'My name is Alan. It's just Alan; unfortunately I have no real last name. According to my papers in the foster care system my last name is Doe. So I guess my name is Alan Doe. Right now I live at the local church. The pastor likes to take in children who have no homes so he can try to offer them a stable home life.

I am still relatively new here. I was taken away from my parents when I was 6. I have no memory of my life at any time since before I was 5. As sad as that is, I am glad I was taken from my parents. They scared me. My mom was nice for the most part, but she wouldn't ever let me go outside by myself. The first time I was caught outside, my dad lost control of his temper and started to hit my mom. I panicked and called the cops. The police took me and my brother away from them, and we were separated after being put into the foster system. One thing I never understood was what my older brother Devon told me. Apparently I was purchased. Devon said we were not true siblings because he had been purchased as well.

Over the years I was passed around between 18 foster families. I've never stayed in one place for very long. The families that took me in couldn't ever seem to deal with my temper. It can get quite explosive, at least when the right button is pushed. I was told by my case worker that I am what's considered a 'special case'. Because of my track record, I have started to be refused into possibly being placed in a new foster home. I have been told that the pastor has graciously offered me a home with him and his other foster children. All of us are considered 'special cases' because we were all abused at one point in our lives. I am the newest member in a family of 6. That makes me the 7th member in the family. I have been here for about 5 months. I don't expect that I will stay here for very long though.

In the short months since my stay with the pastor began I have turned 11 years old and I made a new friend. His school had some kids volunteer at the rec center and his name is Fermat. He attends a school for boys and chose here of all places to volunteer for his class project. After meeting him, he made it a point to ask the headmaster if I could come up and visit every so often and sit in on some of the classes. Fermat is two years younger than I am, but he is a genius. I consider myself quite smart, but then I have been mostly home schooled due to being moved around in the foster system.

One of the last meetings before summer break, Fermat had an older boy with him. The older boy introduced himself as John. Apparently he stands in as a guardian for Fermat. Fermat wanted to say goodbye before he left for summer and had his guardian bring him to the rec center. For some odd reason John kept staring at me, like he knew me…but I would swear to you I didn't know him. I thought it was odd that we kind of shared features, but it's not all that odd to share the same eye and hair color. It happens.

Before John and Fermat left, John insisted on taking a photo of Fermat and I together for the class project, since Fermat and I were tutoring the younger kids. I was tutoring to help out the pastor, while Fermat was tutoring for the class project.

When Fermat and I stood together I gave my best smile. My case manager called it my million watt smile. I was truly happy when I got to hang out with Fermat, so this was my true smile. I began giving Fermat a noogie in the photo, as a joke and then we went off to go play with the younger children. I taught Fermat how to be a referee, and I played basketball with the younger children. John just stood off to the side watching me play with the younger kids. It seemed odd that he was watching me so closely, but for some reason I felt like I had met him somewhere before. When I stopped to take a break, Fermat, John and I walked around the track. It just felt right to be with John and Fermat.'

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

"Alan may I ask you a question?" John was looking at the little blonde boy with a curious expression.

"Shoot." Alan kind of had the faintest feeling that the question was going to be related to how long he had been in the foster system.

"What's your last name?" John asked Alan probably the strangest question the boy had ever heard. The tiny blonde looked at John and grinned.

"It's Doe."

"Doe? As in a deer?" John looked puzzled by Alan's strange last name.

"Yeah, it is not my real last name, but that is the surname the foster system gave me. I'm afraid I don't know what my real last name is. I'm told I suffered amnesia after a car accident when I was 5, so that would explain why I don't remember, not only that but I refuse to take the last name of my bastard dad and mom." Alan sighed in slight frustration as he finished his short explanation.

"Hey, watch the language. You're only 11; do you even know what the word bastard means?" John was shocked that the boy just swore.

"Yeah. It refers to a person who was born out of wedlock. But can also be used in reference to a severely disliked person or group of people." Alan crossed his arms as he walked. He wasn't sorry for swearing. It was true. He personally felt that those people he had called mom and dad were legitimate bastards.

"Okay, changing the subject. I hope you don't mind my asking, but could you answer me how you got into the foster system? I would understand if you would prefer not to answer the question." John's gaze shifted from Alan to the ground.

