Chapter One – Shattered Castles

Arendelle, Norway

January 1966

Whenever I got scared, the world turned blue.

It was like putting on glasses with a coat of blue paint over them, and when the world turned blue, the ice followed. It spread out of me like water flowing down a hill. I couldn't stop it. Even with the gloves, my powers continued to grow and find ways to escape. Occasionally my chair would freeze over, or I'd wake up in the middle of the night to white sheets frozen stiff. Sometimes, I could freeze things just by looking at them. My powers were growing and becoming even more out of control.

After five straight years of "Conceal, don't feel. Don't let it show," it wasn't working. The gloves only worked for a little while, and even controlling my emotions only seemed to work half the time. I was a danger to everyone, and I couldn't let anyone else get hurt because of me. I wouldn't let it happen. There were two options left—learn how to control my powers, or run away. I could live up on the North Mountain in a castle made of ice. I wouldn't have to stay cooped up in one room all the time, and there would be no fear of harming anyone. I could be free up there. Perhaps it would be best for everyone. I only brought pain to others and to myself. If I went away then they would be happy and I would be happy.

I pushed away the troubling thoughts that seemed to hover over me like snow storms, and instead concentrated on the small ice castle in front of me. I had been working on it for the past hour, getting all the small designs and details just right. It was about two feet high, and made completely of ice I had conjured. I waved a hand and immediately a snowflake design carved itself into the tall double doors at the front. It opened up to a foyer with a frozen fountain in the middle and a grand staircase that started out at two points at the bottom but curved and met up on the floor above. My castle had several spiraling towers, but in the highest one was my bedroom. It had a giant ice chandelier that took me twenty minutes to get just right, and a balcony that overlooked everything. I put all my focus on the intricate details as I carved pictures into the walls. I knew mama and papa wouldn't be happy if they knew I was using my powers—I was supposed to be learning to control them, after all, and I couldn't do that if I used them—but I was bored. There wasn't much to do in my room.

As a last minute thought I added another tower right next to mine. With a flick of my wrist a double bed with a canopy and tiny little doll house appeared. If things were different then maybe Anna could have lived with me in my castle. It would have been her room, and we could have played all day in the snow. I made sure there were no doors in the castle to either her room or mine, only open entrances, so that there would never again be anything between us—keeping us apart. Suddenly there was a knock on my door. I jumped and my finger slipped, creating a small crack in the castle.

A moment later Anna's voice called through the door, "Do you want to build a snowman?" I remained silent and waited for her to leave. Eventually she would, she always did…but then she would always come back, no matter how many times I told her no or ignored her. After a couple moments of silence she decided to continue. "We don't have to build a snowman, though. We could ride our bikes, or play dress-up…or we could go downstairs and steal some chocolate from the kitchen! I know a way to sneak past the cooks and get into the—"

"Go away, Anna!" I snapped, clenching my hands into fists at my side. Of course I want to build a snowman and ride bikes and steal chocolate with you…but I can't. It kills me inside, but this is the way it has to be, I wanted to say, but I couldn't. I could never say what I wanted to say, or do what I wanted to do. I had to protect Anna above all else.

There was a palpable silence that settled over my room and the space outside. I glanced down at the crack beneath the door and saw the shadow of her feet take a step back.

"All right." I could hear the defeat and hurt in her voice—another stab in my heart. "Well, if you change your mind, you…you know where to find me." I heard her soft footfalls receding down the hallway, carrying her farther away from me and widening the already giant chasm between us.

I brought a fist up and rubbed at my eyes so I wouldn't cry. Why couldn't she just leave me alone? It would make it so much easier. At first I thought maybe we could go back to how it was once I learned how to control my powers, but that was no longer an option. I sniffled as I thought about never seeing Anna again. I'd never see that giant smile she wore whenever she got excited, or that ever-present sparkle in her eyes. She must think I didn't care about her, which was the furthest thing from the truth.

