Let It Be

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me.

Speaking word of wisdom: Let it be."

Peter was full. After they finished their finals he and his friends walked to a restaurant about 10 minutes from campus for dinner.

They did this every semester; it was their 'holy shit we got through finals' tradition. It was a great tradition really. They went to a nice restaurant, ate a full, five course meal, got expensive drinks and by the end Wendy and Harper's parents would always text and say to put the bill on their card because "we're so proud of you kids for getting through your finals."

Which at first made Peter feel like a mooch but now it was just part of the tradition. A part that he took full advantage of, so really, Peter was full. But he only had a little bit of pie left and he was trying to decide whether to eat it anyways. It was really good pie but...

"Oh my God! Nate, shut the fuck up!" Wendy cried from across the table. "You say that every time you take any test. Ever. And then guess what? Lo and behold, you never fail."

She spoke so loudly she managed to not only get the attention of the table next to them but also Peter's who hadn't been paying too much attention. He was too busy trying to decide whether to finish his pie or not.

"Shut up and go back to your cheesecake. And for the record that's not true. I don't always say that..."

"Yes you do!" Lip interrupted " Ever since we were kids whenever you take a test you come to me telling me you failed and then you don't. You've never failed but you still have this pathological fear of it. It's annoying."

"Hey Nate, do you want my therapist's number?" Peter said with a smirk. He understood Nate's fear but he'd never waste an opportunity to make fun of Nate's neuroticism.

"Stop ganging up on me!" Nate quoted jokingly.

"Put the pout away buddy, there's no need to bring Tommy Wiseau into this." Wendy joked "Come on we're just teasing. Seriously dude you didn't fail."

"I bs'd half the answers."

"So?! I bs'd all of the answers on mine and I'm pretty sure I passed." Jason said in between bites of his dessert.

"Yeah, this is college. The more you bullshit the more likely you are to pass." Peter knew this from experience since his grades had greatly improved since he realized this.

"I guess." Nate said halfheartedly.

"Peter's right." Wendy said "the more you bullshit the better you'll be. And if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you studied more and bs'd less than the rest of us."

"Well...except Harper." Lip pointed out.

"Ah yes, Harper." "Wouldn't it be great if she stopped texting our parents and interacted with us?" Wendy teased.

"Wait is that really who you're talking to?" Lip asked "You two are way too attached to your parents."

"Says the stereotypical jewish mama's boy." Said Harper rolling her eyes.

"She speaks!" Peter said "Who knew all she needed to talk was a reason to make fun of Lip."

"He just makes it so easy. How can I resist?"

"You guys are mean." Lip said with a fake pout.

"Hey how does it feel to be ganged up on?!" Nate smirked "Now you know what I go through."

"Yeah but you deserve it. I don't."

"Okay shut up you two, we have more important things to discuss than how stupid Lip is and how Nate most definitely failed his final." Wendy said.

"Ugh come on Wendy! We are not spending another 20 minutes talking about Pink's lyrics!" Jason whined.

Peter silently agreed. They had spent more time than necessary on that topic and he was not keen to repeat it. Especially not when he was still being tempted by his leftover apple pie.

"I know. Unfortunately right now we need to discuss other things. Are they more important than analyzing the flaws in Just Like a Pill? No they are not. But alas we must discuss them anyways."

"Do you want the rest of my pie?" Peter asked before she could say anything else, knowing she'd take it immediately.

And he was right. Without saying a word she slid his plate in her direction and finished the leftovers in two messy bites.

"Thank you, Peter Pan." she said before gulping down the rest of her wine. "Okay, first order of business: winter break team leader Phillip Levinstein, how go the preparations?"

"My dad sent me the keys to the beach house in the mail. I got them yesterday, so that's all set. I bought us tickets to this dinner/dance cruise and I rented us a yacht because why the fuck not? Also we're going parasailing."

"Damn! Winter break team leader Phillip Levinstein, you're killing it!"

"Thank you winter break secretary Wendy Gilmore."

"So we're officially the dorkiest group of people on the planet." Nate said fondly.

"Astute observation, winter break analyst Nathan Cohen...Fine, I'll stop." Wendy said after Harper rolled her eyes at her and signaled for the check. "Anyways, moving on to the second order of business, What time are we leaving tomorrow?"

"If we leave at 6 we'll probably be there by noon and we'll beat traffic…" Peter said hesitantly, knowing very well the reaction he'd receive from his friends.