"I was placed in the foster system when I was 6. Devon…my brother decided to take me outside against our mom's wishes and our dad found out. He lost his temper one night when he was drunk, and began to beat our mom. After he beat her to death, he came after Devon and I. I panicked and Devon made me grab the phone. Then Devon fought dad while I took off to the attic. When I locked myself in, I called the police. They arrested our dad for murder and child abuse. Then the police contacted child protective services and had me placed in the foster system. Devon was 15 so he had himself emancipated. Since then I have been placed with several families, but none have ever worked out. I begged Devon to adopt me, but CPS said because we were not biological brothers, and because he was still considered a minor we would have to wait. I lost contact with Devon after being moved around so many times. So I have lived in many different states and with many families."

Alan paused in his explanation of why he was in the foster system. The tiny blonde could feel the anger and hurt welling up inside him. He hated his dad. 'I don't even have a clear memory where I actually liked him. Just thinking about my first memory of him makes me want to puke. I hate him with a passion. My mom hadn't wanted me because I was a small child not a baby like she wanted. Devon cared for me mostly. Alan took a deep breath before continuing in his explanation.

"To be honest…I would always prefer the foster system over living with my mom and dad any day. They fought all the time and it always seemed to be about me. I guess my mom never wanted me, she said she had wanted a baby to raise…not a small child and my dad insisted that they keep me. He kept insisting that one day I would remember who they were. The first memory I have of him is dreadful and I wish I could erase it from my mind. But I can't. I have a vague memory of some older boys, but past that I don't remember anything past the age of 5. Whenever I asked my mom or dad about who the older boys were, they just said that they were a group of boys that had been killed in the same car accident I had been in, the one that caused the apparent amnesia."

"C-can you d-describe the o-older boys?" Fermat chimed in.

"It would be easier if I showed you. I don't really remember the sharp details, but I am told that I'm quite talented when it comes to sketching. It's been my outlet to keep my temper under control. I have a couple sketches in my room that I could show you." Alan shrugged before motioning with his head for John and Fermat to follow him.

"Sure, I would like to see them. Lead the way Alan." John waved his hand and Alan took the lead. 'I feel so comfortable being around John and Fermat. I wonder why.' Turning around Alan gazed at John and felt confused by the look of sadness in his cerulean eyes.

"Hey, John. Since I bared my soul for you and Fermat, would you care to explain why you look sad? Before you ask, I am good a reading people's emotions. I can see in your eyes that something in your life has not been pleasant and if you don't mind explaining I wouldn't mind listening." Alan realized that the question he'd asked would be considered rude, but he didn't care.

"You got that right. I lost my mom when I was about 10-11 years old to an avalanche and almost lost my baby brother that day, he was 3 at the time. Then when he was 5 my baby brother was kidnapped right out from under our noses. We never found him. It broke everybody's heart. He was the glue that held our family together after the death of my mom." Alan watched John's eyes come to life as he described his baby brother. The tiny blonde felt a longing build up in his chest. 'I wish I had brothers, but being in the foster system doesn't provide that kind of luxury.' "My baby brother coincidentally shares the same name as you and would be about your age now. He was so cute. He had blond hair and bright blue eyes. I still miss him to this day."

"I would give anything to have a real brother to look up to as my hero or a dad that I would be proud to call my dad. Sometimes I even wish I had a mother that truly loved me and had not just kept me because she was obligated to. It's probably really nice to have had a real brother. Devon told me that we weren't true. He said that we were both bought."

I paused when I realized that a gasp had sounded in our small group. I turned slightly to see the sympathetic gaze on John's face. I had never really kept it a secret that I had been purchased. The foster system found out from Devon that apparently our mom and dad paid top dollar for me. As I looked at John, I noticed tears gathering in his eyes. My eyes widened when I felt myself being pulled into a firm embrace. I blushed at first, but then I relaxed. It felt so right to be hugged by John. I briefly wondered if this is what it was like to have a biological older brother to look up to.