I turned away from the door and walked over to the window. My room was on the highest floor, so I could see practically everything from up here. Down below were the castle grounds, covered with glittering snow. Suddenly someone ran out into the courtyard, kicking up the white, untouched powder. I squinted and realized it was Anna. Her mouth opened up in a laugh as she laid down and moved her arms and legs back and forth, making a snow angel. I felt a pang of sadness that I couldn't be down there playing with her, because I could still remember a time when we used to make snow angels and snowmen.

She stood up and looked down at her snow angel in satisfaction, then stooped down and started piling snow into a small mound. It was about a foot high when she stopped and began scraping some off, forming it into a ball. I felt a lump form in my throat when I realized she was building a snowman. Anna sat back and stared at the ball of snow before giving a nod. Then she began making another one by rolling a snowball through the snow. When that was complete she put it on top of the base. After that she crafted a head and managed to place it on top. I watched curiously as she reached into her jacket and pulled out a carrot before sticking it in the snowman's head.

It looked exactly like the one we built five years ago. As a final touch she ran over to a nearby tree and plucked two small branches, then stuck them in either side as arms. I could see her smiling face as she made his arms move and then leaned forward and gave him a hug. I felt a smile start to stretch across my face, but suddenly visions of the past flashed before me: Anna crumpling to the ground, cold and motionless after I struck her with ice; the overwhelming fear that she might die because of me.

With a gasp I yanked my curtains closed and turned away from the scene. My shoulders and neck suddenly felt very tight. I reached a hand up and rubbed my neck, but it didn't do any good. I began pacing my room to clear my head, but anxiety welled up inside me. Doubts seemed to bombard my mind, whispering fears in my ear.

Calm down, Elsa. Calm down, I told myself, but while my mind said one thing, my body fell into a panic. A complete and utter sense of fear slammed into me, and I felt like I was dying all of the sudden. My vision started to blur as everything turned a deep shade of blue. I stopped short and squeezed my eyes shut, reaching up and tangling my fingers into my hair.

"Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel," I chanted to myself, tightening my grip until I could feel pain all over my scalp. The walls seemed to be closing in all around me, and I couldn't think right. My heartbeat increased and I could feel the magic flowing through me, spreading to all parts of my body. Suddenly I heard the sound of ice cracking and opened my eyes to find the floor icing under my feet. I gasped and jumped back, but the ice followed my feet, spreading out in all directions.

"No, no, no!" I muttered to myself. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. The only sound I could hear was that of my own heart beating loudly in my ears.

There was a sudden pounding on my door, and I jumped, feeling my body freeze in place. For the first time, I felt a sense of coldness wash over me. The door burst open and papa and mama rushed in.

"What's going on?" mama asked, glancing around my half frozen room. Papa immediately rushed over to me, but I held up my hands.

"No, stay away from me!" A blast of ice shot out of my hand against my will. Papa jumped to the side and narrowly avoided the attack as it froze the wall behind him. Mama let out a scream and I glanced over to see her hands fly to her mouth, covering it in shock. Tears welled up in my eyes; I was a monster.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I cried, furiously brushing away the tears from my cheeks. I backed into a corner and felt the wall freeze behind me as soon as my back touched it. "Don't come any closer, I don't want to hurt you!"

The room faded as large blue spots appeared, blocking my vision. I clenched my hands into fists and brought them up to my eyes, covering them in fear. "Make it stop! Please, make it stop!" I begged, sliding down the frozen wall until I was curled up into a ball.

"Elsa, just calm down. You're only making it worse for yourself. Conceal it, don't feel it. Don't let it show," papa murmured, his voice soothing me as he came closer and closer. When I finally felt my heartbeat slow, I opened my eyes to find my blue vision fading. Papa was crouched down in front of me. He was so close I could reach out and brush him with my fingertips, but he didn't make a move to touch me. I turned my head away and started sobbing.

