I wake up and notice that Peeta's side of the bed is empty. He always sleeps soundly through the night. I'm really surprised he's up at all. Peeta has been so tired lately. I can't remember the last time he ever slept so much.

I notice the bathroom light is on. A good ten minutes pass by and Peeta is still in the bathroom. I'm usually the one who spends all the time in there. The baby gives a swift kick and I suddenly need to pee. I slowly climb out of bed and knock on the door softly.

Peeta doesn't answer. I knock again. "Peeta, are you okay?"

Silence.

I reach for the handle and when I go to open the door it's locked.

Panic quickly begins to set in. "Peeta Mellark open the goddamn door right now!"

I gasp when the door flies open. Peeta stands in front of me with blood pouring out of his nose. His skin has been drained of all its color.

"I can't get it stop." The calmness of his voice surprises me. I grab some tissues and hold them up to his nose.

Seeing Peeta so pale brings me back to the moment he first spoke to me. I could never forget the deep shade of red that bloomed on his cheeks when he sat next to me. As I apply pressure to his nose, I can't help but relive that life-changing day.

I sit in my seat expecting Madge to take her place by me. We have always been lab partners in science. When Peeta Mellark slowly approaches the stool next to me, I become confused. I know Peeta, but he's never said one word, never uttered a single sentence to me before.

Peeta is popular, friendly, and loved by everyone. I am the complete opposite. I hold my close friends dear and that's fine for me. I'm not sure why Peeta always ignores me, and I have no idea why he's sitting in Madge's seat. I scan around trying to find Madge and when I see her, she looks to me and shrugs.

What? Peeta Mellark is my lab partner?

I don't know how we'll work together if he can't say a word to me. I notice his cheeks are quite pink, actually deep red, as his eyes move from me to the seat he's about to sit upon. It almost looks like he's blushing, but why?

I find myself distracted by his eyes. They are the prettiest shade of blue I have ever seen. I smile, resigned that I have to make this partnership work if I'm going to get a decent grade. A boy with those blushing cheeks and bright blue eyes can't be all bad.

"I'm afraid I'm going to be a terrible lab partner." He tells me with a soft chuckle. "Biology is not my best subject."

"Well, I hope you don't think I am going to do all the work." I inform him jokingly.

Peeta gives me another smile which causes a small flutter to erupt in my stomach.

I like how easy he is to talk to.

Peeta gives my hand a tight squeeze as we listen to Dr. Aurelius explain the testing that
Peeta will be required to go through. It all seems pretty standard at first, but when I hear words like "lumbar puncture," I realize this may be more serious than I originally thought.

"Mr. Mellark, we really just want to do this as a precaution." Dr. Aurelius is a kind man but his words do nothing to comfort me.

The baby is active today and I place my hand on my stomach to feel her movements. "How long does it usually take to get back the results?" I ask him. The sooner we know what is making him sick, the sooner we can deal with it.

"I promise we will do our best to give you some answers as soon as we can."

As we walk out of the office Peeta takes my hand and brings it up to his lips.

"Promise me that you won't worry about me Katniss." Peeta is beginning to look like a different person. He has lost about twenty pounds and his usually full face is sunken in. The dark circles can't lessen the beauty of those blue eyes.

I stand on my tip toes to kiss his lips. It still feels like the first time Peeta ever kissed me.

Peeta and I have become extremely close over the past year. I enjoy the way that his presence puts me at ease. Sometimes Peeta will tickle my sides and I would pretend to be annoyed, but I like the way his hands make me tingle.

I've never had feelings for someone before. Honestly, I'm not sure what I feel for Peeta.

All I know is that I'm happy when I'm with him.

I'm leaning against my locker waiting for Peeta to finish talking with the art teacher. Summer is finally here and I am planning on spending the majority of it with my sister Prim and, hopefully, Peeta.

Peeta heads toward me with one of his classic, infectious smiles. The curls of his blonde hair are barely visible underneath his backward baseball cap.

"How did it go?"

"Mr. Plutarch wants me to study on the weekends with him," Peeta tells me proudly. "Apparently, I have a real gift and shouldn't waste it."

