I apologize for leaving you hanging without telling you what was going on, but I can't apologize for taking some needed time to deal with a death in the family. Really hope you understand, which I'm sure most of you do. And if you don't well... that's pretty shitty of you. Feel free to use the exit to your right.

Anyways! I'm back and feeling much closer to my usual self. I hope you've missed her because I've certainly missed you!

Lol man... I hope I still remember how to do this. It has been a while.

*blows dust off of keyboard*

Chapter 19

EPOV

"You said we'd make it," Emmett said when I finally pulled up to his house later that night. It was twelve-ten, which just so happened to be ten minutes past his ironclad curfew.

"I went as fast as I could." I frowned when I met his intense scowl, feeling more than a little affronted from his lack of appreciation. My driving had cut the time in half. We would have still been on the road if it wasn't for me. Didn't that count for something?

A short, humorless laugh erupted. I'll take that as a no. "Am I supposed to thank you? My mom's going to murder me, Edward... and I don't mean figuratively. She's literally going to kill me."

I rolled my eyes. His mother may have been many things—overbearing, arguably a little nutty at times (most times)—but violent was not one of them. An earache would be the brunt of his reprimanding.

"You're only ten minutes late," I downplayed. "She probably won't even be that upset."

"Are you kidding me?" he asked. "You know how she is. And she's been worse than usual lately, too. Her moods have been swinging like crazy. One minute she's fine... and the next she's yelling... or crying. God, you should've seen her this morning—she cried over burnt waffles!"

Waffles, really?

"Okay... I don't know what all of that means... but maybe if you tell her it was my fault she—"

He snorted, cutting me off. "This is your fault. Entirely."

"I know it is."

"If that were really true, you wouldn't be in the exact same spot you were in the last time we talked about this." Tense silence followed and I knew we weren't discussing a missed curfew anymore. This was about Bella. His brows arched, challenging me to defend myself.

"I told you," I said. "I changed my mind."

"And I told you to change your mind again," he fired back. "People do it all the time! Happens everyday! Why can't you?" I shook my head and looked away. We were not going to have this conversation. "In all the years we've been friends, I've never known you to be a coward. I don't really like cowards."

I clenched my jaw, the last remnants of my even-temper hanging on by a measly thread. I knew what he was trying to do. He thought that he could push all the right buttons and force me to be honest. If only he knew... it wasn't that easy.

"It's a really shitty thing you're doing right now, you know," he went on. "Keeping up the act, letting her believe. The longer you drag this out, the worse it's going to be, for the both of you. You're no better than James if you don't end this fucked up game sooner rather than later."

You're no better than James, I replayed his words in my head and eventually, Emmett's voice disappeared and Bella's took its place. You're just like your father.

"I'm nothing like him," I said through my teeth.

"No, you're usually nothing like him, but lately..." Right. He thought I was talking about James. There was so much he didn't know and I was mentally exhausted, far too tired to even begin to explain.

"Go inside, Emmett."

"I will," he said, completely unaffected by my detached tone. "As soon as you tell me what the hell you're waiting for."

"I just need more time."

"Time for what?"

That thread was still in tact, though just barely.

"I don't know," I said quietly.

"Edward..."

Snap!

"I said I don't fucking know, alright?! Drop it."

Neither one of us said anything for a long time, not until Emmett finally sighed and looked over at me. I thought he was going to tell me to go straight to hell, that I was on my own from there on out, that's what he should have said. It's what anyone else in his position would have said, but he didn't say any of that. Instead, he said the last thing I would have ever expected, "This entire thing has seriously messed you up."

I stared at him for a second before I laughed humorlessly and let my head fall against the headrest.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked sarcastically. "Can't say I don't deserve it. It's a slap on the wrist after what I did. Look, I'm sorry for losing it like that... and for dragging you into this entire mess, I guess."

"You guess?" He asked flatly.

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean!"

"Man, you've always sucked at apologies," he said as he unbuckled his seat belt. "No wonder you're avoiding telling her. You'd make things worse and then you'd never win her back."

Emmett scoffed when he saw the confusion written on my face. "Yeah, dumbass, I notice things."

Before I could ask him about the things he noticed, the porch light turned on and when I looked outside, the front door swung open to reveal a very unhappy Mrs. McCarty. Emmett cringed, keeping his eyes firmly planted on the rear of the parked car in front of us and refusing to spare even a glance in the direction of his front porch.

"She's standing right there, isn't she?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Great…"

"Hey, keep cool. Leave out any mention of a party. We went out for pizza with a bunch of the team to celebrate, lost track of time and there was an accident on the 110. The road was blocked and we had to take another route." I spoke confidently, as if that was exactly what had happened. Hopefully he would be able to repeat my story with the same confidence. He couldn't afford to mess this up, not even a little bit. She'd know something was up right away and he'd be done for. "That's all that happened, got it?"

