Coming Out Series:

Cartman to Everyone and Slight Kyle to Everyone

Kyle had been having a normal week despite South Park's typical problems. This week for some reason just seemed to be above all those problems. He'd managed to not only avoid being turned into a leprechaun but also avoided the alien invasion completely. Ignoring everything was turning out to be the best lesson he'd ever taught himself in life.

On Friday, Kyle was opening his locker-one of the only lockers not melted by an alien ray at this point-when he heard it. A laugh that was somehow familiar but so high-pitched, so over done despite the male undertone that Kyle just had to look towards the instigator.

Eyes widened; jaw dropped. "What the Hell-" he began to whisper before the voice sounded again just as high as the laugh but twice as loud.

"Oh hey, Kahl!" The perpetrator began to walk over to him, completely ignoring Tweek-who had all but run away screaming about danger. Craig promptly followed at a slower pace and with a more serious and determined expression while a gaping Token looked from Craig to the sight then back again.

How he wished he could have been one of the abducted. "C-Cartman?"

There was no typical poof-ball hat, nor was there the red jacket and jeans Kyle was used to the other wearing. Instead Cartman looked like something out of a clown's dream. No, more than that, like a giant rainbow person mixture.

Horizontally rainbow striped hair led down to a vertically rainbow striped face. The striped led downward to the neck but were cut off by a large; fluffy multi-colored boa that was wrapped around the boy's throat like a scarf. The shirt was a deep-v so low that it left the entire stomach on display-the entirely painted rainbow stomach. The shirt itself had splashes of bright colors splattered across its entirety. The sleeves were slit open and long, connecting at the user's wrists by thin fabric. Displayed arms were painted just like the body.

Dark blue booty shorts were surrounded by leather chaps. He wore flip-flops weirdly enough, that were also multi-color with red straps. To top off the entirely weird outfit were two tiny rainbow flags-one per shoulder-sticking up from the shirt. Beyond the outfit were huge feathers, each one a different bright color, sticking up from the chaps- Kyle presumed-and peeking out behind Cartman's head.

And on the right ear was one tiny silver stud on the lobe.

Kyle couldn't help but gape-what else could he do at this point but gape after all? He barely noticed the other teens running outside and away from the fashion abomination-Bebe leading them.

"Yes, Kahl?" Cartman asked in his high tone voice. He batted his glittery lashes, placing a well-manicured hand onto his hip. He then jutted the hip outwards, nearly hitting a passerby who looked over and dropped his things and ran.

Kyle watched it all with a bewildered expression until he managed to steady his swirling thoughts and confusion. Then, "Is this your way of making fun of an entire culture?"

Cartman's eyes widened dramatically as a hand covered his mouth. Before he could get a word out, Stan and Kenny arrived at their lockers only to pause mid-step and stare.

Kenny was the first to move, only to tumble over onto the floor in laughter.

Stan pinched his nose, "What the fuck, fatass?" he muttered so lowly Kyle almost didn't catch it.

"Hm!" Cartman sounded, "Well screw all you guys! You're hating on me 'cause I'm gay, aren't you?"

Kenny continued to laugh, louder with Cartman's words, rolling on the tiled floor while holding his stomach.

"What?" Kyle asked, bewildered. "We're hating on you because you're dressed like a lunatic and acting so stereotypical that-"

"Is there a problem here, m'kay?" Mr. Mackey asked, coming up to the group. How Kyle wished Mr. Mackey never got promoted to high school counselor. Or was it a demotion?

The boys minus Cartman tried to respond with, "No," but Cartman exclaimed over all of them, "Yes! Mr. Mackey they are objectifying me!"

"Not sure you know what that word means…" Kyle started to say only to be shushed.

"Objectifying and hating on me because of my coming out of the closet! I refuse to be silent, Mr. Mackey, this is a hate crime!" Cartman shouted.

"Fucking Christ," Stan said, while Mr. Mackey tried to tell him that wasn't a 'nice' word to use.

"You see Mr. Mac-kay, these boys are being rude and disrespectful to my culture and I will not stand for it!" Cartman declared, stomping his foot. As the flip-flop his the ground it lit up to display random colors dancing up and down the shoe ware.

"Oh, come on!" Kyle said, growing angrier by the second. "He's doing this to make fun of an entire culture that he's not even a part of!"

Cartman gasped loudly, a hand covering his mouth. "You see? You see now, Mr. Mackey?"

"I'm afraid I do, Mr. Cartman," Mr. Mackey declared, serious eyes with furrowed brows looking over the teens in front of him. "You three in my office. Now." he demanded in a serious tone.

"Seriously?" Kyle exclaimed. "This isn't even fair!"

"You shouldn't make fun of others for their sexual preference, Kyle."

"But I'm gay!" Kyle replied instantaneously.

Even Kenny paused in his laughter as everyone turned to him.

"Fuck." Kyle muttered.

"Haha! I got you!" Cartman laughed, taking out a small recorder from underneath his flowing shirt.

Fucking fatass…