I can't contain my excitement. Peeta is always drawing and painting. It is about damn time someone recognizes how talented he is. Without a thought, I jump into his arms and hug him as tightly as I can. I've hugged Peeta a million times, but this is different. He releases me from his arms but keeps a hold to my waist.

I look up at him and my eyes travel to his lips.

This isn't the first time I've thought about Peeta kissing me. I usually brush it off and try to forget it, but the feeling seems to linger this time.

"Peeta," I whisper, "you can kiss me if you want."

He doesn't say anything but presses his lips up against mine. His touch ignites a spark deep in the pit of my stomach. I'm unsure of what to do next so I let Peeta take the lead. I open my mouth wider when I feel his tongue brush along the front of my teeth.

I instinctively press my body into Peeta's muscular form. His hands grip tighter on my waist. I like the feeling of his tongue teasing mine. A soft moan escapes his lips.
Peeta pulls away first. I want to keep kissing him. The feeling of his lips on mine leave me hungry for more.

I have craved those lips everyday since then and now I find myself needing them even more. I'm not sure what is going to happen next. The descriptions of the various tests Peeta is about to go through makes my stomach lurch.

We just need to take one day at a time.

***

Peeta shivers as the doctor applies iodine to the area of his back that will have the needle injected. I squeeze his hand tightly, making sure he knows that I will always be here for him.

"Are you comfortable Peeta?" Dr. Aurelius asks. How can he possibly be comfortable? Peeta is lying on his side with his knees pulled up to his chest. He's wearing a thin hospital gown that leaves his back completely exposed.

Peeta nods his head. "I just want to get this over with." In typical Peeta fashion he laughs. I admire his ability to try and stay positive.

"The numbing medication should be working now. I'll tell you when I'm going to insert the needle, alright? Try your best to stay still." Dr. Aurelius holds up the needle that he's about to insert in my husband's back. I make sure that my expression remains calm.

I need to be strong for Peeta like he has always been strong for me.

"Alright Peeta here we go."

Peeta's grip on my hand tightens when Dr. Aurelius inserts the needle. He's biting his lip so hard that I'm sure he is going to draw blood.

"Hey - do you remember when I took you hunting for the first time?" I ask him with a tearful smile. "You were so loud and scared away all the animals!"

Peeta gives me a weak smile. I hate seeing him like this. This vulnerability is so unfamiliar.

"I was thinking about baby names the other night and I really love the name Grace," I tell him in hopes of uplifting his mood and reminding him of what we have to look forward to.

I try to distract him any way I can, anything to take his mind off that needle in his back. I want him to think about happy, positive things. Peeta is so excited to be a father. It's something he has wanted since, well forever.

I rub my thumb in comforting circles over his hand. This pain he was going through is just temporary. I have to believe that there is a silver lining.

I hope that I'm being strong for him. Peeta protected me and comforted me so many times in the years we have been together. Seeing him in this vulnerable state brings me back to the first time Peeta and I were ever together. I was terrified but Peeta made me feel safe. It's my turn to make him feel secure.

My legs won't stop trembling. I hate myself for being so afraid. Do I even have a reason to be? Peeta's usually bright eyes are a few shades darker. This is the next step. Peeta is always so patient and understanding, I want this to be good for him.

"Katniss, if you aren't ready…" I grab him by the back of the neck and pull him in for a kiss, hoping that it will show him that I'm ready.

Before, the idea of being completely naked in front of Peeta terrified me. I thought that I would feel exposed and uncomfortable, but I don't feel that way at all. His hand is palming my breast, and I take in a deep breath when he gently pinches my nipple.

"You are so perfect Katniss." Peeta tells me before kissing my shoulder. The contact makes my entire body shiver with pleasure.

I can feel how wet I am, the evidence of my arousal dripping down my thighs. Peeta slowly inserts two fingers, preparing my body for him.

"So wet…" Peeta licks his lips. I can't believe how badly I want him inside of me.

I take his face in my hands, making sure his eyes are locked with mine. "Peeta I want you to make love to me."

"Are you sure?" His voice cracks on the last word.

I lay back on the bed and spread my legs, often times actions speak louder than words.

Peeta reaches for his wallet and pulls out a condom. He rips open the foil packet with his teeth. I watch in fascination as he rolls the condom onto his swollen cock. Peeta is a lot larger than I had thought.

