Warnings: Um. Mentions of flying limbs? There's no descriptive gore (or what I consider gore, and I'm pretty squeamish) but most of this chapter takes place in a war. Stabbing, fighting, killing. People dying, although no canon character death. Yet. It's possible. Cutting. Self-insert fic for those who don't like that kind of stuff. And I'm 80% sure there's going to be slash/yaoi/gay romance/love between two men/whatever you want to call it in future chapters. I'll let post the exact pairings when I decide.

If there's anything on that list you don't like, please hit the X on your upper left or right corner (or the back button, or type something else into the url bar just gtfo) with my blessing and don't leave a review :D

Word Count: ~12.5k holy crap that's the most I've written for anything future chapters will definitely not be this long

Disclaimer: This will only be here once: I don't own Naruto, although I own Naruse Hibari and any other characters that don't show up in canon Naruto. I'm not doing this for any profit, etc. etc., please don't sue me, if the original owner of Naruto calls me up and tells me to take it down I will.

Let's get this out there now: this fic is my attempt at a semi-realistic Naruto self insert fic, but mostly, it's for my own entertainment. I welcome advice and constructive criticism but to be honest, I'm not looking to actively improve my writing skills yet. This is just a stress-reliever, and I don't want to become stressed out from this. Also, I promise all A/Ns will be significantly shorter in future chapters. Also, potentially subject to a title change.

Summary: A self-insert who's main priority is to survive, whose morality is as straight as a double rainbow, who is literally thrust into a war at the physical age of ten and has more mental issues than the hair ties that she keeps on losing. And she thought university was hard. SI OC, third shinobi war and onwards. A series of interconnected stories, not in chronological order.

Unbeta'd right now. Any volunteers for future chapters? Note: Requires extreme patience. I'm extremely sporadic. It's fine if you just want to do it for a chapter or mini-arc or two.

Strange Days and Stranger Nights

Flesh and Blood (War arc: 1/3)

(In which Naruse Hibari goes to war and somehow survives.)

Naruse Hibari has been lauded as a prodigy since her birth, with her abnormal behavior and uncanny awareness of the world around her.

As she crouches in the muddy trench, the wind and rain doing their best to bat her down (or perhaps give her pneumonia, given how soaked she is), one hand staunching a cut on her shoulder (praying in the back of her mind that it doesn't get infected) and another clutching a kunai, she wants to kill whoever decided to label her as such. Wet, muddy, tired, cramped, hurt, one leg caked in two-day-old blood that wasn't hers (something that would have grossed her out more before but it's happened so many times she's stopped caring) and at least two dozen mosquito bites littering her formerly bare arms (she corrected that after the first three nights, regardless of the heat), she doesn't feel like a prodigy. She feels like a piece of shit, mentally and physically.

Physically because, well, it should be obvious for the reasons stated above.

Mentally, because she is all of ten years old (or at least her body is) and in the last two weeks she's directly killed more people than the number of years she's been alive. Because she misses her bed and her two dogs and warmth and cleanness (Her parents have been dead for eight years now, killed in the last few battles of the second ninja war, and she misses them but not right now, right now surviving is more important).

Because she can remember another world, another life, a time when she lived in (comparative to this world) luxury and had never taken a single life in all the years she'd been alive (only she can't remember her name from back then nor how she got here did she die what happened who is she). Because in that world, this world had been nothing but a story, a work of fiction. But here, this war-torn battlefield is cold, hard reality.

Because it took all of two hours in the woods to figure out that she is a coward, and all of two days on the battlefield to figure out that she is willing to do anything to survive.

She's unsure if she feels scared or sorry for the things she's done. Nowadays, those two often come one after the other.

A shouted warning interrupts her thoughts as a volley of kunai passes overhead. She breathes a sigh of relief even as she hears bodies falling behind her. Her eyes sharpen on one last kunai, lagging behind the rest, aimed lower. They lock on the handle and widen and suddenly she is moving away, not caring that she's giving away their position. She just barely remembers to shout a warning – "Exploding tag!" – as she moves. Her warning comes too late for most of the other ninja in her trench and the exploding tag goes off at point-blank range, the explosion made worse by the confined space of the trench.

She feels the heat of the explosion, singing her back slightly, as she leaps clear out of the trench and runs for the cover of the boulders behind them. A severed hand lands to her left. A kunai barely misses her ear. She doesn't look. Her black hair, just barely long enough to be annoying, billows into her face – dammit, where is her hair tie? She makes it to the boulders, along with a dozen or so ninja, some sporting a few kunai in their bodies. There had been at least three-dozen ninja in that trench.

One of them pats her head with a bloody hand (something deep inside of her protests and wants to bat the hand away but she pushes it down) and smiles.

"Good job spotting that kunai," he says. "Less of us would have made it out otherwise." She doesn't say anything, simply nods. She knows if she had warned first and then run, more would have made it out.

She knows it's horrible, this sense of self-preservation within her that screams me first, everyone else last. She's stopped trying to justify it a long time ago.

The man turns away to confer with his superior on what action to take next, and misses the small paper-like ball covered in black inky characters that rolls to their feet. Hibari's reaction is instant – she leaps backwards into the air, gets a kunai to her thigh and her shoulder (dammit, again), and just barely manages to avoid another point-blank explosion. This one is larger and the resulting shockwave knocks her several meters backwards. Her shoulder twinges painfully when she lands; the cut on her thigh is superficial. She pulls the kunai out of her shoulder and makes a patchwork bandage out of her shredded sleeve. Out of the rest of the ninja that were standing behind the boulders, only three make it out alive, one sporting raw burn marks all over his right side. They will probably scar, if they don't get infected and kill him first.

There's maybe fifty enemy ninja on the other side. Comparatively, the four of them standing there in the open are all that's left. Hibari glances at the high cliff wall that's on one side and the forest on the other. The cliff is too exposed; they'll be sniped down before they make it a third of the way up. The forest is too far away; there's no guarantee they can outrun all of the enemy ninja.

Hibari takes a good look at the other three ninja. The one with the burns probably won't make it out alive. It seems that he knows this as well. There's a dark look in his eyes as he surveys the battlefield, his right arm hanging uselessly. One of them, a boy, is only a few years older that her – maybe fifteen. He looks just as lost as she used to feel, before she resigned herself to this hell. He's proven to have good reflexes and decent speed – he's survived up until now. The last one, a blonde woman, has scars on her arms and hands and a weathered look to her. Clearly, she's seen battle. She probably fought in the previous war as well. Other than her fatigue, she seems mostly unharmed.

They have maybe a minute before the enemy launches another attack, one that will probably wipe them out. This isn't a strategically important place and not many ninja were assigned here in the first place. Hibari suspects that the blitz attack on this location is more to trim down Konoha's ninja population rather than an actual fight for territory (it's working).

The woman – her name was Satsuki, if she remembered correctly – begins to speak.

"The enemy will likely use more explosives to finish us off – it's proven successful so far." And it has. Since yesterday, the enemy has sent a steady stream of fiery rain over their heads and it's whittled their numbers down. "How many smoke bombs and explosives are you all carrying?" The response is not very optimistic. "It'll have to do." She outlines the plan she's scrapped together in a few seconds. Once the next barrage of explosives comes flying, they'll counter with their own explosives in the air, along with smoke bombs. The resulting smoke and explosions will hopefully be large and heavy enough to mask their movements as they run towards the forest. There's no more point in defending this place – it's all but lost. The best they can do is retreat to an outpost further in and deliver the news.

There's so many things that could go wrong – too many explosives to counter, a single one getting through, the smoke not being big enough, unexpected enemy movement- but it's the only plan any of they have, so they go ahead with it, rapidly arming their kunai with their remaining exploding tags and smoke bombs.

