Stop right there. If you haven't read Born Again, the Christmas short, go back and read it. And then come here, and read the special stuff.
Done that?
Right. First up, we have a trailer for the whole of Season One. So, darken the lights, grab your popcorn and your Hobbes plushie, and enjoy!
(It's completely dark on-screen. Black, black, blackity black. Then, a logo spins slowly on screen. Eden Enterprises. Drum beats echo. Ba-dum.)
CALVIN (V.O): It's like when you were a kid.
(Wide shot of the Earth, rotating in an endless field of stars. Ba-dum.)
CALVIN (V.O): The first time they tell you the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still.
(Flash over fire to Calvin standing in the middle of a burning building. Ba-dum.)
CALVIN (V.O.): That's who I am.
(Hobbes jumps over a railing, yelling something. Ba-dum)
CALVIN (V.O): I'll be off, unless, er, I don't know, you could come with us?
(Rose grins, holding tightly to a hovercar. Ba-dum.)
ROSE (V.O.): Is it always this dangerous?
(Hobbes and Calvin fall down a spiral staircase, riding a red wagon. Ba-dum.)
HOBBES (V.O.): Yep.
(Closeup on Rose's face. There's a faint sparkle of excitement in her eyes. The drum beats stop.)
ROSE: Let's go.
(Calvin and Hobbes's theme music begins to play. You know it better as I am the Doctor. Calvin and Hobbes run down a street, chased by a Mary Sue.)
ROSE (V.O.): My name is Rose Tyler. I'm nineteen years old. I thought I'd never do anything with my life.
(Plastic Mickey shoots wildly around a pizza shop while Rose and Hobbes dive for cover.)
ROSE (V.O.): I was wrong. Completely wrong.
(Calvin, Rose, Hobbes, and Ace in the prison cell.)
ROSE (V.O.): I've met amazing people.
ACE: Ace McShane, explosives expert extraordinaire at your service.
ROSE (V.O.): I've done amazing things.
(Rose fires the Transmogrifier Gun.)
ROSE (V.O.): My life is chaotic, wild, and amazing. I wouldn't give it up for the world.
(Rose and Jack dance above London.)
ROSE (V.O.): But it might not be my choice.
(Gwendolyn is reading Rose's future.)
GWENDOLYN: The things you've seen. The darkness, the big bad wolf!
(Fade to gold.)
HOBBES (V.O.): Geronimo!
(Doctor Who theme Words come up on screen.)
Calvin Who
Season One
Spinning Through Space
On Fanfiction dot net now...
And now! Character interviews!
ROSE TYLER talks shipping and relationships.
"Okay," said the cameraman. "Your question is this. Do you have a romantic relationship with Calvin?"
Rose looked back and forth for a few seconds. "Wait, what? Okay, I want to know who asked that. That... is absolutely ridiculous. Why would you say that?"
"Well," said the person behind the camera. "apparently all the arguing you two do is 'unresolved sexual tension'."
Rose opened her mouth to retort angrily, but the camera guy held up his hands in defense. "I'm only passing the message on. Answer the question."
Rose huffed, and looked at the camera again. "To answer that dirty-minded person who asked that, no, I do not have any sort of romantic relationship with Calvin inside or outside the show. We're just good friends." She wrinkled her nose. "Well, maybe that's stretching it. Colleagues?"
"Friends," yelled Hobbes from off-screen, followed by some snickering.
"Definitely platonic," Rose decided, ignoring him. "I'm honestly wondering, though, where did people get that idea? I know there's some people that ship Snape/Dumbledore, which is pretty scary in itself, but me/Calvin? There's something weird about a teenage girl and a six-year-old boy. Also, Calvin/Hobbes would be weird to ship."
"Funny story about that," the cameraman said, scratching his nose. "The author was originally shipping Calvin/River."
"Who's River?" asked Rose.
"Doesn't matter. River was supposed to be a cute seven year old with older River's looks and personality. It actually became one of the author's main ships. But then... stuff happened, and it couldn't be part of the storyline any more. So Calvin/River doesn't exist anywhere at all now."
Rose looked half shocked, half impressed. "Well, that is... shocking. Um. Any more bombshells to drop on us today?"
"Yup," said the cameraman. "Another one of the other, unused, ships, that the author was considering and got hooked on was Susie/Madame Vastra."
"Susie, that girl that's occasionally mentioned?"
"Exactly."
"And who is... Madame Vastra?"