Emmett glanced over warily at his mother who stood in an expectant stance, foot propped out and arms folded.

"You really think that'll work?"

"Yeah, definitely, unless she checks up on local accident reports that is... but dude," I chuckled. "If she goes through all that trouble, we deserve to get busted. Tell me how it goes."

"Sure. If I don't die." When he was outside he stuck his head inside the car. "Hey, do you think collect calls are pricey on the other side?"

"Shut up and get over there, McCarty!" He stifled a laugh as he shut the door and left me shaking my head.

His mother kept her arms crossed and lifted a thin brow as she watched her son trudge up the walkway. He stopped just shy of the first front step and looked up at her, his shoulders rising while he spoke. Don't fuck it up. Don't fuck it up.

There wasn't any screaming or murder as Emmett had predicted, so I took that as a good sign. After they both disappeared into the house and the porch light cut off, I sped away, wondering how I ever managed to land myself a friend as ridiculous and steadfast as he was.

.

.

.

A few of the lights were still on when I made it back home which left me annoyed and trapped inside my car, mentally willing them to turn off. It wasn't like I needed to sneak in or anything. My curfew had turned into a complete joke in the past few years, more of a suggestion than a law I had to constantly abide by. I could waltz right in and I knew there wouldn't be any consequences.

No, it wasn't fear that kept me sitting in my car. It was them and their hoax of a perfect marriage. I hated the way they spoke to me when they were together. Hated it. I may have been a decent actor, but it was only because I learned from the best.

Five minutes, I decided. And then you're going in there, like it or not.

With nothing to occupy my mind, it wasn't long before my thoughts latched onto a memory I had attempted to avoid since Wednesday.

"Edward, hurry up," Tyler said impatiently.

I checked my bag again, hoping that I'd find the book I needed for the next hour. But as expected, just like the first time I looked for the damn thing, it wasn't where it should have been. Where was it? I put it in there... didn't I?

Tyler broke away from our group as they continued to walk towards English class.

He squinted his eyes and smirked. "You lost the book again, didn't you?"

"I didn't lose it. It has to be in my locker." I paused, narrowing my eyes in thought. "I think..."

He shook his head with a tight lipped smile.

Shit. Holt was strict about our reading materials. If I showed up without my book two days in a row, I knew she'd slap me with a detention. And to make matters worse, Thompson was equally strict about benching players who had disciplinary issues. It didn't matter how valuable someone was. If they screwed up, they paid for it.

Going to class empty handed was not an option unless I wanted to sit next to Mike Newton, our permanent bench boy.

Two words: Fuck. No.

"Save me a seat!" I called out as I left a laughing Crowley behind me.

As it turned out, the book was in my locker—stuffed inside of my biology binder. Odd place, but I didn't waste much time wondering how the hell it got in there. I found the stupid book and that was all that mattered.

I shut my locker and just as I was about to sprint back to the second floor, I heard her voice behind me, causing me to forget all about the bell that was sure to ring at any moment.

"If you really think so." My brows furrowed as I noticed how strange she sounded. Was she sick or something? She looked fine this morning.

"Oh, I know so. You'll look gorgeous." The second voice left me drawing a mental blank. I couldn't instantly attach a face to it as I had with hers.

"Have you given makeup any thought? I know you're not a big fan of it, but it is senior prom after all. Only happens once," the stranger chuckled. "How do you feel about a natural smoky eye?"

"Mhmm... sounds great."

There was a long pause.

"On second thought… how about I cake a bunch of goop on your face and turn you into a clown?"

"Perfect."

"Clown face and force you to wear six inch heels?"

"Sure."

"Okay, stop it. You're scaring me." There were two snaps. "Earth to Bella. Anyone in there? Hellooo?"

When the seconds ticked by without her reply, my concern battled with my common sense and it ultimately won. I looked over my shoulder and there she was. She was on the opposite side of the hallway, closer than I thought and leaning against a locker. She had this far away look in her eyes and her gaze seemed to be fixated on the back of my shirt.

Next to her, stood a small girl with short black hair. She was searching Bella's face, probably wondering what was causing the trance-like behavior. That made two of us.

Without warning, her head snapped in my direction and her eyes rolled as if this wasn't the least bit surprising.

"Oh brother," she sighed. "Of course."

I turned around fully, not knowing what to make of this girl. When I did that it seemed to snap Bella back to reality. She blushed deep red in record time as she caught up to the situation around her and turned to her friend with cautioning eyes.

"Alice…"

The girl's hand flew up. "Save it, Swan."

Alice, as I had learned, checked both sides of the hallway before she walked right up to me. The top of her head barely reached my chest... so why did I suddenly feel so intimidated by this miniature girl?