"Peter shut up no one wants your opinion." Jason groaned "Or yours!" He said pointing at Harper. "You morning people have no right to tell the rest of us to get up so fucking early."

"Agreed!"

"Lip! You're supposed to be on my side."

"Sorry babe, but fuck no! I'm not getting up that early."

"I say we leave at 10." Wendy chimed in. "We'll get there by 6 which will be early enough to go to the beach for a while."

"We could probably get away with doing a bonfire." Lip said in agreement.

"Fine." Harper sighed while she grabbed the check from the waitress. "Anyways, third order of business-"

"Excuse you!" Wendy said in mock offense "I'm the one in charge of the business orders mam and I do not appreciate your-"

"Shut up." Harper interrupted and once again rolled her eyes at her sister.

When he first met them, Peter had assumed they didn't get along. They had such a sarcastic relationship that any outside observer would assume they hated each other. In reality though, they were thick as thieves.

"Dad says that he is so proud of all of us for getting through finals and he told us to put our dinner on The Card." Harper finally said with a knowing smile.

The Card had earned its capitalization.

There were actually two credit cards and they'd been given to Harper and Wendy for "emergencies" but more often than not their parents would text them whenever they got a really good grade or had some big accomplishment and they'd tell them to go do something fun and "put it on the card." It was sweet how eager they were to spoil their kids and truly shocking how not spoiled they both were.

"Fuck yeah, The Card strikes again!" Jason joked.

"Please, one of you tell your dads we say thank you." Peter said as he always did.

Honestly he was quite grateful for it, though it did make something deep inside him ache a little. Or more than a little. He couldn't help but think about his parents every time.

Every time any of his friends talked to their parents. Every time any of them even talked about their parents. When they offered up their money and support and advice.

They all had these wonderfully close relationships with their parents. Like how Peter and his mom used to be. Like how his dad was with his other kids.

He hated to admit it but he was jealous. Of both his friends and his siblings.

"Hey." Wendy leaned in to whisper. "Are you okay? You got kinda down." And this was why she had become his best friend. She was loud and crass and incredibly sarcastic but no one cared more about the people they loved than Wendy did. She always knew when they needed her and she was always there.

"I'm okay, I promise. I just got a little nostalgic but what's new." He said with a weak chuckle. "Nothing to worry about though."

"If you say so." she said with a smile before turning to her sister to help calculate the tip. He knew she wasn't convinced and he knew she wasn't done with the subject but at least she knew to drop it while they were in public.

After dinner they dropped Harper and Nate off at their dorms and quickly made their way to Wilde house to pack for their trip.

Lip, Nate and Harper had packed already but as usual Peter and his roommates had left it to the last minute. It was more out of arrogance than laziness though. All three were fairly fast at packing. You don't go to a boarding school for 7 years and not get good at packing, though he wasn't sure where Wendy and Jason acquired the skill.

"Done!" Peter heard Wendy yell from across the hall. "I win." She said walking into their room.

"Well technically, I win." Lip said "I was done 2 days ago."

"Shut up Lip, no one cares." she said, not even bothering to look at him as she flipped him off. "Are you two almost done?"

"I'm just grabbing underwear and then I'm done." Peter said.

"I'll be done soon. Do you think I'll need all my swim trunks?"

"Bring them just in case. Peter can you help me with something over here when you're done?" She asked pointing towards her room.

"Sure. I'll be right there." He knew what she wanted. He had already known she'd bring the subject up again. He finished zipping up his bag and threw it next to his bed before making his way across the hall.

"Alright, tell me what's bothering you." Wendy demanded without any preamble.

Peter sighed and sat next to her on her bed. He didn't really want to talk about this but he knew she'd never leave him alone until she knew he was okay.

"Nothing. I was a little upset earlier but I'm fine now. I promise."

"What upset you?"

He probably wouldn't have answered if she didn't look so fucking earnest about wanting to know.

"You know something Wendy you're very privileged." he spat out. "I know it's crazy to say that something so simple as having your parents love you and be proud of you is a privilege but for me it is."

"It's not crazy. I know not everyone has what Harper and I have." she said while gently grabbing one of his hands. "I'm sorry that you don't. You deserve it more than anyone I know."

"Thanks. Honestly though, I'm okay. I've more or less made my peace with it. I just get a little sad when I see how much your parents love you. Or jealous, I guess. Or both." He said with a shrug.