Whistling pierces the air, the sound of kunai flying across the clearing. Satsuki responds the fastest, whipping her kunai out. Hibari and the boy follow. The burnt man does his best, but his movements are jerky. The boy, in a rare display of courage, grabs some of his kunai and helps him deflect the explosives. Before their kunai even hit the enemies they're moving, not wasting a single moment. Suddenly a kunai pierces the smoke that's begun to billow out from the smoke bombs, an exploding tag wrapped around the hilt. It comes closer and closer, as though in slow motion, and Hibari can see the tag burning away, a millisecond away from going off-

And then the burnt man throws himself over the tag, his body taking the brunt of the explosion that ensues. Satsuki's face twists in anguish and the boy stops to stare, but she grabs him and forces him to keep on running. Hibari knows not to look by now, but the boy doesn't and releases a strangled sob.

Then suddenly (it's always suddenly, there's never any warning) an enemy nin bursts through the smoke behind them (how did they move so fast), followed by another, and another, and another. Satsuki stuffs something in the boy's arms and pushes him towards Hibari. His steps falter but Hibari pushes him and he keeps on moving. She looks back, and the last she ever sees of Satsuki is her blonde ponytail, a kunai in each hand as she fends off the enemy nin sent to pick them off.

They dash into the forest and take to the trees, easily shaking off the single enemy nin that managed to escape Satsuki. All ninja can tree-hop, but only in Konoha is it taught and used like breathing, instinctive and natural. Besides, if there's one thing Hibari can do, it's run like hell (she isn't proud of that).

They don't stop until an hour later, when both are gasping for breath and deep into Fire country territory. There, the boy breaks down, sobbing, clutching Satsuki's ninja pouch. So that's what she gave him. He opens it with shaking hands and takes out a small, carefully kept photograph. It's a family photo, with Satsuki and a man that is probably her husband, and a little boy that is probably her son.

"Sh-she asked me t-t-to give the ph-photo back," he sobbed, "a-and to tell them that she was s-sorry." Hibari doesn't say anything. "A-and she told me to k-k-keep whatever else was in th-the pouch, b-because she wouldn't be n-needing it anymore, but I would-" He breaks off with a small wail. Hibari finally speaks.

"Be quiet. You'll give our position away, if the enemy's still chasing us." (Doubtful. Hibari just doesn't want to listen to him anymore. His words are undermining her conviction, stirring up thoughts she'd suppressed a long time ago in order to survive.)

The boy, predictably, gets even more upset (but at least he's not crying anymore).

"Don't you c-care the least b-bit?! She d-d-" – He takes a moment to get his nerve and breath back – "died for us, and you're acting like you d-don't c-care at all!" Hibari lifts her dull eyes to stare at him and he flinches.

"So did the other man. And every other person in that trench." The boy flinches again, as though she's going to slap him. He looks like he's going to cry again. She curses mentally and turns away. "It's war. People die." She gets ready to move again.

"How..." The boy's speaking again and now Hibari really wishes he would just shut up. "H-how can you j-just... Not care?"

The question makes her pause. She seriously thinks about it, but really, there's no better answer.

"You get used to it." She wonders if she's referring to the people dying or the not caring part. "Let's go." She tries to ignore the boy's stares on the way back with partial success.

Later, when she has time to think about what happens, Hibari notes that the battle hadn't been too bad. She hadn't sustained any serious injuries. Sure, explosions were ugly to witness when people got caught in them, but there were uglier ways to die. Namely through elemental ninjutsu. An Aburame's bugs at work or an Inuzuka's Gatsuga tearing the opponent apart didn't look nearly as pleasant as it did in the anime in her previous world.

She and the boy make it to an outpost in Konoha. They deliver a report of what had happened. She learns that Satsuki's name was actually Setsuna and the boy's name is Itou. A messenger pigeon is sent, and they're given a few days to rest before new orders arrive for them. She disinfects and patches up her wounds. She finally gets a shower (thank kami) and doesn't care one bit that the water is freezing cold. The boy avoids her as much as possible. She doesn't care.

When she's alone, she takes a clean kunai and makes a clean cut on the inside of her left arm. She imagines the blood releasing all of her emotions that she's been holding back – the never ending terror, the guilt, the grief, the shame, the relief, the hate – and then after a minute, patches up the cut with a simple medical ninjutsu that her teammate taught her before he'd died. It's not a healthy habit, but it's the only fast one she's found that works, that keeps her just sane enough to keep functioning properly on the battlefield. Granted, in her previous life she would never have dreamed of doing something like this – she'd been too scared of pain (that had been quickly fixed in this world). She knows that she hasn't really let out the emotions, just created a mental block to keep them at bay. She's probably overdue for a mental breakdown, and her mind is probably a complete mess with what she's done to it – suppressing memories, creating mental blocks (it was amazing what one could do with yin chakra).

She takes the two days they're given to relax and not do anything apart from catch up on sleep and properly wash her clothes. And ask one of the amused chuunin sentries for a hair tie. She reflects on her life as a ninja so far – it's been crappy. She never thought she'd specialize in taijutsu, being more of a couch potato in her last life, but then again, it's not a choice but a necessity for survival. Ninjutsu requires a teacher if you don't want to die from chakra exhaustion from the first day, and a lot of time to master. Genjutsu requires imagination and an eye for detail, and a lot of time to master. Time she hasn't gotten yet. She wonders morbidly how well she'd do if she tries it out after the war – she'll have plenty of inspiration to draw from. Taijutsu had been the only the thing that might not kill her even if she hadn't mastered it yet at the time she was thrown into the war. She's sure her form is complete crap and there must be a dozen holes in her guards but it's kept her alive so far, and she improves it each time she fights. Wryly, she realizes she hasn't had an actual spar or training session since the war began, not even a jog in the morning. Everything she's learned, every bit she's improved, she's done it on the fly.

New missives arrive. She and the boy are sent to different battlefields. She ignores the looks of pity the outpost chuunin give them as she bows, thanks them for the medical supplies, and leaves.

She arrives at the new location and surveys the relatively scorch-free land. There's plenty of dirt and open land, but the trees are close enough to use for cover and there aren't any trenches. She feels an optimistic thought bubbling up and stomped down firmly on it, crushing it underneath her heel. Battlefield conditions can change any minute, especially when ninjutsu users are on the field. Still, as battlefields go, this one doesn't seem too bad. It's on the front lines, like every other battlefield she's been on, but the trees make her feel much better. It's frightening for her, a Konoha nin raised in the forests, to fight on barren, empty land.

Then she sees who is commanding and all thoughts go to hell.

The Ino-Shika-Cho trio. If this location is important enough to send those three, who are much too important to keep in reserve or as backup, then this place will see action. She blows out of her mouth quietly. According to her official file, she's still a genin, but she's not in the genin corps, and her team is all dead, and chuunin and jounin ranks are being squeezed thin trying to defend everywhere, and she's apparently somehow due for a field promotion already, and she's already been in this war for several months and survived, so the Hokage is willing to let her deployment slip under the table (She really, really hates him for that, even if she understands his reasoning).

She reports to the official field commander (everyone knows he paws off a third of his responsibilities onto his teammates each), Nara Shikaku. He's sitting with his two teammates and they all look fairly stunned at the appearance of a child. She's to stay here for the next month – after that, she's to return to Konoha for her break and promotion and won't be called back to the battlefield for at least four months unless an emergency happens. Yamanaka Inoichi looks like he's about to argue, but Shikaku shakes his head and Akimichi Chouza places a meaty paw on his shoulder. They dismiss her and she leaves to find her assigned tent, but she doesn't miss the stares they give her as she walks away.

The next month is as horrible as she expects it to be. Because of her taijutsu specialization, she's rarely held in reserve. While she can tell Shikaku tries to keep her out of the very front lines as much as possible, she still sees action more times than she would like (which would be zero times) and more than once nearly loses her life (nearly).