"Hi. Edward, is it?" She left no room for my reply as she nodded and went on. "Alice. Nice to meet you. Listen... I still don't understand why you guys are hiding. I mean, two people who supposedly hate each other hooking up—it's 2014, stranger things have happened."

She closed her mouth when a group of underclassmen made their way past us while laughing loudly. When they were out of earshot, she took a step closer and lowered her voice.

"Having said that... I'll keep my mouth shut." She nodded. "As long as you promise me. You won't hurt her. She swears you won't, but see, that's not good enough for me. I need to hear it from you."

"I promise." I locked eyes with Bella when I said this, knowing full well that this was a promise I couldn't keep. It was impossible. I would, without a shadow of a doubt, break it. I'd break it into a billion pieces and there wouldn't be anything left.

"Good. I'll hold you to that." Alice was smiling sweetly when I returned my gaze to her, but that smile was practically cancelled out by the disdain in her eyes. She didn't trust me and she wanted me to know it.

Just as I thought we were done talking, she reached out a hand and brushed my right shoulder swiftly, leaning in to get a closer look at whatever she was trying to get rid of. I began to lean away instinctively, but she caught my shoulder before I could get very far, gripping rather harshly and forcing me to bend down to her level. "Because if you hurt her... I'll hurt you."

She released me immediately after the whispered warning and returned to the open locker beside Bella while I stood there in shock. Who the hell was this chick? I rotated my shoulder. Damn, she had some grip for a fairy sized person.

"Piece of advice," she said as she dug around in her locker. She spoke in a monotonous voice so as not to draw any attention. "If you're not ready to tell people then I suggest you stop being so goddamn obvious—both of you."

With that, Alice slammed her locker shut and began walking down the hallway, where she eventually disappeared inside one of the classrooms.

Bella remained where she was for a second longer than she should have, looking like there was something she wanted to say but not knowing whether she should. Whatever it was must not have been worth the risk because she hurried after her friend without a word, but not before I caught a glimpse of a smile.

The rest of Wednesday had passed by in a blur. I barely remembered the bell ringing, barely remembered talking myself out of a late slip, nothing stuck in my mind... nothing except for that look on Bella's face. A person didn't look at someone in the way that she had without feeling something. There was no way she'd be walking away from this unscathed. Not now. I couldn't just turn off her feeling for me.

The protective part of me was angry with her, furious. How could she have let me win so easily? Why did she trust me so easily? Goddammit, Bella! What if someone else had been sick enough to trick her like this, someone who didn't realize how wrong his deceit was, would she have been as gullible with him as she was with me?

Yeah, because it's her fault you're a terrible you listen to yourself?!

I buried both hands in my hair and rubbed them down my face roughly as I realized what my real problem was. It was all of those feelings—the ones I had when I was fifteen—they hadn't gone away, not even for a second. They had stuck around even when we were both kidding ourselves with that stupid game of hate. I never hated her. I wasn't capable of hating her.

There was a reason why I climbed up her tree in the pouring rain four summers ago, a reason why I jumped into an icy pond without even really thinking about it at age sixteen. When it came to Bella, I didn't think, I reacted. When she wasn't okay, I wasn't either.

And after I told her… she would be the farthest thing from okay. It would be like reliving that stormy summer night all over again, except this time, I wouldn't walk away wondering what the hell happened. I would know.

I had happened. Me.

For a fleeting and selfish second, I wished we had never met. Had I moved to any other town, literally any other town in the entirety of Washington, one where Isabella Swan didn't exist; I wouldn't have been where I was now. I wouldn't have been so close to hurting her.

Before I could beat myself up all over again, the sound of two loud chimes pulled me out of my own head and instead of disregarding the incessant notifications as I had been for the entire drive home, I finally decided to see who it was.

I snorted when I read the messages.

The sender, Ren, kept mentioning Sugar Cubes, whatever the hell those were. I had no clue which drug that was code for, but it didn't take an abundance of street knowledge to figure out that there was nothing sweet about what he was referring to; tooth and brain rotting maybe, but definitely not sweet.

I looked up his contact information and sure enough, James had added an address for an apartment building in Port Angeles.

Poor Ren... his dealer was a bona fide idiot. I wasn't sure if there was a Drug Dealing for Dummies available for purchase, but on the off chance that there was… someone should have really considered lending a copy to James. The fact that his phone, one as damning as this one, wasn't securely protected said something about his IQ.

Noting the address and name in my own phone, I turned off the borrowed device entirely and put it in the glove compartment. I had more than enough dirt to bury him and we'd be settling this on Monday. Hope he doesn't lose too much sleep over a missing cell, I thought with a grin.

