A/N: Ayy, finally a long chapter! Was starting to think I couldn't do those, ahah. (Well, sort of long. That's no 6K words chapter either.)

As usual, a big thank you to Katie for correcting this so quickly and perfectly!

Chapter Nine

The Salmon Polarization

Two days turned into a week, and it was only when Leonard sat down across from her at her dining table and told her they needed to start thinking about their wedding ceremony that Penny decided it was time to stop stalling and to reach out to Amy. She'd given her friend the space she had requested, or so she told herself to feel better about it – she very well knew the true motive behind her silence had been fear and unease.

Life had taken the strangest turn ever since Sheldon had left. Leonard and Penny had told Raj and Howard of his departure at Caltech, the day after Sheldon had called Amy. Penny had decided to come have lunch with Leonard, half hoping to see Amy in the cafeteria, and as Raj and Howard had sat at their table, they had realized that if Sheldon hadn't told Amy, he probably hadn't told his friends either.

Raj had learnt of Sheldon's departure and shrugged it away with a "Meh, he'll be back next week," perhaps eager to get back to Emily's bed without guilt. Penny couldn't say she was very surprised – she loved Raj to death, but the guy had never struck her as being the best friend someone could ask for. She did not want to allow herself to think like this, however, and she chose to be happy for Raj instead. She had seen him struggle in love for years, and she told herself that it was a good thing he finally could taste the fruit he'd been denied for so long.

Where Raj had reacted like she'd thought he would, Howard's attitude towards the news of Sheldon's departure, however, had been a surprise. Penny had expected him to punch the air with a victory cry, glad to be rid of the pedantic asshat for a while, but his face had grown somber.

"Is that why Amy's not having lunch with us, then?" he had asked, and Penny had been startlingly reminded of the fact that Howard and Amy were friends, now.

They had struck up their unlikely alliance not even a year ago, as they'd been running all over Pasadena looking for clues to Raj's scavenger hunt, a common love for Neil Diamond being the basis of their relationship. They had gone to a concert together, one night when Bernadette had been stuck at work and when Sheldon had decided he was too good for Neil Diamond concerts, and bonded even further. A few years back, Penny would have jumped to the wrong conclusion – Howard, out after dark with a woman would have been bound to make a move – but she knew better, now. Howard was clearly in love with his wife, and Amy... well, everyone knew Sheldon was the only guy she had ever had eyes for, and probably the only one she would ever have eyes for.

Penny had figured that Howard was the reason why Amy had chosen Howard and Bernadette as the couple of friends to accompany her and Sheldon on the trip to Napa Valley for Valentine's Day. Truth be told, she'd been a little hurt that her friend would choose Howard of all people over her, her gorgeous Bestie, but months later, as Howard's first thought upon learning of Sheldon's departure had been about Amy, Penny had realized that perhaps he had deserved it more than she'd ever had.

And here they were, only a week after Amy had hit Leonard with a pillow, only a week after Penny had let her walk back to her apartment on her own, and yet life had already taken a turn it shouldn't have. Howard and Bernadette had cancelled Pizza Night for whatever reason, and Raj had said that in this case, he'd spend the night at Emily's. The weekend had then crept up on them, and Penny had only heard briefly from Bernadette – a text saying Too much work. Gotta cancel Girls Night. It was simple: in the week after Sheldon's call to Amy, Penny hadn't seen anyone who wasn't Leonard.

But Leonard had asked her "So, who do you think is going to be your Maid of Honor?" and... well, it had to be Amy, hadn't it?

After dinner, that night, as Leonard took their plates to the sink and started washing them, Penny picked up her phone, sat on her couch, dialed Amy's number, and waited for too long – seven seconds! – before she finally heard her friend's voice.

"Hello?" Amy said, and Penny could feel her own heart beat in her chest. It was the first time in a week she was hearing Amy's voice, and she didn't know what to expect.

"Hey, Ames," she said, her voice choking on the words, "I... How are you feeling?"

There was a silence at the other end of the line. Penny started to grow worried that Amy would burst into tears, accusing her not to care about her at this difficult moment, but then she finally heard the words she had been dying to hear for days. "I'm okay."

Penny felt herself smile, too happy not to be dealing with a weepy Amy, and she said, "That's great news! Told you you'd be alright!"

These words were met with silence, though, and Penny realized they had probably not been the best choice. She fidgeted on her couch and said, "I'm calling you to ask you something important," she said, and she could almost see Amy nodding as she said, "Do go on?"