She's equal parts relieved and annoyed that initially, every time she's sent onto the battlefield, the Ino-Shika-Cho are usually nearby, and everywhere she goes outside of the battlefield, one of them is usually coincidentally there, offering help or company or a smile or whatnot (She suspects they feel guilty about letting a child fight, Hokage's orders or not). Relieved, because this increases her chances of survival. They're trying to protect her, the youngest one, just a baby in their eyes. Her age is both a cursing and a blessing.

At the same time, she dearly wishes they would stay the hell away because she does not want to get tangled up with any of the 'canon' characters of the previously only fictional series called Naruto. They go through the worst shit ever, and she does not want any part of that. She just wants to survive, damn it. Preferably to thirty.

(She feels just as complicated when they stop after a week, the fighting having grown too frequent for the three strongest ninja there to waste time shadowing a ten-year-old orphan. They still frequently check up on her, and it's hard not to appreciate that kind of support. Even the other ninja are gentler with her, not as boisterous when talking to her, her tent-mates are careful not to wake her up if she's sleeping.)

It's rather ironic how she ended up in her current situation. She's been labeled as a genius from birth because she could only hide so much of the effects of having a mental and physical age disparity of at least twenty years. Forced into the ninja academy by some obscure tradition/rule/excuse for orphans, she went through the academy keeping her head down and her scores average, but when her entire team dying coincided with a shortage of ninja on the battlefield, she and the other orphan genin had drawn the short end of the stick. Now, three months later, she's the only one still alive, unless the boy from the previous battlefield - Itou - has managed to survive.

It's been two week since she's arrived at her current location. She's lost count of how many times she's fought – battles have been raging at least daily, if not twice a day. She ducks under the enemy nin's kunai, briefly thanking her short stature, and parries a stab attempt at her neck. The enemy kunoichi lashes out with a foot that she barely manages to block – being halfway decent with taijutsu didn't mean shit when your opponent was almost twice as tall as you and probably double your weight (she's been neglecting her food consumption recently, something else that would never have happened in her previous life, but here survival is decidedly more important than food).

The advantage of being small, though, is in the unpredictable chaos she can cause underfoot. She displays this now, as she grabs an ankle and lets all of her weight drop, pulling the talker kunoichi forwards with surprising strength and catching her off guard. She's still holding onto the woman's ankle as she falls, and throws a shuriken at the kunoichi's other foot. It sinks deep into the ankle where Hibari knows holds delicate tendons and the kunoichi gasps and trips, falling forwards, aided with a sharp tug on the ankle that she's still holding onto. Before she even hits the ground, Hibari is already by her head, kunai ready, and drives it deep into her neck before she can recover. Red splatters all over her face. The kunoichi twitches once and is still. Hibari gets up, wiping the blood away from her eyes as she moves on. A Douton jutsu erupts from the ground a few hundred meters away and she veers sharply in the opposite direction – she's learned early on to stay the hell away from ninjutsu users. She usually hangs out at the egde of the battlefield – less likely to get attacked from behind that way.

A kunai sinks into her thigh from behind (screw that previous though) and she screams (still not used to being hurt never used to being hurt) and falls forward. She glances backwards to see the enemy nin looming over her and kicks out sharply with the leg that isn't hurt. He moves his head and the kick misses. He grabs her ankle and pulls her up until she's no longer in contact with the ground.

Hibari has never been in this situation before and she is completely and utterly terrified. She lets out a chocked scream and flails, her wounded leg hitting his shoulder ineffectively. Perhaps he hasn't seen the kunai she's holding, because she doesn't think he would have lifted her like this otherwise. She remembers the kunai in her hand and brings it around, trying to drive it into his chest, but it clangs uselessly against sturdy armor. His other hand comes up and grabs the kunai right out of her hands. He drives it into her uninjured thigh hard and she screams because this is the worst wound she's gotten so far and it burns and she's even crying now even though the last time she cried was after her first real battle in the war-

And then the man drops the kunai and lifts her up bridal style and runs away from the battlefield and then she's terrified that she's going to be kidnapped or taken away to be tortured and she's contemplating really contemplating the chances of driving a kunai through his neck right now or even through her own neck-

But he stops after several dizzying seconds of running on the ground (of course, Kumo nin, few trees over there) and sets her down, kneeling on one knee in front of her. She collapses immediately, neither of her injured legs able to support her weight. She stares up with tearful eyes at the man, a rugged, scarred soldier who's also staring back at her.

She takes a moment to get a good look at him while he's silent. He's tall – at least six feet, and muscular, built like a bull. His thick necks spreads into wide, heavy set shoulders. He has a scar running across his face and multiple scars across his arms. His gloves have metal plating, as does his vest – he's a close-range, physical fighter. So is Hibari, but the disparity in power is so obvious it's not even funny. There's also a katana on his back, but he doesn't look like the type of fighter to use a katana. A memento of some sort, perhaps? He has short, cropped black hair and a goatee. His eyes are small but sharp, reminding her of a hawk's. His nose is crooked, signs of a bad break that didn't heal right. All in all, he screams soldier.

"Children shouldn't be fighting," he finally rumbles, and he almost sounds sad.

"Bwuh?" It's not the most intelligent thing that's come out of her mouth but given the state she's in, it's excusable. The burly man smiles and pats her head and she's too stunned to even flinch away. He takes out a piece of cloth and wipes away some of the blood on her face.

"You remind me of my daughter," he says softly in that deep rumble that is strangely soothing (somewhere in the back of her mind Hibari is jealous of this man's daughter, who probably got to hear silly bedtime tales and children's songs in the same deep voice). "You won't be able to fight with those legs for a while. I'm sorry. If your commander has any brains, he'll send you back." She wonders if he's forgotten that Konoha is famous for producing quality medical ninja, even if the standard has gone down after Tsunade's departure. A flesh wound, no matter how deep, won't keep her off the field for more than a week. Even so, she's deeply shocked and grateful for this gesture. She knows he could have easily ended her life instead (she wonders if he would have, were she just a bit older).

He vanishes, and the next moment she feels something hit the back of her neck and her world goes dark.

Yamanaka Inoichi finds her probably about an hour later, once the fighting stops and they notice that their resident midget is gone. She's awake by then, and had begun crawling her way back to the battlefield. His face takes on a particularly anguished look for a few moments when he sees her legs before he school them back into a more controlled expression. He picks her up and carries her back, going around the battlefield. She tries not to cry out every time he jostles her legs by accident. She manages to catch sight of the body of the man who spared her, throat mangled by a kunai, eyes and mouth still open in a stunned expression. Her throat closes, but she opens her mouth.

"Stop, please." The words are almost physically painful to force out. She rarely speaks more than she absolutely has to, scared that if she talks too much she'll start babbling things she'd rather went unsaid. She's scared all of her carefully locked up emotions will come tumbling out. Inoichi dutifully stops. She motions to be let down beside the man's body and his eyebrows crease in worry, but she insists and he complies. She tries to ignore the other bodies and the stench of blood and steel and death around her. Slowly, with trembling fingers, she unties the katana from his back and straps it around her own body. She reaches out and closes his eyes with a hand, then sits back up and nods to Inoichi, who picks her up again. He makes no comment on her actions and carries her back to the camp.

Shikaku and Chouza look extremely relieved when Inoichi returns, although their faces crease with worry when he sets her down in their tent and they catch sight of her legs. A medic – one of the poor five overworked medics at the location – is called and the wound is mostly healed. The flesh is still tender and she'll have to rest them for a few days, but she'll be battle ready within a week. She's told that it will scar, but that's fine. She doesn't ever want to forget about the man who saved her (something that's constant from her previous life; she's always been horrible at letting things go).

