Final Chapter: In which shipping solves all of life's problems.

"They were here." Ironwood growled. He slammed his fist on the table. "Ozpin, they were here!"

"We are very much aware of that. Thank you James." Glynda responded testily.

"Fantastic," Ironwood responded with equal sarcasm "You're aware. Now are we going to do something about it or should we stay the course and continue to ignore what is right in front of us?"

Ozpin smiled wearily "Come now, old friend. Surely, you don't think that I would neglect my duties so atrociously. The perpetrator has already been identified this morning. She and her affiliates are currently posing as students from Haven in this very school and were roomed in the AH dorms."

Ironwood blinked, clearly surprised that Ozpin had found spy from the other night so soon. "Are you are sure it's her?"

Ozpin snorted, "It wasn't exactly difficult. She used her scroll to log into the school's wifi system in the elevator. Once we checked positive for her IP address we just traced her back to her dorm and used the security footage to match the appearances. Heck, they even registered their real names at the school; Cinder Fall, Mercury Black and Emerald Sustrai. I could have literally google searched some of their criminal records."

"A disguise probably would have been useful." The general mused. "I wonder why she chose to don fetish wear instead."

"Some people seem to believe that it provides a good distraction," Ozpin offered "Though I'm not sure why she thought it would be an effective garb for an infiltration mission."

"We must be dealing with an amateur then." Ironwood concluded. "How did you manage to get security footage of her? I thought she hacked into Beacon's surveillance system."

"Those were only the official cameras." Ozpin said dismissively. "I had a secondary system installed in secret."

"… … Why?"

"In case something like this ever happened." Ozpin answered, completely lying through his teeth. It wasn't as though he could tell the man that he had installed an entire surveillance system to monitor his students' love lives.

"I see." Ironwood was impressed by the headmaster's level of preparation and felt his respect for the man rise exponentially. "Then our course of action is clear. We call in the army, surround the AH dorms and arrest the three immediately."

"James-"

"No, Ozpin!" Ironwood interrupted." We need to get them while we still can when they're within our grasp."

"And then what?" Ozpin countered. "All we know now is that she assaulted a few guards and was in a restricted area during the night of the dance."

"We could interrogate her."

"And she would tell you nothing." Ozpin told him flatly. "And while you interrogate someone who may very well be nothing more than a pawn in this grand scheme, we will have lost our only source of information to stop whatever our enemies may be planning."

Ironwood sighed, recognizing he had been beaten. "And what would you suggest?"

Ozpin sat back into his chair, sipping from his mug before answering. "We will continue to monitor Cinder Fall so that we can ultimately disrupt and destroy her plans, whatever they may be."

"And how would we go about disrupting her plans?" Glynda asked skeptically.

"There is a boy in this school by the name of Jaune Arc. I believe has the ability to get close to Cinder."

"A spy?" Ironwood raised a brow. "But why the boy? Doesn't he have one of the lowest grades in the student body?"

"He does." Ozpin confirmed. "But right now, he has the perfect skillset and personal traits to accomplish what we need him to do."

"Ah," Ironwood's eyes lit up in understanding. Of course, the Arc boy was starting to make sense to him now. Born from a prestigious line of Hunters, there was no way a boy like Jaune could have grown up to be anything less than a prodigy. His transcripts certainly suggested he was. But an exceptional student would have attracted too much attention and public scrutiny, conditions no sane spy would ever want. Ozpin must have cultivated the boy from a young age to be his personal informant in the student populace. He decided to pry for information. "What is he like?"

"Well…" Ozpin mused, "He's about as threatening as a small gerbil."

Seemingly harmless and innocent, no one would ever suspect someone like that.

"He's extremely clumsy and naïve."

Not traits he would ever expect in a spy but okay.

"He has compassionate blue eyes, an honest personality and many female sources have told me they found him quite adorkable."

Wait.

What?

"Wait minute, Ozpin." Ironwood said as a dreaded realization dawned upon him. "I might sound crazy right now, but the boy's description is starting to sound more like a dating profile than the skill set of an effective spy."

"On the contrary," Ozpin replied. "Jaune Arc is the most suitable spy for our current plans. He will be tasked with infiltrating Cinder's heart."

And then it finally clicked.

"Are you… are you trying to ship Cinder Fall with Jaune Arc?!" James yelled, sincerely hoping he was wrong.

"Yes, that's precisely what I am doing." Ozpin admitted without shame.

Ironwood struggled to find the words. "You… I don't even… ARE YOU INSANE?"

