He's not a masochist. At least, he was never one before. But now—suddenly, without him realizing it—Eren had somehow shifted in that direction. He would take Levi's merciless kicks to the face. Fuck those hurt, but he healed so fast—so much faster than anyone else ever could. So he could take it.

It was the humiliation of being ground into the floor and made helpless in front of the condescending, judging eyes of so many people who he had always wanted to be equal with. It was the crushing disappointment of having his face bashed in by his hero, of being called a stupid, shitty brat…It was those things that hurt.

It was hearing Mikasa's stifled moans and whimpers of pain echoing in his mind and knowing that she had gone through that all because of him. And now, curled up in the stained dungeon bed, chains chaffing angrily against his wrists, he could still see all of those images that he had been ordered to watch. And he was starting to wonder if it was worth it to be alive after all.

Maybe he didn't want to be in the Scouting Legion anymore.

No, you do want to. You have always, always wanted this, Eren, he told himself. You can't just back out after what you've been through…after what you put her through.

But when he squeezes his eyes shut he still sees her writhing under their weight, trying not to look at anyone's face by accident, trying to hide her shame behind apathetic strength. Eren bit his lip to try and choke back a sob.

"Dammit…" came the disgruntled complaint from outside of the bars. There is a guard there who Eren cannot see from the bed. "Stop fucking crying already."

It's been hours since they finished with Mikasa and literally dismissed her like any normal soldierly occasion. "Return to the barracks, Ackerman. You'll be expected to perform your normal duties again tomorrow."

And she had said 'yes,sir' so quiet that they could barely hear her, and she fumbled to put her clothes back on with cold hands that quivered. She didn't look at Eren. She just hurried off, her footsteps resounding against the stone walls of the dungeon.

Erwin had left with the MP boys. He didn't trust them to paint a good picture of how the events had transpired. He knew that they would take any opportunity to make Eren into a mindless monster when really, it was more like the other way around. So Erwin was going to talk to the judge himself. There was no way—absolutely no fucking way—that after all of that, Eren would still be executed. No fucking way.

Corporal Levi stayed for a few minutes and listened to him cry, saying nothing. His chin was tucked down a little lower than usual. That was the only indication that he wasn't perfectly fine with what had transpired. Then he, too, left, leaving Eren alone in the cell.

It hurt in his chest. The thoughts didn't hurt his head, the noises that still echoed sharply in his mind…no, it only hurt in his chest like a strong ache that wouldn't go away. He wanted to see Mikasa, wanted to make sure that she was alright. Had they really hurt her? Did she need medical attention or had they been gentle? He scoffed a little at the thought. It was hard to imagine that three men and one young girl could ever be described as gentle in any context.

Eren's trembling hands held his face, spreading the tears. Angry tears. Hurt tears. How the hell did this happen to us tears.

She would hate him now, he was sure of it. After all—why was Mikasa so enamored with Eren in the first place? Because he had saved her in her most desperate moment. When no one was left to be there for her, Eren came through. He had saved her from the hands of men who wanted to do unspeakable things to her body, like she was just merchandise and not a person.

And now that exact thing had happened to her. And Eren had literally sat by doing nothing.

He wasn't a masochist, had never been one, but now he found himself whimpering softly into his hands, wishing that it had been him her in place. It would have been more pain, sure, and more humiliation and wounds to the heart that would never quite heal…but it would have been better than letting her down so fantastically.

That was all he kept thinking over and over again until somehow he managed to drift off into yet another night of fitful sleep that could not even be considered restful. He tossed and turned, the chains rattling as he moved.

The bed is bouncing slightly as they move and Eren can feel every little dip of the mattress.

"Shit," one man mutters when the sheets are suddenly spotted with redness. He briefly pauses in his work, trying to figure out what he did wrong. Only then does he realize. It's been a long, long time since he's fucked a virgin.

The one underneath her pumping long, hard, careless strokes into her ass doesn't seem the least bit bothered by the blood that's dripping out of her and down his dick. Orders are orders.

Mikasa's cries of pain are muffled by the third man, who is using her mouth. He's almost being nice about it. Almost.

No one seems to care that she's just a kid.

Levi's hand tightens on Eren's shoulder, but it feels different now. There are no more degrading comments, no more harsh words telling him that it's all his fault. No, that message has already been delivered loud and clear. Now the hand on his shoulder is strong and stable. Too strong, almost. Like a white knuckled fist hanging on for dear life. It is holding two people back, not just one.

Suddenly Mikasa is sputtering madly, trying to talk and keep from gagging at the same time. It's impossible and her words are barely intelligible. It's nothing more than a garbled mess when she turns her swollen, angry, miserable eyes onto Eren and chokes out,

"How? How could you let this happen to me?!"

His eyes cloud over—

He jerked awake with a start, making the chains pull at the already raw flesh on his wrists. It burned so badly that he barely noticed that his face is once again just as wet as when he fell asleep. He could not stop shaking.

I'm so, so sorry, Mikasa! Oh my god….I'm so sorry.

He hugged his knees up closer to his chest and tried not to make any noise while he cried. Beyond the sound of his pounding heart he could make out the guard shifting around. He didn't want to make anyone else angry with him. Not today.