She didn't even know his name.

They find out about her bad habit of cutting.

She isn't as stone cold as she appears. She's always been stubborn, even if in her previous life she had little self-control. She holds her emotions at bay, never letting them slide through for more than a moment. It feels like she's trying to hold a tsunami at bay with a surfboard sometimes. And when it becomes too much, she'll try to relieve some of it this way.

Her legs are almost healed and as she takes off her bandages and sees the scars, she's reminded of the large, burly, gentle man that stabbed her legs in an attempt to save her from a future like his, who died not an hour later, who had a daughter like her, whose sword she now holds. Her thoughts swirl around until she's thinking about the war, about her life here, about how many lives she taken and how many more she's sacrificed in order to live, about her own parents here that she barely knew before they died in the second ninja war, about her previous live and family and friends and everything that she's lost, about Satsuki-Setsuna that gave up her life for them, about Itou who's probably dead-

Before she realizes what she's doing she's up with a kunai in her hand and headed towards the river close by, away from enemy territory. It's not safe but she's not going to do this in the tent with three other ninja there.

Later, she realizes that her abrupt departure with a kunai in hand worried her tent-mates, who went to Shikaku, who told Inoichi. Of course it's the shrink who finds her, standing by the river, letting her blood flow from a deeper than usual cut on her arm into the grass. At least the cut was high enough on the arm that it was obvious she wasn't trying to take her life. It doesn't stop him from crashing through the trees with a thunderous expression, nearly giving her a heart attack, and knocking the loosely clenched kunai out of her hand. He grabs her arm, staunching the wound.

He looks very close to exploding. In fact, he might have, if he hadn't caught sight of her terrified expression. He sighs, loosening but not relinquishing his grip on her arms. Not saying a word, he drags her back to the tent that he, Shikaku and Chouza share. They're both in the tent when he arrives with her in tow. She's unsure if she's more glad (no need to explain things twice) or mortified (twice the witnesses). All three of them exchange an entire conversation's worth of information through a few glances and gestures. Inoichi sits her down and Chouza passes him a roll of bandages. He silently wraps her cut up and finally lets go of her arm. She immediately pulls her arm towards her chest and unconsciously hunches her shoulders, pulling her body closer together in a mentally defensive position.

Inoichi sighs again and rubs his forehead with his thumbs. Finally, he makes a gesture and Shikaku and Chouza stand up and leave the tent. He wouldn't do this for another ninja, he knows, there's just no time in the middle of a war, but a child is different. A child that, even by ninja standards, shouldn't be here fighting and killing. He wonders what the hell the Hokage was thinking, sending a genin into a war. He's sitting beside her, a less confrontational position than sitting in front of her. She glances at her, still in her hunched-up and defensive position.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks gently. Predictably, she shakes her head. He wants to leave it alone, knows that initially he'll be doing her no favours taking her mind apart (because to fix something as broken as her mind you have to break it apart completely first) but he's knows she'll only get worse. It's why he asked Shikaku and Chouza to leave – even though they would never tell anyone, he knows she wouldn't want more people to witness her inevitable breakdown. Already she's displaying all the usual symptoms for dissociation with reality and destructive behaviour. He'll bet she hasn't even noticed that she's always absently double-checking checking that her pouch is shut properly and that she has a habit of obsessively scrubbing her hands (probably of imaginary blood that will never come off).

"Is it about that man?" The one whose katana she'd taken, the enemy nin whose eyes she'd gently closed. There's more to this particular story, and it'll function as a gateway to the rest of her mind. There's no response from her. He turns to face her and, respectfully, she lifts her head enough so that her eyes can hover at a point about his nose. "Do you trust me?" Most ninja would say yes, if not right away. Inoichi and his friends have always been popular, a reliable, stable trio whom you could always go to for any problems. But Hibari lifts her gaze to finally meet his eyes and doesn't answer – a yes would be a lie but a no is almost treasonous. It says something, that this child doesn't trust her commanding officer. He sighs again but doesn't break eye contact.

"I'd like to enter your mind – my clan, the Yamanaka clan, has technique that enable us to do so." This finally gets a reaction out of her – an almost comical widening of her eyes, followed by not-so-comical terror. He wonders what could have put such fear in her eyes. Surely she know that however many people she's killed, however dirty she feels she is, he is at least ten times worse. Unless there's something worse hidden in her mind, something worse than killing and war and he really doesn't want to think about it. "I can help somewhat – ease up nightmares, make some things easier to forget" – just an excuse to see her memories – "although you won't really forget them, they'll just slip into the back of your mind. I won't actually see your memories – you'll point out things you want me to change." Lie. "We don't even have to do anything about your memories. We can just talk in your mind. Many ninja say it's easier for them because there's no chance of someone overhearing what's said, and they can show memories of something they don't understand, and there are less distractions."

He knows he hasn't mentioned an alternative. It might have sounded like a request but it was more or less "I'm going to enter your mind in the next ten minutes for your own good, and I'd really rather do it with your permission." Normally he'd balk at doing this to a child, but she still has two weeks out here and she's not going to survive if her mind gives out now. She'll be low priority and won't be able to get an appointment with someone else in his clan, even if she was willing, and he'll still be on the frontlines for who knows how long – it could be anywhere from months to years before they get another chance.

Meanwhile, Hibari's mind is racing. This is why she'd wanted to avoid the Yamanaka clan especially. She had no idea exactly how their mind techniques worked. If she could direct what he saw and hide whatever she didn't want him to see, that was fine. But if it really reflected her mind, than simply thinking about something she shouldn't be – such as knowledge of the future – would immediately expose her. At best, they'll discover the whole rebirth mess and assume she's crazy until she somehow proves that she isn't (she really hopes she isn't crazy). At worst, they'd assume she's a spy from the information she isn't supposed to know and hand her over to T&I, where they won't be nearly as gentle as Inoichi is being right now. It can't be helped. She doesn't want to show him memories of Satsuki-Setsuna and Itou and the Kumo nin with the katana but with any luck he'll assume that's what's been bothering her recently (and it is) and not dig any deeper. She forces herself to nod, lowering her eyes. He smiles gratefully and places a large hand on her forehead. She flinches slightly, then stills. And without any warning or fanfare, they are in her mind.

Her mind is a fucking house of horrors and they both realize this right away. They're standing in what appears to be a room with a glass floor. Underneath, various murky shapes are twisting and howling and slamming at the glass, trying to get through. One hits the glass right under her feet and she yelps, practically jumping right into Inoichi's arms. He doesn't say anything, just holds her, gently but firmly, and looks around the room, probably cataloguing everything and coming to the conclusion that her mind is an utter mess. Around them, on the walls, images of the war – battlefields, bodies, blood – flash back and forth. She looks away, curling into his chest. Gently, he pushes her down into a sitting position in with him. She protests at first, wanting to get away from the dark shapes underneath, but he's persistent.

"Calm down and imagine a pale blue colour. Imagine it everywhere. Nothing but blue," he says gently, placing a hand over her eyes. It doesn't do anything because this is in her mind and she can still see everything, but it works as a focus point. She imagines a soft periwinkle blue, the colour of her old room in her old life-

Bad direction, bad direction. She switches to the yellow colour of daisies and the Yondaime Hokage's hair-

Dammit. A light orange-

No. Nor pink. Green, the colour of grass, but lighter. When she 'opens' her eyes, the room is gone, surrounded by the green shade she envisioned. Inoichi has an amused look on his face.