"I'll have you know James my psychologist has informed me that my sanity is within perfectly reasonable deviations." The fact that Ozpin had helped ship this particular psychologist with an attractive girlfriend of course had nothing to do with the man's final judgement.

Ironwood refused to dignify that statement with a response and instead turned his outrage to the next available and hopefully saner target.

"And you!" he said turning the Glynda. "He still hasn't given up shipping after all this time?! And you just let it happen?!"

"What could I have done, James?" Glynda glared back. "The man is my superior and the last time I checked, you were the one encouraging his habit in the vain hope of improving your desolate sex life!"

"Yes... well, but... damn, I suppose you have a point there." He admitted sheepishly. "But still Glynda, we're not teenagers anymore. Isn't it time he moved on from such activities?"

Glynda gave him a look of pity. "Do you really think I haven't tried? What do you think I have been doing for all these years? You have no idea what it's like, trying to fight a battle you knew you were destined to lose, knowing that all your blood, sweat and tears would be meaningless in the end. So let me ask you this, what have you done in these last few years?!"

Ironwood recognized her hollowed and haunted eyes as those too often seen in veterans returning from the bloodiest wars or survivors of vicious Grimm attacks. For the first time in years he began to fear for his own sanity.

"We're getting off topic." Ozpin reminded them. "We must take swift action against Cinder Fall and her cohorts."

"No!" Ironwood said, interrupting the headmaster. "Don't you dare pretend to be the voice of reason in this mess. If we're going to take swift action then it will be in the form a sustained droid assault on enemy positions."

"That course of action will only lead to unnecessary destruction and casualties." Ozpin countered back. "Trust me James. I have researched Cinder psych profile and history. This will work. Jaune Arc's character traits, provided the right stimulus, will all but guarantee Cinder Fall's attraction and subsequent defection to our side. Once that happens, we will have turned the enemy's greatest asset against them."

"Ozpin-"

"No, James!" said Ozpin, cutting him off. "You may doubt my abilities but I am not the same shipper you once knew. Over the past several years, experience and new theories have honed my abilities, made me stronger and wiser than I was before. What you face here is a man who has dedicated his entire soul so that others could love and be loved. I am the wingman of Beacon, not the one it deserves but the one that it needs. I am a silent guardian, a watchful protector… a Ship Wizard."

Did… did he just parody the Ark Night movie?

"Just because you're right doesn't mean you're correct. If you insist on standing in my way, then I will simply ship you until it is canon!"

How is that a threat?

"Ozpin," James said trying to placate his old friend. "I know you truly believe that love conquers all. It's an admirable sentiment but life isn't a fairy tale. Your plan simply won't work."

Ozpin stiffened at the remark, then leaned over his desk and said two words that struck terror in the Ironwood's heart.

"Challenge accepted."

o0o

Jaune had no idea how he had gotten into this situation. In the back of his mind, he (correctly) suspected that the machinations of his maniacal headmaster might somehow have had something to do with the fact that Cinder Fall, the beautiful transfer student from Haven, was currently snuggling up against his arm whilst purring like a cat.

It has certainly been a strange semester over the past few months, Jaune mused, at least since he had met Cinder. He remembered having gone to the cafeteria for lunch where he saw team CRDL harassing the dark haired girl. At the time, it didn't strike him as odd that neither of Cinder's teammates had been present nor did it seem strange that none of his own friends had been in the cafeteria despite the fact that they had all left Port's class at the same time. In hindsight, it was even stranger that team CRDL, who had mellowed out significantly and given up their bullying ways, had suddenly decided to pick on the new student for no discernable reason.

What Jaune was blissfully unaware of, at the time, was that Ozpin had expertly orchestrated the absence of any party that could potentially have interfered and prevented Jaune from unintentionally raising the Cinder flag. He also persuaded (blackmailed) CRDL with an anonymous letter to bully Cinder in order to help set up her route. As predicted, Jaune stood up to CRDL forcing them to back off from the villainess who had been resisting the urge to burn the entire team to a crisp for the sake of keeping her abilities concealed. Though it was only the beginning of their relationship, the incident had left a lasting impression on Cinder's mind.

Perhaps it was his imagination, but Jaune realized that he had begun seeing Cinder around the school much more frequently after that incident. They had started running into each other in the halls, the library and were often paired up in group assignments. Whether this was an incredible series of coincidences or the workings of a benevolent god, Jaune had found himself growing fond of gorgeous seductress as he got to know her better. Eventually, the meetings had escalated and after a series of exciting adventures during which Jaune had rescued Cinder from an exploding building and then helped her make peace with her troubled past, Cinder had fallen head over heels for the blonde goofball.

