It had started the Monday after her disastrous seduction of one Draco Malfoy. What normally would have turned into a second round of adult-oriented fun two nights before had instead ended with her Apparating to her flat, alarmingly confused. She had never seen the blond so vulnerable. Of course, he tried to hide it with his mask of indifference, but she liked to think she had known him well enough to see when he was truly emotional. She had spent the rest of the weekend nervously cleaning her flat, wondering how on earth she had missed the fact that Malfoy had fallen in love with her. She knew they had been seeing a lot of each other, but she had assumed the benefits that had developed during their friendship had been completely devoid of romance. Though,she had thought as she scrubbed her bathtub, it was true that she couldn't remember Malfoy going on a date in quite some time. And, if she took the time to think about it, their strictly after-cocktail romps had turned into next-morning banter rather often in last few months. But that had just been convenience and friendship, right? As the weekend had worn on, her confusion slipped into anxiety over Monday morning's work proximity. How was this all going to work? Should she pretend nothing had happened, and maintain the cordial relationship they had developed as coworkers? Or should she give him a wide berth, since it was obvious he wanted space? Did she even know how to be merely polite to someone she had seen naked more times in her life than anyone besides herself?

With these questions and a pounding heart, she had walked into work on Monday morning, bracing herself for either clinical politeness or a cold indifference, but instead she found...nothing.

There wasn't a usual flash of blond as she walked onto the Department floor.

There was no sign of him as she entered the break room for another cup of coffee during her (and usually his) morning break.

Around midday she heard a knock on her office door, and quickly straightened up in her chair, heart racing. "Come in," she called, wincing at the sound of her strained voice.

But it was Harry.

"Hermione, just a moment, I wanted to introduce you to Eleanor," he said, gesturing to a petite brunette behind him as he walked into her office.

"Oh, hello!" she said breathlessly, trying not to seem surprised. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," said Eleanor with a warm smile.

"Eleanor's a new transfer that you'll be working closely with. Haven't got much time to chat though, she needs to head down to Smithers' office to finish up the usual paperwork," he said, sounding rushed. "It's all been a little hectic today, with Malfoy's spot to fill."

"Malfoy?!" Hermione squeaked. "Wh-what do you mean? He left?"

Harry ran a hand through his hair, mussing it even more than usual. "I'm not sure if he's technically left yet. He's taken an indefinite leave of absence. Sent an owl over the weekend saying it was an emergency and he would send word when he could return to work. He's saved up a lot of paid leave, so he could take off anywhere from weeks to months, and he made it sound like it might be the latter." Harry's brow furrowed. "I figured you, at least, would have some insight to what's going on with him."

Hermione shook her head. "No, he didn't mention anything," she mumbled quietly, dropping her gaze to her desk.

Harry nodded. "Well, I'm sure he wouldn't take off without a good reason. Anyhow, we've got to get going. I'll catch up with you later." He and Eleanor waved a goodbye, leaving Hermione frowning over her second cup of coffee.

She couldn't deny she felt a little hurt, and a bit ashamed. Draco apparently was so unsure of his ability to see her that he'd rather disappear without a single word of reassurance that their friendship could survive. But worse, his leaving might have been avoided if she had just realized sooner that their shagging on the weekends had gotten to be too much for his emotions to handle. Hermione simply felt responsible, though her logical mind was arguing it might have been unavoidable regardless.

Her usually sunny disposition dimmed considerably after the news of his absence, though she tried to pretend otherwise. Her appearances at the bar with coworkers dwindled in the course of the next month, and her usual glowing skin grew dull from her obvious stress and lack of sleep. She had stopped going out to dinner with Harry and Ginny, or brunch at the Burrow on Sundays, and feigned illness when Ginny and Luna tried to set up a girl's night out, which baffled everyone including her. She didn't know why she suddenly felt disinterested, though after a while she chalked it up to guilt over her inability to return Malfoy's affections. And with that guilt came the unending, unshakable listlessness.

She continued on like this for three months, until Ginny and Luna forcibly demanded her presence on a night out. Ginny was convinced that Hermione needed a good, drunken pick me up to shake her from the funk she'd been wrapped in, and Luna, oddly silent on the matter, dutifully helped Ginny as she wrestled Hermione into a short, snug, blue dress and strong armed her out the door.

