Chapter Five

"Beca! Wait!" Jesse shouted again as he powered through the open restaurant door but all he could see was the red tail lights as the taxi took Beca towards home.

Was this why Beca was so mad with him? He had gotten her pregnant for the fourth time and she wasn't happy about it? Why the hell hadn't she talked to him about it? She was clearly heavily pregnant yet he hadn't noticed her bump until two minutes ago.

'I really am the absolute worse man in the world.' Jesse screamed into his head as the rain began to fall softly onto his head. He went to pull the hood of his rain mac over his head and realised he hadn't brought it out with him. There was nothing for it but to walk home in the rain and think about how Beca was always right and he should have brought his mac with him.

He continued to think how he hadn't noticed the changes in Beca over the past few months. He had come home late from the office for most of it. she had been in bed and at the weekends ... wait, he could hardly remember spending a weekend at home lately. He had become the father that Beca had despised, never there and too busy for his family.

He cursed inwardly as a car splashed through a puddle on the road, soaking him through to the skin. He was too angry to feel wet and cold as he pounded the sidewalk. He was a couple of minutes from home when he saw an ambulance race past him, the sound of the sirens stirring a reaction, like a bad memory, inside him he couldn't quite fathom.

He began to pick up the pace, arriving in his street shortly after. The sight of the ambulance outside his front door feeling him with a hot white fear like never before. The sound of the ambulance doors slamming shut jolted him back to the moment as he ran towards the house.

"Wait!" He said, waving his arms wildly in the air. "Wait!"

The ambulance drove off at top speed with the lights flashing brightly, reflecting on all of the windows in the street. He noted a couple of sets of curtains twitching as he came up to the steps of his house. He jumped in surprise as Aubrey came bustling through the front door carrying Beca's overnight bag and clutching her purse. She was talking on her phone.

"I don't know, Chloe, but I blame Jesse for this whole mess she's in." She spoke abruptly into the handset and there was silence for a moment as Chloe spoke her piece. "Well, clearly it is his fault. If he hadn't -"

More silence as Aubrey turned to click off the lights in the hallway.

"No, she's on her own but I'm going over now. Paramedics said she was already eight centimetres dilated. She'd clearly been in labour all day and not said anything." Aubrey spoke briskly as she slammed the front door behind her. "It won't be long now."

Jesse stepped forward as Aubrey clacked down the front steps.

"Can I have a ride please Bree? I should be there. I didn't know about the baby." He said pleadingly, as Aubrey shuffled all the items in her arms to one side to unlock her car. She pulled on the door handle and tossed everything onto the front seat, clearly indicating as far as Jesse could tell that he wasn't welcome in her car.

"Can you come up Chloe? You are better than all of this than me. I know, but she needs you right now too. Thank you." Aubrey nodded along with whatever Chloe was saying as Jesse rounded up by the car door. He waited to speak his turn. Aubrey leant over to pull the door closed, casting an eye back up to the house to check everything was okay and Jesse swore she looked right through him. "Yes, she's at Mercy West. Hurry."

"Thanks Aubrey, thanks." Jesse said, running round to the other side of the car. He pulled on the handle but the door wouldn't open. He knocked on the window as Aubrey slammed her car door closed. She started the engine as Jesse tapped on the glass again and drove away before he had a chance to get in the car.

"Dear God, what the hell did I do to Beca?" He said out loud to the street. Knowing there was little else he could but either stand in the rain and sulk or get to the hospital, he calculated the quickest route to Mercy West knowing it was only about twenty blocks if he went via the underpass and through the park. He began to move.

As he ran, he tried to process what was turning out to be one of the weirdest days of his life. He knew he still loved Beca as much as, if not more, than the day he married her yet she had completely shut him out of her life for months. He racked his brains for the millionth time trying to remember the fight they had had which stopped her talking to him.

There was a distant memory where he remembered her crying into the dogs neck. He remembered feeling sick to his stomach.

And then it dawned on him. Maybe they hadn't had a fight? Maybe Beca putting up those walls around herself was her way of saying she didn't love him anymore and he had just been too dumb to realise it. Surely that was the reason he couldn't remember the fight. They hadn't had one; they had just simply drifted apart.

