A/N- This is a humorous side story to my XCOM/ME crossover When Civilizations Meet. Read it if you want to know what's going on in here.

Chapter 1- Contact: Mindoir Elementary

Tali waited nervously as the shuttle touched down at the Mindoir space port. The terran colony was fairly small, which meant that it had a population under 1 billion. The shuttle touched the ground, and the three quarians left. Kal'Reegar and Lia'Vael were both in bubbles, moving out first, with Tali, who due to her genetic modification did not need one, walked out behind them. Kal and Lia were escorted to the terran genetics facility, where they would spend the next few days undergoing genetic modification to compensate for their weakened immune systems. Tali, meanwhile, was escorted to their new residence. Tali said her goodbyes to Kal and Lia, before getting into a Terran skycar, and taking off.

Upon landing, Tali saw the apartment for the first time. To say she was overwhelmed would have been an understatement. Aboard the migrant fleet, this apartment would have had its designer spaced, but here it was just average! The one large bed was replaced by three small ones, and the large window gave an amazing view of the skyline of Mindoir.

"Miss Zorah?" A human asked.

"Yes?" Tali answered.

"I was told to deliver these to you." The human, a female, probably, answered. She placed down three boxes, with their recipients' names clearly written on the side. Then, the human left.

Tali opened hers. There were several smaller boxes inside. One was full of standard school supplies, such as an E-stylus for writing, a personal datapad, and a personal carry bag, styled in a purple pattern of Clan Zorah. It was beautiful.

The second box was metal, with a large 'SPONSORED BY MEGAPOL' sticker on it. Inside, was a pair of human weapons. One was the size of a pistol, with a small grip, and a large forward firing block, as well as a thick, gunmetal gray barrel, with the word 'LAWPISTOL' engraved on it. The second was a shotgun, with the tag 'M22 Eviscerator' attached to the side. Underneath the weapons was a targeting hologram, as well as a note reading:

Dear Tali'Zorah nar Rayya.

It has come to my attention that you have decided to enter into the human education system. Remember, you are expected to bring your own gun, or they will fit you with absolute garbage. I hope these top-of-the-line guns serve you well throughout the combat training courses. I remember back when I had to go through them. I had to use an old Gauss gun from the Aquanaut corps. I wish you best of luck in your training program. Remember that these guns are for training purposes, and as such, are loaded with blanks. Do not keep loaded with live ammo unless you are in school training.

-A well wisher.

This message was sponsored by the MEGAPOL corporation. MEGAPOL: Reliable, safe, effective! Unlike MARSEC.

Tali put the note aside, and took out the final bottom package. Attached to it was another note.

"Dear Tali

I wish you luck in the Terran school system. I will be working on building us a house on Rannoch, just like I promised. However, it has come to my attention that the policy in the Terran school system is 'bring your own gun'. As such, I managed to buy some high tech MARSEC laser weaponry just for you. I wish you all the best in your endeavors. These are special 'training' lasers, that will not inflict fatal wounds.

Rael.

P.S. Don't use that MEGAPOL crap. Mass effect based weapons are overrated.*

*This P.S. was sponsored by MARSEC corporation. MARSEC: We have your back, unlike MEGAPOL!

Tali put that letter down, and opened the second package. Inside was a human laser pistol, and a laser shotgun. She was torn, deciding which one to use. She went to sleep on it, as the sun was already going down.

The next day, Tali woke to an orange sunrise. She went to make herself something to eat. Being a quarian, she had to be self-sufficient at a young age, due to everyone being too busy to coddle you. She opened the refrigeration unit, and saw a bunch of unknown foods inside. She spotted a strange fruit, and decided to try it. The 'Nutrivend Omni-Nutritious Super Fruit' as the labeling named it, tasted just like Quarian nutrient paste. Bland and disgusting, with obvious artificial flavoring added to unsuccessfully make it taste better. She barely finished it. Then, she went upstairs, wanting to see what entertainment vids the humans watched. Turning on the TV, she was immediately hit with loud music.