"What happened, dear?" mama asked, her eyes trying to hide the fear I knew she felt as she looked at the damage I'd inflicted upon my room. I turned and stared at the thick sheets of ice. My beautiful ice castle lay in a thousand shattered pieces on the floor—reminding me of how I felt: such beauty in my powers, but one tiny crack and it would shatter—I would shatter—never to be put back together again. This was the first time I had lost all control, and it felt foreign to me, but that familiar pang of shame burned my cheeks. I turned my gaze to the ground so I couldn't see their disappointed looks. I'd been trying so hard to hide the fact that I couldn't control it.

"Elsa, tell us what happened," papa said. Even when he commanded me, his voice was gentle. I looked up at them with tears stinging my eyes.

"Anna keeps coming to my room, knocking on the door and asking me if I want to build a snowman. I keep telling her to go away, but she doesn't listen. And then I can't stop thinking about what…what happened five years ago. I wish she would just leave me alone."

"We'll talk to Anna about it," papa assured me.

"And make sure it doesn't happen again," my mama added.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. It keeps getting worse, I can't stop it!" I could feel a slow panic building in the pit of my stomach as my voice rose. "I'm scared, papa."

"Getting upset will only make it worse," papa said, holding out his hands. "Just calm down."

He reached out for me, but I jerked back, slamming into the wall as I yelled, "No!"

A look of shock shot across papa's face, and mama let out a gasp as her hands flew to her mouth. I could see the pain clear in their faces, and I knew it was all my fault. I'd caused this. I caused pain to everyone I came in contact with.

"I don't want to hurt you," I added gently. Mama took a step forward and placed a hand on papa's shoulder. He let out a sigh and stood. I followed their example and slowly stood.

"We know you would never hurt us, Elsa," mama said, giving me a forced smile. I shook my head and looked away.

"Not on purpose, but…" I didn't even want to finish that sentence. A sob escaped my throat. "I can't do it, papa! I can't control my powers. I don't know how, and they keep getting stronger…I need someone to show me how."

He raised a hand and began to reach towards me again. When I flinched and the ice began to thicken underneath me, his hand paused. After a moment he pulled it away, a helpless look crossing his face.

"All right," he finally said, giving me a nod. "We'll find someone to teach you. Whatever it takes, we'll find someone."

Papa walked over to the door and pulled the golden tasseled cord that rung for the servants. A few moments later Kai appeared in the doorway. "Yes, sir?"

"We need some servants up here to clean this up." When he gestured to the frozen room Kai seemed to realize it for the first time. He was papa's most trusted servant, and as such, he knew about my ice powers. A few select servants did, but even though he knew about my powers his eyes still widened at the sight. After a few stunned moments he gave a nod and let a mask of indifference slide across his face.

"What shall I tell them happened, sir?"

Papa waved a dismissive hand. "Just make something up. Say that Elsa left her windows open and snow blew in."

"Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Yes, one more thing. I want you to hire envoys and send them out to each country. Instruct them to look for anyone who could possibly teach my daughter how to control her powers. Make sure they understand they are sworn to the utmost secrecy about this matter."

Kai nodded gravely. "I understand, sir. I will get right on it."

Once he left we all stood there in silence for a few minutes before papa let out a sigh and took a step towards the partially frozen door, with mama trailing along behind him.

"We'll talk to Anna and make sure this doesn't happen again, and inform you when a teacher has been found," he said before leaving. Mama gave me a sympathetic look before following papa and closing the door behind her.

I sunk to the floor and wrapped my hands around myself, as if trying to hold all my emotions inside. I could only hope that such a teacher could be found. If there was, then maybe there were others like me out there…others with powers like mine. Then I wouldn't be so alone. I would have someone to talk to—someone who understood what it felt like.

I'm not sure when I'll update, but this idea just wouldn't leave me alone. Next chapter should have Elsa meeting Charles. Let me know what you think so far! :)