Bilbo, you're worrying us

Tied up inside her rulers quarters, guards waiting outside the door, Tauriel was in quite the predicament. Had her love, Kili, heard of her capture? Did the scene he witness between herself and Legolas make him cold, unwilling to aid her? Damn that blonde prince! He had caused this initial problem, sending Kili running with tears dropping down his innocent face. Then as she went to try and clear up the misunderstanding, she runs into the one elf she needed to avoid at all cost, Thanduril.

Was this some sort of punishment for falling in love with a dwarf instead of another elf?

"I believe our ancestors have more wicked souls to punish for true misdeeds, young one. Your hearts choice is not a top concern of theirs." A warm, calming female voice spoke from out of no where, Tauriel moving her head left and right, seeing only the empty room.

"Who are you?" Tauriel called out, feeling nervous with her body bound, unable to defend herself thoroughly.

"Fear not, it is I, the lady Galadriel. I have come to free you, for this is my domain, and I will not see an innocent soul imprisoned." The lovely voice spoke, Tauriel feeling less apprehensive but still curious as to where the lady was.

"I wish to pass." Tauriel could hear the regal lady speaking at the door, the guards praising her as the door dutifully opened. Her presence of light and eternal goodness gave Tauriel inner strength as the elf lady closed the door behind her, giving the two occupants privacy.

With a wave of her hand, magic unbound her chains, releasing the Silven elf. Tauriel bowed to the lady, thanking her.

"Tell me, before I send you off to find your beloved, I'd like to hear your reasoning for falling in love. I'm a romantic at heart, and have always enjoyed hearing of unusual love stories. Though I am private about this enjoyment, so please, tell me how it all began." The lady fluidly placed herself in a nearby chair, gesturing for Tauriel to sit before her.

"You have the ability to read minds, my lady. Why ask to hear it when you can search my mind for the answers?" Tauriel asked curiously, not coming off rude in her honest question.

"I much rather speak normally and enjoy the tale face to face, rather than pull the information out of you. Some details are better heard through someone else's verbal description of an occurrence. Please, lets hear it all before your lord arrives, I have to formally greet him and wish for you to be gone when that happens." The beautiful elf smiled kindly, awaiting Tauriel's tale.

"It all began when..."

-0-0-

"We take out the guards and rescue her!" Kili argued, his uncle sighing in annoyance as he sat beside Bilbo, stroking the hobbits face to ease his irritation. Bilbo was smiling at Thorin, enjoying his physical comfort, then he'd turn his eyes on Kili to frown, uncertain if the young dwarfs idea would be wise. This was Galadriel domain, it would not bode well to start a fight amongst her elvish kin from Mirkwood, the dwarfs were outnumbered by the elves living here, if they all should take up arms...

Bilbo didn't want to even think about that outcome. The battle of five armies had had enough blood spilt that he was not willing to see more of it. There simply had to be a better way to achieve their goal of rescuing Tauriel.

"Perhaps I can speak with Thanduril, we have been on good terms for the most part." Gandalf offered, he had been awakened when Kili and Thorin had returned, the nephew being very loud and aggressively breaking vases and other decorations once they entered the room...showing how very much he could be like Thorin if given the opportunity.

Gandalf had finally warned him that if he continued to act like a child, the wizard would make sure his beard never grew again, making him look the youngest amongst the dwarfs forever. Beard stunting was not a thing to jest about, the young fellow had stopped breaking things but he still was very verbal in how he felt about Thanduril's decision to keep Tauriel locked up.

"Bilbo, you were an excellent burglar, would you be able to sneak past the guards and help Tauriel?" Kili asked, Thorin's face hardening with anger.

"You leave Bilbo out of this! He just barely survived that monster leaving his body!" The dwarf king snapped at his kin, defending his weakened hobbit.

"But uncle, how are we...?" Before Kili could finish his sentence, the doors to their room burst open, everyone turning to see the new visitor.

"Tauriel!" Kili squealed like an overjoyed child, racing up to her and embracing the lass in a tight hug.

They hugged and muttered apologies, that was followed by innocent pecks to cheeks and foreheads. Thorin broke the love birds up after witnessing his nephew getting too forward with the elf, turning the dwarf kings stomach.

