It's 1:28 A.M. when I realize I am in love with you.

My head is doing that thing with your name,

where words don't seem like words anymore after you look at them for a while.

The only sounds that accompany me are the soft hum of the ceiling fan, and my syncopated heartbeat;

Each hushed pump plays in three beats time- like a waltz;

One two three, one two three, oh my god, oh my god.

My lights stay off, my fan still hums, and I stay in bed until my finger grows tired,

Of scrolling through our conversations.

"I've been thinking," I say to a friend the following morning.

"That's dangerous," she retaliates, humor lacing her words.

All I can think about is how right she is.

I am taken aback by how easy it is,

To remain by your side and part of your day.

Smiling even seems to come with facility,

But then at 1:28 A.M., tears drip down the sides of my face as I lay in bed,

And I listen to the sound of my waltzing heart;

One two three, one two three, make it stop, make it stop.

I've grown accustomed to the familar sensation,

of your teeth slowly sinking deeper into my chest,

and I realize I have mastered the art of dying in silence.

I can only fall asleep after accepting that my laugh doesn't light up your eyes,

and my words of affection don't make your chest leap in one two three, one two three,

Love me back, love me back.

.

.

.

GUESS WHO'S BACK

I have been dealing with a lot of things throughout these past two years- anorexia and bulimia being a huge part of my absence from this fic. I hope I can make up for lost time in the next few months- I'm graduating in early June, so I should be able to focus on this piece and various others that I haven't even had the opportunity to POST on here!

Thank you for reading this story- every time I see a notification in my email that doesn't have to do with college or scholarships, I get a little giddy.

Expect a REAL update within the next few weeks; this is a poem I wrote recently that I feel like Matthew would have resonated with. I actually thought about him earlier today while editing it for a scholarship. I wanted to let you guys know I HAVEN'T abandoned this fic, and I just couldn't wait until I had another two thousand words out LMAO.

Anorexia, Bulimia, and every eating disorder in between is a serious threat to an individual's mental health. If you or a friend is struggling with an ED, feel free to message me here or on my tumblr: .com