I frowned when I glanced up and noticed the lights... still on. It was now quarter past midnight and I knew I couldn't sit and wait forever, so with a resigned sigh; I forced myself out of the car and headed inside.

I stood at the front door after I had locked it and listened to my mother's faint voice coming from the kitchen. Glancing over at the entryway table, I noticed that my father's keys were missing. He wasn't home.

I felt torn and my gaze flew from the dimly lit kitchen to the darkened staircase that was calling, tempting me to just walk upstairs and go to bed—forget about it. She's fine.

She hadn't seen me and I could have easily slipped upstairs without being noticed.

Easy.

But then I noticed the coffee aroma in the air and I stopped in my tracks halfway to the stairs. My mother didn't like coffee. It made her jittery and she only drank the stuff when she desperately needed to stay awake. If I went upstairs without at least attempting to see if she was alright, I knew I'd only lie awake until I finally caved.

I may not have agreed with some of her choices in life, but she was still my mother. I couldn't ignore that little voice in my head, urging me to push everything aside and act like a normal son for a change. Normal sons looked out for their mothers.

When I walked into the room I found her seated at the kitchen table with a phone to her ear and a steaming mug placed directly in front of her. She had changed since I'd last seen her, trading in the business attire for her sleepwear.

I stepped further into the room, something she didn't seem to notice as she continued to run her thumb over the cup's handle.

"No, no, it's alright." She sounded convincing enough. I was sure that whoever was listening on the other end had just been successfully fooled, but they couldn't see the way her shoulders fell. Her disappointment was nearly palpable from where I was standing.

She pushed the mug away easily, though it looked more like she wanted to hurl it across the room with the short jerky force she put behind the action. A slosh of coffee landed on the table, which she made no move to clean.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Carlisle," she said as she rubbed her brow. "Just get some sleep. Yes, I'll be fine. I love you too."

Too tired to drive home, I guessed, barely managing to contain a scoff. I had heard that one before. Old man was sticking with the classics.

After disconnecting, she set the phone down on the table. She didn't get up. She just sat there, staring at the marble top and leaving the coffee untouched. Apparently this was what a woman looked like when she was... fine.

"How long have you been up?" I asked, making my presence known.

Her startled gaze snapped to mine before she quickly schooled her features and smiled at me softly. It wasn't a real smile of course, it was well practiced and didn't reach her eyes. I hadn't seen a smile reach her eyes in years.

"A while." She reached for her mug and took a delicate sip.

"Mom," I sighed as I remembered the reason I had checked up on her in the first place. "Why are you drinking coffee this late? You know you shouldn't do that."

"It's just one cup, sweetheart."

"It's not just one cup," I argued, trying my best to keep my voice calm. I didn't want to startle her with my misplaced emotions. "It's him. You were waiting for him, weren't you?"

"Edward…" she cautioned.

I ignored the feeble warning and approached the table, pulling out a chair and sitting down across from her. She had washed away all of her makeup for the evening and her bare face now revealed the bags under her eyes, they looked more distinguished under this lighting—angrier.

"What's it this time?" Clarification wasn't needed. She knew what I meant.

"He's too tired to drive. It wouldn't be safe."

I pressed my lips together and nodded slowly.

"That's original," I muttered under my breath.

"Edward, stop." She shut her eyes and sighed. "Not tonight… just… not tonight, okay?"

After a minute of silence, I stood up. It didn't matter how many times we had this conversation… she wouldn't listen to me and it was ultimately just wasted breath.

"You could be happy," I reminded her when I reached the doorway. "You do know that, right?"

Her mouth opened and closed a few times. Whether she couldn't grasp the words or whether she just needed a moment to strengthen her voice, I didn't know. But eventually, she smiled that forced smile of hers again.

"I am happy," she replied. It didn't escape my notice that she couldn't look at me while she lied straight to my face and more importantly… while she lied to herself.

Was this what everyone craved so desperately—Love? Because if it was, then love was definitely a sadist and it had done one hell of a number on my mother. It turned her into this... shell of a person, a person I could barely recognize, so afraid of being alone that she would rather walk through rings of fire before she'd ever walk away from Carlisle Cullen.

It was sickening.

"Who's happy, mom?" I finally said. "Because it sure as hell isn't you."

I knew I would say something I shouldn't have and I really really shouldn't have said it... but oddly enough, I couldn't seem to bring myself to feel an ounce of regret.

She needed to stop pretending eventually.

We both did.

Welp... I'm just gonna go hide in a corner now... that was horrible! But hey, look past this minor failure because the next chapter's all B + E... and it involves another closet lol.

Message to my missing Mojo: "Baby, come back! I'm nothing without you!" :'( Please call 1-800-HARPSMO if you find him. No questions asked. We just want him back home.

~Harper