A tug on his arm brought Jaune out of his reminiscing as he remembered that the two were not alone. While Cinder was snuggling against his left arm, basking in his scent, his right was similarly occupied by a familiar redheaded Spartan who pulled his arm into her considerable cleavage. Though he had grown to love Cinder over the past few months, Jaune recognized his equally budding feelings for Pyrrha as well, leaving him in a painful dilemma, one he wasn't sure he ever wanted to confront. Just last week, Cinder had snuck into his room in the middle of the night wearing a sexy spy catsuit, declaring that she was on a mission to punish her naughty little boy. Jaune wasn't sure whether he should have been relieved or disappointed when his scarlet haired partner woke up and flung the intruder out the window. Ever since then Pyrrha insisted on sleeping with Jaune in the same bed, to protect him from "that foul vixen". The fact that her nightwear of choice often consisted nothing but a sheer negligee added with her habit of clinging to him in her sleep, was cause for many a sleepless nights.

Pyrrha glared at the ebony haired girl and, in a silent system of communication only known to women, made one message painfully clear. 'Back off. He's mine.'

Cinder, recognizing the look for what it was, smiled back answering the challenge with a fitting message. 'Come and get him.'

From afar, their teammates and friends looked towards the spectacle the trio was creating in the school cafeteria. Their reactions ranged from confusion to amusement to horror.

"Well," Yang said speaking for her team whilst smirking, "this is a thing. Who knew vomit boy was such a ladies man? I guess Fall has fallen for Jaune."

Everyone in earshot groaned.

Off to their side, the remaining members of JNPR watched on. Ren remained as calm as ever, hiding his own puzzlement at the scene. His own partner however was not so reserved.

"Woo!" Nora screamed, cheering Jaune on. "Arkosfall forever! Mah OTT!"

From back, Emerald and Mercury watched with a mixture of shock and horror as several months of insidious plotting came crashing down into the ground. They had never even entertained the possibility their boss was capable of liking someone, let alone loving someone. The fact that that someone could be Jaune 'vomit-on-vehicles' Arc was nothing short of mind-blowing.

"Whelp," Emerald said, neatly summing up their thoughts. "We're screwed."

Mercury snorted. "Well at least you can still fall back on stealing. Do you have any idea how badly the henchman market is doing right now? It never recovered since the recession."

"Hey!" Emerald cried, indignant. "Thieving isn't as easy as you make it out to be."

Mercury gave her a flat look. "We managed to steal 40 tons of dust before the entire plan got derailed by a blonde dork. The Vale Police Department isn't exactly made up of the crème de la crème."

Somewhere in Vale, detective Burns and Heyman simultaneously sneezed.

"I hate you." The thief groused.

"I love you too." Her partner replied smirking.

Nora gave them a pained look. "Oh, just fuck already."

Meanwhile in Ozpin's office, Ozpin and Glynda watched the ensuing scene from the surveillance footage on a computer monitor while James stood in the background smashing his head against a wall. Ozpin smiled proudly as he watched his precious entertainment… errr… student start upon a path to realize his full potential. It was incredibly fulfilling to see his faith in the boy rewarded.

"You know," Glynda said, directing her comment at Ozpin. "There's one thing I still don't understand. You usually hate compromising your original ships and I know Miss Nikos and Mister Arc's relationship was one of your favorites. So why risk complicating your neat pairings?"

"There were two reasons." Ozpin admitted, slightly startled that his longtime friend had figured out his shipping habits out so easily. "The first is that regardless of what Cinder may have planned, she was not beyond saving. Hers was a tragic tale and if at all possible I felt that she deserved a chance at genuine love. If anything it was Jaune's compassion that had made it possible. In this instance, he deserves credit for Cinder's redemption. I merely set up the game."

"What do you mean?"

Ozpin sighed. "There were a myriad of things that could have gone wrong. You must understand Glynda, I cannot make two people to love each other. Love is simply not something that can be forced. All I can do… all I should do, is take two souls that may be suitable for one another and give them the opportunity to find it themselves. That is true shipping. Cinder could have remained impassive to my efforts and Jaune's relationship to Miss Nikos may have been irrevocably damaged as a result of them. It was a risk. But sometimes I suppose we must have faith in our students, not only in their abilities but also in the content of their character."

The honest admission surprised Glynda, not only for its hidden depths but because is showed how much trust Ozpin placed in his students. At the end of the day, even beyond his obsessive hobby, Ozpin was a headmaster who truly cared about his students.