For a while Wendy didn't respond. She just laid her head on his shoulder and strengthened her hold on his hand.

"You know what Pete? Fuck 'em." she eventually said. Slowly and quietly. Then she raised her head to look him right in the eyes and repeated, louder than before "Fuck. Them. You're a great person. Fucking talented and brilliant and you have the biggest fucking heart. You deserve better but they don't deserve you. At least not yet. One day they'll realize their mistake."

"Thanks Wendy" He said, giving her a weak smile.

"Look, I know it's not the same, I know it's nowhere near the same but I love you. And my dads and my sister love you. I know we can't be your real family but I hope you know we'd like to be the next best thing."

"I know. Thank you." He smiled before adding "Hey Wendy, if I ask you something will you please promise to answer honestly?"

"Of course."

"How done are you with all this mushy sentimentality?" He laughed "Because I know you and I assume you're slowly dying."

She let out her usual boisterous laugh and immediately released his hand.

"Honestly, I was about to go slit my wrists. I'm surprised your therapist hasn't done it yet. I mean how depressing can you get? " She got up from her bed and started walking towards the door "Like boo fucking hoo, cry me a river why don't you?" She said in her usual sardonic way.

She went to open the door but before she did she turned to him and he saw that look on her face. The look she usually got when she was about to make a particularly stupid joke. "Hey Peter? If you were a dwarf do you know what your name would be?" she paused for effect before screaming out "Weepy!" in between giggles and with that walked out the door.

"Oh God, I crack myself up." He heard her say from the hallway.

Peter chuckled to himself. She was insane, bordering on psychotic sometimes but boy was he glad to have her around. He'd spend his life in his head if it wasn't for her. Always brooding on the past. It was good to have someone who would both listen to him and distract him.

But still...

He walked across the hall, into his room and found the three of them lying in bed.

Wendy and Jason in Jason's bed. She was talking animatedly but he looked half asleep and was barely paying attention. And Lip lay in Peter's bed, only slightly more awake than Jason but not by much.

"Look!" Wendy said to him when we walked in. "These two idiots were falling asleep on us."

"It might be the food coma" Peter half whispered. He stood there unsure for a while before asking what he came in to ask.

"Wendy, do you mind if I hijack your room for a little while?" he was hoping she wouldn't disapprove of what he had to say. "I want to call her. You were right but I still want to keep trying. At least with her."

"That's okay." She said, smiling kindly at him. "Let me know if you need me."

"I will, thanks."

"Good luck." she called out as he walked back out of the room.

It took him a while to get up the courage to do it but eventually he found himself on Wendy's bed, pressing the call button. He felt like a child sitting there with his knees drawn up to his face and his fingers crossed, but this was important. And he was nervous.

He knew nothing would be different this time and he'd be left disappointed but he prayed to be wrong. Maybe this time would be different. Maybe.

"Peter?" he heard from the other side of the line "Is something wrong?"

"No mom. Everything's fine, I just…" He took a deep breath before continuing "I just wanted to say hi."

"Oh!" She actually sounded surprised and he thought, not for the first time that maybe it wasn't just her. Maybe this rift between them was on him as well. He didn't call enough. He barely went home anymore. Maybe if he tried harder things would be like they were.

"So...hi." He said lamely, wishing he could find the right things to say to make them okay again.

"Hi honey." She sounded happy to hear from him he thought. Or maybe that was wishful thinking.

The line was quiet for a while, both waiting for the other one to say something.

"So…um..."

"How were your finals?" Claire finally asked.

"Good! I , good. I had my last one today actually."

"That's nice honey. I'm glad you're doing well."

She sounded so genuine that Peter's brain must have short circuited because he found himself asking a question he'd only asked two or three times since starting at Berkeley. "Would it be okay if I came home?" he asked "For the holidays, I mean?" He really had no idea what possessed him to ask that. He already had plans and besides, he already knew her answer.

"What? Honey if you were going to come home you should have told me ahead of time." she sighed "I'm going to be driving up to Maine with Nana. We're having Christmas at Anne's house and…" there was a pause here. She was trying to find a delicate way to say it. "you know how protective Anne and Hugh are about their kids, Peter."

"That's okay mom." He said. "Don't worry about it."

She sighed once again. "Sweetheart, you can come home if you need to but I'm sorry that I won't be here."