"I want you to be my maid of honor," Penny said, and she heard Amy's sharp intake of breath on the other side of the telephone. "If that's okay with you?" Penny hastily added, not wanting to offend her friend.

"Hum... Sure, I guess."

The reaction wasn't one Penny had expected – she'd been hoping for excited cries, perhaps even an "I love you." Amy had been beside herself when Bernadette had asked her to be the maid of honor at her own wedding, and she wasn't even Amy's best friend. Penny tried to silence her disappointment, though – it was not an easy time for Amy, and she had to respect that.

"Okay," she said as cheerfully as she could. "That's – that's great! Thank you Amy."

"Is that all?" Amy asked, and Penny said, "Yes. Yes, thank you."

There was a silence, a "Very well then," another silence, a "Call whenever," and then the characteristic beeping of a line that had been hung up.

"I take it she's in, then?" Leonard asked from his spot at the sink, and Penny nodded as she slid her cell phone back into her pocket.

"Yeah, yeah she was," she answered, and then "But... there was something off with her. I don't know. It was weird."

Leonard shrugged. "Sheldon essentially broke her heart. It's gonna take time for her to heal." He waited a heartbeat and then added, "I should know."

Penny rolled her eyes and threw a cushion at him. "Please," she said. "You didn't have to see me date Priya for eight months."

Leonard chuckled. "Actually," he said, "I had that weird dream, once..."

"Don't you dare!" Penny screeched as she put her hands over her ears, and Leonard laughed.

It was another three days before Penny saw Amy for the first time since that fateful Tex Mex night. She'd sent her a text that Saturday morning – Wanna meet up 4 lunch n look at bridesmaids dresses? xoxo – and Amy had answered shortly after that – Sure. Cheesecake Factory?

As Penny pulled into the Cheesecake Factory parking lot, she spotted Amy's car and felt herself smile. Lunch with her Bestie – life was somehow going back to normal. She unclasped her seatbelt, grabbed her purse and came out of her own car, locking the doors behind her before quickly walking towards the restaurant, the click of her new heels ringing in her own ears. When she pushed the door open, she instantaneously saw Amy, sitting at the bar with her back turned to her, wearing a grey cardigan Penny had never seen before, and an empty glass in hand. Penny checked her watch and noticed she was a half hour late. Biting down on her lips at the memory of why she was late – Leonard's talented tongue and fingers – she quickly walked up to Amy, putting her hands over her friend's eyes from behind.

"Guess who?" she said, and then uncovered Amy's eyes with a laugh. She sat down on the bar stool next to her friend, and then took her first proper look at her. She didn't like what she saw. Amy looked like she'd barely slept in the week and a half Penny hadn't seen her. Her eyes seemed empty, her skin gloomy, and her mouth set in a firm line. She looked positively dreadful. Penny knew better than to point this out, though, and she said "Sorry I'm late." Telling Amy that she'd been late because her fiancé had been giving her the cunnilingus of the century didn't seem right, though, and Penny settled on a lie. "Ran out of petrol and had to rush to a station."

Amy nodded and said, "It's alright." She then looked at her empty glass and added, "I didn't wait for you to start."

"Understandable," Penny conceded. "Should we get a table?"

They both got up and walked towards the dining area of the restaurant. They settled for a small table in a corner, Penny eager to be discrete. She hadn't been at the Cheesecake Factory since she had quit her job, and she didn't want to admit to her ex-colleagues that she was struggling to find a single acting job. Sure, she had had the part in Serial Apeist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill, but that thing had fallen apart faster than her brother's last parole. She had had a few auditions that week, including a recurring role on some daytime soap, but Penny was still waiting to hear back from any of these.

"I am so tired," Penny said as she sat down across from Amy. Been running auditions all week long, and Leonard accidentally consumed lactose at dinner yesterday. Lemme tell you, it was a long night!"

Amy forced a smile, and Penny realized that she would be the one to have to do most of the talking that day. Her friend really was not making it easy for her – Penny was trying to reach out, to get their lives back to a semblance of normalcy, but it was as if Amy had found herself a sweet niche in silence and was determined to stay here. So Penny did what she knew best – she talked about herself.