"I am so sorry you had to deal with that Alan. I would die if that ever happened to me. But how did you find out you had been bought?" I felt John's shoulders shaking like he had been fighting tears at my expense. I felt tears gather in my eyes when I realized I was causing him pain. Instantly I felt nothing but guilt.

"Devon told me after we locked ourselves in the attic. When our parents were fighting I asked him why dad was so mad and he just said that the man was not our dad he was just Ray and neither was the woman our mom. When I asked for further details later on in the attic he said the night I came to live with them; a tall tan man came to the door carrying a medium sized burlap sack. According to Devon, the man was none to gentle with the apparent person 'me'. Because Devon said he dumped the bag on the floor and that I fell out. Our parents exchanged almost one million dollars for me. Devon said he knew the amount because Judy our mom made him count it for punishment."

"To this day I don't have any idea why they wanted to spend so much for me. But my first memory after waking up was seeing my dad strangling the tan man. Devon said Ray had printed out counterfeit bills to purchase me, and when the man tried to take me back our dad snapped and strangled him. Devon hid me in a trick door within his closet to keep me from dad's wrath. Devon took the entire attack which had been reserved for me."

I realized that we had stopped in front of my bedroom. It wasn't very big, but it was what I considered home. As I opened the door, I watched John and Fermat's eyes widen. I looked around and spotted the mural I had painted. I designed my own bedroom and got the pastor's permission to make it look like a planetarium. I have always enjoyed stargazing…they just seemed to calm me down. Not only that, but I discovered that I found my inspiration to draw when I was under the stars. I grabbed an old sketchbook from my shelf and flipped through some of my drawings. I caught John gazing at my drawings and blushed. The drawings weren't anything big in particular, just bowls of fruit or people strolling in the park. Some drawings of foster siblings I'd had in previous years. I found the sketch I was looking for and passed my sketchbook off to John and Fermat. I went over to one of my other book shelves and grabbed my newest sketchbook and a lead pencil.

When I turned around, I looked at John and found he again had tears swimming in his eyes. He was still gazing at the picture of the four older boys. They weren't much older than me, but I couldn't place them. Fermat looked at me with a stunned look. By that time, John was able to school his features, he complimented me on my drawing and when I tried to downplay the compliment he proceeded to say he knew a good drawing when he saw one. Apparently his younger brother Virgil was an exceptional artist. I offered to give him a copy of the drawing if he wanted to show it to his brother the artist. He accepted graciously. Then for some reason, I was unable to control my motor mouth and blabbed the word I had wanted to call him since I met him.

"Thanks bro. I appreciate the compliment. It is not often that I am told my drawings are very good." I blushed when I realized what I said and hurriedly began to apologize. He brushed off the apology and said he didn't mind being called bro. He wouldn't even mind being called Johnny. I felt like I had met a kindred spirit.

What surprised me next was John's question. He asked if I wanted to see a picture of his baby brother, the one that had been kidnapped. I accepted but told him only if he felt comfortable doing so. My eyes widened when the picture was of a cute little blond boy being held in the arms of a man. The man was kneeling on the ground and had his head resting on the little boy's shoulder. I couldn't help but to feel envious of the little boy and the man with him. It was quite obvious that they had been very happy at one time. I was puzzled by how familiar the boy looked. He looked like me! At John's question as to why I was confused, I strolled over and grabbed a small photo album and found a picture of when I was just put in the foster system. When we compared pictures, you could definitely see the resemblance.

That is when it came time for John and Fermat to leave. I felt sad. I had just spent the whole day with my two newest friends. Right before John and Fermat left though, John suggested we get a picture together. I asked the pastor and he took a picture of John and I together then another one of Fermat and I. Then John suggested a group picture. John and Fermat on the outside edges with me sandwiched in the middle. I started laughing when somebody nudged their elbow into my ribs. I couldn't help it that I had ticklish ribs. After they left, I couldn't help but feel like I would see John again one day. It felt like it would be one day very soon. I hoped to see him again to be perfectly honest. I felt like I could look up to him as an older brother figure. Now I was wishing that I had been born into a family like John's where everyone was loved. It made me so envious of something I had never been privileged enough to experience. With that thought, I ran to go help the pastor start dinner. It happened to be my night for cooking the evening's meal, and I was looking forward to it.