He knew there wasn't anyone else involved. He knew that the baby inside her was his. He never doubted or distrusted her for one minute with that. True, he always felt a pang of guilt when he knew she had given up her dreams for him but it was always the plan for her to get back to it eventually, when the children were at school. Was that why she was mad? That having another baby caused her plans to be put back another five years?

Twenty minutes later he arrived at the maternity section of the hospital, his head full of questions, his heart aching and the gut wrenching feeling of angst in his belly. Following the red arrows he quickly found his way through the maze of corridors and the mass of doors to an empty nurse's station.

"Hello!" He called out, his chest tightening from the run. "Can I have some help please?!"

He could hear faint screaming coming from down the corridor that sounded incredibly like Beca and not wanting to wait by the empty nurse's station, he jogged down the corridor towards the sound. There was a scurry of activity as three nurses headed towards the room, thrusting open the door as they pushed a small trolley full of equipment past him. He saw the name B Swanson written in marker pen on the outside of the room as he followed the nurses inside.

He saw Aubrey tightly gripping onto Beca's shoulders as she, red faced and crying, was clearly in the later stages of labour. They were trying to get her to lay on her back which Jesse knew she found uncomfortable. He stood open mouthed as the nurses and midwife busied themselves around her.

"Take it easy Mrs Swanson." The midwife said, pulling up a stool and sitting at the foot of the bed. "I know you've taken us all by surprise with how quick this little one has decided to join us but try not to push just yet."

"It's Beca. Please. It's Beca. I can't bear hearing Swanson right now." Beca said through gritted teeth.

"Okay Beca." The midwife said, glancing over to a nurse as she stepped forward.

"Guys, I'm here!" Jesse said.

"Is there anyone else you need us to call Beca?" A blonde nurse said kindly.

"Guys!" Jesse called out again. "I'm right here!"

"Is Chloe on the way?" Beca asked Aubrey, the hot tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Yes Becs, she's catching the red eye as we speak. She'll miss the fireworks but she'll be here for the cuddles. It's just me for now hunny."

"What about your husb -" The nurse asked, pausing as she watched Aubrey shakes her head violently.

"I'm. Standing. Right. Here." Jesse bellowed. "Why can't you women hear me? Am I not speaking loudly enough? is this an anti-man convention here."

Jesse waited for a reaction to his outburst and was clearly confused why five women couldn't hear him speak. Had Beca told them to ignore him? Even for her, that was pretty shallow. He was about to open his mouth again when the blonde nurse moved the trolley backwards suddenly ramming it into his side, taking out his legs from under him. He fell backwards, knocking his head painfully on the floor with a loud donk. His world began to blacken immediately as he heard Beca scream out one last time.

"Jesse!"

It was dark when he came to. He was still on the floor and all the lights were dimmed, save for the spotlight next to Beca's bed. He could just make out the shape of her on the bed through the fog that clouded his vision.

He rose shakily to his feet and walked over towards his wife, taking in Aubrey's still form on the nursing chair in the corner of the room. She was covered in a red blanket and fast asleep. He looked down at Beca. She was shivering in her sleep but as he went to pull up the blanket, she stirred and stretched out, her legs not quite reaching the end of the bed.

"You're here." She said dreamily and very quietly, her face still riddled with sleep and the drugs she'd been given on arrival. "You're finally here."

"I've always been here Beca. I've never gone away." Jesse said, reaching towards her.

"You're here." She repeated and gingerly reached over to the small bassinet at the side of her bed. "You're finally here."

Beca pulled the cot towards her, the wheels squeaking across the plastic floor. Jesse looked down at the baby, seeing his fourth child for the first time. He gasped as he took in the tiny frame of the child, an absolute copy of himself.

"Hey baby." Beca said and Jesse smiled.

"Hey -" Jesse started to say but he stopped short when he realised she was talking to the small person and not him.

"You are so beautiful." She whispered into the dark.

"Beca, is it a boy or a girl?" He asked as a beam of light from the doorway pierced through the darkness and a shock of ginger curls came into view around the door frame.

"Beca?" Chloe whispered into the room. "Are you awake?"

"Chloe?" Beca said quietly, turning in her bed. "Chlo? Is that you?"

Chloe quickly entered the room, dropping her bags on the floor as she knelt on the bed, sweeping Beca up into her arms. Jesse could hear both girls crying as he took a step back. He never felt so unwanted and unloved in his life. He just felt empty. He stepped back into the shadows. Something felt very, very wrong indeed.