I really hope it doesn't hurt as bad as my friends told me.

Peeta positions himself between my legs, using his elbows to support his weight. I can feel him poking at my entrance. It's now or never.

"I love you, Katniss."

At that he's pushing himself inside of me. Peeta barely moves, waiting for my reaction. It stings a little bit, but it's nothing I can't handle.

"Is this okay?" He asks me while moving his hips slowly.

I nod. "Please keep going."

I can see that this is hard for him. Peeta wants to go faster but he's being gentle for me. The noises coming out of his mouth produce a dull ache in my lower region. Peeta's grunting and moaning. "Katniss, oh god - I'm gonna…"

Peeta shudders above me, his cock pulsing inside of me. After he catches his breath he slowly pulls out. He ties up the condom and throws it in the trash can.

I thought that I would feel different, but truthfully everything is the same. Peeta was gentle and understanding, which I never had any doubt that he wouldn't be. I'm feeling a little sore but it's nothing that I can't handle.

"I'm sorry...you just felt so amazing." His cheeks are flushed and tiny beads of sweat are forming on his forehead. "You didn't come…"

I could see by the look on his face that he is disappointed in himself.

"Oh, Peeta I don't care about that." I am telling him the truth. Peeta gives me more than just a physical pleasure. He makes me feel confident that I'm not alone in this world and that I have someone who loves me and wants me, no matter what.

Peeta's face relaxes and he gives me a sweet, shy smile. I grab his cheeks and pull his face close to mine. Our noses are touching and I rub mine on his, causing him to laugh. His lips are hypnotic, drawing me in. I kiss him softly, wanting to savor every moment with him.

"When I'm with you, Peeta, I feel protected and loved."

"I do love you, Katniss."

I curl up next to him and snuggle my head into his chest. "I love you more."

Peeta sighs loudly. He hates when I say that. "If you say so."

"Okay, that should do it." Dr Aurelius' voice brings me out of my thoughts. I gain my bearings remembering where we are.

Peeta's sitting up now with a bandage on his back. The procedure is finished after a good half hour. He's given specific instructions to take it easy for the next couple of days.

"You're the one who needs to take it easy, Katniss." Peeta turns his head and looks up at me from the hospital wheelchair.

I playfully stick my tongue out at him. Peeta has fully embraced his role as protective husband and father to be. "I'm fine, okay."

He crosses his arms over his chest and frowns. "I love you, wife."

I stop the wheelchair and kiss his pale cheek. "I love you more, husband."

Peeta rolls his eyes at me. "If you say so."

***

I have been so caught up with trying to schedule Peeta's test that I completely forgot that I was due for my own doctor's visit. It's one of my monthly prenatal appointments and I need to leave soon.

Peeta has been having a bad day. He woke up early in the morning with another nose bleed. After what felt like hours, it finally stopped, but Peeta was exhausted.

I look at the clock hanging over the stove realizing that Peeta has been sleeping for the past six hours. He always attends my appointments with me, but I don't want to wake him since he's feeling terrible.

I figure I should at least ask him what he wants to do. I open the bedroom door quietly, hoping not to disturb him.

Peeta's shivering, and our sheets are drenched with his sweat. I place my hand on his forehead. He's burning up.

"Peeta, baby it's Katniss." He doesn't respond. I smooth away his hair from his soaked forehead.

His eyes slowly flutter open, immediately putting me at ease. "You are burning up - I'm going to call Dr -"

Peeta's eyes roll back into his head and his entire body stiffens. A few seconds later he body begins to jerk and spasm. I eventually realize he's having a seizure and try to remember what my mother told me. Using all the strength I have, I position Peeta so that he's turned, facing the side.

Tears run down my face as I watch Peeta completely lose control of his body. Blood slowly starts to seep out of his mouth, causing me to wonder if he bit his tongue.

The front of his pajama bottoms dampen. He just peed all over himself. "Peeta! Peeta, honey! Oh my God." I feel myself breathing faster. I'm becoming light-headed. What if I lose him now?

I slow my breathing. I can't lose control, not now, not when he needs me the most. Remember Katniss, I think to myself. Remember what you've learned.