But even as he bit his lips to keep the whimpering at bay, he could still hear someone approaching his cell. His breath hitched as fear joined the agony in his chest. What now?! He curled up even tighter and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Oi, Eren."

Levi? Eren opened one eye and warily glanced in the direction of the bars. Sure enough, the short silhouette of the man he had once called hero was standing there. It didn't bring Eren any comfort though, or any excitement as the man's presence once had. No, now the tears kept falling just the same.

The lance corporal stood in silence for a minute or two. Eren stayed in bed. He uncurled a bit, for pride's sake, but in truth he didn't even have much of that left anymore. He normally would have leapt to his feet at the sight of the captain, throwing his hand dutifully over his heart and trying to hold back that childlike giddy smile that everyone expected of Eren Jaeger, but now he did nothing. He couldn't. His chest hurt too badly.

After a long time there was a sigh and, "I'm coming in. Don't be alarmed."

Even with the warning, Eren still flinched a little at the scraping sound that the metal bars made over the stone floor of the cell.

Metal scraping over stone, people coming in and out, locking him up, chaining him down, Mikasa's eyes, the bed springs aching against the pressure…

"Eren," Levi interrupted his thoughts, sounding half-stern, half-concerned. He slowly walked around the bed to opposite side, to where Eren was facing. "It's just me. Relax."

Eren sniffled softly and glanced up at the form of his commanding officer. The light in the dungeon was a soft, dim yellow that barely illuminated Levi's expression. Eren struggled to clear his vison, blinking back hot tears. He heard the corporal sigh and then the bed dipped slightly as he sat down beside him.

"Come on, sit up," Levi said. "Enough crying."

Eren didn't want to, but he obeyed, slowly rising to sit beside his superior. He wiped tears away with the back of his hand. He couldn't bring himself to look at Levi, instead he stared down into his own lap, where his hands were folded neatly—too neatly, easily betraying his discomfort. No one said anything for a long time. After what might have been five whole minutes, the corporal said with a tone of surprising gentleness, "She's doing ok. She's strong for a brat."

Eren choked a bit as a sob of relief fought its way out of him. He instantly slapped his own hand over his mouth, ashamed to have broken Levi's order not to cry. "I'm…I'm sorry, sir," he muttered through the tears that just wouldn't stop no matter how much he tried. Mikasa was alright! Or…going to be alright…physically. But that didn't mean very much. Nothing could erase what had happened. She would still hate him forever.

"Eh, you don't need to be sorry," Levi grimaced. "Wasn't fair, those damn bastards."

Eren looked up, shocked. "Corporal Levi?"

"I'm sorry that happened, Eren."

Eren furrowed his brow, completely taken aback. Wasn't Levi yelling at him the last time he was here? Wasn't he telling him how this was all his fault and ordering him to just shut up and watch? His wide green eyes met Levi's grim gaze and he shook his head, totally at a loss.

But Levi just went on, not wanting to dwell on things. "But what's important is that the Survey Corp has control of you now. None of that shit happens with us, understand. You can do what you've always wanted to do. Fight the bad guys….where ever and whoever they may be," Levi said very seriously, almost cryptically, as if he meant more than Eren could grasp. "That's what you want, right Eren?"

Looking at the corporal now, Eren saw someone entirely different than the man who had held him back a few hours ago. Now Levi's usually expressionless eyes had a sorrowful softness to them, reaching out in the dim cell just as he had metaphorically reached out a hand to offer Eren an out a few days earlier.

Now…now he's asking me what I want to do. It's just like before. He's asking me if I want to join again. Not just expecting me to. He's giving me a choice. Eren realized with a pang that momentarily dried his tears. After everything that had happened, after how horrifically he had been treated—how Mikasa had been treated—Levi was still asking Eren what he wanted.

Levi was still talking, perhaps just as much to himself as to the younger boy. "Sometimes you have to make sacrifices, have to put your feelings on hold for awhile, have to get beat up twenty times before finally having the right moment to fight back. It's not easy to take, I know, but keeping your mouth shut would help, you know…mouthy little brat."

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but Eren had the feeling that if he chose to follow Levi and Erwin, chose to join the Survey Corp…then he would someday get the chance to avenge this. Maybe that's what Levi was trying to tell him.

"You can fight the bad guys, wherever and whoever they may be."

Bad guys like the MP men who thought that gang-raping a teenage virgin girl in front of him was a good punishment for a verbal outburst.

"I still want to join you," Eren said, his voice coming out stronger than he'd thought possible. "I'm going to join the Survey Corp and make this world a better place for all of Humanity."

Levi nodded slowly. Then he rose from the bed and went back to the bars. Eren watched him go, feeling a warm burst of energy stirring inside of him right alongside of the pain in his chest. He didn't expect that pain to go away, but maybe it wasn't all bad. Maybe it could guide him. He glanced down to watch his own fist tighten up against the stained sheets of the bed.

"Eren."

He turned to the corporal once more and saw him standing in the cell door, just about to leave. He didn't look back as he asked, "Do you hate me?"

All Eren could manage as a truthful reply was, "Not you. Not yet."