"So she's returned, but is she worth having amongst us? Kili saw you with that other elf, how are we to trust you with his fragile heart when you've so easily upset him?" Thorin asked, separating the two with his body, staring down the she elf like an angry momma bear. Thorin would protect his kin from heartache, even if that meant making Kili hate him for it.

"It was a misunderstanding, Legolas kissed me, I was forced upon." She informed the unbelieving king.

"Uncle, we've worked it out, please stop harassing my girlfriend." Kili whined from behind his kin, getting a humph from the elder dwarf.

"Another slip up, elf, and Kili won't be able to stop me from taking action." He warned her before moving back to his bed ridden Bilbo.

"You could have been easier on them." Bilbo tisked as his companion took his hand in his.

"She needs to know I'm serious about Kili's well being." Thorin lightly argued back, raising a curious brow at his hobbit, "Would you rather I had simply beheaded her for hurting Kili's feelings? I think the way I handled it was the gentler way, Bilbo."

The hobbit rolled his eyes, playfully smacking at Thorins hands. "Such an ornery dwarf." Bilbo commented, making Thorin chuckle.

"You're just now figuring that out?" The dwarf king sassed his hobbit, making Bilbo pout and blush, melting Thorin's heart by just watching his companions reactions.

"Lady Galadriel helped me, she was going to speak with Thanduril after I left." Tauriel informed the group, Thorin imaging the elf receiving a harsh spanking from the lady of light, that image making him laugh out loud, startling everyone in the room.

"Whatever has you so jolly!" Bilbo questioned, the others eyeing the dwarf king curiously.

"Just imaging that idiot Thanduril's meeting with the lady of light." He offhandedly explained, keeping that private image all to himself.

-0-0-

Thanduril was walking back to his room in an irritable mood. His son had gone off, leaving in a very rude manner, never saying where he was going. So the king had finished his meal and decided to head back and possibly take out his annoyance on the chained up Tauriel.

While nasty images of torchure ran through the elf kings mind, he was too engrossed with his mental images to heed any warnings his guards tried to attempt. He entered his room to find Lady Galadriel sitting on his bed, holding a cold smile. Tauriel was no where to be found.

He stood there, dumbfounded, being rude by not bowing respectfully to the higher ranking elf, when Galadriel rose. She walked over towards him, looking him directly in the eyes, and knowing exactly what he had been previously thinking about.

"Your heart is bitter and cold, King Thanduril." She spoke openly, her voice powerful, making him wince at her accusation.

"My lady, I know not what you mean." He hesitantly said, bending down to show his respect, bowing to the lady.

"You came in here expecting someone else entirely. My presence has surprised and unsettled you. Tell me, do you truly feel it was right to imprison the elf due to her hearts choice of suitor?"

"Tauriel is a traitor, and must be dealt with my lady." The king argued, Galadriel raising a brow at him curiously.

"Why did you enter my kingdom, Thanduril? Our people have never been visited by yours in a very long time. What motive brought you?" She waited, wanting him to answer truthfully before she'd attempt searching for it with her powers.

"The dwarfs, Tauriel and my son Legolas. We were in pursuit of my son and the Silven elf, wanting them returned, nothing more." He was keeping his mind void, holding back the other issue.

"Even without use of my powers, your body betrays you, Thanduril. Your eyes are like glass, hiding back truth. Speak it now, before I take it from you." She warned him, her counterpart crossing his arms defensively.

"I have no idea what you mean, my lady. I do not lie." He was feeling sweat above his brow, her presence unnerving him and causing his body to betray his cool mind.

"You were warned." She stated simply, looking into his eyes with intenseness, his heart racing at such power she radiated.

Images of the lonely mountain passed through his mind, the vision if his elks antlers being brought up by his guards, his cry of outrage.

The the image of what he most desired came across his mind, ambushing the dwarfs, slitting Thorin Oakenshield 's throat as the hobbit watched. Mowing down his other dwarfs with arrows, leaving no survivors.

