AN: I think I'm stuck writing with a sarcastic narrator only. Goddammit, creative writing class. N also gave me the prompts 'Vegetable garden and a near-death experience', so I naturally thought of Monty Python.

tumblr: conjure-at-your-own-risk

Disclaimer: Not a black belt yet, so I'm not Jim Butcher. I also think we're both learning different styles.

Title: Down the Rabbit Hole

Word Count: 500

Summary: There's a time and place to quote Monty Python.

"Holy freaking shit!" I coughed up what felt like a lung and saw the sky swirling in my black-speckled vision. My head felt like one of Mouse's chew toys and I ached everywhere.

In other words, it was my usual sort of day—except I was stuck in a ditch somewhere in Anywhere, USA.

I was never asking Bob for directions again. The was a shortcut, he had said. It would be easy, he had said. There's a monstrous vegetable garden that swallows wizards up, he hadn't said. Stars and stones, was he trying to make sure that Death Curse happen early or something?

The great and feared Harry Dresden, dead by shit directions and a ditch.

I woozily sat up and could almost see the cartoon birdies circling around my head ,and ready to burst out into a Disney song about friendship and eating carrots. My vision cleared and I was clearly alone in said ditch that was narrow and crumbly-like. This wasn't good. But I'm not dead yet, I thought. Just dead, battered, and lost. I looked up and some dirt and pebbles fell on my face. There was an ominous kaw-kaw of a bird in the distance to add more to the atmosphere. Okay, maybe a little dead.

"Murphy!" I shouted. "Hey, Murph. I think the garden swallowed me up!"

No response.

I stood up and almost fell back down when I hit my head on a branch that was sticking out of the dirt that could double as a club for a giant. Great. Next I'll be seeing more birds. I used that as leverage to help myself up, and sincerely wished that I had landed on a goose-feathered mattress instead. That way falling to my death could had been fun, and I could bounce my way back to the surface.

Gosh, I was so smart.

"Karrin!" I cupped my hands around my mouth and hollered again. "Karrin! I don't want to get eaten by an evil giant bunny!"

"That's because you stink of elderberries!" Murphy's blonde head of hair appeared with the sun shinning behind her. She looked positively angelic with her golden locks and angry, blood-stained face. She glared down at me from her spot. She was probably very happy with being taller than me. Heh, small victories for the vertically challenged. "You suck, Harry!"

"Take it to your union and blame Bob." I measured the distance between us. "Um, wizard down. Please send help. Like a ladder or Lassie."