"A lizard woman from the dawn of time."
Rose shrugged helplessly at the camera. "Okay. I got about half of that. Hope you guys can make more sense of it than I do."
CALVIN talks about inventions and Transmogrifier Guns
Calvin bounced up and down a bit in his seat. "What's my topic?"
The cameraman squinted at a piece of paper. "Here we go. What's happening with the Transmogrifier Gun?"
Calvin rubbed his hands together. "Short topic, but interesting. The Transmogrifier was lost in the last full episode, right? So the show's not allowing me to make a new one for some reason. It means that I'm going to make myself an entirely new invention, that will be awesome and stuff."
"What is this invention?" the camera guy prompted.
Calvin actually looked embarrassed. "Uh... I don't know. I have to figure it out before next season. Pity. I really liked the Transmogrifier Gun, and now we're getting rid of it." He brightened a bit. "This is the thing, though. You know how there's another show that's running, a lot more popular than ours?"
"Calvin and Hobbes: the Series?" asked the cameraman.
"That's the one. We're trying to stay as far away from it as possible, so the new invention will have to be really different from, say, the MTM or the Time Pauser. Something like an Omnitool or a Harry Potter device would be cool, but we're still debating in the studios."
The cameraman pursed his lips in thought. "You could have a light saber," he suggested.
Calvin glared. "That's ridiculous."
HOBBES discusses pets on the Time Machine
"What about Charles?" the cameraman asked.
Hobbes looked briefly conflicted for a moment. "Ooh," he said thoughtfully. "That's a toughie... mainly because, in the words of someone who is never appearing on this show, spoilers. But I'll tell you all I can without getting in trouble with the person who runs this all."
He sat up straighter, and laced his paws together, every bit the professional tiger. "Charles has not been forgotten in the least. He was originally meant to be a construction of the Future Calvin, and therefore evil. But after it was proven that Charles was very popular- even getting stuffed dinosaurs named after him- the writer began to have nightmares about hordes of angry reviewers stampeding her house in protest."
"That's... extreme," said the cameraman.
Hobbes grinned. "It is, isn't it? Anyway, Charles's fate was changed entirely, and his being left out of the last three episodes of Season One was completely intentional. And the characters have forgotten about him. It's an official thing, that. He'll be part of the overlying plot to Season Two, when that does come up."
"Fine, then," the cameraman said. "Different topic. How do you feel about Calvin getting another pet?"
"I'm not his pet!" Hobbes exclaimed angrily. "Business associate, close friend, confidant, maybe, but I am in no way, shape, or form, his pet! If he got a guinea pig, or a rabbit, I wouldn't mind, but if he got a lion or puma, I'd maul him." He grinned happily. "It's the way of life."
JACK HARKNESS speaks about flirting and ratings
"What ages would you say this show is suitable for?"
Jack tilted his head. "Wait, there's children reading this thing?"
"I never said that," replied the cameraman. "I just asked you who you thought it would be suitable for."
"Hm." Jack thought for a moment. "Well, it's a bit iffy, this subject, because the rating isn't actually any worse than the original Doctor Who show. The flirting gets a bit.. .suggestive... sometimes, but there isn't any major swearing. 'Bloody hell' is about as explicit as we get around here. I'd say it's good for twelve years and over, or really mature ten year olds."
"And what about your flirting?"
"Why?" Jack winked. "Wanna make something of it?"
The cameraman suddenly looked very nervous. "No. Never mind."
ACE MCSHANE describes the timeline of the show
"This one's from me," said the cameraman. "It's a bit odd, so bear with me."
"Sure," Ace said.
"In the Classic Doctor Who canon, which this show is branching from, several different things happened to you, which contradict each other. In one version, you became a Time Lady and died in the Time War, in another you died in an explosion, and in yet another you killed the Doctor yourself."
Ace swung around in her chair. "I've... never heard that last one before. So what's the question?"
"Well, which timeline do you fit into?"
She smiled. "Is that all? Well, me, the Doctor, and Bernice had an encounter with Robot Ants. I decided to leave, built a motorbike in the TARDIS, and ran off."
"And the other timelines?"
She shrugged. "Possible futures. Things that could have happened, but never did."
SENTIENCE tells us what's happening in the long run to Calvin Who
"The cameraman mentioned before that 'stuff happened' to the storyline. What is this 'stuff'?"