"No that's fine don't worry about it. I'm fine here. I just wanted to see you but you're right I should have let you know beforehand." He felt dejected but she was right. It was dumb to assume she wouldn't have other plans. Though it was dumber that he couldn't go to his aunt's house anymore…

"I'm sorry Peter." she said, and she did sound it.

"Maybe...I can come home for Spring Break?" He hated how desperate he sounded but he didn't want to just give up.

She was quiet for some time before giving a heavy sigh for the third time in this conversation. "Your dad is taking Sarah and his other kids to LA for spring break and Sarah insisted I go with them."

"Is Julie okay with that?" he asked, knowing how rude his stepmother could be.

"Of course. I wouldn't be going if she disagreed. Besides it's for Sarah's sake." She said calmly. No trace of her usual venom when she spoke of his dad's wife. "You know how much Julie loves your sister."

And he did. He was just surprised Claire would so placidly admit it.

His dad and Julie had formed a happy little family once he and his mom divorced. Her son, his daughter and their three new kids. A perfect nuclear circle that never held any space for Peter or his mom.

Except now it seemed she had found a place with them. They seemed to finally have peace. Maybe he'd been the problem all along.

"I'm just a few hours from Los Angeles," he tried again "maybe I could meet you guys?"

"Peter, you know your father's stance on all this." she said and he could tell she was starting to get annoyed.

"But-"

"Peter! Walter has made himself very clear on this subject. Now I know you want to see him honey but sometimes you need to respect other people's wishes and he wishes to have some space from your...situation."

"Are you talking about him or you, mom?" He asked bitterly.

"Peter why would you call if you just wanted to pick a fight?"

He stood up from Wendy's bed hoping walking might calm him down. He was on the verge of tears but he couldn't give up just yet.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to pick a fight with you. I just miss you." he said, his voice breaking "I just wanted to see you."

"I miss you too Peter. I hope you know that." She whispered. Her voice sounded raw and strained. He realized she was crying and the last bit of him that was holding off tears of his own, gave in. He sat back down as hot tears streamed down his cheeks. But maybe this meant something. She was crying too. Maybe they had made some sort of breakthrough.

"Maybe," he began hesitantly "I can come home for the summer?"

She stayed silent for a minute before he heard her sigh once more. "Yes Peter. Maybe." He had never heard her sound so cold and distant before.

If he had thought they'd made a breakthrough he was wrong. And stupid for ever hoping.

"Mom?" he ventured to ask, knowing the answer would break his heart. "Do you need space from me?"

Her only response was "I'm sorry, Peter." before the line went quiet once more.

"Okay." He said through his tears, as he tried not to sob into the phone. "I'll respect your wishes. Just let me know when you're ready. Okay?"

"Goodnight, Peter" She sounded exhausted. He wasn't sure if it was from talking to him or because it was late.

"Bye, mom."

He wiped his tears on his pajama sleeves after hanging up the phone and tried to calm himself down before he went back to his room. He knew Wendy would still be awake and he didn't want her to see him like this. He didn't think he could talk about this anymore tonight.

After a few minutes he stood up and silently made his way back to his room. Where he found Wendy sitting up, waiting for him.

"That bad, huh?" she asked after seeing his face.

"My dad still wants nothing to do with me and she told me she needed space from my 'situation' and that I needed to respect her wishes. Oh and my aunt and uncle still think I'm a pedophile." He told her with a bitter chuckle.

Wendy opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself, sensing nothing she said would make him feel any better. She instead opted for hugging him and hoping he understood everything she was trying to say.

"It's okay. I'm actually better than I thought I'd be. I'm mostly just tired. Emotionally drained I think." He let go of her and gave her a quick smile. "I just want to get some sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Thank you though. You should go to sleep too."

"Okay. Is it okay if we sleep here?" she asked "Jason's already sleeping. I don't want to wake him up."

"Of course. It's his room too." he said and gave her another hug.

"Goodnight." she said after pulling away. She walked over to the door and turned off the light before getting back in bed.

"Goodnight, Wendy." he said from his bed.

"Goodnight, Peter Pan."

He smiled fondly, grateful once more for her presence in his life. Hers and of course Lip's who, unconscious as he was still wrapped his strong arms around Peter the moment he lay in bed. But nothing could assuage the storm inside him.

He kept replaying the phone call in his head and he felt sick.

He felt sick and tired and his head was throbbing, but through it all he saw Wendy's big, earnest eyes in his head and he only had one thought: Fuck them.