She told Amy all about her week. She talked of the auditions she'd gone to, spending more time on the soap opera casting, of course, but she still mentioned the Tampax and the cat food commercials. She told Amy of the weird casting director who looked like he would have hired her in a heartbeat provided she sucked his dick off, she told Amy of the brunette who screwed up her lines for the Tampax commercial and busted out crying in the middle of the waiting room, she told Amy of the crazy cat lady who came to the cat food audition hoping to get free samples for her pets. And then she talked about Leonard, whose mother was flying in at the end of the month to celebrate the engagement. The news had made him very distraught and she suspected it was why he'd eaten a yogurt the night before. She talked about her own father, who had recorded himself doing a victory dance upon the news of her engagement. She even talked about Emily, who had called her a couple of days before, telling her she'd gotten her phone number in Raj's address book and who needed advice on Raj's favorite foods.

"It's quite cute that she's cooking for him," Penny concluded as she finished her salmon. "Although I hope for her sake that Raj isn't as much of a picky eater as Leonard."

She then took a glance at Amy, who had not spoken a word since they had sat down. Penny noticed that Amy had barely touched her food, and she said cheerfully, "Come on Amy, that fish is delicious!"

Amy looked at her for a long time before picking up her knife and fork. She cut a piece of her own salmon, brought it to her mouth, and just as she was about to taste it, she dropped the fork and said, "No, I can't do this."

Penny suddenly sensed that things were about to take a turn for the worst. Amy looked angry, and it was almost a relief to finally see some emotion back on her friend's face – but only almost, because Penny knrw that was it – she was getting her comeuppance.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this," Amy repeated, and then she added "And actually, I'm not sorry at all. You should be the one to be sorry, but you're not, are you?"

Penny opened her mouth, to say that yes, she was sorry, but Amy interrupted her before she even got a chance to say anything. "No," she said. "Don't tell me that you're sorry now. It's too late, Penny. You should have told me you were sorry the moment you walked out of that train station. You should have said that you were sorry for not calling me to join you and Leonard to go to the train station. That you were sorry for not letting me know that Sheldon was going away. That you were sorry for being so adamant on keeping your life just as you wanted it that you didn't try to reach out to me for a whole week."

Amy got up, and went on. "You should be sorry for asking me to be the maid of honor in a wedding that made Sheldon run away, you should be sorry for asking me to be a maid of honor when the love of my life broke my heart. You should be sorry for leading me on for years, for pretending that you were on my side, when you never were. You should be sorry for being selfish and just as bad as Sheldon."

As Amy's voice grew angrier with each passing word, Penny's own heart grew heavier, for she knew Amy was right. She should have said sorry, she should have been there, she should have done something. And yet she felt the need to defend herself.

"That's not fair, Amy. You asked me to leave you alone!"

"And you should have known that I did not want to be left alone!" Amy shouted, slamming her fist on the table and attracting stares from everyone around them. "When Leonard was going out with Priya, I knew before you ever did just how much you hated it! Because I love you! Because you are my best friend! But I'm not yours, am I?" Her voice broke down as a terrible realization dawned upon her. "You're Team Sheldon. You've always been Team Sheldon. Your loyalty is with him first, and then with me."

Amy was crying, now, and Penny could feel tears rolling down her own cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Amy," she said, but Amy shook her head.

"No. No," she said, her voice growing stronger again. "I've heard that before and I'm not going to hear it again. I'm done. I'm done building my life around others'. I deserve better, Penny. I am smart and successful and I don't need you."

And with that, she left the restaurant, an Amy-shaped hole growing in Penny's heart.

A/N: Well, that's finally out there. Amy's mad and Penny can't live in denial of her guilt anymore. Now let's bring on the consequences...

"penny fan": a) I don't care for your Amy bashing, take it somewhere else, to someone who cares (hint: you probably won't find this someone in the Shamy filter of fanfiction dot net). b) This is labelled as a Shamy story, Penny is nowhere in the selected characters nor is she in the summary of the story, I don't owe you a spotless portrayal of Perfect Penny. c) These chapters are from Penny's POV. She is the one blaming herself, not me. Do I think Penny has been a shitty friend to look at her nails while Amy's heart was breaking? Yes, absolutely. Am I bashing her? No, and quite the contrary, because I'm 150% convinced the show WON'T have her driving Amy home (as a good friend should) like my fic does. d) Oh, your grasp of spelling and grammar... It hurts my soul.

everyone else: Thanks so much for all the reviews/follows/favourites. I hope you're still enjoying this story!