Bellamy can feel his mind slipping away from him. Every moment Clarke is gone leads him into insanity. He thinks about what the grounders could be doing to her. Would they be torturing her? Would they touch her? Every bad possibility was running through his mind. He just saw Clarke not only a day ago. The Grounders are preparing to attack and Bellamy can't get his head on straight. Every time he tries to make a decision or lead the group he can't help thinking he is going to screw everything up. Bellamy isn't good- therefore he is not good enough to run the entire group. He can't do anything right without Clarke here- anything.

Right now Murphy had Jasper, he shouldn't be thinking of Clarke right now. He should be making decisions. Come on Bellamy, make a good damn decision! Think critically. Think logically. Think. Bellamy knew his sister had taken a liking to the boy. Octavia would be so disappointed if Jasper died. She says Jasper is just a friend, but he is no fool. He see's how Octavia looks at the scrawny boy. Even if she wants to deny it, he is her big brother. He knows her better than she knows herself. He would die if it meant Octavia was safe and happy. Bellamy tells himself that his sister is the only reason he is doing this.

"Bellamy!" Octavia yelled, snapping him out of his dark thoughts. "You can't do this! He'll kill you!"

Maybe that's why he wanted to do it, Bellamy thought. Maybe he is just being reckless. It's not safe for the only leader to be putting themselves in danger, especially when a war is coming. But he can't help but doubt himself. Maybe he isn't the best fit. Maybe someone else should take his place. Someone better. Someone good. Bellamy can't take care of all of these people. He can't be responsible for all of the camp. Clarke's gone. She, as much as he doesn't want to admit it, is the true leader. She can command someone like no one else. She can inspire anyone, really. She is strong and fiercely independent. She doesn't deserve any of this. If Bellamy had the choice, he would gladly take her place with the Grounders. But he can't- and that makes him feel ill.

"If I don't he'll kill Jasper." Bellamy said. Ever since Bellamy touched foot on the ground he has felt different. Like he was apart of something. If he doesn't do this- if he doesn't save Jasper- he would be letting his sister down. He would be letting Clarke down.

Bellamy doesn't have the slights clue where Clarke is or how she is doing. But if he knows one thing- it is that he is going to fight. He is going to be a better person, for Clarke.