Sentience danced about a bit, not having a chair. "This is fun, and will both break your heart and make you scream in anticipation. Okay, the author has been kind enough to tell me that she is about to go into high school. She doesn't know how this will turn out, and so Season Two may take a while to produce."
"We know that," said the cameraman.
"Shush. Now, she realizes that in Doctor Who, there are eight seasons already, and a ninth one is in the making. She produces a season a year, she won't have enough time to ever catch up. And, no matter how fun writing us is, she doesn't think she can be dedicated to this for over eight years. So, she's come up with a storyline that lasts for exactly four seasons. The show won't continue after that, hence River not being in it at all."
"Wait," said the cameraman. "does that mean that Amy, Rory, and Clara will never appear, either?"
"Sadly, no. But there will be other stuff."
"What is this 'stuff'?"
"Not telling."
"Aw."
And nearly-last...! A trailer for next season, whenever that's coming. It's subject to change. Don't take it entirely seriously! It's shamelessly inspired by the new Pitch Perfect 2 trailer.
(The screen's black. A logo comes up on screen- spinning slowly. Eden Enterprises. Rose begins to sing a cappella over the images- When I'm Gone.)
ROSE (V.O.): I got my ticket for the long way 'round...
(Three pairs of feet, pounding against the ground. Four sneakers, two furry paws.)
ROSE (V.O.): Two bottle o' whiskey for the way...
(Calvin pilots the Time Machine in slow motion, as Hobbes joins Rose in singing, voiceover.)
ROSE & HOBBES (V.O): And I sure would like some sweet company...
(Rose, Hobbes, and Calvin lying on the grass in a park, pointing up at the sky, laughing together.)
ROSE & HOBBES (V.O): And I'm leaving tomorrow, so what'd you say?
(Cut to Rose, Hobbes, and Calvin, sitting around a campfire together.)
ROSE: When I'm gone-
CALVIN: When I'm gone-
ALL: When I'm go-o-one- you're going to miss me when I'm gone.
(They pause, and it switches to Ace and Rose, on Ace's motorbike, driving through the Vortex. Rose is screaming.)
ALL (V.O.): You're going to miss me by my walk, you're going to miss me by my talk- oh, you're going to miss me when I'm gone.
(There is a beat, and then fast-paced music starts up. Cut straight to Calvin, Hobbes and Rose standing in front of a house, decked out in black suits.)
CALVIN: Who you gonna call?
(The house shakes, they all glance up nervously.)
ROSE: Maybe... we should get Ghostbusters in this time?
HOBBES: Not likely.
(Flash to a mummy roaring and advancing on Ace.)
CALVIN (V.O.): Today, we're going to solve the greatest mystery of all time.
(Sentience kicking the wall of a room repeatedly.)
HOBBES (V.O.): How McDonalds manages to make millions despite not being in the least bit healthy?
(A door slams open, and mist pours from it. There's a large, indistinct figure there.)
CALVIN (V.O.): Not that mystery.
(The music picks up a notch. Calvin and Rose, hanging from a rope that's splitting apart.)
ROSE (yelling): I hate you so, so, much!
CALVIN (yelling also): No, you don't!
(Flash between images of a white scream, and footage of a woman in a red cloak stepping forwards.)
SENTIENCE (V.O.): There's not just one universe.
CALVIN (V.O.): Do you know this woman?
WOMAN (V.O.): I've always survived.
(Rose's shocked face, close up.)
WOMAN (V.O.): And I always will.
ACE (V.O.): But... it can't be.
(The music stops. And then, the Doctor Who theme song. Words come up on screen.)
Calvin Who
Season Two
An Awful Lot of Running
Coming soon to Fanfiction dot net...
And finally- the list of episode titles for Season Two! Which has been named. It's, as stated before, 'An Awful Lot of Running', which is from a song by Chameleon Circuit. Thank you all for being awesome. If you want a question answered, PM me. I'm always free to talk.
BY THE WAY- Episode 8 was thought of before I knew that Mummy on the Orient Express was in Season 8. And Episode 11 was entirely intentional.
Episode 1- A Christmas Tail
Episode 2- Mists of Mexuflan
Episode 3- The Howling Wind
Episode 4- School Reunion
Episode 5- The Silver Sands
Episode 6- Frozen Metal
Episode 7- Wild Side
Episode 8- Mummy of Paris
Episode 9- Mission: In Hospital
Episode 10- The Monster Hunters
Episode 11- Night at the Museum
Episode 12- 2012
Episode 13- Doomsday