'My Little Chryssalid, My Little Chryssalid..." It went. Tali began to watch the strange show. It detailed the adventures of a group of strange alien insects and their human handlers as they joined XCOM and helped defend earth from a variety of very scary aliens. Of course, the show didn't skimp on the gore, and Tali soon found herself covering her eyes whenever a chryssalid eviscerated an alien, or when an alien killed an XCOM agent.

'How can this be considered fun?' Tali asked herself, as she covered her eyes, only hearing the mauling sounds of a Chryssalid attack. Mercifully, the episode eventually ended, leaving a horrified Tali sitting there, staring at the ending credits. She breathed deeply several times, before turning off the vid screen, and walked up to the personal computer in her room. Turning it on, she looked up human games. The computer came with several pre-installed ones. One was an action shooter, Call of Duty: XCOM 14, which she just didn't like. The second was XCOM: Enemy Unknown, 2152 remake. Tali tried it out, and played its 'Classic' campaign. Her first battle ended with all but one soldier massacred by alien fire within two turns, her last soldier bravely killing off all opposition.

Tali continued playing for a considerable amount of time, before she looked out the window. The sun had rose to almost noon height. Tali saved her game and closed the terminal. She went down to make herself some lunch. For some reason, she didn't want to try the 'Evonet Recycled Nutritional Paste, now 100% recycled bio-waste', or eat another Omnifruit. Eventually, she tried to make herself some of the strange dish 'Pasta'. She ended up with a pot of half water mush, which she ate anyway. It was disgusting. She decided to try out the new weapons she got the previous day, setting up the target holo on one end of the room.

'How hard can it be?' She asked herself as the took out the Lawpistol.

She soon found out that it was very hard indeed. The pistol turned out to be fully automatic, and packed a serious recoil. After emptying two clips of target paint, she had scored a whopping two hits on the holo target, and the disappearing target paint stained the walls. Even worse, someone in production had messed up, and forgot to add in enough disappearing agent into the paint, making it slowly go away over the course of a few days, rather than hours.

Tali was practicing with her laser pistol (which thankfully was much easier to use) when the doorbell rang. Tali walked over, and opened the door.

"Miss Zorah? Your companions' gene modification has been completed suc... sess... fully..." The human trailed off as she saw the target paint staining the walls in the entrance hallway.

"Ok, then lets go!" Tali said, oblivious to the human's shock, as the human attempted to comprehend how any person's aim could be that bad.

At the laboratory, Tali met her companions. The two of them looked nervous, as if they would catch some deadly disease at a moment's notice. Tali led them back to the skycar, and talked with them on her way home.

"The apartment is awesome! We get our own beds, and a vidscreen, and a personal terminal, and so much more!" She babbled constantly. Kal and Lia just sat there, nodding their heads. Eventually, the car arrived, and Kal and Lia beheld the yellow splattered hallway that was the result of Tali's practice with a Lawpistol. In the middle of the hallway was a small package for 'Mr. Kal'Reegar.' with a stamp on it saying 'Approved by MARSEC corporation.'

Kal opened it, and took out... something. It had a long tube, with a bulbous front end, and a thick grip. Kal, however, seemed very excited by it, and loaded a piece of practice ammo into it. As Tali and Lia took cover, he fired. "YES!" Kal screamed, as the rocket covered the far wall with yellow paint. Tali gave Lia her MEGAPOL weapons, due to her inability to use them effectively. Tali was in the middle of a target practice session with Lia, when the dreaded sound, 'My Little Chryssalid, My Little Chryssalid..." came blasting out of the vidscreen room. Tali groaned, the song bringing back bad memories, while Kal'Reegar cheered in the background.

By the end of the day, Tali just wanted to go to sleep. Reegar had been watching the human show for several hours, and seemed entranced by it. Lia finally dragged him away from the vidscreen, shutting it off, just so she and Tali could sleep without the sound of weapons fire and evisceration waking them up every few minutes. Then, they learned something else about Kal. He snored. Loudly.

Tali finally fell asleep, thinking of what tomorrow would bring, as tomorrow was the day school started.

A/N: Here you go. The side story to When Civilizations Meet. Its not to be read as a stand-alone story. If you think this is silly, then you are correct. This side story has no real impact on Civilizations' story line. Will likely not be updated as frequently as the main story. Enjoy.