A/N: Hello. This was made in the spirit of "Our Dark Thoughts" by Alone in the Blight, though I've decided to handle this one on my own. After yet another bolt of inspiration from listening to Dark Souls OST, I'm opening a new collaborative. The Topic? There were a lot of really just- not good ideas in Dark Souls 2- even some of the other games had things that were either unbalanced, out of place, or just plain not fun.

So, if we were on the herp derp Troll Soft dev team, what would we do differently? If we had the authority to dictate the final product, how would we make it better?

Submissions can be made Via PM, DocX, review, or carrier pigeon (if you happen to own one).

To tell you the truth, I've been going through a lot of tough shit- especially from my fuckhead sister. I'm having trouble getting up and continuing to update my stories, or coming up with new ones- doing anything some days is just completely un-fucking-bearable. I was going to write a new duel today- Gwyn vs. Manus following the reading of a piss-poor attempt to characterize the resident god of darkness, but I'm just too fed up with life to try it right now.

As you can tell, the actual content below was written when I was in a better mood…

I'll start off the thread with one of my FAVORITE BOSSES OF ALL TIME:

Old Iron Bitchass: This boss, just- ugg, how could a creature with a theme and backstory so good have such a generic, lousy execution excuse for a boss? And the lava deaths- oh the lava deaths! I've already ranted in many a place on how much i dislike him, but what would i do differently to turn Old Iron Bitchass into Old Iron BADASS?

For starters, the theme and backstory are really good, but Ye' olde devil design... scrap it. All of it, forget it existed, the same goes for the arena. The old iron king was struck down by the smelter demon (a fact revealed by said bastard's soul), and fell into the magma, where he was possessed by the spirits that lurk below. Why not make him a hybrid of sorts, like he fused with the magma- carrying a human aspect yet corrupt and distorted, which would be very, very dark souls, this is what i would envision him as:

He looks like a giant, humanoid figure- only he has no flesh or eyes that can be seen, his flesh simply a cracked, dried stony texture formed into a human body, though it would be a bit lopsided and uneven- like freshly cooled metal or magma formed into a statue in a near liquid state. He would still have the glowing eyes and and sharp, jagged teeth- but nix the goat snout.

He would be wearing armor, but it would be blackened and pitted- covered with lumps and boils of metal that stuck to it and welded on. You would also not that it is very warped and stretched- since he was obviously a lot smaller in human form, but expanded when he was possessed. Canceller Wellanger sells a weapon whose description states that the Old Iron King kept a massive armory of fine weapons as a show of strength- what if the mace you get from his soul is one such weapon- just make it blackened, pitted, and boiled like his armor to make it seem like it fell in with him.

Which leads me to another important detail that helps tell his story: a massive gash right through his armor and body from hip to shoulder from the Smelter Demon, a faint glow and trail of embers indicating their really is nothing left of the Old Iron King's original body, tough the scar remains as a reminder of his fall. Why? Because it looks epic, that's why!

Now, on to his area- again, keep the lava lake and the great Taurus statue overhead, only instead of the stupid ass lava lake area, you are lead down the path to a partially flooded smelter works (Old Iron Bitchass, soon to be Badass, is seen walking wading through the magma, so it isn't that deep). It would be a really industrial abandoned building, with a gaping hole in the wall and ceiling to let the light filter in, but it would still be pretty dark- with an ominous glow from ruptured smelters spewing molten metal across the floor and a few stairs going beneath the magma, hanging chains, discarded tools, and burnt corpses from old workers marking this as one of the places hit worst by the flood.

Now, combine a boss that fits the lore and an environment that does lava damage with a COUPLE of death drops and you get OLD IRON BADASS *nuclear explosion*:

You enter the fog, walking into an abandoned factory, the cutscene playing as the magma lake seen at the other side of the building where it broke off distorts and begins to fall away. A great mace headed by a lump of magma is thrust out, molten metal dribbling out as the petrified remains of a once mighty king rise from the depths, like a zombie awakening from slumber at your presence. the figure drags himself up from the lake into the building, magma hissing as it falls to the floor, the Old Iron Badass leaning upright to display the scar over his chest- the fatal blow that sent him into the lake.

The fight with Old Iron Badass has the faintest Elements of Old Iron Bitchass, but the main difference is that you will not get knocked into the magma unless you walk into the stairwell or stand too close to the broken out wall and get hit. You will get heavily damaged if you step into the pools and channels of molten metal around the area, so while it's not absolutely imperative you watch yourself, you still need to be wary of where you are and what you're doing.

Old Iron Badass still keeps his signature attacks for ranged and melee- namely the flame Kamehameha wave and great firebreath, but he now has a mace which deals good physical and flame damage, a heavy blow to the ground creating a great explosion of flame. Using magic on him is possible, but he will take exception to it and use his firebreath and flame lazor exclusively and in ample amounts.

He also has a super powerful form of Immolation he busts out every so often to keep you from trying to circle him, though he also has a mean backhand where his brings his hand out and does a great spin on his axis, smacking the player aside (and you do not want to get knocked around considering that hitting wrong spot would inflict massive damage and require you to heal up). When he activates immolation, he telegraphs a great charge of fire, explodes for a great AoE, then proceeds to shamble after you with a great swathe of flame erupting around him, his skin cracked open and seething energy with a bright orange glow. It wears off after a bit, but his ranged arsenal would keep a fleeing melee build on guard as he cools off.

Old Iron Badass is basically a gigantic, lumbering tank: massive defense and health with tremendous damage, but he is pretty slow due to his lopsided and inorganic body (statues don't run). His openings to attack are much the same, though you have to watch out for his immolation and backhand when you exploit his flame kamehameha and firebreath, both of which have great tracking and range.

And, if you Leeroy Jenkins him upfront and personal, you must beware his vertical slamming attack with his mace- as the ensuing explosion would catch you even if the attack itself missed unless you time it right. And of course, Old Iron Badass can still bitchslap you with his off hand, complete with a good old grab move. Since he's a former tyrannical ruler with an iron fist, I'd picture this: he grabs you, smashes you into the ground, then stomps the bejeezus out of you with his iron bootheel before kicking you into oblivion- and possibly fiery magma.

You get the joy of fighting an unstoppable melee tank with an excellent environmental advantage and iron, and FIRE! with a booming industrial theme complete with the bang of chimes to emulate the pounding of a hammer in the old ironworks only 1,000,000,000,000,000 times more dynamic and fun.

I seriously can't be the only one with good ideas to improve our great souls universe, com'on people! We can do it!