"Peeta, shhh it's okay." I remember being told to not touch a person when they are having a seizure, but wait till it's stopped.

The seizure was probably only a minute, but felt like an eternity. I watch him carefully and notice how eventually the muscles in his body relax.

I grab my phone and dial 911. I should have probably called as soon as he started seizing, but I was too shocked to move. What is doing this to him?

"911 what's your emergency?" The voice on the other side calmly asks me.

"Yes - I need an ambulance, my husband -" I turn my attention back to Peeta, who has not yet opened his eyes. "I'm pretty sure he had a seizure..I also think he's got a fever."

"How long did the seizure last?" I know her questions are routine, but can't she just send the damn ambulance?

"A minute - maybe a minute and half?" I'm not sure. I have no fucking idea. It lasted too long, that's all I know. "He's never had one before but he just went in a few days ago to have a lumbar puncture done."

"They will be there shortly - just stay calm okay."

A sharp pain in my side nearly takes my breath away. I breathe out slowly. Maybe I should have been more careful when moving Peeta on his side. Worrying about Peeta's health is difficult enough, I'm not going to put my baby at risk.

When the paramedics arrive Peeta still hasn't woken up. They mention words like "postictal" and "grand mal seizure".

"Does Peeta have any drug allergies that you know of?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Currently on any medications?"

"No."

"Any history of cancer, meningitis, epilepsy?" I freeze at the word cancer. Does he have cancer? Is that why Dr. Aurelius ordered all those tests? What else could they possibly be looking for?

Instead of worrying about possibilities that haven't even been confirmed yet, I attempt to stay optimistic.

Peeta is sitting up in the hospital bed when I'm finally able to see him. The emergency room doctor explained to me, before I went in, that Peeta would be a little groggy and disoriented from the seizure.

Seeing him semi-alert made me feel better, but I need someone to give me answers. Why is it that my once perfectly healthy twenty six year old husband is all of sudden having nose bleeds, losing weight, and now having seizures?

I sit in the chair next to his bed, grabbing for his hand. "I was so scared Peeta!"

I promised myself that I would try not to cry, but my emotions have gotten the best of me.

"My head really hurts." His speech comes out funny. I realize that I was correct in assuming that he did bite his tongue. "Did they tell you Katniss that I bit off a small chunk of my tongue and apparently pissed myself."

I attempt to squeeze his hand, showing Peeta that I'm here for him, but he surprisingly yanks his hand away.

"I just wish someone would tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!" Peeta grabs at his curls, yanking them in frustration. "Jesus Christ, Katniss - I fucking had a seizure."

My pathetic attempts at staying strong come crashing down. "Peeta I'm trying really hard to be brave but I'm so scared." I make no efforts at wiping my tears away. "Seeing you that way - I can't get it out of my head. I was completely helpless and I fucking hated it!"

Peeta isn't given a chance to respond before Dr. Aurelius walks through the door. He's accompanied by a doctor that I'm not familiar with. I try to read his face, but he remains completely emotionless.

"How are you doing Peeta?" Dr. Aurelius ask, but Peeta doesn't respond. He just shrugs his shoulders. "This is Dr. Haymitch Abernathy, one of my colleagues."

Dr. Abernathy holds out his hand for me to shake. I offer, "Katniss Mellark..I'm Peeta's wife."

Dr. Abernathy doesn't look like your typical doctor. His white coat is wrinkled and his hair is long and disheveled looking.

"Are you going to tell us what caused Peeta's seizure?" I look Dr. Aurelius directly in the eyes. I plan to get the answers we so desperately need.

He opens up a beige colored folder and adjusts his glasses. "We ran a series of tests to make sure that the diagnosis we came to was accurate -"

"Mr. Mellark you have Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia." Dr. Abernathy tells us abruptly.

My chest tightens. I'm barely able to catch my breath. Peeta says nothing. He just continues to listen.

"Basically your body is producing a large amount of immature white blood cells." Dr. Abernathy must have given this news before. It's amazing how easily he's able to explain what is happening inside Peeta's body.

"The cancer cells are preventing Peeta's body from producing healthy blood cells."

I shoot a glance over at Peeta. His expression unchanging since the doctors started speaking.

