried.
Bo got up and wandered over to where Tamsin was sitting at the bar and sat down next to her.
"Momz finally talked you into coming over here to bother me, eh?" the blonde muttered while throwing back a shot of vodka.
"Wow, I couldn't just come over here and want to talk to you on my own? Aggressive much Tammers?" Be responded, slightly offended but still guilty for being so transparent.
The blonde growled at the nickname. "Call me that again and you'll walk away with a limp succubus." Then she smirked "when are you two going to figure out that I can hear your conversation when you're sitting in the same room with me? I'm a Valkyrie remember? I'm built as the ultimate weapon." She poured herself another shot, preparing to throw it back when Bo put a hand on her arm, stopping her.
"Well if you can hear so well then you know why I'm bothering you, as you so kindly put it. Kenzi's worried about you and you're not really letting her in to help you out. What's going on Tamsin? What's up with all of the drinking and moodiness? I mean, I remember you being snarky and bitchy before your rebirth but the girl who grew up a few months ago in my house was a ray of sunshine, vibrant, and expressive in all things," the brunette said, unknowingly echoing Tamsin's earlier thoughts.
Tamsin didn't know how to respond. She knew, just as Kenzi had said to Bo, that Bo was better equipped to deal with what Tamsin was going through as a fae of great power and little control. But in the same breathe, Bo was still a baby fae all things considered, and inherently good, whereas Tamsin was not. Tamsin was evil, sin incarnate and in her new life, she was struggling to reconcile her newly rediscovered "good side" with her more recent and seemingly dominant "bad side".
After the stretch of silence since Tamsin waged her inner battle, the succubus became frustrated. "You know what Tamsin, I'm just trying to help, ok? I may not be as close to you as Kenzi is and stuff but I have noticed your change in behavior. I act like I don't because I'm unsure if you still hate me or not like you did in your previous life. But the truth is-"
"I'm not a good person Bo," the blonde interrupted Bo. "I don't belong with you guys at all. I've done so many horrible things in my past life and I don't know how to atone for my sins. I don't deserve the childhood you and Kenzi gave me, I don't deserve your concern. Why can't you just let it go?" Tamsin admitted. "I treated all of you, Dyson, Kenzi, Lauren, Trick, and you like shit in my past life. I manipulated you to my own needs and yet I still failed in my mission. I never fail! Even when I fought on the right side of the war! I'm tainted." the blonde ranted.
It was then that Bo not only understood what was going on with Tamsin but also that she was completely trashed. "Come on Tamsin, let me get you home and we'll talk about this some more. I understand how you're feeling but you should also realize that you failed to complete your mission because you are good. You realized that your mission was of malicious intent and decided to not follow through with it." Tamsin just stared at the brunette in disbelief. "Come on, let's go home," Bo said as she helped the blonde off of her stool and put an arm around her to guide her to the car.
As they neared the door, Kenzi ran up to them, "Y'all going home?" the younger girl inquired with a concerned look at the blonde woman propped up by Bo.
"Yeah, we're gonna call it quits tonight and have a little chat on the way home. Tamsin, how about you give Kenz your keys so she can bring the truck home? I know you don't like it when I drive your baby and I don't want it to sit here over night."
Grumbling, Tamsin fished the keys out of her pocket and handed them to Kenzi, "Don't fuck her up Momz."
"Yeah, yeah I'm not drinking tonight missy so you're beloved is safe with me, " Kenzi assured the drunken Valkyrie.
"We'll see you at the clubhouse Kenzi," Bo said to Kenzi as she helped the detective out of the front door of the Dal. She helped Tamsin into the passenger side of her yellow camaro and made sure she was sufficiently strapped in before getting in behind the wheel to take them home. "Alright blondie, let's get some things straightened so you can get out of this funk."