"Going through the rainbow?" She flushes and he laughs gently, patting her head. "Thank you for letting me in. Feel free to think whatever you want – we're not quite in your mind that whatever you think gets projected. I've created a separate space – think of this like a separate memory in your mind that we're writing out right now. Whatever shows up is what you want to show me." Or what he can forcefully drag out, but he won't do that. She ponders that thought quietly. She thinks of how kind he and Shikaku and Chouza been to her, even if only out of the guilt of having to send a child into battle. She knows they're trustworthy and won't gossip. She also knows that anything she tells them runs the risk of being relayed to the Hokage. After all, Inoichi promised his help and his support but not any patient confidentiality. When you sign on to become a ninja, you hand over your rights to the Hokage. But still. She can tell this war is fraying at her mind. Usually she can last a month before cutting. But Inoichi is talking again.

"It seems you've been trying to block things out," he says. "Those dark shapes earlier aren't that uncommon in minds like ours. Thinks we don't want to think about, all piled together somewhere in our minds. Usually ninja can stuff them somewhere and lock them up to deal with later, but you... You've been trying to do that, but it hasn't been working." Hibari stills. Hasn't been working? Her confusion must show on her face. "Rather than keeping them away, you've shut yourself away instead, letting them run around in your mind but doing your best to ignore them," he explains. His eyes soften. "I'm sorry. You should never have been put in this war." She shrugs, but it's a jerky action. Her hand is trembling now. He notices and gently grasps her hand, holding it in his larger palm. "A child shouldn't have to try to shut away this much just to able to function – or have to rely on self-harm to try and get it out without breaking down." And he's already cut to the heart of the matter with the little bit she's given him. Truly the embodiment of give an inch, take a mile. His eyes are still gentle, always gentle as he continues. "Can you show me what happened with that man?"

She knows whom he's talking about. She closes her eyes and envisions a white wall beside them. On the wall, she projects the beginning of that memory – her being stabbed from behind. It's kind of blurry and there are holes everywhere – black parts, fuzzy edges, skips in the 'film' – since memories are hard to retain perfectly if one doesn't have photographic memory. Inoichi gets the general idea anyways.

It's like a dam has sprung a hole and now she can't help but think of everything else that's happened in this war. Her mind backtracks to Satsuki-Setsuna, whose face shows up on the screen with Itou's and the burnt man's. Their last moments play out. Then she shows her first battle, her first kill, the vomiting and tears that had occurred afterwards and the complete lack of sympathy from the Hyuuga commander. A teenage girl, screaming, as the medics around her try to save what is left of the mangled stump that used to be her right arm. Being stabbed by a stray kunai. An explosion of blood and flesh and dirt from a Katon jutsu. The exploding tag the severed hand the noise the blood theKumoninliveliveliveIwanttoliveIWANTTOLIVE-

And suddenly they are out of her mind, back in Inoichi's tent and she's gasping and crying and he's pulled her onto his lap and hugging her tightly and Shikaku and Chouza have come back and she burrows deeper into Inoichi's chest, because she doesn't want them to see and she's always hated crying in public.

Chouza's hand comes to rest gently on her back and Inoichi hands her over to the larger man. At this point Hibari no longer cares and curls up into Chouza's chest, still crying quietly and trembling. Inoichi has a hand over his own eyes, as though he's holding back tears, and Shikaku has him in a one-arm embrace. The four of them stay like that until Hibari's tears have mostly subsided into small hiccups and sniffles. She's gotten Inoichi and Chouza's shirts wet but they don't seem to care or even notice.

There's an awkward silence in the tent, broken by her sniffles. Suddenly, Hibari sneezes, loudly enough to make Inoichi and Shikaku jump. Chouza, who saw her sneeze coming, chuckles. Inoichi and Shikaku laugh quietly too. They share a conversation via a few glances and tilts of the head, then Shikaku stands up, contorting awkwardly in the small tent, and offers a hand to Hibari. She crawls off Chouza's lap, suddenly feeling incredibly awkward, and takes his hand. He walks her back to her tent, not letting go of her hand. It makes her feel like a toddler and she tries to hide her embarrassment (the human contact is comforting). He waves goodbye once they reach her tent.

"Inoichi will find you tomorrow," he says, and she stills, realizing the significance of what has just happened. There's no way those three will leave her alone now.

Damn it.

She has a hard time falling asleep that night. She keeps replaying what happened that day. If she's to be perfectly honest, this was what she wanted. An excuse to be emotional. An exit. An outlet. It's been so long...

But she can't let them get any closer. It's too risky, especially with a Yamanaka and a Nara; a single slip up and they'll have all her secrets by the end of the day. The only thing going for her is that they won't be looking for hidden knowledge of the future (and the past, technically). They'll be looking for trauma caused by the war, and there's plenty of that to keep them busy, even if she'd rather they didn't touch that corner of her mind either.

She hasn't always tried to suppress her emotions as much. As a child (she forgets she still technically is one), she only had to keep up a mask of indifference for the seven hours of the academy. She hasn't ever been very social – that much hasn't changed with rebirth. But the moment she was thrown into the war, her emotions have been on constant lockdown, lest she have a breakdown every two days. She was barely able to stop crying back then, sheer willpower and the fact that there was witnesses reigning back the tears.

She feels better and worse at the same time. Better, because she's let go of some of the burdens, and because someone else understands and is willing to help her. Worse, because now she can feel the formerly suppressed guilt and anxiety and fear rearing its ugly head, waiting for a chance to swallow her. And embarrassment. Oh, the embarrassment. The camp is filled with ninja, all at least Chuunin. There's no was they didn't hear her breakdown earlier. Her tent mates were all suspiciously already asleep when she returned. Oh Kami, tomorrow is going to be awkward.

At least she doesn't have to worry about nightmares. Just like in her previous life, when she's physically exhausted (like she's been every single day since being tossed into the war), she doesn't even have dreams (or at least any dreams that she can remember).

No, it'll be after the war that she'll have to worry about them.

Inoichi doesn't get much sleep that night either. Shikaku and Chouza, the good friends (best friends) that they are, stay up with him. Shikaku is actually sitting up straight and Chouza isn't munching on anything. They know it makes him feel better when he can talk his frustrations out to someone, because due to the nature of his work off the battlefield he rarely can.

"It's bad, but not as bad as it could be." He's describing what he saw in Hibari's mind. "The usual things you'd see in war, no more, no less. But she's just a little girl." He wrings his hands, an old bad habit. Chouza puts his own hand on them, but Inoichi pulls them away to run his hands through his hair. It's let down at the moment, hanging near the bottom of his chest. "What the hell was the Hokage thinking?" Then he signs, because that question is redundant. It's not their job to question the Hokage. Shikaku shifts slightly. He's to be appointed official clan head when the war ends, and his uncle, the previous head, has been including him on council matters more and more, since he'll be attending the meetings in his place after the war.

"I heard it was Danzo's suggestion, to use the graduating orphans from the academy in the war." Inoichi scowls sharply. Chouza's frown isn't as deep but on the inside they all feel the same sharp burn of anger – and guilt. They know it isn't their fault she's on the field, but they can't help but feel guilty each time she has to go out and fight. "He was shot down by Sandaime-sama though, he didn't think we were that pressed for ninja just yet." While child soldiers aren't unheard of (and in this world child simply referring to anyone with under a year of ninja experience under their hitai-ate), their usage is frowned upon for many reasons; a waste of potential, inefficiency, loss of faith from the civilian side (which was why usually only orphans were sent; orphans just like Hibari).

"What made him change his mind?" It's Chouza who asks this time, knowing that Shikaku had already gotten his hands on all information available about Hibari the moment they'd realized a ten year old would be joining them on the front lines. Shikaku grimaces.

"From what I heard, her team's all dead except for her. According to the official report, about three weeks after they graduated, they were sent to run a courier mission to the outposts. They got ambushed by an Iwa infiltration squad." Inoichi and Chouza wince. "The Jounin-sensei stayed behind to draw their attention away and give the kids time to run away and alert the closest outpost. Two of the kids were found dead near the Jounin-sensei's body, so they think they must have went back to try and help. The girl was the only one who made it." The unspoken she didn't turn back to help her team hangs in the air.

