Warnings: unstable!Draco. psychological torture. arithmomania. mind rape. PTSD. occasional mental regression. self-harm. AU. non-canon compliant. post-war. anxiety. triggers. episodes. falling in love. idiots in love. human experiments. insecure!Draco. stressed!Blaise. protective!Blaise. jealousy. Pansy is a good bro. happy ending. threesome. EWE. OCD. Obsessive Counting Disorder. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. past child abuse. angst. fluff.

Author's Note: As you can tell from the warnings, this is going to be an entirely different approach to this triad than Red Strings. This was basically a challenge to myself to write in present tense, something I have never done before. It started out like that and went to adding my favorite threesome pairing, plot, and countless, obsessive, sleepless nights. Now, 40 chapters later, here we are lol after this first chapter. Tell me what you think, please!

1

sometimes, the hardest thing is the right thing.

"Another long night?" Blaise lifts his head from where it rest on the kitchen table of his flat, and looks up at the sympathetic voice to find Pansy hovering above him, a concerned look on her features.

"Very long," He grunts as he sits up, his hands rising to rub his face tiredly. "He just wouldn't sleep at all last night..." He sighs, his fingers runs random circles on the table surface. "He finally fell asleep at five and I came downstairs to get some tea."

Pansy makes a noise of understanding before she lifts up her arms to reveal a basket, "I made breakfast."

Blaise smiles at that, she always made breakfast for them. "You brought the jam this time?"

Pansy scoffs in disgust but there was clearly a look of affection in her eyes, "Of course, my best friend deserves quality jam."

He laughs, stretching out his tired limbs and glances at the clock that hung across the kitchen, "I actually have to go...if I'm late again…"

"Actually, it's why I came early." She says, "I think this arrangement isn't working as we hoped it would and—"

"No, no, no," He shakes his head, "You can't do this to me, Pans. We are not having this conversation."

Not now, not ever. He thinks furiously.

"I...I don't think I am mentally…" she goes on, her hands playing nervously with the handle of the basket.

"Stop it, Pansy." He snaps at her, firmly. "Just stop, don't you see…" He takes a few gulps of air at the rising panic that fills up inside him like molten lava. "I need you."

"Oh, boo bear…" She makes a noise of distress, not wanting to see her best friend like this. It broke her heart.

"Don't call me that," He grunts, disgruntled, and Pansy giggles, "But, seriously, I don't know what I would do if you weren't here, Pans, so don't say that you can't."

"I'm sorry," she whispers and it felt like ice shooting into his veins. "It's just hard...so, so hard to see him like this and not know how to make it better."

"I know," Blaise says, "I know."

"You need professional help, Blaise, he—he won't…"

"No, he's fine...I can do better, I can."

"Blaise, you can't keep doing this." Pansy states, sighing as she places the basket on the table and sits across from her friend, he feels something twist in his gut.

Blaise raises an eyebrow in surprise, "Doing what, exactly?"

"Trying to be the hero," Pansy says, he looks away from her pointed look. "You're not invincible, Blaise, and taking care of-"

"I have to go," He cuts in swiftly, his voice rough; he stands up quickly as he tries to catch his bearings. "It's just...I...he...bye." He pulls the robes that covered his seat and pulls it over him, his stance stiff.

"Don't you love him?" Pansy attempts again as he readies himself to apparate. His back stiffens even more at her words. "He needs you, boo bear, and having…"

"Don't you think I know that?" He hisses his dark eyes angry. He sighs and his shoulders sag as if in defeat. "I know, and I do love him...more than my own life…"

Pansy watches sadly as he apparate without another word and once again leaves his boyfriend in her care. "Bye, boo."

"You're late…" Blaise winces at the cold tone of his boss as he quickly walks past her and into the patient's room. He knew it was the quickest way of getting out of a punishment; Natasha would never call him out in front of a patient.

"Hello, Mrs Schmidt, I am Healer Zabini, it says here you are twenty three?" Blaise looks up at the woman who had pretty brown hair and brown eyes.

She giggles, "Yes, I am and you are very pretty, Healer Zabini." She flutters her eyes and he gives her a polite smile.

"Thank you, Mrs Schmidt; you are very kind," he say, graciously, unaffected by the obvious flirting. He had more than one patient before flirt with him, "Now, it seems from the results that you overdosed on Inhibition Potion, correct?" Blaise asks, his tone nonjudgmental and professional.