"And the second?" she asked out of curiosity.

"The second reason was that Jaune Arc's personality was simply well suited to saving Cinder." Ozpin explained. "His personality was the second most compatible to hers according to my formula."

"Really? Why didn't you use the most compatible person? Was he unavailable?"

Ozpin looked away in embarrassment. "Actually, it was a woman. You, as a matter of fact."

Glynda gave the man a flat glare. "I'm perfectly straight Ozpin."

"I know," Ozpin said, squirming under her glare. "My shipping formula is gender neutral. It simply matches personalities and history. Besides, I would never try to ship you. You would probably castrate me if I ever tried and… and quite frankly I find the prospect of you being with someone else… uncomfortable at best."

It wasn't exactly a confession, but it was enough to send a burst of warmth through her chest. Smiling, Glynda leaned over and pecked the headmaster on the cheek.

"And don't you forget it." She told him.

James just started smashing his head harder.

Dammit Ozpin.

o0-Epilogue-0o

Ozpin and Glynda got together… eventually.

Qrow gave up being subtle and finally locked Ozpin and Glynda in a room and threatened to never let them out until they porked. He still has the tapes.

Disillusioned with military life, Ironwood left the Atlas Armed Forces to create a successful web based comedy series. He decided to call his company, Chicken-Dentals.

After many volumes of character development and levels in badass taken, Jaune eventually grew to be one of the greatest harem protagonists of all time. His current rival is Negi Springfield.

Cinder eventually gave up her life of villainy to settle down with her husband. They had many blonde haired children together.

After many years of being a Huntress, Pyrrha also settled down with her husband. They had many blonde haired children together.

Mercury and Emerald still insist they're just "friends". No one believes them.

Roman also gave up his criminal life and went on to star in the award winning film, Clockwork Orange.

Ren finally became "together together" with Nora. They later retired from Hunting work and opened a pancake shop.

Recognizing her potential, Nora was taken under Ozpin's wing and taught the sacred arts of shipping to become the next generation Ship-Master. The world was not ready.

Sun and Neptune went back to Vacuo and then embarked on a legendary journey to the west in their own spinoff show.

As Qrow predicted, Weiss was left heartbroken by Neptune's departure. Luckily, she had Ruby to comfort her. They are very happy together

Yang finally found out all the secrets to her past and moved on with her life.

Blake went on to become a bestselling erotic romance novelist. Her hits include "50 Shades of Sexual Harassment", "Joeled" and "Yang: A Story of my Sexual Submission".

Penny saved the world as the Avatar. She later fell in love with a man named Theodore who reciprocated her feelings despite her robotic nature. Sadly, she evolved beyond the mental capacities of her human companion and left for a higher plane of digital existence.

Adam finally received the screen time he deserved. There was much rejoicing.

Winter finally received the screen time she deserved. There was much rejoicing.

Sage and Scarlet finally got screen time in RWBY Volume III. Unfortunately, Miles and Kerry decided to troll the audience by giving them no lines of dialogue.

Melanie and Miltiades Malachite went on to have their own spinoff show, a comedy sitcom about the hijinks of a bunch of wacky friends trying to run a bar.

Port finally got shipped. He married into an aristocratic family called the Armstrongs. He named his first son Alex and his daughter Olivia.

Bartholomew tried to defy Ozpin's ships till the bitter end. It was all a part of Ozpin's elaborate plan. No one escapes the Ship-Wizard.

Team CRDL lived happily ever after. Their activities formed the basis for a very popular comic series targeted at Japanese school girls.

Coco also lived happily ever after with her harem (aka Team CFVY). Much ass kicking was involved.

After several volumes of sadistic teasing on the part of the writers, RWBY fans finally got see Velvet's weapon. It was so awesome many fans were reported to have passed out from emotions that resembled orgasm whilst simultaneously winning the lottery.

RWBY Volume III blew everyone's minds and went on to win every award it was eligible for. (Kerry cried like a bitch)

Lazer Team went on to win all the Oscars it was eligible for. (Burnie cried like a bitch)

All of Ozpin's ships became canon.

General RTS: This took way too long to get out. Between college and a full time job, I no longer have the time I used to for writing stories. This was a fun little story to write and I enjoyed reading all of the supportive comments. It was especially flattering when I discovered that someone had made a TvTropes page for this fic, so props to whoever took the time to do that. Nora as Ship-Wizard? I can't tell if that's horrifying or awesome? Anyways Roosterteeth, make Arkosfall happen now!