"This is a fast growing cancer but I think with the right treatment plan we can fight this." Dr. Aurelius tells me with his best attempt at confidence.

"What's the chance of recovery?" It's the first question Peeta asks them.

Dr. Abernathy sits on the edge of Peeta's bed, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You have a good chance. I want to approach this aggressively. We'll start you on high doses of chemotherapy. After a month you'll repeat blood work. I want to see less white blood cells and barely any trace of leukemia. We then can say you're in remission, but it's not over yet. Maintenance therapy will continue after that."

"What happens if the cancer isn't completely gone after four weeks?" I ask, terribly afraid of what his answer might be.

"It lessens the chances of survival."

As I listen to Dr. Abernathy and Dr. Aurelius explain Peeta's cancer I'm reminded of how different our lives were a few months ago.

"The box said we have to wait three minutes." I yell out to Peeta from our bathroom.

I finish peeing on the stick and then I place it on the countertop.

Peeta pokes his head inside the bathroom, sporting a goofy grin. He's practically shaking with excitement.

Am I ready to be a mom? Honestly, probably not but Peeta is ready to be a dad. He wants a baby more then anything in the world.

I'm chewing on my thumb and waiting for the life changing test results to be ready.

"Peeta you tell me the results because I'm freaking out!" I cover my eyes with my hands. He's not saying anything. "Well, what's the news?"

I remove my hands and open my eyes, Peeta's holding the stick in his hand. "We're gonna have a baby Katniss!"

He's smiling. I can't believe it. I'm pregnant. I'm going to have Peeta's baby. I let out a surprised laugh before jumping into Peeta's arms, knocking him to the ground.

"This is going to be one of my favorite days ever." Peeta tells me before kissing my cheek and then my stomach. "Everything's perfect."

He's right. It's perfect.

The touch of Peeta's hand brings me back to reality. Only a few months ago we were planning on what color to paint the baby's room. Now we have to plan on the different options that will keep Peeta alive long enough to see the birth of his first child.

"I'm not going to bullshit you, Peeta." Dr. Abernathy tells him. "You are in for a rough few months but I'm optimistic, and you should be too."

The baby gives a sharp kick to my ribs. It's like she knows what's going on with her daddy. I don't care what it takes, Peeta's going to be around to see her grow up.

***
Staying positive is proving to be more difficult than I originally thought. Normally, Peeta is the one who keeps situations optimistic. I'm finding myself determined to make him believe that we can get through this.

We both are finding comfort in the support of family and friends. It's hard seeing people look at you with pity, but they all mean well. Anyone that has the pleasure of knowing Peeta loves him dearly.

Despite his illness, he devotes his attention to me and the baby. I love him for his caring heart, but his focus should be on himself. I need Peeta to survive this. The idea of raising this baby alone terrifies me.

I've been so distracted lately that I keep forgetting about my own doctor's appointments. Peeta will be furious if he finds out about that.

I'm barely able to drive to Peeta's first appointment for chemotherapy. I stupidly read up on the side effects of the treatment, along with all information about Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. It's terrifying to know what Peeta's going to go through.

Dr. Abernathy told us that the odds were in Peeta's favor. I've been holding on to that hope every single day.

"Finnick wants to come see you.." I begin to tell him.

"I don't want to see anyone, Katniss." Peeta answers back. His eyes tell me that I shouldn't even bother pressing the issue further. He's having a hard time in general, but I'm pretty sure he's embarrassed by what his deteriorating health is doing to his body.

I let out a sigh as I turn into the closest parking spot I can find near the entrance.

The nervous feeling in my stomach reminds me of how I felt the day Peeta and I got married.

It was a different feeling of nerves, though. I was more anxious for my future with Peeta, and now I'm afraid I won't have a any sort of future at all.

My wedding dress is nothing short of perfection. It's simple but has tiny details that make it unique. Peeta's going to die when he sees me.

Prim dabs at the wet spots under her eyes. She's been crying all morning. "I can't believe you are really getting married!"

Honestly, I never believed that marriage was the right fit for me, but Peeta changed my thoughts on that easily.

I want to be his wife. It's thrilling to be able to tell people that Peeta will be my husband. He's damn near perfect in my eyes and I want everyone to know that I belong to him.