This brings up an issue that the three of them noticed early on. It's not exactly traitorous behaviour, but Hibari always stays near the edge of the battles, where there's less action and enemies. She won't go out of her way to help a comrade that's struggling if it's too risky for her. She fights underhanded and dirty in a way that's not normal for a ten year old child, as though she's aware of what being younger means, and all the advantages and disadvantages it brings. Even Hatake Kakashi took a while to realize (or perhaps accept) that a child crying out a pain will occasionally make the enemy pause and give him a chance to slip away or slide a kunai into their neck – at that was only after he'd been abandoned in a battle and forced to survive by himself. As far as they know, Hibari's always been with a group, and has never been abandoned – and yet she fights as though she's the only one out there, as though her allies aren't people she can depend on, just not potential enemies. It reveals a mind much sharper than they originally thought. It also indicates an extremely strong desire to survive at all costs. Perhaps she isn't so jaded yet as to use her allies as shields, but she's already shown that given the option, she might just abandon ship.

They wonder if she's always been like this, or if the war brought this side out.

She somehow manages to avoid them the next day, and the day after that. They suspect she's asked her tent-mates to cover for her. Shikaku manages to convince Inoichi to leave her. She only has another two weeks here, one of which will be spent recuperating. It's a sad, harsh, truth, but they have bigger concerns that an orphan whose mind might be permanently scarred. After all, it's war.

The second last day before she's due to be relieved and return to Konoha, Hibari almost loses an ear and a leg. The fighting has become more frequent and more intense. Hibari blames lack of sleep and proper nutrition for the reason why an enemy nin is able to sneak up her. The enemy nin is an adept manipulator of ninja wire and tries to lop her head off from behind. Thankfully, she's pretty flexible, and folds herself backwards into a bridge. The wire catches slightly on her hair (it's getting long again, she's cutting it the moment she gets out of this battle) and cuts the bottom of her ear, and for a terrifying second as she desperately throws her head to the other side she thinks she's going to loss an ear – but then the wire passes by safely, leaving her ear intact and still connected to the side of her head. She wastes no time flipping towards the ninja, startling him with her speed, and feels both feet connect solidly with his chest.

Her victory is short-lived when he barely budges, grabs her leg, twists painfully, and slams her to the ground, jarring her shoulder painfully. She barely manages to roll out of the way of a kunai aimed for her head. Her movement is limited; he's still holing onto an ankle, and he begins to lift her up.

Only this man isn't wearing armor on his perfectly exposed (from her position) chest (or anywhere else in her reach actually; damn, this man is arrogant), and she snatches up the kunai he'd thrown and slams it into his ribs. It's not serious, but it's surprising enough that he lets go of her with a yell. She lands on her hands and kicks back, not managing to unbalance him but using him as a vertical springboard to create some more distance between them and get upright at the same time. Her ankle is quite sore but can still bear her weight, if just barely. She hears one of her tent-mates yell a warning and drops to the ground immediately. The enemy nin isn't fast enough, and takes the full brunt of a medium-sized Katon: Gokakyuu no jutsu to the face (it isn't pretty). She nods her thanks to the tent-mate and moves on.

Suddenly the ground around her shifts, and then the earth opens up right in front of her as if to swallow her whole. She has just enough warning to jump up, up, up, praying to the heavens to not get sniped right now. The ninja in front of her isn't as lucky and disappears into the ground with a scream. She lands on her sore ankle and it gives away with a crack. She falls to the ground with a wail. The Douton user must still have been nearby, because the earth starts shifting around her again. She forces herself up onto her one good leg and jumps as high as she can. It isn't high enough, and the douton jutsu's earth manages to catch around her injured leg.

It closes and squeezes.

Stars burst under her eyes.

She screams once, and then the world fades away blissfully.

She wakes up to a white ceiling. She's lying in a bed with white sheets. The walls of the room are also white. She drowsily wonders if she's dead. There's a chuckle to her left.

"Not quite." She turns her head slowly and makes out an old man in white and red robes with a ridiculous hat. He laughs. "It is a rather ridiculous hat." She realizes that, one, this must be the Hokage, and two, she must be saying her thoughts out loud, and would her mind shut up please. He chuckles again. "How are you feeling, Hibari-chan?" She blinks once. Too familiar for her liking. She really would rather have nothing to do with the Hokage. She sees his face fall slightly and sighs, she's still to drowsy for this shit. She closes her eyes and falls asleep again.

"You think she's alright?"

"I'm sure she is. It was just her leg that was hurt."

"Her career as a ninja might be over, though."

"Yeah? That might be a good thing."

"Inoichi ..."

"She didn't want to be one in the first place, but you know the policy with orphans."

"..."

"Well, either way, we still have another three months to go before we can return."

"Shikaku, you sent my letter right?"

"For the third time; yes, I did. Now let me sleep."

When Hibari wakes up the second time, her head is a lot clearer. She also hurts a lot more. She pauses for a good minute to replay her last few memories and remember where she is. When she does, she's equal parts scared to look at her left leg and mortified at the fact that she'd more or less blown the Hokage off. She sighs and attempts to sit up. There isn't much attached to her, just a heart monitor and an IV drip. Her left leg feels suspiciously pain-free compared to the rest of her sore body. She hesitantly lifts the cover and checks – well, at least her leg is still there bound from the knee down in a hard white cast, and probably in one piece. She can't feel much in it right now. Her heart rate must have changed when she woke up, because a nurse arrives seconds later, beaming when she sees Hibari up and awake.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" she asks as she briskly gives Hibari a once-over, takes her temperature, checks the IV drip and the data on the heart monitor. Hibari opens her mouth and croaks. The nurse chuckles. "Right, hang on." She leaves and comes back a minute later with a paper cup filled with water. Hibari drinks it gratefully and works her jaw somewhat before trying again.

"A bit sore... But fine." The nurse beams.

"That's good. The soreness is to be expected, you've been asleep for three days – probably form the shock." Her face become soft and concerned as she asks slowly, "Do you remember what happened?" Hibari nods calmly and the nurse straightens slightly, relieved. "Right then – your leg was crushed by a Douton jutsu, but the soil at the location that you were fighting at isn't as firm as most soil, so luckily the damage isn't as bad as it could have been. A medic on site straightened your leg out a bit while you were unconscious, otherwise your leg might have been beyond saving – it took them three days to get you home." Shikaku must have gotten a speedy ninja on site get her to at least an outpost halfway or something, otherwise it would have taken longer. Hibari's surprised and touched that he spared manpower like that.

"It took some serious surgery to save your leg, but with a lot of physiotherapy, it'll be as good as before," she beams. "You also have the advantage of being really young" – her smile falters slightly – "so as long as the bone heals properly, it'll be like nothing ever happened to it." Her smile disappears entirely and she sighs. "To be honest, usually there wouldn't be so many medics working on a single ninja," she says sadly. "The war is getting pretty bad and we're starting to become seriously understaffed. But they saw how young you were, and, well... There've been a lot of rumours, you know. Your official documents say you're only ten." She places a hand on Hibari's shoulder. "I'm sorry. You're only ten, and you've fought in a war. You aren't a prodigy or we would have heard about it. You... Probably weren't meant to survive. That's why five medics worked seven hours non-stop to save your leg. They were determined to not let the war cripple you like that."

And now Hibari wishes the nurse would stop talking, because now it's the second time that someone's helped her, when for the first three months she really expected to die out there, and now she's finally home and she'll be okay (she isn't just yet) and she's alive. She does her best to keep the sniffles back as the nurse leaves, but if she doesn't succeed the nurse doesn't comment.