The woman in front of him groans and tries to roll over, "Well, yes...but it's only because Peter wanted…"

"It's quite alright, Mrs Schmidt," He says kindly saving her from what he expected to be a very embarrassing retelling. "I understand the situation completely, we will administer the antidote and after a few paperwork and twenty-four hour watch, you will be going home."

The woman smiles at him and nods, "Good...that's good."

"Yes, it is, ma'am." he smiles at her once again and after checking everything was stable left the room. He stops once he sees that Natasha was waiting for him.

"Blaise…" He sighs at her tone because he knew that tone, that tone meant nothing good will come out of this conversation. "This is the tenth time you've left a patient waiting."

"I know, I know," He does know, he was reminded of it every day by her. "It's just Draco had a bad night and I…"

"I see," Natasha gives him a pitying look and that's what he hates. He didn't need pity, he didn't have time for it, and not when he was so damn busy. "I understand the situation you're in may be hard at times but that doesn't mean you are in any…

"I know…" He didn't need to hear that he didn't have any leeway. "I know, just please can we drop it for now?"

He almost flinches when she places a hand on his shoulder, "Fine, we'll drop it. You have two patients to see before you have surgery on fifth floor, apparently some idiot accidentally transfigured his insides into squid tentacles...and it isn't pretty…."

He makes a face in understanding before he fixes his robes and let out a slow breath, "Right. I'm on it."

Pansy was at a lost.

She was sure she had brought the right jam this time but all Draco could do was stare at the red concoction that littered his toast with a blank stare. "Draco?"

He mumbles something rapidly under his breath that she doesn't quite hear and she is concerned that she triggered an episode.

"Draco? Baby? You don't have to eat it if you don't want it, I...I can get something else…" she leans forward in concern when Draco continues to just mumble under his breath.

"Boo bear…" He whispers so softly she almost misses it.

"Huh?"

"I want boo bear…" He says it louder this time, looking up at her with wide, frightened eyes and she has to look away because that wasn't her best friend. Not the snarky, lovable git that she knew. That was a child.

A traumatic, lost child.

"Boo bear...want boo bear…" He snaps out at her, his fingers picking at his left forearm and with a jolt she's realizes what he was doing.

Punishment.

"No, Draco, don't do that." She jumps from her seat in panic and it must've been too abrupt for Draco's fragile mind because he jumps and falls on his butt, the bright red spot where he's aggravated the skin of his forearms was heartbreaking.

"Boo bear...boo bear...I want boo bear!" He is hyperventilating now and Pansy panics, she jumps into action and she knows she isn't supposed to. That she is supposed to wait for Draco to initiate contact but her heart is breaking at each sob the blond lets out.

She goes around the table and wraps her arms around the man and he struggles for a minute before he relaxes. They sink to the floor and Pansy has to will the tears away as she realize how small and thin her best friend really is.

His rapid breathing and shaking is his only indication that he hated the touch as Pansy rocks him back and forth on the tiled floor. She ignores his struggle to get away; she needs this more than he did.

"No...no..." He whimpers, struggling against her tight grip. "No, Father! I'll be good!" She shuts her eyes tightly, she knows she could do nothing once Draco was in an episode.

"Draco, it's okay." She says, her voice trembling. "Your father isn't here."

"Boo bear..."

"He will be back soon," Pansy soothes, her hands shakes as she runs it through his hair. "Boo bear is coming."

"How long?" he looks up at her wide eyes. He scratches at the place she holds him but it only makes her arms tighten around him.

"Five hours," Pansy says, she looks up at the clock and sees with dread that it's only one o'clock. "He'll be here soon." She adds, quickly, not wanting Draco to get lost in numbers.

But it's too late, Draco is already counting and, shit, that is never a good sign.

"O-one minute and three seconds...four...five..."

"I'm sorry, Draco," She whispers and she doesn't know why she is sorry but it feels like the right thing to say.

"I want boo bear…" Pansy plays with the idea of calling Blaise, she's done that twice before when Draco had these mini panic attacks and she didn't know what she did wrong. But she knows if Blaise leaves, he would most likely be out of a job.

"Three minutes and thirty seconds...thirty-one..."

"He's coming."

"I want boo bear…" It comes out as a whine this time and Pansy's heart clenches.

"I know, blondie, I do too."

She makes a mental note that red jam is as bad as grape jam.