"My, a cold heart and mind. Tell me, was it ever to cross your mind that the elks death was beyond the dwarfs control? No, you are not the type of elf to hear the other side of their story." She shook her head at him, her eyes pitying the other. "You will stay here when they leave, king Thanduril, you are to be my guest for the next two weeks. You attempt to leave sooner, and you will be prisoners instead." She informed him cooly, gliding past the shocked looking king, opening the rooms door.

"Good evening, Thanduril, enjoy your stay." She was smiling as she left, finding her statement humorous.

Once she had left, the king ordered his guards in, demanding why they had not warned him of the awaiting lady.

"Sire, we tired! You were in deep thought!" They pleaded with him, seeing the rage in his face.

"We're stuck here, thanks to you fools! When we return to Mirkwood, you're all banned from our wine! Lousy soldiers don't deserve such a heavenly liquid!" He watched them wince, turning their eyes away from the royally pissed elf, "One of you idiots find me some chocolate, and I need a servant to prepare my bath!" He barked out his orders, practically foaming at the mouth as he watched his guards run away in a hurry.

"Damn that Galadriel, if I had known she was a dwarf hugger I never would have entered this accursed city!" He howled like an angry, wounded dog.

-0-0-

So much love and fondness was in the air, that it got Gandalf thinking of his own past experience. That witch who had been so jealous of his mere friendship with the lady of light. His companions jealousy had cost Gandalf dearly, his 'family jewels' taken with a blade, magic keeping them in working order to sit on her mantle for eternity, a trophy.

He had once come to terms with it, dreading the thought of ever running across her path again, but now, as he looked around him at all his happy friends, he felt that perhaps, it was worth his time after all to try and reclaim what he had lost. It would be a mentally exhausting journey, he knew it, but Gandalf would have to simply barrel through it. The wandering wizard had wandered long enough without his proper equipment attached.

"Gandalf, thank you for helping the lady heal me. I shudder to think what may have become of me." Bilbo spoke up, taking Gandalf out of his private thoughts.

Little Bilbo was healing fast, it had been a few days since the she elf, Tauriel, had been rescued. Soon the dwarfs would be heading out with a healthy Bilbo in tow.

"Gandalf, if there's ever anything you need, I'd be glad to repay your kindness." Bilbo smiled genuinely at the wizard.

"Actually, Bilbo, I may need your help sooner than I had thought. I am going on a quest, once you are fully healed, I would appreciate your companionship. You will give me courage for what I'm about to do." He had Thorins attention at the mention of a quest.

"You're a wizard, Gandalf. What sort of quest could scare you?" Thorin scoffed, Bilbo tapped his smart ass dwarf with his palm.

"Well, Thorin Oakenshield, my quest is simple. I plan on reclaiming my manhood from a witch." He informed them calmly, Thorin and Bilbo looking to one another before Thorin started to laugh. He pointed at the frowning wizard and laughed whole heartedly.

"The manhood of our great wizard, gone? No wonder you're so eager to be the diplomat, you haven't got any balls!" The wizard began to mumble a chant, his words causing Thorins laugh to turn into a goats bleat. The dwarf closed his mouth and placed one hand over it, his eyes round and large.

"Laugh all you like, but I intend to regain my manhood, and there is no shame in that quest." Gandalf huffed, standing up from his chair and leaving the room.

"Heal up, Bilbo Baggins, for you are greatly needed for my quest to succeed." The wise wizard spoke before completely leaving the couple.

"Well, that will teach you to make fun of sensitive wizards." Bilbo teased his pouting dwarf, laughing when the fellow attempted speech and only made a bleating noise.

"Will you come with us, Thorin?" He asked the king after controlling his laughter. The other gave a nod, his eyes speaking "Of course!".

"Good, because its not an adventure without you." He kissed his goat speaking dwarf, pleased for the start of a new quest. He'd repay Gandalf's help with his assistance, hopefully with the three of them working together, the grey wizard could become whole once more.

-0-0-

The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.

A/N: The Reclaiming of Gandalf's Balls will be my next short story, I may choose to call it 'Manhood' instead of balls, sounds a bit less...offensive. Tehehe. I hope you enjoyed this story, thanks for reading! It's going to be fun starting a new story, get ready for some crazy happenings! Has Thanduril been completely pulled back from punishing Thorin? After two weeks, dwarfs may be fair game all over again! He will surly return in more of my stories.