She's given a crutch and released two days later because apart from her leg and a case of malnutrition (that got the same sweet nurse to curse at the general unfairness of a child in the war again) she's fine, and there are ninja with much worse wounds pouring in by the dozen and they can't spare a bed for her. She hobbles slowly, not used to using a crutch (she'd never broken a leg in her previous life). The speed is excruciatingly slow after four months of fucking-run-faster-or-you-die, but at the same time it's a nice change. She doesn't have to run from kunai or exploding paper tags or enemy nin. At least for now, she's safe.

Strapped onto her back is the katana she took from the kumo nin not two weeks ago. She was pleasantly surprised at seeing it in the room and didn't bother to ask how it got there. As she hobbles down the street, trying to ignore everyone's stares, she wonders if the orphanage still remembers her. Despite becoming a ninja, she'd stayed with the orphanage in return for helping with babysitting and doing chores and paying a small rent that would go to the groceries in the end, so she really doesn't mind. It's been four months and she'd left rather abruptly with barely a goodbye, the summons had been so sudden.

Her fears are vanquished when she approaches the orphanage and spots the matron sitting outside, watching the children playing on the road. The matron catches sight of her and gasps, clutching at her chest. Hibari smiles weakly and waves, and almost falls over when the matron runs up to her and hugs her tightly, sobbing and whispering her name over and over again (she has to ignore the instinct to grab a kunai and stab the person offending her personal space – it's a good thing she isn't carrying any kunai in arm's reach at the moment). She leans into the matron's embrace, the woman who treats all of the orphans like her own children, who's the closest thing Hibari had to a mother in this world. There's been a big increase in the number of orphans due to the war, but there are still some children that remember their "big sister" and join in the big hug, some laughing, some crying.

That night, all of the children clamor to sign her cast, and it's completely filled with drawings and messily scribbled names and messages in no time. She suspects they're only paying this much attention to her because of her hitai-ate. They ooh and aah over her katana, but she refuses to draw it (partially because she's not yet confident she can hold it without somehow cutting her own fingers off). The matron doesn't stop fussing over her, only calming down slightly when she reassures her that her leg will heal just fine (that, and her smile had begun to get strained. The matron's always been good at spotting deception). When one of the children asks where she went, she pauses and glances over at the matron, who nods quietly – the matron has always emphasized honesty.

"I fought in the war," she explains. The girls gasp dramatically and the boys are suddenly much more interested in her, clamoring for war stories. She can't help but go quiet as she remembers what really went on in the war. Well, as the matron says, honesty. "It's horrible," she says quietly, and the boys quiet down (the girls are already quiet). "So many people don't come back from it. It sounds nice when they say that someone died for their country – but you all know what it's really like, your parents aren't here. Because some of them didn't some back from war." She looks out the window at the darkness outside. "I almost didn't make it back, either." Inside, some of the children are sniffling at the reminder that they don't have parents. A boy who'd yelled particularly loudly, who's old enough to remember his parents leaving for the same war Hibari fought in and never coming back, has unshed tears in his eyes. It's hard to remember that they're supposed to be so much younger than her mentally, when they all have the same eyes that express their understanding of death.

The matron rounds them all upstairs for bed and lets Hibari stay in the living room, staring out the window. She comes back an hour later and sits down beside her on the couch. She doesn't miss how Hibari had tensed when she'd heard the matron open the door, and how her hands had automatically strayed towards a pouch that wasn't there. The matron gathers her in her arms and holds her for a good ten minutes before Hibari starts to feel suffocated and politely murmurs that she's going to go to bed.

The matron obviously gave away her bed when the new war orphans came pouring in, but there's a spare room where the orphanage helpers usually stay when they have to stay overnight to take care of a sick child or some other emergency. It's a shame she doesn't get the chance to stay for more than one night.

Hibari wakes up screaming and almost snaps the matron's neck when she carelessly goes to wake her up. If she'd had a sharp object on her, the matron would be dead right now.

The next morning she grabs her things and leaves, thanking the matron for everything and promising to visit. The matron watches her go with sad eyes but doesn't stop her. Someone who can't control killing instincts just can't live in the same place as young children, even if that person is still a young child herself. The matron tries to fool herself into thinking that Hibari will be okay.

Hibari heads over to the area nicknamed the "Shinobi district" because the buildings were all one-bedroom apartments partially subsidized for ninja. Taking up residence in one of these places is much simpler than renting out another place, but a portion of the resident ninja's income is taken to pay for rent. They're also conveniently close to Hokage tower, so Anbu can come calling at unholy hours if the Hokage decides he needs you for an emergency mission. She takes the first vacant room she comes across and gives the startled landlord her shinobi identification number. It's on the third floor out of five and is actually rather spacious (compared to her small room shared with five other kids at the orphanage, or her tiny tent in the war), and even has a small balcony. The place is very well kept, although now that a resident has moved in it'll be up to her to take care of housecleaning.

The landlord gives her the basic speech – the laundry machines are on the even-numbered floors, garbage is collected once a week but you can just dump it in this area if you want, no excess noise after 1am or before 5am, mind your own business and don't enter other people's apartments without permission because they're probably trapped to the teeth, if you rig any explosives grade C at most and only on the windows, you pay for any damage you incur, you can paint the walls if you want, don't hog all the hot water or the scary chuunin who lives on the fourth floor will be breathing down my neck again, an inspection is done when you move out which decides if you get your safety deposit back or not. She nods and smiles and grits her teeth, consciously stopping her hand from moving to her pouch. He might have noticed the tick in her hand, because he stops rambling and finally hands her the key. She thanks him and shuts the door in his face.

She doesn't have much, just her katana, a few sets of clothes she'd retrieved from the orphanage, and a few hundred ryo she'd withdrawn from the bank before she'd left for the war. Most of her money, including what her parents had left her, the accumulated amount from the Konoha orphan's fund, and the payment for the few D-rank missions she'd completed, is in the bank. Apparently, ninja parents are more aware that they could die any time and made sure that she would get the money in case something happened. She's thanked them more than once for their foresight. She doesn't need much furniture, there's already a table and chair and she doesn't plan on playing hostess anytime soon, but she'll need a futon, some kitchen supplies, and food. And preferably some better-fitting clothes. While malnutrition has stunted her growth, she's still grown somewhat and most of her older clothes don't fit anymore. She grabs all of the ryo she has on hand – it's not much, she'll need to stop by the bank as well – and her keys.

She's locking up when her neighour, a brown-haired older teen with a senbon in his mouth and a bandana, walks out. They stare at each other for a few seconds, she glancing at the senbon in his mouth (isn't that really dangerous?) and his gaze flickering to her hitai-ate and her crutch. He seems vaguely familiar but it's (again, obviously) been ten years since she's cracked open a Naruto book and she's been actively going out of her way to avoid any of the 'canon' characters. He closes his door and locks it, turning to her.

"Aren't you a bit young to be playing ninja?" She tries not to scowl but probably fails. She's short for her age and hasn't gone through puberty yet.

"I'm ten," she snaps, and glares when his eyes widen-

"You're a girl?"

...

She struggles not to try and stab him. He's at least a chuunin, he's wearing the green flak jacket. She'll probably fail (it's tempting nonetheless). He seems to immediately realize what he said and sighs, scratching the back of his head.

"That came out wrong. Sorry. Shiranui Genma." His head tilts forwards in a bow. She follows suite, bending a bit lower since he's her superior.

"Naruse Hibari." His eyes widen again and she stares at him. Now what?

"You're the genin that got pushed into the war?" Oh. Wait, since when had she become famous?

"I wasn't the only one."