"It's a girl." Beca said, gesturing with her hand not attached to the drip towards the bassinet. "We have our second daughter. Our family is complete."

"Has she got a name?" Chloe asked, as she snaked around the bed to have a look at the newest addition. She pulled down the blankets to get a better look and gasped as she saw a face so identical to one she had known so long.

"Jessie. I'm calling her Jessie." Beca said, fresh tears running down her cheeks. "Born on our 11th anniversary. I couldn't really call her anything else."

"Was it awful doing it alone?" Chloe said, taking a seat on the end of Beca's bed, rubbing Beca's legs over the blankets; her need to touch and reach out to Beca very apparent. "I know you had Aubrey but, you know?"

"Aubrey was great, she only puked once. But Jesse was here somewhere. I know he was."

Chloe nodded and cast an eye over towards Aubrey.

"Can I get you something to eat?" Chloe asked. "I'm too pumped to sleep so I could fetch some things. I need to do something to help."

"That would be great." Beca said. "I'm going to nap for a bit so you are on cuddle duty when you get back."

"I can cope with that!" Chloe beamed as she lifted herself off of the bed, walking towards the door. "I love you Beca."

"I love you too Chloe. Thank you for coming. Really." Beca said as she lay back down, pulling the blankets back up past her shoulders. Chloe left the room to walk to the hospital cafeteria. Jesse stepped forward after a few minutes, content that Beca was asleep again and walked towards her bed.

"Whatever I did wrong in my life, to you or to the family, I'm sorry Beca. I really am. I love you with all of my heart." He said as he took the seat at the head of Beca's bed. He watched as her mouth twitched in her sleep.

"Jesse?" Beca whispered out.

"Yeah baby, I'm here." Jesse mumbled back, convinced he was about to be ignored as usual.

"You are?" Beca asked sleepily.

"Um, yeah, Becs, I'm here baby."

"Where did you go?" Beca murmured, her lips barely moving.

"I've been here the whole time. I think I got a little lost but I've realised what's important. I need you Beca. I need you and the kids and this new baby that I knew nothing about but already love. I need my best friend back, Beca. Let me back in. I need to know what has been going on." Jesse said, tears falling from his eyes.

"I miss you Jesse." Beca whispered and it dawned on Jesse that the old, withered man in the park was right. He had said to talk to her in her sleep and that she'd have no choice but to hear him. He realised her lips were still moving. "Why Jesse ... why?"

"What Beca? What did I do? What have I done to make you so sad?"

"Why did you leave me?" Beca asked, in a voice so quiet Jesse had to strain to hear her.

"I didn't leave you! I've been here the whole time."

There was silence as Beca's sleepy hand reached up to her neck to move a lock of hair that had fallen and was tickling her skin. With a bolt of shock running through him, Jesse saw the pendant on the chain around her neck. It was the locket that he had bought for her all those months ago. He couldn't fathom how she had found it. He was more shocked to see that a wedding band was also on the chain.

He looked down to her hands, wondering if her fingers had become swollen while she was pregnant and she had taken hers off but it was there, still snuggling fitting on her finger. He looked to his own hands and with surprise, he saw his wedding band had gone. Jesse shifted around in his seat as he mentally ran through everything in his mind. What was happening? Pieces of the puzzle were coming together.

"Beca? What did I do?" He finally asked, suddenly terrified of the answer. "What happened?"

"You got shot." She said, her eyes flickering in every direction under her eyelids as if the memory was unravelling in her dream. The reply floored Jesse and all the air in his lungs disappeared. He clutched at his throat as his brain went into overdrive. "You died."

Flashback memories began to flood into Jesse's brain.

A phone call from Beca while he was at work telling him to hurry home as she had wonderful news. The subway ride home to New Jersey two hours earlier than he usually would have taken. The fight that broke out in the carriage. He had tried to intervene, to help. He remembered the flash of light and the bullet hitting his chest as the younger of the two guys fighting raised a weapon in fear. He remembered feeling no pain as he hit the floor, just a strange tingling in his belly and a bubbling sensation in his mouth.

He remembered returning home that night, much later than planned ... only he hadn't.

He remembered Beca always sleeping with Rupert in the room and the way that the dog would alwaysgrowl at Jesse. Of course the dog could sense his that why he slept in their bedroom? So Beca would know Jesse was there?