Still, there's a constant feeling of butterflies in my stomach that I can't shake. I have no doubts about my future with Peeta, but it's still a nerve wracking feeling.

Everything's changing and I hope that I'm ready for this new adventure.

"I need to see Peeta."

Prim looks at me with one eyebrow cocked. "Katniss, it's bad luck!" I roll my eyes which Prim doesn't appreciate it. "You aren't having second thoughts are you?"

"No!" It's shocking she would even suggest that. "It's just - please Prim, go get him."

She leaves without saying a word. I pace the room waiting for Peeta.

The door opens slowly. I don't let Peeta get all the way inside before I'm hugging him tightly.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" Being in his arms reminds me that everything's going to be okay.

Growing up, I never felt that my parents supported one another. Peeta's love has opened my eyes to a whole new way of living. We support each other through every moment. Sometimes, words aren't even necessary. Knowing he's close by is good enough.

"I was just feeling nervous, but i'm okay now that you are here."

Peeta sighs loudly. "I thought you were changing your mind or something!"

"Peeta, there is nothing I want more in this world than to be your wife." I kiss his soft lips.

"I love you." He whispers.

"I love you more."

He laughs to himself before leaving the room. "If you say so."

***
Each morning I wake up and for one second I forget that Peeta has cancer, hoping it has all been a bad dream, until I hear the sounds. That awful retching wakes me up every day. I quickly throw off the covers and stand up at the side of our bed. A sharp pain shoots down my back and spreads to the front of my stomach.

"Oh shit!" Ignoring the pain, I open the door to the bathroom rushing to Peeta's aid. I grab a washcloth and wet it with cold water. I've found the coolness on his face and the back of his neck helps his nausea subside.

"It's okay Peeta." I rub slow circles on his back, hoping that it's bringing him some comfort.

The chemotherapy treatments haven't been so bad, it's the few hours afterward that are hell. Peeta suffers from the typical side effects. He can barely eat and when he does, it doesn't seem to matter. It all comes back up, or out, one way or the other. If it's not vomiting, then he suffers from diarrhea.

I can't take seeing Peeta so miserable. Sometimes, when I offer comforting words or check on him, he pushes me away. I know he wants to appear tough and doesn't want me to worry, but it hurts to be dismissed like that.

Another sharp pain shoots down my back. I suck in my breath. Peeta turns around, his eyes swimming with worry. "Katniss?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. "It's nothing." I'm lying to him. This doesn't feel like nothing. It feels like a huge cramp.

I turn away so he can't see my tears forming. "Let me go get you some crackers from downstairs."

Peeta grabs my arm. "Katniss, please just tell me the truth."

"Honey, I'm fine." I try to reassure him, but Peeta's smart, he knows me so well.

He wipes his face with his hands and slowly stands, turning to me. His eyes are swollen and red from the vomiting. He steadies himself as his palms grip my shoulders.

"I can tell something's wrong. You're hurting and hiding it from me." His glare is intense and frightening. I always feel safe with Peeta, but I'm concerned this illness is getting the better of him. "Tell me! I need to know if something's wrong!"

His sudden tremors reveal his instability. I gingerly remove his hands from me and guide him toward the bed. "Please stop getting yourself all worked up. Dr Abernathy told you -"

"Fuck Dr Abernathy!" He releases his hand from mine, whipping it away. "It's the baby isn't it? You're stressing out and it's affecting the baby?"

I place my hands on his chest, his heart beating so fast. "The baby is fine. I'm fine." I gaze up at him, trying to push aside any fear, remembering this is my husband that I love. "You're the one we need to focus on right now, Peeta. I need you. The baby needs you." I fight back, but the tears find their way out.

"You remember what he said didn't you?" Peeta asks me, his voice softer now. "This chemo could take away our chances of having another baby, Katniss."

Peeta places his hand on my rounded stomach. "This baby could be our only shot. Promise me you'll take care of yourself."

Nodding, I realize my tears keep streaming. I can't tell if I'm crying because of all the emotions I'm going through or from the intensifying pain in my back and stomach.

I assure him, "Everything is going to be fine."

The more times I say it, the less I really believe it.