And after that, everything just felt so...fuzzy.

She supposed it was the flowing firewhiskey, and the chasers of mead that followed every steaming shot. The club that Luna and Ginny had dragged her to had taken on a shimmery glow, and her inhibitions had finally dropped to the point where she was smiling as they danced under the green lasers and the magical swirling strobe lights, a thin sheen of sweat covering them and the rest of the glittering crowd on the dance floor. The lights had begun to shine brighter and bleed into each other, a usual surefire sign that Hermione was on her way to being thoroughly pissed.

She had to admit, this felt so good. In fact, the blissful numbness that came with every shot had her feeling better than she had in months. As she shimmied and reached for the pulsing lights above, she felt powerful, invincible even. Hermione finally felt alive again.

She slowly registered two hands slide onto her hips, and instinctively leaned back to grind against whoever had slipped behind her. After a moment she glanced towards Ginny still dancing nearby, who grinned encouragingly after thoroughly eyeing whoever was dancing behind her. Hermione smiled back, and continued to move her hips in time with the music and the person behind her.

She was a little blurry on the details of how it had happened, but Hermione was suddenly being snogged within an inch of her life in a loo stall.

A loo stall.

She wasn't normally like this, as everyone would expect from Hermione Granger, but she couldn't deny that it was so fun to just ignore her reserved approach to snogging random strangers for once and just take the plunge. She had to admit, his lips were doing marvelous things on a sensitive spot on her neck, and she loved the feeling of his body snug between her legs, her skirt hitched up far enough so that he was flush against her with no resistance. She gasped as he ground his erection against her, and clumsily tried to move in sync with his thrusting. He moved back from her neck to capture her lips in a searing, urgent kiss, and her thoughts went hazy once more as their kisses blended together into a continuous moment…

...And then, as he moved down to her neck again, sending shivers down her spine, she gasped out a name, opened her eyes and expected to see blond hair and pale skin to go with the name, but only black hair and brown eyes came into focus. Before she could form a coherent thought she pushed him, hard, so he had no choice but to let her go, and she half slid down the wall before her legs found the ground.

"Oh, bloody hell, I'm sorry! Are you okay?" He made a move to help her up but she held up a hand to stop him.

"I- I'm fine, I just...I can't do...this." She bit her lip as the tiny stall spun around them. "I didn't mean to lead you on, I just…"

"No, no, it's okay." He smiled, his eyes slightly glassy with liquor, and she observed sadly, in a different time, she might have wanted to see that smile again. "Do you want me to give you a minute or find a friend for you…?"

Hermione shook her head, rising from the floor. "I'll just go, if that's okay. Thank you, though, for understanding." He gave her another smile, and she ducked her head as she stumbled noisily from the loo back into the throbbing lights of the club.

Gone was that wonderful alive feeling she'd had earlier in the night. The music was overwhelming now, the lights glaring down at her, and she shied away from the touch of every dancing person that crossed her path. She didn't want to be out in the world anymore, she wanted to be home, tucked away in bed, waiting for some miracle that would never happen.

Merlin save her, but she missed him so much. She couldn't hide from that anymore. Some part of her, some piece of her heart had gotten so accustomed to his presence in her life, that she feared she would carry the loss forever, however small or large it came out to be. She wouldn't call it love, but she felt something, and it was obviously something she had been ignoring for far too long. The damage was done, now. Draco Malfoy was possibly a possibility no longer. In fact, he was probably somewhere at that exact moment, getting over her with a prettier, younger brunette, or a tall redhead or short and curvy blonde, and her blind attempt at staying detached was to blame. Her chest ached at the thought.

She blinked as Luna came into focus in front of her, looking her over with a sympathetic gaze. Hermione was appalled to find her eyes blurring with unshed tears, and tried to paste a grin on her face, but her friend would not be fooled.

"Come on, Hermione!," she yelled over the music as she grabbed Hermione's hand, though she sounded as calm and serene as ever. "You need to be home for these emotions."

AN: Not a very 'hot' chapter, but necessary to continue the story.