There was always just one plate setting in the kitchen and one meal in the fridge. The meal was cooked or prepared for him even though she knew he would never eat it. Had she done that so he would know she thought of him all the time?

His keys never worked in the lock; she must have had them changed after the accident to help her feel more safe as he remembered his wallet and keys had been lost in the confusion but she never quite wanted to stop him coming home by not fixing the back door.

Beca had spoken words out loud meant for him but never to him. How quiet the house was, how empty it must have seemed without him. How the children missed him, not wanting to play and laugh and sing anymore because Momma was so sad. How he was always stuck at work, unable to leave and how the basement was so full of his work. How the wedding video was always in the DVD player. She was having trouble letting him go.

All the feelings of realisation washed over him like waves on the sand.

He had died but had somehow stayed around to wait for his baby to be born without knowing of her presence. He had needed to say goodbye to Beca one last time. The old man in the park earlier hadn't walked to the park to feed the birds, he was dead already and was waiting for his wife to join him as she had just died. He waited all those years to take her with him on the journey.

He looked over to Beca. God, he loved her so much. He had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, well into his old, old age. Not to die in his thirties trying to stop two young men from making a mistake. But he had spent his entire life with her. It was just a lot shorter than he ever intended.

He stayed silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry Beca. I didn't mean to leave you. I love you. I'll always love you." Jesse whispered, leaning forward towards Beca's ear. He saw tears running down her face. "Don't cry baby."

Beca didn't move but the tears began to fall faster.

"I think I have to go." Jesse said, understanding that for her to heal, he had to make sure his presence was away from her, the house and the children. "I just needed to do a couple of things first. I'm glad you found the locket. Re read the note when you can. I meant every word on it. I'll mean them every day for the rest of your life."

Beca shifted under the blankets, as if she was finally relaxing for the first time in months.

"And I needed to tell you something." Jesse whispered.

"Tell me." Beca mouthed.

"You were always it for me. You and Teddy and Josh and Anna and now little Jessie, you were everything to me. I'm sorry your life plans were put on hold. But I'm grateful for every day you gave up for me. Live for your dreams now baby girl. Do it for the children. Tell them I love them every single day, please. And remember that you were my everything. My breath. My heart. My life. I love you." Jesse said, tears pouring down his face. "You sleep now, Beca. Everything will be different in the morning. Use Aubrey and Chloe, they want to help."

"Goodnight Jesse." Beca murmured. "I love you."

"Goodnight, sweetheart." Jesse breathed out. "I'll pop in on you from time to time. Save me a seat, okay?"

"I'm sorry I never got the chance to know you, little one." Jesse reached down and stroked the baby's face, before bending down and tucking a kiss onto the top of her head. "Be amazing. Be good. I already love you to the moon and back."

As the room began to fade around him and as he took in his last moments on Earth, watching Beca's face intently, Jesse began to sing the last song he had ever completed. It would never go on a soundtrack or a score for a movie. It was always just intended for Beca. He had written the words on the note to go with the locket.

And as his voice faded into nothing, as Jesse finally let go, his reasons for staying so clear in his final moments, Beca's eyes snapped open as she heard Jesse's voice in her dreams.

What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

Beca felt strangely at peace as she heard the door pop as Chloe returned. She had finally got to say her goodbye to the only man she had ever loved. She knew she would see Jesse in her dreams and when the time came for her, she knew he would be waiting for. She wasn't ready to smile yet but the ache in her heart was less.

Chloe gathered Beca up in her arms as Beca told her about the dream she'd just had and let her cry one last time. Beca knew she had to be strong and tears would get her no where. And as the dawn broke on a new day, the suns rays lifting the blanket of darkness, Beca kissed her new daughter and held her close, longing for the day she could tell her all about her Daddy and what a wonderful man he was.

A/N - Song is All of Me by John Legend (not Jesse Swanson ... sorry!)

I can now say it but I pinched the idea for this story from the film The Sixth Sense. I couldn't say it before as it could give away the ending for those that had seen the film. I don't own either The Sixth Sense or Pitch Perfect or any of the characters.

A quick apology to cuticlecareenetwork who saw a first draft and had to deal with the mess that it was and a thank you to Lackluster Brilliance for the continuous support, despite this being Jeca which I know you hate!