"Only one that survived, though." That takes her breath out in a whoosh, and she feels like she's been sucker-punched. The other orphans all moved out before leaving for the war - she hadn't even recognized Itou - so she hadn't known. That means that Itou is dead too, and probably never got to give the photo back to Satsuki-Setsuna's family. She places a trembling hand against the railing beside her and lowers her gaze. Seven orphan genin had been pushed into the war. Only one had come back.

There's a quiet sigh and she lifts her eyes dully to stare at Genma again. He looks incredibly uncomfortable and the vindictive side of her is pleased.

"I'm sorry, I though you knew. Everyone else in the village knew." Hibari looks away again.

"I only woke up a few days ago," she says quietly, knowing Genma can hear her perfectly. "I haven't had much time for socializing." Or anyone to socialize with, really. The matron probably knew, but didn't want to burden her with the bad news so soon. She'd considered each of the now dead genin her own children, after all.

Genma's eyes zero in on her cast. He scratches his head awkwardly again.

"Hey, you going somewhere? Need a hand?" Is that an apology? It's certainly a useful offer – it'll be a lot easier lugging home a futon and groceries and supplies, and she won't have to make multiple trips. Just to make sure he knows what he's in for, though...

"I suppose a pack mule would be useful." She smiles to show that she's teasing, but gestures to her crutch to say that yes, she really does need a pack mule. Genma laughs and puts away his senbon, willing to help out the ten year old.

"Alright then. Shiranui Genma, pack mule for the day. First stop?"

"Hmmm... Do you know any good futon shops?" Genma considers the question.

"Nope. But my friend does. Hang on." She barely has time to grab her crutch before he's swept her up and more or less thrown her over his shoulder. He's already begun running across rooftops when she finally remembers how to speak again.

"I CAN WALK, DAMN IT!" They get a few raised eyebrows, and it's probably only because Genma and his antics are so well known that they aren't stopped and questioned by Anbu. Despite her protests, she's laughing when he finally sets her down in front of another house. She puts the crutch down and smoothens out her wind-swept hair while he knocks on the door, hollering for a 'Raidou.' A few seconds later, a grumpy-looking man about the same age as Genma with a scar across the left side of his face answers the door.

"Genma, what-" He pauses when he sees Hibari. "... I want nothing to do with your kidnapping attempts, Genma. Return the kid." Hibari laughs again, still giddy from flying across rooftops. The two men turn to stare at her and she looks away, still snickering. She's left her hitai-ate at home; hopefully she's inconspicuous enough that no one will recognize her as the 'genin that survived the war.'

"Raidouuuuu-" Genma drags the other man's name out imploringly. "She moved in beside me and needs some stuff. I don't know where to get it, you got it all for me when you kicked me out last year" – more snickers from Hibari – "so could you help her out?" He gives pathetically shameless and ridiculously effective puppy eyes for a seventeen year old. Apparently it works, because Hibari hears a long-suffering sigh as Raidou turns around.

"Let me get my jacket." Genma cheers happily like a kid and impulsively hugs Hibari – who promptly digs two fingers into where his solar plexus would have been if his flak jacket hadn't been shielding him. She immediately gasps and apologizes but the damage has been done. His eyes widen and he stares at her. This time, it seems he really sees her, the ten year old that just went through hell and back and, despite still being able to laugh normally, definitely isn't fine. "I'm back- Genma, what did you do now?" Raidou is back and he sighs, tapping Genma gently on the head. "I'm sorry; I failed to housebreak him properly," he says to Hibari, who gives a small smile. "Namiashi Raidou." He inclines his head in a slight bow. Hibari returns the gesture, bending a bit lower.

"Naruse Hibari." There's a fractional widening of his eyes, but he's probably already realized she wasn't a normal kid when Genma asked him to help her move into a ninja residence. He smiles reassuringly and gestures to the stairs.

"Shall we go?" Hibari pauses...

"Can we go by the roofs again?" Genma's grin comes back full-force now and he gives a short bark of a laugh that she decides she likes.

"Sure, Princess." She blinks at the new nickname he's given her (secretly she's happy with it), blushing, because she didn't notice earlier but he's really hot, damn it (and she likes to think that her mental age is an average of the two to factor in mental regression during those mind-numbing infant days because it makes her feel less pedophilic). He turns around this time and kneels down. She happily clambers on, forgetting her crutch, which Raidou grabs behind them. He rattles off a location to Genma and they begin flying across the rooftops, Hibari secretly grinning like a fool on Genma's back as the wind blows in her face (the two guys can tell that she's happy though, and it pleases them that they were able to make her smile). Yeah, she thinks, I'll be okay.

A/N

So, another self insert fic to add to the growing community. I got caught up in Naruto self-insert fics after finding Dreaming of Sunshine. Personally, my favourite is probably Déjà vue no Jutsu right now. I'm not used to writing in present tense, so if I've made any grammar mistakes please point them my way!

I have no idea when the next chapter will be out, to be honest.

Edit June 9, 2014: Fixed up grammar, reworded a few things. No changes in plot whatsoever.

SUPER LONG BLURB ABOUT MY THOUGHTS WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS CHAPTER AHEAD THAT WILL PROBABLY BE IN EACH CHAPTER FEEL FREE TO SKIP IF NOT INTERESTED IN MY REASONING but please read before you ask questions uvub

I think perhaps I crammed too much into this chapter... I might have been a bit too vague in the beginning – this self insert is an orphan (re)born about two years before the second ninja war ended. Her parents died when she was about a year old, in the last year of the war. She grew up as an orphan, and despite her best attempts she wasn't able to emulate a baby's normal behavior and was labeled a prodigy. In my Naruto headcanon, all orphans are sent to the ninja academy first (come on, it's a ninja village), and those who don't fail horribly move on. Hibari passed the tests just fine but was only average in everything else, so the academy gave up on making her into something special and stuck her on an ordinary team. Honestly though, she probably didn't realize it was a ninja academy until the second year when they suddenly began teaching taijutsu and the academy jutsus. They're tricky like that.

Now, my self-insert can't remember the details of Naruto well. She's only read the entire series through once, so she knows all the big stuff and the major details, but nothing else.

She's also a coward and wants to live past the third ninja war, which she's been stuck in the middle of. It's actually the second-last year of the war, but she doesn't know that. All she knows is that the war more or less ends soon after the mission to Kannabi bridge, which she'll probably only hear about if Obito dies. Her surviving relies on remembering the main events of Naruto, so she won't want to change anything up at first initially.

Initially.

Before the war, her attitude was more or less "don't become a ninja, keep your head down," but she was duped into passing the tests and somewhere along the way she stopped resisting, probably because Konoha really needed more ninja and the instructors really weren't giving her a choice. She assumed that she wouldn't be pushed into the war until she was a chuunin at least (which she had no intention of becoming). Surprise, surprise. During the war, her attitude was simply, "survive."

A quick note on Ino-Shika-Cho suddenly looking out for her: consider, everyone else is probably either in their late teens or are prodigious chuunin like Kakashi. Konoha is probably the most moral out of the big five shinobi nations. Plus, she's the only ten year old on the field. Sadly, most other ninja don't have the power to protect her on the field, and if they get distracted doing so other people might die, people that, sadly, are probably more important than her. So she's been pretty much left to survive on her own. But the Ino-Shika-Cho actually have the power to protect her, plus Inoichi, being the ninja equivalent of a shrink, would know how traumatizing a war can be for a lonesome ten year old. He has friends and family and age to help him get through it – he assumes she has none of it. Seeing her cutting certainly didn't help his train of thought. Therefore I like to think that he'd be the most concerned about her.

She's not exactly a moral person, as the report that Shikaku found says that she didn't join her teammates when they went back to help their teacher, and her primary course of action is always to save herself before anyone else. That doesn't mean she doesn't feel like the world's biggest piece of shit for doing so, however. And it's not like she's purposely using her allies as meat shields.

Yet :D