The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

It hurt in a silent way. The way that glass shatters from a high shelf when no one's home; it still leaves the pieces broken and bent, expect no one is there to help pick them up. It hurts all the same though.

It's easier to keep things in. You learn that in a job filled with so much horror. You learn that what people don't know can't hurt them, it can only hurt you, and if that is the only price to pay, then it's a pretty good bargain.

JJ still remembered the day everything changed. She remembered it like a rope that hung around her neck day in night, but on some days that rope was tighter than on others. It wasn't the fact that her family remained small, it was the fact that it could've grown, the fact that she had the chance to have another child, but she ruined. One day, one move, one person, and one stupid mistake was all it took.

"I'm so sorry," said Cruz.

And she knew before the words had even come out of his mouth. JJ knew just by the look on his face, the distant glare in his eyes that something had gone horribly wrong, and with one word she knew that it was her.

Most days Blake told herself that she lived to put the bad guys away, and that was true, but not totally. She watched case after case, she observed so closely each unsub's motive, each victim, and broken person. The cases were simple because there was proof, and evidence, and most importantly a reason. It was often the unknown that left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. After all it was the unknown that took her son from the world.

She watched her precious son, she watched Ethan, her Ethan, slowly wash away like sand on a beach, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She tried so hard. She was a goddamn FBI agent, she graduated top of her class; she saved countless victims from their fate, yet she couldn't save her little boy from what awaited him because like the tide it can only be slowed down, never stopped.

Blake watched her son grow, as his brain slowly got smaller, and with that his time became shorter. On his last night she begged him to open his eyes, just one more time, and one more time became one more second, and soon enough there was nothing left to beg for.

Like the steady final beep of the heart monitor, she felt her heart beat its last beat as well, and no amount of people saved in her lifetime would ever bring her son back, and that was what hurt the worst.

JJ's hands were shaking slightly on the plane ride home. She remembered every person that she's ever shot, but somehow even as the number grew greater the sharp pain in her stomach remained.

You do what it takes to protect your family, she tried to remind herself, but then she thought about how she couldn't protect her baby, her own flesh and blood, and that almost made the flashbacks come back like the thoughts that still haunted her dreams at night.

Spence was alive, Will and Henry were waiting for her at home, and everyone was safe, though Blake looked a little off. She decided to blame it on the stress.

She told Cruz that her ribs still hurt when she laughed, but she didn't laugh anymore anyways because life is a cruel joke that isn't all that funny.

Blake liked to think that her son would have turned out a lot like Spencer. Smart, kind, and brave; those were all the qualities she wished that he would have had, but she would never truly find out, so she tried not to think about it much.

The jet had just landed, and Reid was packing his bags up as Alex was getting ready to take him home. She was staring at her desk one last time trying to find a reason to stay, but she came up empty. She didn't want to turn out like Rossi, she had already lost too much.

She was just about to get lost in her thoughts again when she saw JJ turn a sickly pale color from across the room, as she ran to the bathroom. Blake followed quickly behind. JJ was crouched over the toilet as Blake entered, and on any other day she would have knocked, but this wasn't any other day, it was simply a bad day.

She held back her hair as she finished emptying the contents of her stomach. Then she sat down on the cold floor next to her in silence.

For what seemed like forever neither of them spoke. If Blake wasn't a profiler she would have blamed this on Reid almost dying, but she knew that that wasn't the case, not right now, so she just sat, waiting for JJ to talk.

"I was pregnant – back in 2010 – but there was an accident and I lost the baby," JJ said in a whisper.

JJ didn't know Alex as much as she knew the others, but she respected the women, and it felt good to finally say those words out loud for once.

"Why are you telling me this?" said Blake, regret laced her voice.

"Because you're leaving."

"How did you find out?"

"Because I looked the same way the day I left."

It was silent again, when Blake said "I had a son, his name was Ethan. He died a few years ago – the doctors could never explain why. I spent years blaming myself, thinking if only I was a better parent, a better mother, but it does get better, I promise."

"You'd think with a job like this, serial killers would be the worst thing, but that's not the case," JJ said.

"Did you ever tell Will?"

"He never even knew I was pregnant," she said and paused. "I found out when I was in the Middle East, and was gonna surprise him once I got home, but then Hastings happened, and there was a bomb, and I just thought 'Why hurt him if he never even knew what there was to lose.'"

"That's a lot to take in all by yourself," said Blake, feeling bad for her younger colleague.

"Only on the bad days when I get all caught up in the what ifs?"

"Well on those bad days, just give me a call, I know how you feel."

JJ just nodded her head, and after a few seconds Blake got up to leave, when JJ said "Thanks Alex."

"It was a pleasure working with you JJ. You made me feel like I belonged, even when I was all alone."

"That's what friends are for," and with that Blake walked out of the door never looking back.

Life is hard, and it's the quiet things that no one ever knows, that hurt the worst, but they hurt a little less when you're not alone, and for now that was enough.

People have been requesting this fic, so here it is. The finale was AMAZING! And I can't wait for season ten now, so please request future Cm fics to help me pass the time quicker.

Thanks for reading and please REVIEW:)